Life
by trace619
Summary: Sequel to Home. Alex and Olivia are happily settled in their life with their two sons, but life always has its ups and downs. This is their story. This is their life.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The warm, salty breeze blew gently across the beach. Alex sighed as she relaxed further down into the chair she was sitting in. She looked over at the brunette lying next to her, Olivia was totally relaxed. It was late summer and they were finally on vacation. It had been a busy few months; between getting into a routine with a new baby and Olivia working the entire family was ready for some down time. She was so relaxed she barely heard her wife call her name "I'm sorry what?"

"I said this is perfect." Olivia replied as she pulled Alex's hand to her lips and kissed it. She had been looking forward to this vacation all summer.

"Yeah it is," Alex grinned "And I love our boys but this peace and quiet is pretty good too." Alex stared out at the ocean as she thought about her sons; she couldn't believe how fast they were growing. Henry had turned two a month after the baby was born and Jase was now four months old. She turned and looked back at the house and smiled when she could see Henry playing on the deck. They had brought Stacy, their neighbor's daughter, along with them to help keep an eye on the boys. This way she and Olivia could have a little time to themselves. She moaned when she felt Olivia's lips on her neck "Hmm, are you forgetting we're in public?"

Olivia chuckled, she loved teasing her wife "No I didn't forget I just really don't care." Olivia pulled back and stared at the woman next to her, it never ceased to amaze her how much she loved Alex.

Alex stood up and walked around to Olivia's side "I think we should probably head back and start dinner."

Olivia looked up at her wife; she reached her hand up and lightly traced the tattoo on Alex's hip that was partially visible over the top of her bikini bottoms. She chuckled as she noticed Alex shiver "I love this tattoo." She pulled Alex closer and placed a kiss on the tattoo before taking Alex by the hand and pulling her down in the chair with her.

Alex squealed "Liv! I think we need to head back."

Olivia gave her a mischievous grin "And I think we need to stay right here." She leaned in for a kiss and was happy when she felt Alex respond. Olivia was just getting comfortable when she felt a little hand on her arm.

"Mommy! Mama!"

She pulled away from Alex and looked up and smiled when she saw that she was looking her son eye to eye "Well where did you come from?"

Henry smiled back at the couple "What doin Mommy?"

Alex laughed as she stood "We were just coming back to fix dinner."

Henry stared at them for a moment "Mommy kiss Mama."

"I like kissing Mama." Olivia said with a chuckle as she stood. Alex reached down and picked the toddler up.

Henry wrapped himself possessively around Alex "My Mama!"

Olivia smiled at her son then put her hand on Alex's shoulder "Can we share Mama?"

Henry turned and buried his face against Alex's neck so that they barely heard him when he said "My Mama."

Olivia and Alex looked at each other and smiled before heading back to the house. Henry had become quite possessive of Alex since the birth of the baby, and this included occasionally cutting in on Olivia's time with Alex. Olivia looked over at her oldest son in her wife's arms; she made a face which earned her a giggle from the little boy.

That evening they sat on the deck enjoying the dinner Alex had prepared "So Stacy what do you think of the Hamptons?"

"I'm sure she loves it considering she has to keep up with two little boys." Olivia laughed as she looked over at the teen.

"Oh no I don't mind the boys at all, I love them. It's wonderful here." Stacy replied.

"Well what do you say tomorrow night we get a sitter for the boy's while you, me and Olivia go to dinner and head over to the park. They're doing an outdoor movie tomorrow night. How's that sound?"

"That sounds like fun, but who's going to babysit?"

"My mother's friend Joan lives just two houses down and I ran into her this afternoon and she said she would be happy to watch them for us. So tomorrow night is girl's night out!" Alex smiled at the look of excitement on the teenager's face. She had quickly become attached to the girl and loved having her around.

After dinner they went back to the beach so Henry could play. They didn't like taking him in the afternoon because of how hot it was, and because Jase had such a fair complexion they were afraid of him getting too much sun. It amazed everyone how much he looked like a combination of both his mother's. He obviously got a lot of his features from his donor, and since he was a physical match to Alex this resulted in his resemblance to his Mama. He had a much lighter complexion than Olivia and while he had been born with light brown hair it seemed as though his hair color had lightened a little as he got older. The one feature Alex loved most were his eyes, he had Olivia's eyes, they were brown and Alex could swear when she looked into them it was like looking into Olivia's eyes. Henry looked more like Olivia the older he got; his complexion matched hers almost perfectly and his hair was the same color.

Alex looked down at the infant in her arms, he smiled back at her. Alex loved her children more than anything in the world, and it surprised her. Children had never been a part of how she saw her life going. In the past she would admit that if she found the right person she would maybe consider children but she never imagined finding that person. That all changed when she met Olivia, and once they started dating she knew if she was ever going to have children Olivia was the person she wanted to do it with. She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard Henry giggle from where he was playing in the surf with Olivia.

"Mama! Mama help!" Henry squealed as Olivia picked him up and pretended to throw him in the water.

Alex laughed and handed Jase over to Stacy before making her way down to the water's edge. "Hey buddy is Mommy trying to throw you in the water?"

Olivia set Henry down next to them then wrapped her arm around Alex's waist and pulled her close "No I won't throw him in, but I might throw you in." Olivia gave Alex a mischievous grin. "What do you think Henry, should I throw Mama in?" Alex shot Olivia a warning look but Olivia just smiled in return. Olivia stared at her wife for a minute before slowly leaning in for a kiss. She slowly slid one arm around her waist as she slid her other hand down Alex's leg. She pulled back and smiled when she saw Alex's eyes were still closed, before Alex had time to realize what was happening Olivia quickly scooped her into her arms.

Alex looked Olivia in the eye "Liv don't you dare!" She began to wiggle in Olivia's grasp but knew she was no match for the detective "Olivia I swear if you throw me in I'll kill you."

Olivia waded out knee deep in the water before turning back to check on Henry. "What do you say buddy? Should I throw Mama in?"

Henry laughed and clapped his hands "Do it Mommy!"

Olivia grinned "You heard the man of the house." She swung Alex back before dropping her in the water. She looked back at Henry who was laughing harder than ever. She was so caught up in laughing herself that she didn't realize Alex had surfaced and was reaching for her hand. Olivia squealed when she felt Alex pull her in the water with her. When they both resurfaced Olivia stared open mouthed at her wife "I can't believe you did that!"

"You can't believe it? You throw me in and you can't believe I pulled you in as well? I think your instincts are slipping detective." Alex reached out and took Olivia's hand as they made their way back up the beach. They each took one of Henry's hands in their own and was swinging him between them as they walked.

Later after the boys were down for the night Alex and Olivia sat on the deck with a bottle of wine "Can we just stay here forever?" Olivia asked as she slid closer to Alex. They were sitting in a lounge chair just big enough for both of them.

"That does sound tempting but I think we would miss our beautiful home and all our family and friends." Alex sat her glass down on the table next to her then reached over and took Olivia's from her. She then leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Olivia's lips "I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia replied as she reached her hand up and ran her fingers through her wife's hair. She couldn't believe how lucky she was, she had the perfect life. She had a job that she loved and allowed her to help others, but the most important thing in her life was her family. Olivia never thought she'd have a family and while she, like Alex, had never been very religious she thanked God every day for Alex coming into her life. Then there were her son's, they brought her more joy than she ever thought possible. She loved coming home and Henry running to meet her at the door and the way Jase would smile at her when he saw her. While Henry may have been his Mama's boy, Jase was definitely his Mommy's boy. Olivia gasped when she felt Alex straddle her "Alex, what are you doing?"

Alex grinned as she leaned in and began kissing Olivia's neck "As long as we've been together and you're asking what I'm doing? Really Liv?" She began running her hands up under Olivia's shirt and smiled to herself when she heard a moan escape Olivia's lips. She sat up and before Olivia had time to know what happened Alex pulled her wife's shirt off along with her own. She sighed as they laid back and their now topless bodies pressed together.

"Al, umm Alex?" Olivia was barely able to think as she felt the blonde begin kissing down her neck and chest. She finally managed to pull Alex up so they were looking eye to eye "I thought earlier you weren't a fan of doing this in public?"

"Okay one we're not in public now we're on our deck, and two you were a fan of doing this earlier. Just" she placed a quick kiss to Olivia's lips "Keep" another kiss that lasted a little longer "Quiet" this time the kiss seemed never ending.

Olivia felt her body relax and she knew she would be giving in to Alex's advances. She reached her arms up and wrapped them around Alex pulling her closer. Olivia loved the feel of her wife's body against her own. She felt her breath catch when she felt Alex begin to slip her hand past the waist band of her pants. "Oh God." She whispered.

Alex chuckled as she gently kept moving her hand and began kissing further down Olivia's chest. She took Olivia's breast in her mouth and moaned when she felt Olivia sliding her hand down her pants. "Oh Liv, oh baby." They were both so caught up in one another that they failed to hear the sliding doors opening.

"Oh my God!" Stacy said as she quickly turned her back to avoid seeing any more than she already had.

Alex quickly pushed herself down onto Olivia to block Stacy from seeing either of them. She buried her head against Olivia's shoulder for a second to calm herself. Once she caught her breath she looked up at the teen "Um is something wrong?"

"Uh, no, uh I was just coming down to sit outside for a little while. I'm so sorry I'll just um, I'll just head back inside." Even though it was dark all three could tell they were blushing.

Alex and Olivia stayed quiet until they heard the door shut; they were quiet for a minute before Alex began laughing. Olivia pushed her up she could see her "What are you laughing at?"

Alex leaned down and placed a kiss to her cheek "I'm laughing at what just happened."

"I'm sorry but I fail to see why it's funny. Our seventeen year old neighbor just walked in on us having sex! I'll be surprised if her mother ever allows us to be around her again." Olivia had never been so embarrassed in her life; she just wished Stacy had waited another few minutes before coming outside. She pushed Alex back and sat up and put her shirt on and handed Alex hers.

"Liv I seriously doubt her mother's going to keep her from coming around." Olivia gave her a skeptical look "I'm sure of that because I doubt she's going to go home and tell her mom what happened." Alex stood and took Olivia's hand and they made their way up to their bedroom, both silently hoping they didn't run into the teen.

The next morning Alex was fixing breakfast while Olivia was sitting at the table feeding Jase and occupying Henry. Olivia ducked her head when Stacy walked into the kitchen "Good morning." Alex said as if nothing had happened. Olivia raised her head just enough to look at her wife. She couldn't understand how Alex could act like nothing had happened the night before.

"Morning." Stacy replied before taking a seat. Breakfast was quiet and the only one's talking were Henry and Alex.

Once breakfast was over and Henry was off playing Alex turned to face the other two women in the room "Okay I think we need to clear the air." She took note of how they were blushing and judging by the burn of her own skin, she was blushing as well.

Stacy spoke up before Alex could continue "I'm fine Alex really. It was my fault not yours."

"No sweetheart it wasn't your fault it was ours, we should've known better than to be doing what we were doing knowing we had company with us. I'm sure it was embarrassing for you and I know it was embarrassing for us; I just don't want things to become awkward between the three of us. We really like you and would hate for you to not want to be around us anymore."

"Oh no Alex I wouldn't quit coming around just because of this. I will admit it was embarrassing but I have a feeling it was more embarrassing for you than me."

Olivia finally managed to make eye contact with the girl "So we're okay?"

Stacy stood to leave the room, she pat Olivia on the shoulder "Yeah, we're cool." Both adults breathed a sigh of relief. Stacy looked back and forth at the two "Besides look at it this way, we just know each other better now. Especially since I know what you two look like topless." She smirked as she walked from the room, both adults were blushing furiously.

"It's gonna be such a long week." Olivia sighed as she dropped her head into her hands.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for showing interest in a sequel. I know this may seem a little fluffy but I just wanted to establish where they were in life, I do plan for drama down the road. I know I went a little further with their alone time than I normally do but I thought it would work, and it gave me a chance to throw in a little humor. Nothing worse than someone catching you & your significant other in the act. I hope you enjoy this story as much as you did Home. Thanks for reading.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for the response so far, the favs, follows and reviews are appreciated. Just a short little update but it is necessary to set up the next chapter. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 2

Olivia sighed as she collapsed in a chair it had been such a long day. She smiled when Alex leaned over from behind the chair and began rubbing her shoulders before leaning in for a kiss. "Hi."

"Hey baby. How was your day?" Alex could feel the tension in the detective's body.

"Well let's see it started out with me getting hit on by a frat boy."

Alex laughed "Really? And just what did this boy say?"

"He gave me this weird look and said he loved cougars." Olivia rolled her eyes just as she did when it was said to her that morning.

Alex laughed harder as she came around and knelt down beside Olivia "So I'm married to a cougar huh?" They both laughed for a moment before Olivia turned serious again. "What else happened? I know something's bothering you."

Olivia laid her head back, she smiled when she felt Alex take her hand "I had a boy, a teenager, walk in the squad room today and tell me that he had info about a sexual assault. It turns out he was fighting the urge to sexually assault his little brother." Olivia had a stunned look on her face "It's the first time I've ever had a pedophile turn himself in."

Alex gasped "Oh God. The little brother, is he okay?"

"We took him to be examined but he's also going to talk to a shrink." She ran her fingers through her hair "I've got a feeling this is going to be a difficult one."

Alex sighed with relief when she heard Olivia pull in the driveway. She walked over to the kitchen table where she had Jase in his bouncy seat while she fixed dinner "Mommy's home." The infant smiled as though he knew exactly what she meant.

"Mommy home, Mommy home!" Henry shouted as he ran through the house to greet Olivia at the door.

Olivia barely had time to close the door before she caught the toddler who had launched himself at her. "Hey little man I missed you today." She said as she pulled him in for a hug and kiss. She shifted him in her arms and leaned over to place a kiss on Jase's head "I missed you too." She wrapped an arm around Alex "And I definitely missed you." She pulled the blonde in for a kiss.

Alex loved the little moments like this, all four of them wrapped in each other's arms. She looked at Olivia for a moment and she could tell something was bothering her but she wasn't about to bring it up in front of the boys. While they tried not to discuss work at home sometimes it was inevitable, however they refused to ever discuss it in front of the boys. The things they had seen while working in SVU was something they wanted to shield their children from. They went about their normal evening routine; dinner, then Olivia playing with the boys while Alex watched, then bath time followed by bedtime. Once the boys were settled in for the night Alex coaxed Olivia into a shared bath. After some quiet time of being wrapped in each other's arms and simply enjoying one another's company Alex decided to find out what was bothering Olivia. She wrapped her arms tighter around her wife "So what's bothering you this evening?"

Olivia began running her hands over the arms wrapped around her. She thought about everything that had happened that day and tried to decide where to begin "Well we got a hit on DNA that was found in Cory's shirt. Turns out it wasn't Eric's, it belonged to the father."

"So the dad was the one molesting Cory?"

"No according to him he and his wife no longer have a sex life and so he was" Olivia trailed off and glanced back at Alex.

"Oh" Alex said when she figured out what Olivia meant. "How did it end up on his shirt though?"

"He said he just grabbed something from the hamper, he didn't know it was Cory's shirt. The worst part of the day came after that. While Fin and I were questioning the dad Munch was going through Berlin's website, the one he puts kid's pictures on for pedophiles." Alex nodded when she remembered Olivia telling her about it. "Anyway he found a kid he recognized, it was Lizzie."

"Lizzie?" The look on Olivia's face said it all "Oh my God, Lizzie Stabler?" Olivia nodded. "Did Elliot know?"

"Yeah. Once Munch realized it was Lizzie he knew why Elliot suddenly had an errand to run, he was going to Berlin's place. Fin and I were to meet him and Cragen there, we got there first. When we went in Elliot had already beaten the crap out of the guy and was trying to delete her picture. Munch told Berlin to delete it and he did."

"What about Elliot?" They may have had their problems in the past but they had worked past them. Alex still wasn't the biggest fan of Elliot, but she liked him better now than she used to.

"Suspended without pay, indefinitely." Olivia sighed and wiped her eyes to try and stop the tears she knew were threatening. "Alex I now know how Elliot has felt all these years when a case involves a child, it suddenly sank in on the way home. All I could do was think what if that was my kids? What would I have done if I found one of our boy's pictures on a website like that?" She pulled Alex's arms tighter while trying to control her emotions "Alex I can't say I would've controlled myself like Elliot did. If I were in Elliot's shoes I can't say I wouldn't have shot the guy. Alex if I ever found out someone was doing something like that to our kids, I'd kill them."

Alex took a deep breath, just the thought of someone doing something like that to one of her babies made her sick. She remembered the first time she laid eyes on Henry in the hospital; she knew she would lay her life down for him. She also knew what it felt like to be willing to kill someone if they were threatening him, and the same feeling was there when she saw Jase for the first time. She kissed the back of Olivia's head "I know baby I feel the same way. If someone was hurting them I would be right there helping you pull the trigger."

* * *

Alex was relieved when she made it through the door. She sat Jase's car seat down and dropped her purse and diaper bag before going back out to get Henry who had fallen asleep on the way back home. It was two weeks before Christmas and she had taken them out shopping. The previous weekend she and Olivia had went out and done all of the shopping for the boys gifts. Earlier in the week Olivia had taken them out one evening to allow Henry to pick a gift for Alex, and today Alex had taken them shopping for them to pick a gift for Olivia. While the boys took a nap she finished wrapping the packages and hiding them in the guest room closet. Henry was old enough now to understand Christmas was coming and it meant presents, so she and Olivia were keeping them hid until just before Christmas.

Once the boys were up they all sat around the table having a snack while Alex called Olivia to see when she might be home. When it went to voicemail Alex left her a message and hung up. As the afternoon went on Alex began to get the weird feeling in her stomach, she convinced herself it was nothing and went about her day. She took the boys to the family room to play. She loved this part of the day simply lying in the floor playing with her children. Jase was now eight months old and was crawling and she loved watching the interaction between the two boys. Henry was so gentle with him and would try to teach him things as well as play with him. It didn't mean they didn't have their moments; Henry would get especially mad when Jase would take or try to take a toy he was playing with. She and Olivia would usually roll their eyes and laugh about it but would readily admit they were looking at a future of sibling fights, especially considering they were boys. Alex was lying with Jase sitting on her stomach when she heard a knock at the door. She sat the infant in the floor and walked into the living room to answer the door. She pulled the door open without looking to see who it was, when she saw who was standing there she wished she had looked first in order to prepare herself. Cragen was standing at her door with an almost unreadable expression, but at the same time Alex knew something had happened. She felt the air leave her lungs but she managed to whisper "What happened?"

He reached his hand out and placed it on Alex's arm "Alex get the boys, you need to come with me."

Alex barely heard Henry as he walked up beside her, Jase crawling along behind him "Mama?" He sounded concerned, as if he knew something was wrong.

Alex felt as if her world was slowly caving in around her. She looked back at the captain, silently asking the question she didn't want an answer to "Don?"

The captain sighed and held Alex's arm tighter for support "Alex we need to go." He took a deep breath "Olivia's been shot."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, between a rough week at work and writer's block it took longer than expected to get this finished. I know it's a little long but there wasn't a good place to stop. Once again your response has been wonderful. I love knowing what you think, so thank you. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 3

Alex stared out the window of their SUV trying to hold herself together, she had to stay strong for Olivia and she didn't want to upset the kids any more than they already were. She looked over at Cragen who was driving their car and following along behind the officer who had driven him to get her. She was grateful for the officer who was escorting them to the hospital; all she wanted was to get to Olivia. She felt Don lay a comforting hand on her arm but it wasn't doing much to ease her worry. Every few minutes his phone would ring but unfortunately there was no update on Olivia. Before the car had completely stopped Alex was already jumping from the car and grabbed Henry from his seat while Cragen grabbed Jase.

When she entered the waiting room she saw Munch and Fin along with a few uniform officers. She stepped up to the desk and heard her voice crack as she began to speak "My wife is Det. Olivia Cabot and she was brought in. Can you tell me if she's okay?"

The nurse typed a few things on her computer before looking back up "I'm sorry there's no word on her yet. If you just take a seat I'll have someone speak with you as soon as possible."

Alex slumped into a seat with Henry sitting on one leg and Jase on the other. Both were looking at her confused they knew something was wrong with her they just didn't know what. "Why sad Mama?" Henry asked as he wrapped his arm around her neck. Alex bit back a few tears but finally broke down at the next question "Mama, where Mommy?"

Alex struggled to wipe the tears "Mommy's okay baby. We'll see her in a little bit okay." She looked at the captain "So is anyone going to tell me exactly what happened?"

Munch sighed before beginning "We had a lead on a suspect in a rape/homicide. Fin and I went to his apartment to question him and he ran. We called for backup; Liv and Elliot were among the officers responding. He ran into an abandoned construction site while we followed. We split off in pairs to chase him. Fin and I heard shots and took off in the direction they came from. He was attempting to exit the other side of the site when Liv tried to stop him and he shot her."

Alex was crying and was trying her best to stop but couldn't. Just hearing that her wife had been shot was tearing her heart in two. As much as she hated to not have the boys in her arms she sat Henry in the chair next to her and handed Jase to Fin before pulling Munch aside "How bad?"

The older man sighed "I don't know Alex there was a lot of blood. I know she was shot once, but it could've been twice. I couldn't tell."

Alex was sobbing at this point and was grateful when Munch put an arm around her and held her close. She wiped her tears "Where's Elliot?"

Munch glanced around the room "He's here somewhere. He's not about to leave without knowing how she is."

Alex was about to walk back over to where they had been sitting when she caught sight of Elliot leaving the men's room. She screamed when she saw the blood on his shirt, it was Olivia's. Munch grabbed her arm to keep her from falling to the floor. Elliot just froze where he was as Munch helped Alex back over to her seat.

"Cabot family?" a nurse asked from the door leading back to the rooms.

Cragen raised his arm to get her attention before helping Alex up. Alex gave him a small smile when he wrapped his arm around her waist to support her. "I'm Alex, I'm Olivia's wife."

The nurse nodded "Mrs. Cabot if you'll follow me the doctor would like to speak with you."

Alex followed the woman into a private room with a couple chairs. She sat down and kept playing with her ring, she needed something to do with her hands. She wished she had her babies in her arms but she left them with Munch and Fin out of the fear that if it was bad news she didn't want them in the room to see her reaction. She looked up when the doctor walked in the room. She figured he was about her age and his expression was unreadable. He gave her a kind smile as he extended his hand "Hello Mrs. Cabot I'm Dr. Sams." He turned his attention to Cragen "And you are?"

"I'm Don Cragen, Olivia's captain."

"Doctor can you please tell me if Olivia's okay?" Alex could feel her entire body shaking, she was terrified of what he was about to say.

"Your wife was brought in with a gunshot wound to the chest and abdomen." Alex felt her heart clinch and she broke down. She felt Cragen place a hand on her shoulder. She took a few shallow breaths before she looked back at the doctor urging him to continue. "The one to the chest entered a little off to the side, it cracked a couple ribs and collapsed her left lung. We believe one of the cracked ribs collapsed her lung not the bullet. The one to the abdomen was also a through and through luckily it missed all major organs, it did however knick an artery and she is currently in surgery having it repaired."

Alex felt as if she was about to be sick, it killed her to hear what had happened to Olivia. She wiped her eyes "She has to be okay. I can't live without her, we have two young son's they need her."

Dr. Sams placed a comforting hand on her shoulder "And she will be there for all of you. They inflated her lung in the ambulance and the artery is being repaired. I don't see any lasting damage coming from this aside from her being very sore for several weeks. I will have a nurse show you to the OR waiting area. Unless something goes wrong she should be out of surgery within the hour."

They walked back out to the waiting room, Alex took both boys in her arms as soon as she sat down they were the only thing comforting her at the moment. Jase cuddled up against her and Henry wrapped his arms around her neck "What's wrong Mama?"

She held him so she was facing him, she didn't know how to explain to a two year old that his Mommy had been shot. She took a deep breath to compose herself "Well Mommy got hurt at work today but she's going to be okay. The doctors are taking very good care of her."

"Mommy have a boo boo?" Henry asked as he pointed at his knee where he had a cut from slipping on ice a few days earlier.

Alex chuckled at her son's logic "Yes Mommy has a few boo boo's but she's going to be okay." She had barely finished explaining when a nurse came to take them to the waiting area. Alex noticed that Elliot was avoiding the group and staying off to himself. She approached him to ask what had happened but he just shook his head. She figured he was just too upset to talk about it at the moment. She was surprised when she looked up and saw Gail and Bill walk into the waiting room. Bill informed her that Munch had contacted them and they were there to support her and to also take the boys home with them and take care of them until Olivia was able to leave the hospital. She wasn't sure how long they had been sitting there when the surgeon walked into the room. Alex held her breath as the woman pulled over a chair and sat down in front of her. "Is Olivia okay?"

The woman smiled "She will be. I repaired the artery and checked to make sure there wasn't any other damage, which there wasn't. She's going to be out of it for a little while until the anesthesia wears off and she'll probably be in the hospital for a few days but I don't see any lasting damage." She looked at the infant in Alex's arms and the little boy sitting beside her with his arms wrapped around Alex's "I take it these are your children?" Alex smiled and nodded "Olivia will have to take it easy for a while when she goes home, which means no lifting on the little ones."

Alex laughed "Oh trust me she won't be lifting a finger for weeks." Alex sat there a little relieved but she wouldn't be okay until she saw Olivia for herself. When the nurse came to take her to Olivia's room she had to convince Henry it was okay to stay with Gail. He was upset and didn't want Alex leaving him.

As they stopped at Olivia's room the nurse turned to face her "Now I will warn you that she's going to look pretty bad but she's okay." Alex felt tears sliding down her cheeks, the nurse placed a hand on her arm "I didn't mean to upset you I just didn't want you to be surprised when you walked in there. She is breathing on her own but she is on oxygen. She has several IV's and is hooked up to several wires and tubes. She also has some bruises but they were caused from when she hit the ground. She will also have bruising along her ribs from where they cracked."

Alex felt her heart stop and the breath leave her lungs when she saw Olivia lying in the bed, she was so pale. She stood there staring for a moment and barely heard the nurse say that she could call if she needed anything. She cautiously walked over to the bed and looked at all the tubes and wires Olivia was hooked up to. She sat on the edge of the bed and took her wife's hand in hers, it was limp and wasn't as warm as it usually was. Alex broke down she couldn't hold the tears in any longer. She leaned over and ran her fingers through Olivia's hair and placed a kiss on her forehead. "Hey baby, you're going to be okay. I'm not leaving your side for a second, Henry and Jase are in the waiting room with Bill and Gail along with the guys." Alex pulled a chair over next to the bed and sat down; she leaned over laying her head down on the edge of the bed. She fell asleep with Olivia's hand in her own.

Olivia slowly opened her eyes, she wasn't sure what woke her up she thought for a moment it was one of the boys then she realized she didn't know where she was. She looked down and saw Alex holding her hand and her head resting on the bed. She was about to sit up when a searing pain tore through her entire body. Olivia cried out in pain which caused Alex to sit up in a hurry. "Olivia? Baby are you okay?"

Olivia tried to take a few breaths and noticed how bad that hurt. She felt Alex wiping the tears from her face and trying to comfort her. She finally got her voice back "Alex? Alex what happened?"

Alex sat down on the edge of the bed she pulled Olivia's hand to her lips and kissed it, she was so grateful Olivia was awake and okay. She ran her free hand through Olivia's hair brushing it from her eyes "You were shot." Olivia's eyes widened for a moment, she was about to ask more questions but Alex continued. "You guys were chasing a suspect through an abandoned construction site and he shot you."

"How bad?" Olivia managed to ask.

"You were shot twice, once in the chest and once in the abdomen." Olivia tried to sit up and look down at her wounds but the pain was too great and she had to lay back. "Just take it easy baby. The wound to the chest hit you a little off to the side, it cracked several ribs and one of the ribs punctured your lung. They said it's okay it'll just hurt to breathe for a while. The other bullet was a through and through in the abdomen it missed all your major organs but nicked an artery. They operated and repaired it."

"How long am I going to be in here?"

"They said a couple days but when you get out you'll be home for a while."

Olivia laid back and thought about what Alex had just told her. She was struggling to remember exactly what happened. "I remember Munch and Fin had called for backup and Elliot and I responded along with other officers. Are they okay? Did any of them get hurt?"

"No all the guys are okay. They're sitting in the waiting room right now." She waited a minute. "Olivia do you remember what happened?"

Olivia closed her eyes and thought for a second "I remember we chased him and he was about to leave the site so I ran to stop him and he pulled a gun and fired before I ever got a shot off. That's the last thing I remember." She was quiet and she felt the tears stinging her eyes "I take that back. The last thing I remember was thinking about you and the boys. I thought about how I had to see them grow up and how we had to grow old together."

Alex gently wiped Olivia's tears as well as her own. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on the brunette's lips "You're going to Olivia. You're going to watch our boys grow up and we're going to grow old together. We're going to travel and watch our grandchildren play."

Olivia laughed "Getting a little ahead of yourself don't you think?"

"Maybe." Alex laughed along with her. "Olivia why didn't Elliot shoot the guy before he shot you?"

"He wasn't with me." Olivia said as she tried to get more comfortable.

Alex looked confused "I thought Munch said you guys split off in pairs to chase him."

"We did but Elliot thought he could catch him on the outside once he left the site. He took off in the opposite direction so he wasn't there when he pulled his gun. I saw him just before I blacked out." If Olivia hadn't been on so much medication she would've known what she was saying to Alex, she would've also noticed the look of anger that crossed Alex's face.

Alex squeezed her hand "Liv if you're okay I'm going to go and let everyone know you're okay and see if they'll allow me to bring the boys in for a minute."

"Okay. I really want to see the boys so turn on that Cabot charm and get them in here."

They both laughed as Alex left the room, on her way out she notified one of the nurses and they said they would check on Olivia and she could bring the boys in for just a minute. Alex started down the hallway toward the waiting room, the longer she walked the angrier she got. By the time she reached it she was furious with Elliot. She looked around but didn't see him so she filled everyone in on Olivia's condition. She looked at Cragen and asked where Elliot was. He said he was over in a separate part of the waiting room. Alex stood and walked around the corner to where Elliot was leaning against the wall. Alex stormed up to him "You son of a bitch!" she yelled as she punched him.

Fin had followed knowing the look on her face wasn't good for Elliot. "Alex, Alex." He said as he tried to stop her but she pushed him away.

"Alex…I" Elliot tried to say but Alex cut him off.

"She's your partner; you're supposed to watch her! She just told me what happened. You took off and left her alone and she got shot. If you had stayed with her you might have been able to get him before he got her. Now look what happened, she's lying in a hospital bed with two gunshot wounds!"

Fin finally managed to pull her back, Cragen and Munch had heard the commotion and ran over and put themselves between the blonde and the detective. "Alex you've got to calm down."

"Alex I'm sorry! You've got to believe me! I thought I had him." Elliot said as he slowly slid down the wall to the floor.

Alex took a deep breath and turned to walk away. Cragen looked at her to see if she was okay, Alex shook her head "I'm sorry but I can't deal with this right now." She walked back to where her family was sitting, they looked concerned but she assured them she was fine. She knelt down in front of the chair Henry was sitting in "Do you and your brother want to go see Mommy?"

Henry's little eyes lit up "Yeah!" He slid forward toward Alex before stopping "Is Mommy okay?"

Alex took her son's hands in her own and took deep breath "Mommy's got some boo boo's so she's going to be really sore. So you can't be climbing on her or jumping on the bed." He shook his head. "Baby I don't want you to be scared but Mommy's going to have some wires and things attached to her and there are machines that beep but don't be scared okay?"

"Okay Mama."

"Alex honey, do you want one of us to go with you?" Gail asked as she handed over the baby.

"No I'm good, but thank you." She started down the hall toward Olivia's room with Jase on her hip and Henry walking alongside her holding her hand. Alex smiled as she walked down the hall and people would look at the boys and smile. She always loved when people would smile at them, she was proud of her boys and she loved showing them off. She stopped just outside the door and looked down at Henry "Now remember you have to be easy with Mommy and don't be afraid of her either." He nodded as Alex opened the door. She looked over at Olivia, her eyes were closed "Baby, you awake?"

Olivia turned her head and smiled "Hey guys." She was struggling to hold back the tears. Seeing Alex when she first woke up made her so happy, but seeing Alex with both their kids made her realize how much she had to live for, and how much she had to lose. "Hey little man." She reached her hand out to Henry who stared wide eyed at her "It's okay baby, Mommy's okay."

He slowly walked over to stand beside the bed, he reached his little hand up to touch hers "Mommy have a boo boo?"

Olivia chuckled "Yeah baby Mommy has a boo boo." She looked up at Alex "Sit him up her with me." Alex gave her a questioning look "It's fine Alex, really. I just want a hug." Alex sat the little boy on the bed and then sat down as well. Olivia pulled him close to her and wrapped her right arm around him; since both wounds were on her left side she was trying not to move it. When she felt he son's arms wrap around her neck she couldn't hold her tears any longer and began to cry. Just thinking how close she came to never seeing her family again scared her like she couldn't believe. While she still wasn't ready to give up her career, it was getting easier and easier to consider it.

Henry pulled back and wiped a few tears "No cry Mommy. Wuv you."

Olivia began to cry again "Oh I love you too baby, I love you so much." She looked over at Alex who was crying also "I love you and Mommy and Jase more than anything in the world."

After a little more time visiting, which included Henry asking what everything was and Jase trying to pull Olivia's oxygen from her nose, Gail and Bill took the boys home. Alex walked out to get the car seats which also gave a chance for Elliot to visit; she really didn't want to be in the room when he came in to visit. After the guys had their chance to see Olivia it was just the two of them left in the room. Alex had pulled the chair close to the bed so she could hold Olivia's hand. She tilted her head so she could watch the brunette; it made her chest hurt to even think of how differently this day could've turned out. She felt Olivia running her thumb over the back of her hand. "I'm okay Alex."

Alex gave her a sad smile "How did you know what I was thinking?"

"I know because I know you better than you know yourself." She was quite for a minute "Is there something you want to tell me?"

Alex bowed her head "I punched Elliot."

Olivia's jaw dropped "You what? Why?"

Alex placed her free hand over her eyes "I don't know I was so upset and scared about what had happened to you, and then you said that he took off and left you. I was just going to ask him why he left you alone but when I saw him I just couldn't help it. It was like I focused on him and nothing else and before I knew it I had punched him."

Olivia sighed; she couldn't believe Alex had actually punched him. Actually she could believe it, Alex had a temper anyone who has worked with her knew that, but the fact that she actually did it shocked Olivia. "Alex I was fine with him going off on his own, actually I was more concerned that he might get shot and I wouldn't be there to help him." After a few minutes of silence Olivia began to laugh but quickly grabbed her side.

"What are you laughing at?"

Olivia managed to catch her breath before speaking "I was just thinking I would've loved to have seen that. I would've loved to see the look on his face when you punched him. I bet it was priceless."

Alex rolled her eyes "Yeah well I shouldn't have done it. What if by some chance Henry had followed me over and saw it? What would that have done to him? Seeing his Mama punching someone." After they brought dinner for Olivia Alex couldn't help herself and curled up in the bed on Olivia's good side. She laid her head on her wife's shoulder and laced their fingers together. "So I guess I know now how you felt the night I got shot."

"No offense but I think I felt worse. I had to sit in that hospital with your mom and hear that you had died. I remember being so thankful that she was in the city at the time. I sat there holding her hand but now that I think about it she was holding mine as much as I was holding hers."

Alex reached out to wipe the tears from Olivia's face "Olivia you don't have to."

Olivia took a deep breath "Yes Alex I do. We've never really talked about this and I think we need to." She took a deep breath before continuing. "I remember the doctor coming out and asking for your family. Your mom stood and motioned me to follow, when I said I wasn't family she took my hand and said I was your family and I should be there. I remember sitting in that little room and hearing the doctor say you had died." Olivia laid her head back on the pillow. She hadn't discussed that night with anyone but she felt as though she had to get it out. "Your mom burst into tears and I just froze, I couldn't move. His words kept echoing over and over in my mind. All I could think was you had died and I never got to tell you I loved you." Olivia shifted a little to try and get more comfortable. "I took your mom to Bill's house and then I headed home. I spent the first hour on the bathroom floor I was so sick. Once I was able to get up I went in and collapsed on the couch. I pulled the blanket on it around me and I cried. Do you remember the night before that, I convinced you to stay with me? We fell asleep on the couch wrapped in that blanket."

Alex nodded, barely able to find her voice "I remember. I had never felt so safe in all my life."

"I slept with that blanket every night until you came back. It didn't matter how hot it was, I had that blanket in bed with me. It smelled like you and it made me feel close to you." They were quiet for a few minutes before Olivia spoke again "This is why I tell you I love you every chance I get. I never want there to be a moment of your life that you don't know how much I love you." She turned her head slightly to look at Alex, their lips were inches apart. She leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Alex's lips, she smiled into it when she felt Alex place her free hand on her cheek and deepen the kiss.

"I love you." Alex whispered. It had broken her heart hearing what Olivia had been through when she had been shot. "It had killed me too that I never got to tell you I love you. I lay in that bed that night and my biggest regret was I had never told you, and just like you that's why I tell you as often as possible." Alex thought for a moment before she said what she needed to say "Olivia you scared me, this scared me. I felt like my world was collapsing around me. I don't think I could go on if something happened to you."

"Alex if something did happen you would go on, you would be fine. You have our two wonderful boys who would be there for you. You would have to go on for them," she smiled "But Alex nothing is going to happen to me. We're going to grow old together. We're going to travel, and spoil our grandchildren rotten, fill them full of candy and send them home and laugh about it later." They both began laughing "Alex this is it, you and me forever, and nothing is going to change that."

Alex lightly ran her fingers through Olivia's hair until she fell asleep. She truly believed nothing could ever come between them. She settled down in the bed and as she began to drift of she whispered "You and me forever."


	4. Chapter 4

**Few spoilers for season 10 episode Lead. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 4

In the month after Olivia was shot everyone had fallen into a comfortable routine in the Cabot household. Olivia had spent three days in the hospital and was told she couldn't return to work for at least four weeks. While this would normally stress the detective out she loved her time at home with her family. She especially enjoyed the fact that her time home was during the Christmas and New Year's holiday and she got to spend them with Alex and the kids, and not having to worry about being called out was icing on the cake. Christmas was especially fun since Henry was now old enough to know that Christmas meant presents. Since she was still recovering she caught herself having to hold her ribs quite often Christmas morning from laughing at the kids, Henry especially. He laughed and clapped and attacked his pile of gifts under the tree. Jase on the other hand wanted to help open everyone's gifts just like Henry had done at that age, which did cause a few issues when he tried to open his older brothers.

After the shooting Alex was terrified for Olivia to go back on the street and Olivia had done her best to reassure her she would be fine. It was Olivia's first day back on full duty; Alex heard the door open and she practically knocked Henry over as she raced him to greet her wife at the door. "I'm so glad you're home!" She said as she threw her arms around the detective and pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

"I'm so glad to be home!" Olivia laughed when she finally pulled back. "Are the boys asleep yet?"

"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy home!" Henry shouted as he ran over and threw his arms around Olivia's leg, his baby brother crawling along behind him.

"Does that answer your question?" Alex laughed.

"Hey baby." Olivia said as she pulled the toddler up into her arms. She held her son tight against her and inhaled the scent of his baby shampoo. She closed her eyes for a second; with all the horrors and broken children she saw daily, holding her babies in her arms always made her feel better. It also made her even more committed to protecting them from the evils of the world.

After putting the boys to bed Alex brought Olivia back downstairs and sat with her while she ate dinner. Alex had had something on her mind she wanted to discuss with Olivia but couldn't seem to find the nerve to bring it up. They discussed their day; from Olivia's newest case to how many tantrums Alex had to put up with that day.

They began heading upstairs "I'm going to take a shower before I get in bed." Olivia said after they checked in on the boys one last time.

"Care if I join you?"

Olivia turned and smiled as she pulled the blonde into her arms "I'm counting on it." They stood in the shower wrapped in each other's arms allowing the warm water to wash over them and rinse the day away. Olivia felt that sometimes just being wrapped in each other's arms, bodies pressed together was far more intimate than anything else that could've happened. She never felt safer or more at home than when Alex was holding her, Alex was her home. She released a small sigh as she felt Alex lightly brush her lips against her neck. "God I love you." Olivia whispered as she held Alex tighter.

Alex smiled "I love you too." Olivia was her safe place. She had never felt as loved, wanted and cherished as she did when she was with Olivia. Alex lightly ran her fingers from the scar on Olivia's left side just below her breast to the one on her abdomen. She would trace her fingers over one then move to the other. Olivia reached out and stilled Alex's hand. Alex pulled back and looked the brunette in the eye "What's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

"No." Olivia looked away for a second. Alex gently turned her head back so they were looking at each other. Olivia sighed "I don't like these scars. I hate you seeing them."

Alex placed a light kiss to Olivia's lips "Liv baby, what did you tell me about my scar?"

"That it is beautiful because it means you're a survivor, you're alive."

Alex smiled "Exactly. Your scars are part of you and I love you." She leaned forward and kissed a line from the scar on her side to the one on her abdomen.

Olivia was overwhelmed by how much Alex loved her. She had tears in her eyes when she pulled Alex back up and kissed her.

After their shower Alex slipped into a tank top while Olivia slipped on a t-shirt. They curled up in bed and lay facing each other. Olivia had her arm draped across Alex's hip lightly tracing patterns across her skin, while Alex had her hand under Olivia's shirt gently rubbing her lower back. Even in the darkness of their bedroom Alex could see the love in Olivia's eyes. "We need to talk." Alex had to chuckle at the look on Olivia's face. "Calm down Liv it's not that kind of talk. I've just had something on my mind and I want to discuss it with you."

Olivia released the breath she'd been holding, nothing good ever came from a conversation started with 'we need to talk'. "Of course sweetie you know you can always talk to me about anything."

Alex took a deep breath and decided to dive in "So I've been thinking about going back to the DA's office." Olivia looked surprised but nodded, encouraging her to continue. "It's something that's been on my mind lately and I want to know how you feel about it."

Olivia thought for a minute about what Alex had said. She would never tell Alex she couldn't go back to work, but at the same time she worried about her. It had been a long time since Alex had been in the courtroom and she was worried if Alex was ready to go back. She made sure to phrase what she was about to say carefully, she didn't want to upset Alex. "Are you sure you're ready?" Judging by the look on Alex's face Olivia decided to clarify her statement "I'm not saying no or anything, I would never do that. It's just I want to make sure you're ready. I mean it's been over five years since you've been in the courtroom and I worry about you. Are you sure you're ready for this?"

"I am." Alex replied. "I enjoyed working with the foundation and I love being home with the boys more than anything." She laughed "I never imagined I would be happy as a stay at home mom but I love it so much. However I miss being in the courtroom."

"I never pictured you the stay at home mom type either, but you make it seem like the easiest thing in the world. Have you talked to them already?"

"No I would never do that without talking to you first. I was thinking maybe white collar, it's not as stressful or requires as much of a time commitment as some of the other bureau's. That way I won't be away from the boys any more than necessary. They love daycare they'll just be there a little more often. I also thought about asking Gail if she could maybe watch them once and a while just so they won't have to go to daycare every day."

"I think it sounds like a plan, and I will support you completely if this is what you want to do." Olivia said as she leaned in and kissed her wife. "I love you."

Alex sighed "Thank you. I love you too." She snuggled in closer to the brunette as she drifted off to sleep.

Alex had barely had time to take her coat off when there was a knock at her door, it was the DA's secretary "Mrs. Cabot, Mr. McCoy would like to see you in his office. Immediately." Alex couldn't help but wonder what she had done. She had only been back for a little over a week and had one case and she had won. Now she had the elevator ride to Jack's office to figure out what she did. Twenty minutes later Alex sat at her desk in shock. Actually she wasn't sure what she was more surprised about, the fact that he had asked her to go back to Special Victim's or the fact that she accepted. She had tried to call Olivia to tell her but it went to voicemail and this wasn't exactly something she wanted to leave as a message. She was about to call Olivia again when she got the call about her first case. She rode in near silence with Cragen "Have you had the chance to tell Olivia yet?"

"No." Alex took a deep breath as she stepped out of the car. She knew a few things about the case Olivia had been working on. She got most of the details on the ride over; the pediatrician they had just convicted of molesting patients had been murdered in his home. She began walking down the street alongside Cragen and hoped Olivia wouldn't be to upset with her surprise.

Olivia was standing in the street with the guys waiting on Cragen so they could go back in and begin investigating the crime scene. She turned her attention up the street when Fin commented that it wasn't Greyleck with Cragen. She couldn't hide the surprise in her voice "Alex?" She couldn't figure out why Alex was there, she was in appeals now.

Alex gave her a slight smile "What've we got?" She knew Olivia was surprised but at least she didn't seem upset, that would be the last thing she wanted.

Alex's face paled as she looked around the room. She hadn't seen a crime scene in years and she had forgotten how brutal they could be. She took a second to collect herself before turning to face Elliot and Olivia.

That evening Olivia was just sitting the boys down for dinner when Alex walked through the door "Hey I just made dinner, hopefully they'll eat it."

Alex laughed as she kissed each boy then kissed Olivia "I'm sorry I'm late. I was trying to get my things moved to my office and then go over the Keppler case and I lost track of time."

They sat down to eat and after dinner and the boys were in bed they sat down for a few minutes to talk. "So why didn't you tell me you were coming back?"

Alex turned to face her "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you. I tried to call you but your phone was going straight to voicemail. I hated just showing up like that but I had no choice. McCoy called me to his office as soon as I got there and asked me if I would do this. I had barely made it back to my office when I got the call from Cragen."

"I'm not mad." Olivia said as she slid her arm around her wife's shoulder. "I was just surprised that's all. Are you sure you're okay with being back in SVU? I mean I'm thrilled to be able to work with you again but I just want to be sure you can handle it." She sighed "Alex this job has always been difficult but it's even more difficult now with the boys. You need to understand that."

"I know and I can handle it."

A couple days later Alex was standing in Judge Petrovsky's courtroom. They had just arraigned their suspect Clive Lynwood and since his attorney successfully got the evidence thrown out he was now free and they were back to square one. Alex fought the urge to look at Olivia when Petrovsky called her to the bench, it wouldn't be the first time she was called down by the judge. After being told to show up prepared next time Alex turned and walked back to gather her things. She caught sight of Olivia walking toward her from the corner of her eye.

"Alex this isn't your fault."

Alex sighed "Yes it is. We have Clive Lynwood's DNA and he's walking out of here."

They began walking out of the courtroom "I'll try to find something else linking him to Keppler." Olivia was determined to find something to help their case. She wasn't about to let Alex lose her first case back if she could help it.

The next few weeks seemed to drag by. Both ladies were exhausted, between work and taking care of a home and the boys some days they felt like they were dead on their feet. They had made progress in their case and arrested Jeffrey Lynwood for Keppler's murder. As it turned out Keppler had been Jeffrey's pediatrician and had abused him as well. Alex was prosecuting him for the murder when a discussion with Judge Moredock made her think twice. She had Huang talk to Jeffery and after talking to his mother they found out he had a rare neurological disorder that the doctor had missed. They also found out it caused him to chew on things and as a child he would chew on his toys which unknown at the time had lead based paint. Once Alex had called the toy makers CEO to the stand and proved in open court that he was manufacturing toys with illegal paint she offered Jeffrey a plea. In exchange for a plea, he would plead guilty by reason of mental defect and be sentenced to a mental facility. She also assured the Lynwood's that once Jeffrey was released the toy company would pay for his needs for the rest of his life.

Olivia walked around the railing to stand next to Alex, she was so proud of her wife.

"Come on. Voluntarily pledged?" Elliot asked a little skeptically.

Alex nodded "After the Feds recalled his toys; Rowan offered me the deal so I wouldn't charge him." Alex smiled "Once he signed I told him to shove it."

Olivia smiled, it was all she could do to keep from pulling Alex in for a hug but they had a rule about being professional at work "You really are back, aren't you?"

Alex smiled as they walked away, she truly felt as though she was back.

That night they lay curled up in bed "Alex, what made you change your mind about letting Jeffrey plead out?"

"Judge Moredock made the comment that the Alex he knew wouldn't railroad him." She sighed "It got me to thinking, what if that was one of our sons? Jeffrey was victimized twice, once when Keppler failed to diagnose him properly and second when he assaulted him. Jeffrey may be an adult but he's still a child and I don't think he fully understood what he did. I just couldn't send him to jail." She held on to Olivia tighter "How do you do it Liv? How do you see these victims and not see our boys?"

"It's hard Alex, it's so hard sometimes to not think about them, but you have to push it from your mind because if you don't it'll make you crazy. If anything its made me more committed to stopping people like that so our son's as well as other kids never have to experience something like that."

They lay there quietly for a while until Alex decided to lighten the mood "So our anniversary's coming up."

Olivia looked up from where she was resting her head on Alex's chest "Yes it is. Three years, can you believe it?"

"No I can't, but it's been the best three years of my life." She lay there quietly for a moment, running her fingers through Olivia's hair "When I picked the boys up I talked to Gail about maybe watching the boys this weekend while we go to the Hamptons. What do you say detective? Me, you an entire weekend to ourselves and very little clothing."

Olivia rose up and kissed Alex with everything she had "I think it sounds perfect."

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**A/N: Thank you again for the reviews, I appreciate them. I'm hoping to be able to keep up with my updates but they may be a little more sporadic. Last fall I decided to return to school to get my degree and my classes begin again next week, so I will have a lot less free time. However I plan on continuing this story so I hope you will stick with me. Let me know what you think.**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Just a short little update for you. I know it's a little fluffy but I wanted to give you something like this, considering what I have planned. Thank you again for the follows and reviews, I love them. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 5

Olivia's eyes fluttered as she began to wake up. She looked out the doors that lead to the balcony. She smiled when she saw it was snowing, that meant being able to spend the entire day inside with Alex. She reached her hand down to where Alex's arm was wrapped around her waist. She laced her fingers with Alex's and snuggled back against her wife.

"Mmm, happy anniversary." Alex whispered as she began to wake up. She rose up and leaned over for a good morning kiss.

"Happy anniversary."

Alex caught sight of the snow as she settled back down "It's snowing." Olivia nodded. "Well I guess that means we'll have to build a fire and stay inside all day." Alex said with a grin.

Olivia laughed "You know I had the exact same thought. I guess it's a good thing we went out yesterday." They had both managed to get Friday off so they would be able to drive up on Thursday evening after work. They spent Friday shopping and going to a few museums and bundled up and took an afternoon walk on the beach, as much as they missed their sons a little time alone with each other was exactly what they needed. Olivia looked at the alarm clock "God, do you remember the last time we were able to sleep until ten?"

Alex buried her face in Olivia's neck inhaling her scent "I don't remember the last time I slept past seven, of course we didn't go to bed until a little after two."

Olivia began to laugh "No we were in bed way before two; we just didn't go to sleep until after two."

Alex quickly pushed Olivia onto her back and straddled her "Yeah well we might have gotten a little more sleep if someone hadn't woke me up early this morning." Olivia raised her eyebrow causing Alex to laugh "Okay I'll admit I more than enjoyed the way you woke me up but I don't want to hear you complaining about being tired later." She began to sit up but Olivia quickly pulled her back down against her. Alex propped herself up on her arms so she could look Olivia in the eye. "Not that I mind waking up to see your head between my legs, but I would love to know what brought it on." She grinned.

Olivia grinned back and rose up and kissed the tip of Alex's nose "I was just repaying you for what you did to me on the kitchen table last night. I can't believe we did it on the table."

They both slightly blushed and began laughing "I know! I don't know what came over me; I just had to have you that second." Alex buried her head in Olivia's neck and smiled. She had never felt as safe, comfortable or loved as she did when she was with Olivia. She had also never been with someone whom she wanted every second of every day. She sat back up and shivered as the blankets fell off her and the cooler air in the room hit her naked body.

Olivia felt her breath catch as she looked up at her wife; she had never seen someone so beautiful. She also had never been so in love with someone. She ran her hands along Alex's hips, up her stomach and across her chest before trailing her fingers down her arms and clasping their hands together. She sat up and captured Alex's lips in a passionate kiss "I love you." she whispered as she pulled away. Olivia smiled when Alex reached her hand up and gently wiped a few stray tears away.

"I love you too." They sat there looking at one another for a moment but both burst out laughing when they heard Olivia's stomach growling. "Okay I think we need to get up and fix something to eat."

"And then what?" Olivia asked as they stood and threw on sweat shirts and pajama pants before heading downstairs.

"Oh I don't know sitting curled up in front of the fire with you sounds pretty good to me." Alex began looking around the kitchen "Blueberry pancakes sound good?"

"Sounds great." As they were putting the finishing touches on their breakfast Olivia picked up their plates "I built a fire. What do you say we curl up on the couch and watch a movie while we eat?"

"Ooh, something non-animated please, and on an adult level." Alex said as she took a seat on the couch.

"Definitely, but you have to admit some of those animated movies Henry likes has some pretty good adult humor in them."

They spent their day doing things they haven't had the opportunity to do since before their oldest was born. They watched movies, sat and talked and even took a nap that afternoon. Since Alex had returned to work their lives had become even more hectic, but they wouldn't change a second of it. That evening Alex made Olivia's favorite dinner, they sat at the dining room table because neither could stop laughing long enough to sit at the kitchen table considering what had occurred on it the night before.

After dinner they were relaxing in the jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom. Alex was sitting with her arms wrapped around Olivia's waist and was lightly running her fingers along her stomach. "What do you think about having another baby?" Alex hadn't even been aware of what she had said until she noticed the surprised look on Olivia's face.

"Huh?"

"Uh forget it." Alex said. She hadn't intended to bring up having another baby, it just happened to slip out.

Olivia turned so they were facing one another and slid as close to Alex as she could "No don't forget it. I was just surprised when you mentioned it." She pushed a strand of hair from Alex's face "Now come on, tell me what's on your mind."

"Okay, how would you feel about having another baby?"

Olivia smiled "Like I told you when we discussed having Jase, I'm willing to have as many kids as you want since you'll have to carry it." They both laughed. "No seriously Alex, I love you and if you want to have more I am more than willing to do it. Besides I can't wait to have a baby that looks like you, and hopefully we'll get a little girl this go around."

Alex breathed a sigh of relief "Who knows? Maybe we will. I'm not wanting to do it anytime soon I mean Jase is just getting ready to turn a year old. I was thinking maybe wait until he's at least a year and a half before we try again."

Olivia smiled as she leaned in for a kiss "That sounds perfect." She slid closer until their bodies pressed together "Now I know I'm probably going to sound like a bad mother, but what do you say we take advantage of our child free weekend and have a little fun?"

Alex began sliding her hand up Olivia's thigh and moaned when she felt Olivia doing the same to her. "You don't sound like a bad mother at all, and just so you know I plan on us having a lot of fun."

Sunday afternoon they pulled up in front of Bill and Gail's brownstone. They both were practically jumping from the car before it came to a stop. This was the longest they had ever left their boys and they were dying to see them. Alex was so excited she didn't even bother to knock "Hey we're back!" She called out as she stepped into the entry way.

"Mama! Mommy!" Henry called out as he ran and wrapped one arm around Alex's leg and the other around Olivia's.

Alex bent and picked the toddler up "Oh I've missed you so much!"

Henry hugged her tight then turned and reached for Olivia "I was hoping you had a hug for Mommy."

Gail walked into the room carrying Jase "Hi! Did you two have a good weekend?"

"We did, and thank you for watching them." Alex said as she reached out for her youngest child.

"Oh don't mention it, we loved having them here."

Alex looked between the two boys "Were you two good little boys?"

Henry smiled "Yes. Nanny and Gampa play with us and they took us to get a toy!" he said in that excited way of talking that only toddlers could.

"They took you to get a toy, huh?" Alex said giving her aunt a pointed look.

Gail rolled her eyes at her niece "Don't even start Alex. We have to spoil them. We love them as much as our own grandchildren and it's every grandparent's right to take their grandchildren to FAO Schwartz and let them pick a toy."

They were so wrapped up in their own conversation they didn't realize little Jase was trying to get their attention. He finally succeeded though "Mommy!" he said as he hit Olivia on the arm.

All three adults looked at one another then back at the little boy "Is that his first word?" Gail asked a little surprised.

"Yeah it is." Alex said with tears in her eyes. She could see the tears in Olivia's as well so she took Henry and passed Jase to her wife.

Olivia wiped a few tears as she held her youngest close against her "Yeah baby I'm Mommy." They had been concerned that Jase was almost a year old and wasn't speaking yet but their doctor assured them it was nothing to worry about.

Later that evening after dinner they spent a little time playing as a family before bath time and putting the boys to bed. Alex collapsed in bed and pulled Olivia tight against her. "I'm so tired."

Olivia chuckled and looked up from where her head was resting on Alex's chest "You just had a four day weekend, you shouldn't be tired."

"I probably wouldn't be if we didn't stay up half the night," she grinned at the brunette "Or if someone didn't keep waking me up in the early morning hours." Olivia raised her eyebrows "Oh trust me I'm in no way objecting to your creative ways of waking me up. I rather enjoyed them and I hope it happens again."

Olivia leaned in for a kiss "I'll remember that for the next time we both have a day off." She smiled at her wife for a second and wondered what she did to get so lucky to have her before leaning in one more time "Goodnight, I love you."

Alex sighed as she wrapped her arms tighter around Olivia "I love you too."


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews, I'm sorry it took so long to get this up. I know its a short one but I hope you like it. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 6

Alex pulled into their driveway and noticed all the lights were off. She quietly walked in and went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine. Her head was pounding and she wanted nothing more than to crawl in bed and forget this day had ever happened, but she couldn't because she knew Olivia was in bed and she wasn't sure she could face her. Alex slipped into the bedroom and grabbed a sweat shirt and pajama pants then went to the bathroom down the hall and changed. She snuck into Henry's bedroom and kissed his forehead before going to Jase's room and kissing him goodnight as well. She walked back downstairs and lay down on the couch and pulled a blanket over her. She lay there in the dark and thought about the exchange between her and Olivia that afternoon.

_As soon as Alex heard they had found Shane's body she headed for the crime scene. It seemed like her cases were spinning out of control lately and with a state bar investigator in town she wanted to make sure nothing happened to mess this one up. Things quickly deteriorated when she and Elliot exchanged words and only got worse when she and Olivia got into it._

"_You were so busy telling us how to do our jobs you forgot to do your own."_

"_Did you talk to Nikki Sherman?" Alex asked. She had a bad feeling about where this conversation was going._

"_Damn right. I put in a formal request for a new ADA."_

_Alex couldn't believe what Olivia had just said. She knew Olivia had been mad that she chose to not press charges but she couldn't believe she was this upset. "On what grounds?"_

"_Professional ethics. You sacrificed a rape victim to save your own ass." Olivia replied before turning and walking back to stand next to Elliot._

_Alex watched as Olivia walked away, she was hurt, angry and shocked. She couldn't believe Olivia had gone as far as to request a new ADA. She stared at her wife's back and couldn't help but wonder what this was going to do to her marriage. Their arguments before she had gone into witness protection were legendary around the precinct. They had also argued since she had returned to work but they never let it affect them once they were home, this one however felt different._

Alex glanced at the time on her phone and saw she had been laying there for nearly an hour but she knew she wasn't going to sleep anytime soon. She wondered how Olivia was able to go to sleep after the day they'd had. Little did she know Olivia wasn't sleeping either.

Olivia lay awake in the dark. She'd been awake when she heard Alex come in downstairs and she'd also been awake when Alex snuck in to get her pajamas. Olivia was still mad but she was hoping Alex would get in bed with her. When she heard Alex slip from the room and go downstairs she couldn't help the few tears that escaped her eyes. She thought about what had transpired between them that day.

_After their argument Olivia walked back over to stand next to Elliot. She knew without looking back that Alex was mad, as well as hurt. She began wondering if she had just made a huge mistake. She had always been afraid that one day she would do something that would make Alex leave. She couldn't help but think that she had just made that mistake. She felt her heart begin to pound; she may have just cost herself her marriage as well as the best thing to ever happen to her._

Olivia couldn't take it any longer and got up and headed downstairs. She stood in the doorway of the family room and watched Alex; Olivia had been sleeping with the blonde long enough to know that Alex was awake. She stood there quietly thinking about what to say without making the situation any worse than it already was. She walked in and took a seat in the chair opposite Alex. She turned the lamp on and looked over at Alex.

"You're awake." Alex was a little surprised when she heard Olivia walk in the room. She looked at Olivia and tried to figure out what she was thinking.

"So are you." Olivia replied. They sat quietly for a while both trying to figure out what they were feeling and how to begin the discussion they both knew they needed to have. They had never had a problem talking to one another and it worried Olivia that she didn't know how to talk to her wife. The silence was beginning to unnerve her so she took a deep breath before she spoke "Why are you sleeping down here?"

Alex sat up and pulled her knees up to her chest and wrapped the blanket tighter around her "I figured I'd just sleep down here and not bother you. Besides I didn't know if you'd want me sleeping next to you."

Olivia wanted to be mad and come back at Alex but the hurt in Alex's voice stopped her "Alex I always want you sleeping next to me."

"You just don't want me prosecuting your cases." Alex knew she was fanning the flames but she couldn't help it.

Olivia had wanted to keep her anger in check but she felt she was slowly losing the battle "Alex Nikki deserves her day in court. Why would you not take it to trial? You've never backed down from a case before."

"Olivia with those pictures floating around do you even realize how hard it will be to get a conviction? As soon as the defense shows those pictures of Nikki topless in front of all those guys that's the end of the case. Her credibility goes out the window."

"Oh so since you can't win you're not going to prosecute?"

Alex felt her anger rising "That's not what I'm saying. Olivia with everything that has occurred in the DA's office in the last few years, especially in the sex crimes bureau I have to watch my step. Between what happened with Casey and then Sonya; Liv all it's going to take is one little slip up on my part and I could be next. I have to be careful."

"Well you sure weren't careful when it came to Velez." Olivia froze the second the words left her mouth. She hadn't meant to say it, she wasn't even sure why she said it but she did and she couldn't take it back. "Alex I…"

Alex was trying to hold her tears back but it wasn't happening. She was crying from the anger she was feeling but even more so she was crying from how much she was hurting. Deep down she didn't think Olivia meant to say what she'd said, but she said it and it hurt. "I don't believe it you're blaming me for getting shot!"

Olivia had been angry at Alex but now she was angry with herself "No Alex I didn't mean that." Olivia stood and walked over and sat on the couch next to Alex's feet. She reached out to touch Alex and felt her heart break when Alex pulled away.

"If you didn't mean it you wouldn't have said it. You know I always wondered if you blamed me for getting shot, for not dropping the case when you asked me to, and I guess now I know the answer." She pulled back tighter against the corner of the couch "I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow so if you don't mind I need to try and get some sleep." She laid her head back and closed her eyes hoping Olivia wouldn't see the tears that were falling.

Olivia had tears in her eyes as she stood and walked from the room. She lingered in the doorway for a moment watching Alex, hoping she would turn around or say something but she didn't. Olivia walked upstairs and lay down in bed. She rolled over and pulled Alex's pillow to her, that's when she broke down. She took another deep breath, inhaling Alex's scent. She was sobbing now as she thought about what had been said downstairs. She wanted to apologize for it, but she knew nothing she could say would change how deeply she had hurt her wife. The damage was done.

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**A/N:I know I left things hanging a bit but I hope to have the next chapter up soon.**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Alex leaned her head back against the wall of the detention center and sighed. It had been such a long week and the end was nowhere in sight. She hadn't slept at all the night before after she and Olivia talked. In fact she cried most of the night, she knew Olivia hadn't meant to say what she had but it still stung. She had always wondered deep down if Olivia blamed her for getting shot, for not dropping the case when she asked her to. She was thankful that their mornings were so hectic, between getting ready themselves as well as getting two toddlers ready it didn't leave much free time to talk. She knew they needed to talk about what had happened as well as what they both said because the longer they didn't talk the worse the situation would become. It also bothered her what it was doing to their sons, they may be young but both seemed to notice something was wrong. She nearly broke down when Henry had asked her if she was sad as she was getting him dressed. She also didn't fail to notice the sadness in Olivia's eyes when he asked her the same thing. Alex took a deep breath when she heard the door opening; she was hoping it wouldn't be Olivia as she didn't think she could face her at the moment. Alex felt her heart seize when Olivia looked at her, she was overwhelmed with how much she loved the brunette and at how much she was hurting. "After you." Alex sighed as Olivia turned away; she pushed herself off the wall and followed her wife.

Olivia turned and headed toward the cell where their suspect was waiting. She couldn't stand to see the look of hurt in her wife's eyes, especially knowing she had put it there. There was another part of her that was still angry with Alex, she was still angry over Alex dropping the charges against Sam Baylor. She just wanted to get through this and go home but at the same time that meant being in close proximity to Alex. She had spent most of the night crying and judging by how Alex looked this morning so had she. After talking with their suspect and finding out that the homeless guy Shane gave food to was the one who killed him Olivia called Fin and told him to pick him up. She and Alex walked from the detention center in silence. "Would you like a ride back to your office?"

"No I wouldn't want you going out of your way and besides I'm sure you have more important things to do anyway." Alex said as she turned away.

"It's not out of my way and no I don't have more important things to do." Olivia felt her anger grow when Alex began walking away. She ran after her and grabbed her wrist spinning her around "That's not fair Alex; you don't get to walk away!" Suddenly Alex's skin felt like it was burning Olivia's hand and she quickly released it. She looked in Alex's eyes and saw hurt and anger flash in them. Olivia felt her stomach begin to turn she had just done the one thing she swore she would never do; she had put her hands on Alex. "I'm sorry Alex, I'm so sorry."

Alex was surprised when Olivia grabbed her arm but she wasn't scared, she would never be afraid of Olivia. Alex stepped closer which caused Olivia to back up toward the car "Olivia its okay you didn't hurt me."

Olivia squatted down next to the car and held her head in her hands "It's not okay Alex I grabbed you!"

Alex knelt down beside her wife "Olivia I might still be angry but I'm not angry about what you just did. All you were doing was trying to stop me from walking away; I'm not hurt at least not from that. Get one thing in your head right now Olivia I have never nor will I ever be afraid of you. Do you understand me?"

"Yes." Olivia whispered.

Alex stood back up "Good now I need a ride back to my office I have work to do."

The car ride passed in silence both ladies contemplating what was happening between them. Olivia had always wondered if and when the job would finally destroy her life and she couldn't help but think it was happening. She wondered if Alex would stay after what was happening. Olivia hoped Alex wouldn't leave her especially for the boys' sake. She never had a stable home life until now and she didn't want her children growing up having to be shuffled back and forth and having to wonder what had happened between Mama and Mommy. While she was still angry that Alex dropped Nikki's case she also knew she had a lot of work ahead of hear in making up for what she had said. Alex on the other hand was thinking about what Olivia had said to her about how she had never been afraid to back down from a case. In the past she wouldn't have allowed a state bar investigator to get between her and getting justice for a victim. She had been suspended before after the Cavanaugh case and she knew there were times after that she danced on the edge of the law but it didn't stop her from doing her job. She tried to figure out what had changed in her. She wondered if she had been away too long and maybe between the time in witness protection and becoming a mother had changed her, maybe she just didn't have the edge she used to have.

When she realized the car had come to a stop she looked over at Olivia who was silently staring out the window. "Thanks for the ride." Alex said as she reached for the door handle. As she was about to open it she felt Olivia gently place her hand on her leg.

"Alex I am so sorry for what I said last night. I didn't mean it." Olivia had told herself she wasn't going to cry but that obviously wasn't happening as the tears began streaming down her face.

Alex pulled her glasses off and covered her eyes with her hands. She really didn't want to have this discussion now "Olivia I know you didn't mean it but you said it and it hurt." She sighed.

"Can we please talk about this?" Olivia pleaded.

"Olivia I know I made you mad because I dropped the charges, I get it. I know I'm not completely innocent in this argument, but you went too far. Whether you meant to or not you basically blamed me for getting shot. That hurt Olivia, it hurt a lot. So while I agree we need to talk about this I don't think now is the time to do it." She gathered her things and stepped from the car.

"I love you." Olivia said through her tears.

"I love you too." Alex said before closing the door and walking to her office.

That evening Alex was packing up her things to head home when her phone rang, it was Munch asking her to come by the precinct. He had a witness she needed to talk to. In a way she was grateful for the delay. She loved her family more than anything in the world but part of her was dreading going home and seeing Olivia, and she hated that feeling. As Alex left the precinct she wasn't sure how to feel. She had just spoken with Amy Wagner, a friend of Nikki's. Amy told her that Sam Baylor gave her clothes and an ipod so she would say that Nikki recanted her statement. She thought about the case as she drove to Bill and Gail's to pick up the boys. Her day instantly became better when she stepped in the living room and saw Henry and Jase playing. "Hey guys!"

"Mama!" they both shouted as they ran toward Alex.

She knelt down in the floor and hugged both of her children. She looked at Henry and felt her heart beat faster he looked so much like Olivia, but when she looked at Jase her heart broke looking in his eyes was the same as looking in Olivia's. She quickly wiped the tears from her eyes as Henry leaned in and kissed her cheek "Don't be sad Mama."

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat "I'm not sad baby I just love you and your brother so much."

"They've already had dinner. Would you like me to fix you and Olivia a plate to take home?" Gail stopped when she noticed the look on Alex's face. "Alex dear, are you alright?"

She stood and faced her aunt "Not in front of them." Gail nodded. "Henry I'm going to talk to Nanny for a minute. I want you and Jase to put your toys away we'll be going home soon." She smiled as her oldest nodded and began picking up their toys. They walked to the kitchen "Where's Bill?"

"He had tickets to the Knicks game tonight." She poured them both a cup of coffee and sat down "Now what's wrong Alex? I know something's going on because when Olivia dropped the boys off this morning I could tell something was bothering her too. When I asked her she looked like she was on the verge of tears and told me it was nothing." She reached out and squeezed Alex's hand "Are you two having trouble?"

Alex began crying "We had a fight at work and it's kind of spilled over at home. Were both to blame in this situation and we both know it but last night she said something that hurt me a lot and I don't know where we're going to go from here."

"What did she say?"

"We were fighting about our case and she basically blamed me for getting shot. She tried to apologize then and I cut her off. She apologized today and I know she didn't mean to say it. I think it just popped out in the heat of the moment but that doesn't make it hurt any less."

Gail slid her chair closer to Alex "Alex take it from someone who's been married longer than you've been alive," they both chuckled "You're going to have fights, you're going to say things you don't mean but you have to keep talking. Have you two ever discussed what happened when you were shot and went away?"

"I've told her a little about my time in the program and where all I stayed. When she was shot she told me about how she felt the night I was shot, but other than that no we haven't talked about it."

"I think maybe you should, once you've resolved what started this. I think deep down you both may be harboring some anger and resentment over that night. If you don't talk about and get it in the open it'll continue to fester and get worse and there may not be any coming back from it then."

Alex stood and hugged her aunt, thanking her for listening to her. She put the boys in the car and headed home. She was a little disappointed when she pulled in and saw that Olivia wasn't home yet. She was just about to put them in for their bath when the phone rang. Alex couldn't help but smile when she recognized Olivia's number "Hey."

Olivia was relieved when she heard Alex's voice and she didn't sound hurt "Hey sweetie. Are you home yet?"

"Yeah I was just about to put the boys in the bath tub. Are you going to be home soon?" Alex was hopeful.

"I'm at the hospital, I'm okay though." Olivia knew she had to add that in quickly to keep from worrying the younger woman. She sighed "Alex, Nikki tried to commit suicide tonight. She OD'd but she's going to be okay. I went to her apartment to check on her and I found her."

"Oh my God. I'm glad you found her."

"Me too. I'm going to stay here for a while and make sure she's okay before I leave. You don't have to wait up for me."

"Take your time Liv. I'm exhausted and I know you are too so don't stay too late, okay?"

"Okay. Can I talk to the boys for a minute so I can tell them goodnight?" Alex held the phone for Jase while he talked to his Mommy. He really couldn't carry on a conversation yet but he was definitely his Mommy's boy and loved talking to Olivia. Once he was done she handed the phone to Henry who had to tell Olivia all about his day, it warmed her heart to watch her babies.

Once she managed to get the phone back she smiled into the phone "Do you have an ear left?"

It relieved Olivia to hear Alex sound happy "I think so. I'll be home as soon as I can."

"Just be careful. I'll probably be in bed when you get home," she paused for a second "And I expect you to curl up beside me tonight."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief, she knew they were still a ways from okay but they were definitely closer than they were this morning. "I will. I love you."

"I love you too."

Alex rolled over when she felt the mattress dip. She smiled when she saw Olivia settling in next to her. "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Olivia was on the verge of tears, she was so grateful to be able climb in bed next to her wife. They lay there in the dark simply staring at one another. Olivia smiled when she felt Alex take her hand and lace their fingers together. "Alex I…"

Alex leaned in and lightly brushed their lips together "Olivia I know we need to talk but we are both exhausted and need our rest. If we start talking now we'll be up all night and right now I want nothing more than to fall asleep wrapped in each other's arms."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief, they were both in agreement "Me too."

"Now you're not on call this weekend and I called and talked to Gail before I went to bed and asked her if she could keep the boys this weekend. So tomorrow after work we're driving up to the beach house and we're going to talk all this out. It's supposed to snow so there won't be any reason for us to go out." Alex was quiet for a second "I know it's probably not going to be pleasant but I think it has to happen."

"I agree completely." Olivia pulled Alex closer to her. "I withdrew my request for a new ADA today."

Alex looked surprised "Why?"

"I realized I made a mistake by putting in the request. I was mad and I didn't even think it through. After I had put in the request I was so upset with myself and then when I saw you at the crime scene I was mad all over again and then we got into it… Alex everything just seemed to spin out of control. I was wrong and that's why I withdrew my request."

"I'm refiling charges tomorrow morning against Sam Baylor."

"Really? What changed your mind?"

"Well you for one thing. I knew I shouldn't let my worry about the investigator prevent Nikki from getting the justice she deserves. I also talked to her friend Amy and she told me that Sam gave her stuff to get her to say Nikki recanted. I've got him Liv; he's going to go to jail." Alex leaned in for a kiss, it was gentle and loving. It brought tears to both their eyes as it was the first real kiss they had shared in days. "I love you." Alex said as she wrapped her arm around Olivia and pulled her close.

Olivia slid her hand up under Alex's shirt and began lightly running her fingers over her back "I love you too."

They both fell asleep knowing they had problems that needed resolved but both felt certain they would be okay.

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**A/N: Thank you for the reviews I'm glad you liked the last chapter. I know this one isn't all roses either but these things don't just change overnight they take time. I hope you enjoyed this one! Next up, the talk.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The sun was just setting as the snow began to fall; it was calm, it was still. The calm outside however couldn't do anything to match the storm that was brewing inside. Alex sat on the couch thinking about what she wanted to say and how she wanted to say it. They had managed to leave work early which allowed them to get to their beach home sooner than they expected. They had stopped at the grocery store and stocked up on anything they may need for the weekend; neither wanted an excuse to leave the house. Alex thought about when they had dropped the boys of with her aunt that morning. It felt good to be driving to work together and dropping their sons off. They had explained to the boys that they would be spending the weekend with Nanny and Gampa, much to their sons delight. She also remembered how Henry had nearly brought them to tears.

"_Okay I want you two to be good boys. Okay?" Alex asked as she knelt in the floor to look her sons in the eye._

"'_Kay Mama." Henry replied while Jase nodded._

"_We'll see you in a couple days." Olivia said as she leaned in for a hug._

_After both boys had hugged their mothers Henry stepped in front of both ladies "Mama, Mommy, are you still sad?"_

_They looked at one another and almost broke down. They had a lot of work to do if their three year old son could tell something was going on. Alex reached out and placed her hand on his cheek "No baby we're not sad we've just got a lot going on at work. Mommy and I are okay."_

"_Okay Mama. I love you."_

_They both walked to their car knowing they had a lot of work ahead of them._

Olivia finished making their tea and headed toward the living room. So far their evening had been quiet and uneventful but she knew that would probably change. They had talked over dinner about what they might buy their sons for Christmas; the light easy conversation seemed to ease their nerves. She stopped in the doorway and looked at her wife who was curled up on the couch staring out the window. She walked in and sat the tray down on the coffee table "I'm glad you built a fire it was a little chilly in here."

Alex nodded in agreement. She looked at the tray and smirked at her wife "No wine?"

Olivia grinned "Ah no. We both know what happens to us when we have a little too much wine."

Alex chuckled as she picked up her mug and settled back on the couch. They sat there in silence for a while, neither sure what to say or how to begin. Alex was about to speak but Olivia beat her to it.

"Alex I'm sorry, I'm so sorry and I don't even know where to begin." Olivia began to break down.

Alex reached her hand across the back of the couch where Olivia's arm was resting and squeezed her hand. "I'm sorry too. Olivia I think we're past the work stuff, in ways we were both wrong and in ways we were both right. We both did what we felt we needed to do to make things right and if it's okay with you I'm more than willing to say that's settled."

"That's fine with me, but are you sure there's nothing bothering you about work?" Olivia said a little relieved that they had moved past at least one issue.

"I do have one thing and please forgive me for asking but I have too." Olivia nodded urging her to continue. "I met Sonya outside the courthouse and she was telling me to be careful and to watch my back. I told her you two were good cops and I didn't have to worry about you but she felt otherwise. She said you're loyalty was to each other and not me." She saw Olivia's anger flair "Liv calm down I don't believe what she said for a second."

"But you thought about it didn't you?" Alex didn't respond right away. "Alex I can't believe you would even entertain the thought that my loyalty lies anywhere but with you! Yes Elliot is my partner and I have his back but you are my wife. If it came down to you or Elliot I would choose you, always. "

"I know you would. I really didn't give it much thought at the time but after our fight it stayed in the back of my mind. So will you forgive me for even questioning your loyalty to me?"

Olivia pulled Alex's hand to her lips "I forgive you."

"Now about Velez." Alex exhaled, preparing for the fight that could be coming.

"Alex I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant it. I don't know what came over me, all I know was the words were coming out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying." She reached out for one of the tissues and began wiping her eyes.

Alex reached for a tissue as well "Olivia I know you're sorry and I know you didn't mean it, but I need you to understand that it hurt. It hurt a lot. Olivia we've never really discussed what happened that night and how we felt afterwards and I think we need to. I also want you to be completely honest, no holding back. I don't care how much you think it might hurt me to say something, if it's how you feel I want you to say it."

"Okay, but only if you promise me the same thing." Alex nodded. Olivia looked out the window as she organized her thoughts. There was so much she needed to say she just wanted to be careful of how she said it. Even though Alex wants her to be completely honest she doesn't want to make the situation worse than it already is. "I know we discussed how upset I was the night you were shot but I don't think you fully understand how upset I was. I had failed as a cop in protecting someone but more importantly I failed to protect my girlfriend. If I had been paying more attention, maybe if I would've been walking on the other side of you…" She trailed off to wipe her tears. "Alex it's my fault for not protecting you."

"Olivia I've told you before it's not your fault. In fact you're the reason I'm alive today. I remember lying there barely conscious but do you know the only thing that kept me holding on was your voice. You were begging me to stay, you repeating my name over and over again." She leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her wife's lips "You did not fail as a cop or as a girlfriend, don't ever think you did. I want that out of your head right now." Alex wanted to pull Olivia in for a hug but she knew better, that's why they had chosen to sit with a little distance between them. They both knew the closer they were the more physical they would become and the chances of finishing their discussion would become less likely. "Now I know there's more so let's get it all out in the open." Alex knew Olivia was holding back and she needed her wife to lay everything out. Alex knew what she was about to do was risky but it needed done, she only hoped that provoking the brunette wouldn't backfire on her. "Olivia whether you still do or not I know that deep down you were angry with me over the Zapata case and I'm pretty sure you resented me as well." She saw the anger flash in the brown eyes she loved so much and the only thing she could think was 'hold on, here we go'."

"How dare you say that Alex! I'm not angry and I don't resent you!" Olivia knew she was losing her grip on her emotions as she felt her anger beginning to slowly spin out of control.

"Maybe not now, but what about then? Huh? Maybe it didn't happen that night but what about a few days down the road after reality set in? You can't honestly say that you weren't the least bit angry."

Olivia stood and began pacing the room "Is that what you want me to say, that I was mad? Okay Alex I was mad. I was mad that some hit man took the best thing that ever happened to me. I was mad that you were God knows where and I didn't know if you were safe, if you were okay. I was mad that I was finally happy, that my sad pathetic life finally had meaning outside the job and now it was gone." Olivia stopped for a moment surprised that she had said as much as she did and judging by the look of shock on Alex's face so was she. Olivia wanted to stop but now that the dam had broken and all her pent up emotions were flowing she couldn't "And yes I was mad that you didn't drop the case when I asked you to. You are this wonderful but stubborn and hardheaded woman and I knew you wouldn't give up your case. I was so proud of you for wanting to fight but I was angry and yes I did resent you at first for being gone, if you had listened to me when I begged you to drop it you may have never been shot." Olivia suddenly felt like the weight she had been carrying for years had been lifted from her shoulders. She steeled herself for what was about to happen, Alex had her best courtroom face on and Olivia couldn't quite get a read on what she was feeling.

Alex grabbed a few tissues and walked over to wipe her wife's tears. While some of what Olivia said had hurt it's what Alex wanted her to get out of her system. She knew if they didn't get all their feelings in the open it would end up destroying them. "I was mad too Liv. I was mad that Connors took me away before I had the chance to tell you I loved you. I was mad that I too had finally found something outside of work that made me happy and now it was gone. I was mad that I had found the love of my life and we may never have the chance to be together. And like you I was worried about you. I worried that if something happened to you I wouldn't know about it. They discourage us from seeking out anything that has to do with our former life but once in a while I had to break that rule and would look up anything I could find about the NYPD online just to make sure you were okay. Agent Hammond would check in once and a while and I finally convinced him to let me know if you were okay and that if anything happened to you I made him swear that I would be notified."

They were both silent for a moment, the only sound was the crackling of the fire and the waves crashing outside. "Alex you need to know after you left I didn't handle things so well. I was honest when I said I was never with anyone else, I couldn't do that in my mind that would've meant I was cheating on you." she took a deep breath "I did begin drinking though, more than just drinks out with guys or a glass of wine. In fact it was a while before I went out with the guys." Alex's heart was breaking at what she was hearing. "The pain was just so deep I didn't know how to make it stop. It started simple with just an extra beer when I got home or that extra shot of whiskey, which eventually turned to downing an entire bottle of wine by myself. I never let it affect my job but thankfully I had a recovering alcoholic for a boss and believe it or not I was grateful for my alcoholic mother. Cragen pulled me into his office one day as he'd done many times after you left to see if I was okay. Although this time was different. He told me he knew what was going on, his wife had died and he knew how it felt to lose the person you love more than anything, He told me he could see the signs and he wanted me to stop before things got out of hand. I went home that night and poured a glass of vodka and stared at it before I finally began drinking it. I pulled out the photo album that had the few pictures of us and I began sobbing. I was reaching for my glass when a paper fell from the album; it was my mother's obituary. I swear Alex I don't know how it got there but I picked it up and put it back. When I stood I was facing the mirror and it scared me at what I saw, I was standing there holding a glass of vodka with red puffy eyes and immediately I recognized my mother. Even though it was for different reasons I knew I was turning into my mother." Olivia stopped to catch her breath and was grateful when she felt Alex's hand on her arm. "I went right then and got all the alcohol I had in the apartment and poured it all down the drain. I knew that if you were ever able to come back to me I didn't want you coming back to an alcoholic. I started seeing a therapist and it was difficult to not tell the whole truth but all she knew was that my girlfriend had been murdered and I was having trouble dealing with it. I guess that's why I never fully dealt with all my feelings because I had no one I could talk to them about."

Alex led them back to the couch and sat down. She took a minute to wipe both their tears and try to find her own voice. "Liv I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I know how it felt, I started drinking too, but it was nothing compared to the pain killers I was taking." Olivia looked up surprised; she would've never pegged Alex as the kind to become dependent on pills. "Like you I was in pain and I just wanted it to stop but the drinking just didn't seem to work. One day I and a few people I worked with were returning from lunch when we were in an accident." She saw the look of fear in Olivia's eyes "Don't worry it was just a minor fender bender we were all fine but it aggravated my shoulder. The doctor prescribed some pain pills for it. I noticed that when I took them I didn't hurt as bad, I couldn't feel the pain I felt over losing you. I began to take them more often and then I remembered I still had some left over from the shooting and I took them too. I kept making excuses to get more; I was becoming dependent, an addict and then you stopped me."

Olivia looked confused "How did I stop you?"

"It was your birthday and I was so upset that I called into work that day. The evening before I had driven nearly three hours to another city and I went to a clinic claiming a back injury. I used a fake name and everything. I walked away with a full bottle of pills. I spent your birthday in a pill induced haze. I took a pill that morning but it didn't seem to help. So that afternoon I took four and curled up in bed staring at the picture of me and you I kept hidden in my purse. The last thing I remembered was looking at your picture and everything going dark. I didn't know how long it had been but when I woke up it was dark. I felt like someone was watching me and I began to panic. I opened my eyes and there you were, sitting on the edge of my bed looking at me." Olivia still looked confused but slid closer to the younger woman and held her hand tightly. "I know now I was probably hallucinating but you were there just as real as you are right now. I was scared at first I thought something had happened to you and you were telling me goodbye. You reached out and took my hand; I could feel your hand just as warm and loving as I can now. I became excited thinking that maybe you had finally found me. You told me that you missed me and that you loved me, I told you I loved you too. You told me that you were worried about me and that I needed to stop so I would be well when I was able to come home to you. I pulled you to me for a hug and you kissed me, it was light our lips barely brushed one another's but it was a kiss. I woke up the next morning and I was so disappointed to see you weren't there with me but I knew had to get help. I got up and the first thing I did was take all my pills and flush them. Then I called my case agent and told her I was struggling and needed help. They set me up with a therapist who worked with people in the program. She came to my house under the guise that she was my best friend from high school in town for a visit. She stayed a week and she helped me understand a lot of what I was feeling and gave me ways to help deal with my feelings. I was more determined than ever to get back to you." They couldn't hold back any longer and fell into one another's arms sobbing. They were both hurting from the honesty they'd heard from the other, but at the same time they both felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted from their shoulders.

When she finally felt her tears subsiding and able to catch her breath Alex leaned back to look at Olivia, her eyes were red and puffy and her cheeks were tear stained but Alex still thought Olivia was the most beautiful woman she had ever laid eyes on. "I'm so glad you got help."

Olivia placed her hands on Alex's cheeks and gently wiped her tears with her thumbs "I'm glad you got help too." They both looked into one another's eyes realizing how much they had to live for as well as how much they had to lose. Olivia leaned over and lightly pressed her lips to her wife's, it was gentle and loving. "I love you Alex, so much. Can you please forgive me for everything?"

"I already have." Alex whispered as she pressed her body as close to Olivia's as she could. "Can you forgive me?"

Olivia smiled "I already have." She leaned in for another kiss as she wrapped her arms around Alex and pulled her down on top of her. Although it had been more than a week since they had been this close to one another the moment wasn't hurried it was loving. For Olivia it was soothing her soul that had been hurting for days.

Alex enjoyed the feel of her wife's body beneath her. She'd had a hole in her heart and soul while she was away and it began mending when she returned. After the birth of her children she felt like that hole had been filled, but now she truly knew the last little piece had been repaired. They had finally been open and honest with one another and there was nothing else to be held back.

They weren't sure how long they had been laying there but the fire was dying and both were beginning to drift off to sleep. Olivia ran her fingers through Alex's hair "You asleep?"

"Not yet but if you keep that up I will be."

Olivia chuckled as she attempted to sit up "Come on, let's go to bed." She checked to make sure the house was secure then headed upstairs. She curled up and rested her head on Alex's chest, slipping her hand under Alex's shirt and resting it between her breasts.

Alex couldn't help but shiver at the feel of her wife's hand on her body. She wrapped her arms possessively around Olivia, sliding one hand under her shirt and resting it on her low back. "I love you."

"I love you too."

The rest of their weekend was much happier and the mood was much lighter. They spent Saturday talking about the upcoming holidays and how they would be spending them. Most of the afternoon they sat curled on the couch in front of the fire wrapped in a blanket watching the snow fall. That night they made love for the first time in several weeks. It was passionate, gentle, and loving all at the same time. It brought tears to both their eyes.

* * *

They walked up the steps to her aunt and uncle's home hand in hand. Bill was opening the door just as Olivia was about to ring the doorbell.

"Welcome home!" Bill said as he pulled each one in for a hug before ushering them inside.

"It's good to be back." Alex said as she walked in and began looking around for her boys. "Are you sure our boys stayed here this weekend? It's not a toy disaster area." All three adults laughed but Alex and Olivia both knew how quickly their sons could make a mess.

"They're in the kitchen with Gail and they have a surprise for you."

They walked through the brownstone to the kitchen both boys' face's lit up at the sight of their parents "Mama! Mommy!" they both shouted as they ran to them, Henry jumping into Alex's arms and Jase jumping into Olivia's. "We made cookies to take home." Henry said proudly.

"Wif spwinkles!" Jase said smiling proudly.

Alex picked up one and took a bite before holding it out for Olivia to take a bite "These are delicious! You two are really good little bakers." They stood talking and eating cookies while Gail packed most of them up for them to take home. Alex put Henry down as Olivia did the same with Jase "Henry go put your coat on and help your brother with his. We'll be going home in a few minutes."

Bill noticed the look in his wife's eyes "Come on boys Gampa will help you."

Gail waited till it was just the three of them "Are you two okay?"

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand tight "It was a rough night Friday but yes we're okay. We're more than okay." She leaned over and placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

Gail hugged both ladies "I'm so glad to hear that, you two are meant to be together."

That evening they were sitting at the table snacking on the cookies the boys had made when Henry surprised them "Mommy?"

"What baby?" Olivia asked as stole another cookie from the plate.

"Are you and Mama happy now?"

They looked at one another and smiled as they reached out for one another's hand "Yes baby we're happy. Something had made me and Mama sad for a while but we talked about it and we're happy now. We want you to know that we'll always be here for you and your brother. I also want you to know you can ask me and Mama anything and you can tell us anything. Okay?"

"Okay." Henry said as he went back to eating his cookie.

They smiled at each other, they had just spent one of the most emotionally difficult weekends of their lives but they now knew their marriage was stronger than ever. They knew there wasn't anything they couldn't get through as long as they had each other.

* * *

**A/N: Okay this was a little draining to write. I had one idea in mind but it took off in a completely different direction. I will admit I did tear up a few times while writing this. As always thank you for the favorites, follows and reviews. I appreciate them more than I can ever say! I hope you enjoyed.**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"Liv! Liv wake up!"

Olivia was startled from her dream when she felt the mattress bounce and her wife call her name. "What's wrong?" she said as she tried to sit up. She opened her eyes and realized Alex was straddling her waist.

"Merry Christmas baby." Alex said as she leaned in for a passionate kiss.

"Merry Christmas. Was that heart attack you just gave me one of my gifts?" Olivia asked as they finally parted. She stared at her wife for a moment, she was always beautiful but she looked even more beautiful today.

Alex laughed "I'm sorry. Did I interrupt a good dream?"

Olivia nodded and gave her a mischievous grin "Actually you did." Alex raised her eyebrows, intrigued at what her wife had been dreaming about. "It involved me staring into your eyes as you used a certain toy on me." Olivia blushed as she admitted to what she had been dreaming.

Alex chuckled as she leaned back in for a kiss "Well I'll just have to make that a reality later won't I?"

"Oh God." Olivia shivered. She took a moment to calm herself before squeezing Alex's hands in hers "So what's gotten into you this morning? I was expecting Henry to be bouncing on the bed waking us up not you."

"I wanted to give you your gift in private." Alex said with a grin.

"I thought we always opened those gifts at night after the boys went to sleep?"

"Oh we will, but I have a special gift for you and I can't wait any longer for you to open it." Alex leaned over to her bedside table and picked the rectangle shaped box up and handed it to Olivia. "Merry Christmas Liv."

Olivia could swear Alex was tearing up. She unwrapped the package and looked at the box; it looked like a box a bracelet would come in. Olivia smiled as she opened the box; her smile faltered and turned to a look of confusion. She glanced back at Alex who was smiling even brighter now. Olivia began smiling as she looked closer at the item in the box; she felt her own tears welling up. She squeezed Alex's hand as she looked up and realized Alex was crying now too. "You're pregnant?" Olivia whispered as she pulled the pregnancy test from the box.

"Yeah." Alex nodded. She squealed as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and flipped them, quickly adjusting herself to avoid Alex's belly.

"I love you." Olivia leaned in and gently pressed her lips to her wife's. While using one arm to support her weight she slowly slid her other hand down and rested it on Alex's still flat stomach. When they finally parted Olivia smiled as she slid down Alex's body and pushed her shirt up. She began placing light kisses across Alex's stomach and whispering "I love you." She rose back up till she was looking Alex in the eye "Are you feeling okay? Do you need anything?"

Alex loved how attentive and loving Olivia was while she was pregnant. "Yeah I'm fine." She knew Olivia was asking more than that, she reached up and placed her hand on the brunette's cheek "I have a good feeling about this one Liv. I don't think anything is going to go wrong this time." When they had made the decision to try for another baby they were both a little concerned considering Alex had miscarried Jase's twin. "I would like to wait before we tell anyone, just in case."

"I think that sounds like a good idea." Olivia settled back down beside Alex and began lightly caressing her stomach. Olivia closed her eyes and thought about how far they had come in a month and a half. They had been in a bad place, both hiding painful secrets from one another. They had spent a tough, draining weekend being open and honest with one another and their marriage was stronger for it. She thought about the day a few weeks ago that allowed them to be where they were now.

_Olivia stared into Alex's eyes as she ran her fingers through her blonde locks. Alex was nervous and it showed on her face. "Are you sure you're ready to do this?"_

_Alex took a deep breath "Yes. I think now is the perfect time, by the time this baby is born Henry will be four and Jase will be two. And I believe Henry will be on board with it since he asked if he would ever get to have a baby sister." They both laughed at the memory of when their oldest came home from daycare and announced that his friend had a new baby sister and he wanted to know if he would ever have a baby sister. Alex pulled Olivia's hand to her and kissed it "I also think we are in a good place to have more children. Liv we are stronger now than we've ever been and I think it's the perfect time."_

_They were so caught up in one another they almost didn't hear the doctor "Okay Alex, are you ready?" She and Olivia both nodded "Well let's make a baby then."_

_Alex pulled Olivia down to her for a kiss. Just like she had when she had gotten pregnant with Jase she wanted Olivia as close as possible during her procedure. An hour later Olivia was helping Alex get dressed "How are you feeling?"_

_Alex smiled "I feel good. I've got a good feeling about this."_

They hadn't realized they had fallen asleep until they were startled awake by a three year old ball of energy "Mommy, Mama! It's Christmas! Wake up!" Henry shouted as he climbed up on the chest at the foot of their bed and crawled up to them.

Before the toddler knew what was happening Olivia sat up and grabbed him then pulled him back down between she and Alex. "Merry Christmas baby." She said as she began tickling their son and laughing along with him.

When he was able to catch his breath he kissed Olivia "Merry Christmas Mommy." He turned and kissed Alex "Merry Christmas Mama."

"Merry Christmas buddy." Alex stood and picked her son up and sat him in the floor which earned her a glare from Olivia. "It's alright Olivia I can pick him up. Come on buddy let's go get your brother and see what Santa left you." The boys could barely sit still during breakfast so once the ladies knew they had eaten enough to hold them for a while they gave up and headed to the family room. As they do every year Olivia went ahead and turned on the video camera while Alex held them back. Once she had the all clear she let them go. She and Olivia both laughed as both boys ran into the room laughing and shouting.

Unwrapping gifts wore the boys out and within an hour of finishing both boys had fallen asleep surrounded by their toys. Alex and Olivia took the opportunity to finish unwrapping their own. "Can you imagine what this is going to be like in a few years with three kids?" Olivia asked as she settled back on the couch and wrapped her arms around Alex.

"It'll be crazy but I can't imagine a better way to spend the day."

Alex was just putting the finishing touches on lunch when the doorbell rang. She went and opened the door and smiled when she saw her friend on the other side. "Hey Casey, come on in." Alex hugged the red head as she entered the room. It was the first time she had seen her friend in over a year. As soon as she and Olivia found out she was back in the city they knew they wanted to invite her over for Christmas.

"Thanks for inviting me." She looked around the room "Where's Olivia and the boys? I haven't seen them in so long I can only imagine how big they've gotten."

"Hey Casey." Olivia said as she walked into the room followed by her two sons. After hugging her friend she turned to the boys "Henry, Jase, this is our friend Casey."

Henry smiled "Hi." While Jase, who was very shy, smiled and gave a slight wave as he scooted closer to Olivia and wrapped his arm around her leg.

"Oh my gosh they've gotten so big! The last time I saw them Henry was still so little and Jase was just a newborn." She noticed Henry eyeing the gifts she had sat on the table "I brought gifts for you guys." She smiled as both boys began grinning ear to ear.

Alex took Henry by the hand as Olivia picked Jase up and headed to the dining room "Lunch first and then you can open your gifts." All three adults chuckled at the look of disappointment on the boys faces.

After lunch the adults sat around talking while the boys played with their new toys. "So Casey, what have you been up to?"

Casey took a sip of her coffee "Well as you know after I was censured I moved back upstate and stayed with my parents for a while. I spent a couple months in a funk until my Mom basically dragged me from the house and made me rejoin society." They all chuckled. "I started volunteering at a women and children's shelter, it allowed me to feel like I was helping someone again. I also worked at the local library."

"What are you going to do now that you're back in the city?" Olivia asked as she took her seat after breaking up the beginning of a fight between her sons.

"I actually got a job at the museum of natural history. Can you believe that? It's one of my favorite places in the city. You'll have to bring the boys by one day when I'm working."

After a few more hours of visiting Casey headed home and after putting the boys to bed Alex and Olivia settled down for their Christmas tradition of watching It's a Wonderful Life. When the movie ended they headed upstairs and after checking on their sons one last time they headed to bed. Both grinned when they saw two gifts sitting in the middle of the bed. "I've got an idea." Alex said turning to face her wife.

"Oh, and what's that?" Olivia said as she draped her arms around Alex's neck.

"Instead of opening these gifts in front of each other, how about we open them alone and go ahead and change then we can unwrap each other?"

"I like the way you think counselor." Olivia said as she leaned in for a kiss. When they parted Olivia headed to the bathroom, she couldn't wait until she could see Alex in the outfit she had bought her. Olivia grinned as she opened the box; it was an ocean blue teddy. She opened the door just enough to see if Alex was ready. Once she was told it was okay to come out Olivia walked into the bedroom and felt the air leave her lungs. "Oh God, Alex you're beautiful."

Alex grinned as she did a little twirl showing off the pink lace baby doll Olivia had picked out for her. She walked over and looked Olivia up and down before wrapping her arms around her waist "Lookin pretty hot yourself baby." Alex crashed her lips to Olivia's, she moaned when she felt her wife tangle her fingers in her hair and deepen the kiss. Alex finally pulled away when her lungs began screaming for air. "I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia stared into her wife's eyes; she still sometimes couldn't believe she was lucky enough to call Alex her wife. She let one hand trail down Alex's chest until it was resting on her stomach. She traced light circles with her thumb and smiled when she noticed Alex's eyes darken. She sighed as she felt Alex's hands slowly slip from their place at her waist until they were resting low on her hips. "Alex." She whispered.

Alex began walking Olivia backwards until they hit the edge of the bed. She quickly pulled what little bit of clothing the brunette was wearing off and pushed her onto the bed. She smiled as Olivia's jaw dropped as she began undressing herself. Alex motioned for Olivia to slide further back onto the bed. Once Olivia was settled in the middle of the bed Alex crawled in and settled on her knees between her wife's legs. Alex felt her breath catch, she was so grateful she got to call the beautiful woman in her bed her wife. She leaned forward and hovered over Olivia before leaning in for a passionate, soul searching kiss. She moaned as she felt Olivia's tongue sliding against her own. "You are so beautiful. I love you."

"I love you too. You are so beautiful, I never thought you could be more beautiful than you already are but when you're pregnant you become even more beautiful."

Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's for a quick kiss before pulling back and sitting on her knees again. She slid down the bed a little further and began placing light kisses up Olivia's leg. She smiled when she heard Olivia gasp when she reached her inner thigh, but then chuckled when she heard her wife whimper when she pulled away.

"Alex." Olivia whined.

"Patience love." Alex slid back down and began kissing her way up Olivia's other leg. She knew she was driving the brunette crazy but that was all part of the plan. She grinned to herself when she heard Olivia begin softly repeating her name.

Olivia was slowly losing her mind and she was sure she was going to die if Alex didn't stop teasing her. "Alex, Alex, Alex please!" She was pretty sure she stopped breathing when she felt Alex's breath on her center.

Alex finally took pity on her wife and with one final look she placed her mouth where Olivia had wanted it.

Hours later they lay wrapped in one another's arms; thoroughly exhausted but happy at the knowledge of the new life growing in Alex. Alex was laying on her back with Olivia's head on her chest and her hand protectively resting on her abdomen. She pulled the blanket further up on them as she wrapped one arm possessively around her wife and began running her fingers through Olivia's hair with the other. "I have to say I think this has been one of the best Christmas's ever."

Olivia smiled "I have to agree. I didn't even need to open any presents I already have everything I've ever wanted. I have you, our sons, and whoever this wonderful little person will turn out to be." She said as she began running her fingers over Alex's soft skin. They were quiet again for a moment "So do you think we'll break our streak and get a girl this time?"

Alex laughed "I know it'll sound crazy cause it's so early but I kinda have a feeling it's going to be a girl. Maybe that's just wishful thinking but it's just a feeling I have."

"As long as it's healthy I'll be happy either way, but I wouldn't mind a miniature version of you running around here. Can you imagine? A little blonde hair blue eyed version of you; bossing her older brothers around, arguing technicalities with us." Olivia's eyes went wide for a second "We are in so much trouble when this one hits their teenage years."

Alex began laughing "Between my genes and yours plus being raised by two headstrong, stubborn people we're both screwed when each one of them hits their teenage years."

They lay in silence a while longer until Olivia raised up to look at Alex, she gave her wife a light but loving kiss "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex whispered as Olivia settled back down against her chest. They fell asleep happy and content in the fact that their lives were only going to get better.

* * *

**A/N: I know this was rather fluffy but after the last chapter I felt they deserved a little happiness. I also wanted to write something happy after seeing the S15 promo yesterday, highly disturbing to the point of being sickening. Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter, I'm glad you liked it. I hope you liked this one as well.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Alex lay on the table nervously awaiting the doctor. She glanced over at Olivia who was sitting by her side; she could tell by the look on her wife's face she was nervous as well. Alex was now six weeks pregnant and she was to have her first ultrasound. She was just six weeks when she miscarried one of her babies when she was pregnant with Jase. She only hoped everything was going okay with this pregnancy. She could feel Olivia's hand in hers while she absent mindedly traced patterns across her stomach with her other hand. Alex smiled to herself; one of her favorite parts of being pregnant was how Olivia couldn't keep her hands off her belly. She knew how Olivia felt though, when she was pregnant with Henry Alex felt like Olivia's belly was a magnet drawing her hand to it every time she was near. She was drawn from her thoughts when she heard the door open and Dr. Mason walked in.

"Good morning Alex, Olivia." She began doing all the routine checks and making notes in her chart "How are you feeling so far?"

"Pretty good. I'm a little tired but I know that's normal."

Olivia cleared her throat "I think you're leaving something out aren't you?" Alex gave her a confused look "Morning sickness?"

"It's not that bad." While it was bad Alex wasn't one to complain so she had told Olivia that morning not to worry about it.

Olivia couldn't believe what she just heard "Not that bad? Alex you've spent almost two hours on the bathroom floor every morning for the past two weeks." She turned her attention to their doctor since Alex wasn't going to volunteer any more information. "It usually starts around five am and lasts for about a couple hours then she starts feeling better, but I've popped by her office around lunch and noticed she still doesn't look so good. I'm just worried she's going to get dehydrated or something."

Dr. Mason smiled "Well dehydration is a possibility but as long as you continue to push fluids the rest of the day you should be fine, but if it gets any worse or you have trouble eating or drinking I want you to call me. Okay?" Alex nodded. "Alright you know the drill. What do you say we take a look at this baby?"

After Alex pulled her shirt up she took Olivia's hand and squeezed it. It was obvious Olivia was nervous but trying to stay strong for her. Alex knew they were both nervous considering what happened last time, but as soon as she had the procedure done she had a good feeling about this pregnancy. Alex was watching the doctor's face for any hint of something being wrong but when she realized the doctor wasn't giving anything away she turned to face her wife. She loved Olivia more than she'd ever loved anyone and it surprised Alex. She had never thought she would be able to love someone as much as she loved Olivia. She also never thought she would find someone who loved her as much as Olivia did, she had never been loved so completely nor had she ever felt so safe and wanted.

Olivia smiled as she looked at Alex; she thanked her lucky stars every day for Alex as well as their sons. She always thought her life would revolve around her job she never expected to fall so completely in love with someone as she did with Alex. She had never really subscribed to the idea of a soul mate but when she met Alex she began to reconsider. When Alex left she knew for a fact there was such a thing as a soul mate and Alex was hers. Olivia had never been more connected to a person than she was to Alex. Olivia chuckled to herself when she thought about how corny it sounded but they really where one another's other half, they made each other whole.

They were both so lost in each other they barely heard the doctor "Well everything looks and sounds good."

Both ladies began crying when the rhythmic sound of their baby's heartbeat filled the room. They both turned their attention to the screen and began laughing when they saw the baby. "Everything's okay?" Alex asked when she finally found her voice.

"Yes everything looks good so far. Nice healthy heartbeat for both babies." The young woman smiled and waited a second for what she had just said to sink in.

Olivia was the first to recover "I'm sorry did you just say both babies?" The doctor smiled back at her and nodded. "As in two?" Olivia asked again still not sure she'd heard correctly.

The doctor pointed at the screen "Yes two babies. Here's one and here's one, actually their identical twins. Congratulations!"

Alex was sure she had stopped breathing, she was pregnant with twins. She was torn between being excited and worried that history might repeat itself. She looked to Olivia "I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia said as she placed a gentle kiss on Alex's lips.

Alex looked back to her doctor "Are you sure everything is okay? I only made it six weeks last time before I lost one of my babies. Will it happen again?"

The doctor gave her a sympathetic smile "Alex we can never say for certain if someone is going to miscarry but everything looks good. So just continue to do what you've been doing maybe try and get a little more rest." All three laughed at the remark "I know it's going to be hard to do with two toddlers running around and the job you have but you need to at least try."

Alex couldn't take her eyes off the ultrasound picture in her hand as she and Olivia walked hand in hand to their car. "I can't believe there are two of them!"

"I know. Can you imagine how the boys are going to react when we tell them we're having a baby, and then their faces when we tell them there are two babies?" Olivia stopped suddenly and Alex turned back to see why. She noticed the faraway look in her wife's eyes and how she seemed to have paled slightly. Alex stepped closer to her.

"Liv, baby, are you okay?"

Olivia was snapped from her thoughts when she felt Alex's hand on her cheek "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong?"

Olivia smiled "Nothing I think it just sank in that we're having twins and then I realized that when their born we'll have four kids age four and under."

"Wow I hadn't thought about it like that." Alex climbed into the passenger seat of Olivia's mustang; she loved this car it was so Olivia. She turned to face the woman sitting next to her "Are you not happy its twins?"

Olivia's jaw dropped and her eyes went wide "No Alex, I couldn't be happier that we're having twins. I guess it just became so real. I'm thrilled we're getting two babies maybe it wasn't meant to be the last time but I think this is supposed to happen. I know our life will get even crazier than it is now but I can't imagine it any other way."

The next morning they had plans to take the boys to the museum. Casey had told them of a children's program they were having that day and since Olivia was off they decided to go. She was just getting breakfast on the table when Henry came running into the kitchen "Mommy! Mama's sick!"

Olivia looked down "Where is she?"

Henry was already running back toward the downstairs bathroom "She's in there." He looked up and made a face "She throwin up. It nasty Mommy."

Olivia had to chuckle at her son "Okay baby. Go play with Jase and as soon as Mama feels better we'll eat." She walked into the bathroom "According to Henry you're throwing up and it's nasty."

Alex chuckled lightly as she leaned back against the wall "I was helping him wash his hands when it suddenly hit me. If I wasn't so sick I would've laughed at the expression on his face."

"Do you still feel like going to the museum?"

"Yeah I'll be fine by the time we leave. Besides if I wait for it to be over I won't leave the house for the next couple months."

* * *

Alex leaned back in her chair and propped her feet on her desk. Her most recent case had absolutely drained her. Between the death of her victim, Lainie, and then the defense attorney trying to get her witness Nardalee deported Alex was glad to see this case come to an end. Nardalee had also made her rethink what she was doing. She loved her job, she loved the fact that she was able to help people who had things done to them that most people couldn't imagine. At the same time she was beginning to think it was time for a change. She had just nodded off to sleep when she heard a knock on her door. She smiled and told her visitor to come in.

"You really should see who's out here before you tell them to come in." Olivia said as she walked over and leaned in for a kiss. She slid onto Alex's desk and placed her feet in her lap before removing her shoes and began to gently rub her wife's feet. "They're swollen."

"I know I've been on my feet all day but I can't believe they're swelling already. When I was pregnant with Jase I didn't start swelling until later in the pregnancy."

"Yes but now you're pregnant with two babies and you're also working long hours and on your feet most of the day. I know we've made it past the three month mark but are you sure you're not overdoing it?"

Alex sighed as she relaxed into Olivia's touch. "I wanted to talk to you about that." Olivia looked concerned. "Don't worry I'm fine. Olivia I want to talk to you about something."

"Sweetie you can tell me anything, you know that."

Alex took a deep breath "I want to leave the DA's office." If she wasn't so tired she would've laughed at the look on her wife's face.

"Why?"

"This case made me start thinking. Liv there are horrible things happening to people all over the world, not just here."

Olivia smiled "Nardalee got to you."

"She inspired me."

They sat quietly for a few minutes before Olivia decided to speak again "So if you leave the DA's office what are you going to do?"

"I talked to a friend of mine from law school who works with the international criminal court. She said she could get me a position with them."

Olivia began to panic; she knew that people who worked for the international court were based overseas. Olivia quickly stood and began pacing the room "No Alex, you can't."

"I'm sorry?" Alex was confused at the way Olivia reacted.

"Alex you're pregnant with twins never mind the fact that we have two little boys at home, and what about us? Alex I can't live without you and if you're gone I'll only get to see once every few months. I can't live like that." She quickly wiped her eyes to stop the tears.

Alex stood and walked over to where Olivia was pacing the office. She pulled her wife into her arms and held her "Hey what are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere."

Olivia pulled back with a confused expression "I thought you just said you were considering taking a position with the international court?"

Alex smiled "I did but I never said anything about leaving the country. Liv they have an office here in the city as well and I can also work from home since I won't actually be in court. That way it'll be easier with the pregnancy I won't be in the office for hours on end and on my feet in the courtroom. I also miss being home with the boys. They're growing so fast and I feel like I'm missing out."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief. She knew she had overreacted but just the idea of Alex leaving the country, not to mention to work in some of the most dangerous parts of the world, scared her to death. "Sorry I overreacted." Alex smiled and kissed her which allowed Olivia to relax even more. "I feel the same way too, I feel like I'm missing out on so much with them."

Alex winced as she slipped her shoes back on "Well how about we go home and spend some time with our kids this evening? Maybe we can let them know about their new little siblings."

Olivia grinned ear to ear "Really?"

Alex laughed "Yeah, besides I'm starting to show so we can't keep it secret much longer." She smiled as Olivia helped her into her coat but winced again as she took a step. She squealed when she felt Olivia slide her arms under her legs and pick her up. "Liv!"

"What? You're obviously in pain and it's a long way to the car so I'll just carry you."

Alex rolled her eyes "Olivia put me down. I'm not being carried from my office to the car. I would never hear the end of it."

Olivia kissed her quickly then sat her down "Okay we'll walk slowly then." They walked out of the office hand in hand. They used to be careful about displays of affection in the work place, they still were to an extent, but Olivia just couldn't seem to walk next to her wife without holding her hand. At first people would stare at them but not anymore, now it was an occasional glance or a smile. Now she didn't care who looked, she belonged to Alex and Alex belonged to her.

That evening after dinner all four members of the Cabot family were sitting in the floor laughing and playing. Olivia looked to Alex and silently asked if now was a good time. Alex smiled and nodded. "Hey guys come over here and sit with me and Mama for a minute."

Alex had to laugh at how they sat down, Henry in front of her and Jase in front of Olivia. They knew their boys loved them both but it was common knowledge that Henry was his Mama's boy while Jase was definitely Mommy's boy. "Okay so me and Mommy have something to tell you."

"What?" Henry asked with an intrigued look.

Olivia reached for Alex's hand and squeezed it "Mama's going to have a baby."

The brothers looked at each other for a second then back to their mothers "Mama has a baby in her tummy?" Henry asked with wide eyes.

"Actually," Alex said as she began smiling even wider "I'm having two babies." She held up two fingers since Henry was beginning to understand the concept of how many.

Henry's eyes grew wide "Two babies?" Alex and Olivia both nodded. "When? Will it be a boy or a girl? We can I see them?"

Alex and Olivia both laughed at the excitement on their sons face. "See what spending his early years with an attorney got us? Nonstop questions."

"Uh, no, that's the detective coming out in him."

Olivia took hold of Henry's hand "They won't be here for a while, probably near the end of summer. We don't know if it's boys or girls yet, we'll find that out in a couple months though." She reached up on the table for the ultrasound picture "Here, you can see them here but their still really little."

Both boys crawled onto her lap for a look "They tiny."

Alex looked at her youngest who was still quiet. Jase was the quiet one of the family, granted once he warmed up to you sometimes he would rattle on forever, but most of the time he liked to sit back and watch. Alex joked he was going to be a detective someday. A thought that scared Olivia out of her mind. When Alex asked her what she would do if one of their children announced they wanted to be a cop, Olivia always said the same thing she would support them but up until then she would pray they would choose another profession. She reached out for Jase's hand "Jase, you haven't said anything. Are you excited about the babies?"

He smiled and crawled over to sit between her legs and pointed at her stomach "In your tummy?"

Alex placed her hand on her slightly swollen stomach "Yes they're in my tummy and they'll stay there till they're big enough to come out."

She threw her head back and laughed when he quickly grabbed her t-shirt and pulled it up "I see. I see."

She placed his hand on her stomach then pulled Henry to her and did the same with his hand "You can't see them they're inside, but in a few months you'll be able to feel them moving."

After a little more playing followed by bath time they were finally able to get the toddlers to settle down and go to sleep. Once they were in bed Olivia lay down and rested her head beside Alex's belly "Hey little ones. How are you tonight? We told your big brothers about you and they are really excited to meet you. Your Mama and I are excited to meet you too but don't come out too soon. We'll wait until you're ready. We love you." She placed two light kisses to the tiny bump before rising up and facing her wife. She felt her own tears well up when she noticed the tears in Alex's eyes "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair, she was so happy she was growing it out again.

"When is your last day at the DA's office?"

Alex grinned "Today."

"What?"

"I know I didn't talk to you but even before I began considering the ICC I was planning on leaving anyway. I just didn't want anything to go wrong this time and my stress level was through the roof, plus like I said I was really missing the boys. I know I didn't talk to you first and I'm sorry but I had a feeling what your answer would be if I asked you."

Olivia gave her a chaste kiss "No need to apologize and you're right you knew exactly what I'd say. I'm a little sad I won't have an excuse to go see you in the middle of the day but as long as you're happy I'm happy."

"Thank you." Alex quickly flipped Olivia and began kissing her with everything she had.

Olivia moaned as she felt Alex's tongue against her lips, she gladly allowed Alex entrance. Once their need for air outweighed their need for one another they separated "I'm guessing the hormones are kicking in?"

Alex laughed "Well yes but mostly because I love you." She quickly sat up and pulled her shirt off then pulled Olivia up to her and pulled her shirt off as well then pushed her back down on the bed. She leaned over the edge of the bed and pulled Olivia's favorite toy from the bottom drawer "And now I'm going to show you how much I love you."

It wasn't long before Olivia was panting and calling out to her wife "Alex, Alex, Alex." She could feel Alex's lips as she kissed her way across her chest. Olivia knew she wasn't going to last much longer.

Alex rose back up and began kissing the brunette beneath her. "Open your eyes Olivia."

Olivia managed to open her eyes but quickly closed them and her back arched as she felt Alex turn the toy to the highest setting. "Oh God Alex!" she managed to whisper out.

Alex knew Olivia wasn't going to hold on much longer "Liv baby you have to open your eyes." Olivia managed to open her eyes one last time. It took her breath away when she looked into the blue eyes she loved so much. "I love you." Alex whispered.

That was all it took to send Olivia flying over the edge, she was grateful when Alex pressed their lips together in an attempt to prevent her from waking the boys. After they had both came down and were barely awake Olivia settled in against Alex, resting her head on the blonde's chest. "Thank you."

Alex kissed the top of her head "You never need to thank me. I love you and I love showing you exactly how much."

Olivia placed a final kiss to Alex's shoulder "I love you too." They settled in and were quickly drifting off to sleep; safe in each other's arms and comfortable in their love for one another.

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**A/N: Thank you again for the reviews, I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. The end of this chapter is the most explicit thing I've ever written that I think turned out okay, so please be gentle. I hope you liked this one. Next up, we find out what their having!**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Well it looks like the whole family's here today." Dr. Mason said as she walked into the room.

Alex was sitting on the exam table with Henry next to her while Jase was sitting on Olivia's lap "Yeah we wanted them to be here with us when we found out what we're having." She handed Henry over to Olivia while she pulled her shirt up for the ultrasound.

"There's two babies in Mama's tummy." Henry said as he settled in on Olivia's lap.

"Yes there is." Dr. Mason said as she began checking Alex over. The room was surprisingly quiet considering there were two toddlers in the room as the doctor looked at the monitor and checked the babies out. "Okay moment of truth, do you want to know?"

"Yes." Alex and Olivia said simultaneously. Olivia reached her free hand out and held onto Alex's.

Dr. Mason turned the screen so they could see it "Congratulations its girls!"

Alex and Olivia began laughing and crying at the same time. Olivia wrapped her arms around the boys and leaned in to kiss her wife "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex looked back at the screen, she was so happy. She knew she would've been just as happy if it was twin boys but she was thrilled it was girls. She looked back at Henry "Well buddy it looks like you're not just getting one baby sister you're getting two."

Henry clapped his hands "Yay! I wanted a baby sister!"

Olivia laughed and placed a kiss to her son's head "I just hope he's still happy about it in a few years."

As they walked out of the doctor's office Olivia looked at the two boys walking between she and Alex "Since you were such good little boys I think you deserve a treat." Olivia and Alex smiled at one another as the boys smiled, happy their mothers were proud of them. "Now who wants ice cream?" Olivia couldn't help but laugh when her wife answered louder than the boys combined.

* * *

The months seemed to be flying by once they found out the sex of their twins. Their life was even crazier since both boys birthdays were within a month of each other. Alex and Olivia spared no expense when it came to birthdays, mainly because Olivia never really had birthday parties as a child and she wanted her children to have the best parties. Olivia was even making a bigger effort to be home for her family; while she still loved her job the pull to be home with her wife and kids was becoming greater with each passing day.

Alex was happy that she finally seemed to find a happy medium when it came to work and her family. She thought she might miss the DA's office but she came to find out she didn't. She had told Olivia that she wasn't going to rule out possibly going back in the future but for now she was happy with what she was doing. Most of her work with the ICC she could do from home she only had to their office once every couple weeks to check in with her supervisor. She was even happier that she was home with her kids again. She had caught herself on numerous occasions unable to believe that she was happy being a stay at home mom.

Alex groaned as she tried to get comfortable in her lounge chair. She had decided that being pregnant in the summer was miserable. She and Olivia were sitting out by the pool while the boys napped. They had decided to take advantage of the peace and quiet and relax together. She smiled when Olivia sat back down beside her "Thank you." she said as Olivia handed her a glass of lemonade.

"Don't mention it." Olivia sat down and looked over at her wife; she was becoming more beautiful by the day. "Are the little ones behaving today?" she asked as she reached over and ran her hand over her wife's belly.

"They were moving quite a bit a little while ago but I guess they're sleeping now because they haven't moved for a while."

Olivia took a moment to look at Alex; she was wearing a bikini which showed of her growing belly. It had taken a lot to convince Alex that she would look okay in a bikini and Olivia couldn't be happier that she had convinced her to wear one. She leaned over and kissed the blonde's cheek "Do you have any idea how hot you are in this?" Olivia asked as she ran her finger along the strap that was holding the top up.

Alex laughed "I look like a beached whale! I can't believe I let you talk me into wearing this."

Olivia stood and sat down on the lounger next to Alex "I'm so glad I talked you into wearing it, and you do not look like a beached whale. You are beautiful," she leaned in until her lips were a breath's away from Alex's "Absolutely beautiful." She smiled when Alex put her hand behind her head and pulled her down to her. The kiss was slow and passionate. Olivia was just about to straddle her wife when she heard their names being called out.

"Mommy, Mama! We wake! Can we go swimmin now?" Henry called out from his place just inside the kitchen.

She dropped her forehead against Alex's "They have great timing."

Alex chuckled "Assuming I was going to let you get anywhere detective."

Olivia placed another quick kiss to Alex's lips "Keep telling yourself that counselor."

Olivia was standing up when she was urged on by her son "Mommy stop kissin Mama we wanna go swimmin!"

Alex threw her head back and laughed "You heard the boss Liv. Get moving."

All four spent a little while in the pool laughing and playing. Alex was impressed at how well the boys were doing with swimming. Olivia had been on the swim team in high school and she wanted their sons to be able to swim and she didn't want them to be afraid of the water. Alex enjoyed being in the water for the simple fact it helped her relax. It felt as though the water took some of the pressure off her body from the pregnancy.

Olivia noticed how much her wife was enjoying herself "See I told you this pool alone was reason enough to buy this house."

"Amen to that."

After a little more time in the water Alex and Olivia made the boys get out of the water for a little while so they could rest. Both ladies were worn out trying to keep up with both boys.

Jase walked over to where Alex was sitting on the patio under an umbrella "I get back in."

Alex placed her hand on her youngest son's cheek "Not yet baby. We'll get back in the pool in just a little bit."

He hung his head and walked back over and sat down next to his brother where he was playing with their toys. Alex watched her sons as they played. While Henry may have blue eyes it seemed as though he looked more like Olivia every day. Jase on the other hand looked like the perfect combination of the two of them. It amazed Alex how a child who doesn't share any DNA with her could favor her. His hair was a much lighter shade of brown than Olivia's and his skin was also much fairer than Olivia's. His eyes however were all Olivia. Alex swore when she looked into his eyes it was like looking into Olivia's. She turned her head toward the house when she heard the sliding door open "It's a good thing you're back. I know a couple little guys that are restless to get back in the water."

Olivia laughed as she sat a snack down for Alex "I think we gave birth to a couple fish instead of boys."

Alex caught movement from the corner of her eye; both boys were standing at the edge of the pool. She called out a warning "Henry and Jase Cabot back up. You are too close to the edge." Both boys heads automatically shot up, they may have been young but both already knew that the use of their first and last names meant business.

"Okay Mama." Henry said as he stepped back and pulled his brother along with him.

Once Olivia was sure Alex was comfortable and within reach of anything she may have needed she headed back toward the pool "Okay guys, who's ready to get back in the water?"

She was met with laughing and clapping. She was just about to put Jase's arm floaties on when she heard Alex call out to her "Liv can you hand me the phone? I'm gonna call Sherry back."

Olivia walked over and picked the phone up and handed it to her wife. Just as she was about to turn around she heard a splash and then Henry's terrified voice "Mommy! Hurry!"

Olivia turned to see only one of her children standing on the edge of the pool. She felt the air leave her lungs as she began running toward the pool and dove in. She was vaguely aware of Alex's voice just as she hit the water.

Alex jumped up quicker than she knew she was capable of moving. She ran over and pulled Henry back against her. The little boy was so frightened that he wrapped his arms around her legs. To Alex it felt like time had stopped. She could see Olivia under the water pulling their son back up with her. Suddenly Olivia's gasp filled the silence as she surfaced. Alex couldn't hold the tears back any longer when Olivia laid their son's unmoving body on a towel Alex had thrown down. "Olivia?" She was terrified of the answer to her question, but Olivia's movements were all the answer she needed.

Olivia was struggling not to cry. Her son's motionless body in front of her was ripping her heart out. She quickly tilted his little head back and leaned down to listen. She was trying to control the nausea that was threatening to overcome her when she registered Alex's voice. She looked up with tears in her eyes and whispered "He's not breathing." She turned back to her baby and began breathing for him.

Alex felt her knees buckle but she somehow managed to stay on her feet. Her baby wasn't breathing, she'd had many scary moments in her life over the last ten years but this was by far the scariest moment she had ever experienced. Her body had frozen the moment Olivia said he wasn't breathing. She stared at his little body as Olivia continued to breathe for him. She thought she heard Olivia calling her name but she couldn't seem to shake herself from the fog she was in. She finally came back to reality when she heard Olivia shout her name. "Huh?"

Olivia was now crying uncontrollably "Damnit, Alex, call a bus!"

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**A/N: Please don't hate me. Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter, I'm so glad you liked it. I hope you liked this one as well.**


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"_Mrs. Cabot, Mrs. Cabot." The doctor said as he entered the tiny room._

_Alex pulled Olivia closer to her "Is our son okay?"_

"_I'm so sorry we did everything we could."_

Alex gasped as she woke up. She was sweating and her heart was racing. She quickly looked to her side and saw her son lying in the hospital bed. She reached through the side railing and took his little hand in hers; it was warm and she could feel his fingers twitching. Alex breathed a sigh of relief and began crying for what felt like the hundredth time since that afternoon. She remembered how just as the paramedics were loading her baby into the ambulance he began coughing up the water that had been in his lungs. Olivia rode in the ambulance and luckily their neighbor Carol was home, as soon as she saw the ambulance she had ran over thinking something had happened to Alex. Carol drove Alex and Henry to the hospital and stayed with the family until Bill and Gail arrived. Alex had jumped from the car just as the ambulance doors were opening and she nearly collapsed when she could hear her son's cry and Olivia trying to calm him. Hearing his cry was as wonderful as it was the very first time she heard it.

After being examined the doctors were fairly confident he would make a full recovery but they did want him to stay the night just for observation. That led them to where they are now, Alex in a chair on one side of the bed and Olivia asleep on the other.

Olivia watched her wife watching their son. She had never been as terrified in her life as she had when she saw her son drowning. She had been scared when Alex was shot and went into witness protection, she had been scared the night Henry fell out of his crib, and she had faced countless scary moments on the job, but today was the scariest moment yet. She had tried to remain calm and go into cop mode so she could do what was necessary to save her child's life but the mother in her had outweighed the cop side of her. She was also worried about Alex; stress like this was not good for her or the babies. Once Alex dialed 911 Olivia had her grab some clothes for both of them to throw over their bathing suits. Thankfully once they were sure Jase was okay Gail had driven to their home and got them some more comfortable clothes for staying at the hospital. They had also agreed to take Henry home and stay the night with him.

Olivia remembered how it felt like time was dragging until a doctor came to talk to them.

_They had been asked to step out for a few minutes to allow the doctor time to check him out. Olivia was insisting on staying but Alex calmly told her to step into the hall with her. As badly as Alex wanted to stay if it was what was best for their son she would do it. Alex leaned against the wall and pulled Olivia's head over to rest on her shoulder. Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia and held her tight, they were both hurting, their son may be awake but it was no guarantee he was okay. She couldn't help but smile when she felt Olivia begin rubbing her belly._

_Olivia smiled inwardly when she felt the babies moving under her hand, it helped calm her slightly. She had wanted to stay in the room with Jase but the doctor asked her to step out, as badly as she didn't want to Alex convinced her it would be okay. She couldn't believe that she had actually had to pull her son from the pool and begin rescue breathing for him. She had been terrified and the only hope she was holding on to was the fact that he had a pulse. She had breathed a slight sigh of relief when he began violently coughing water from his lungs. The ride to the hospital had been nerve wracking when Jase came to and didn't realize where he was or what had happened. He tried pulling his oxygen mask off and screamed for his Mommy and Mama. Olivia was pulled from her thoughts when a nurse stepped out and told them they could come back in._

"_Mommy! Mama!" Jase cried out in the most pitiful voice Alex and Olivia had ever heard._

_Alex sat down on the bed next to the little boy "Oh baby it's okay. You're okay." She began crying all over again when he wrapped his arms around her neck and held on tight. She reluctantly let go of him so Olivia could hold him._

"_Mommy." He cried out as he wrapped his arms around Olivia and began crying harder._

"_Hey baby, it's okay. Everything's okay." Olivia was trying to wipe her tears but gave up when she realized it was no use._

"_I go home." Jase asked as he pulled back to look at both his mothers._

"_I know you want to go home but not yet. We have to make sure you're okay first." Olivia turned to the doctor "Is he okay?"_

_The man smiled at them "I believe he's going to be just fine. I would like to keep him overnight for observation just to be on the safe side. I wouldn't be surprised if the pediatrician on duty when he leaves wants to perform a few neurological tests, just to make sure he's okay. I don't see anything keeping him from making a full recovery."_

"_Thank you." they both replied._

_He smiled and shook both their hands "You're welcome. He'll stay here for a little longer until they can get him admitted to the hospital. I know you probably don't want to leave him so you can stay with him and you will be able to stay in his room tonight as well."_

Alex stood and leaned over the railing and kissed her son on the forehead. She smiled and felt a few tears begin to fall again when his faced twitched. He looked so much like Olivia when he slept; laying on his back with his left arm over his head. His face even twitched when she would kiss him just like Olivia's did when she would kiss her in her sleep. She looked over and realized she was being watched "You're awake."

"I heard you wake up. I was afraid something was wrong." Olivia said as she stood and walked around the bed to stand beside her wife. She wrapped her arms around Alex's shoulders and pressed their bodies together. They stood in the dimly lit room and held one another, both were painfully aware of how differently this day could have ended. Olivia pulled back to look at Alex "Alex," she took a deep breath as Alex reached out and cupped her cheek gently "Alex I've never been so scared. If he… if he hadn't come to, if he'd…" she began sobbing again. She couldn't even finish her thought.

Alex wrapped her arms tighter around Olivia's waist and whispered in her ear "Liv don't say it, don't even think it."

"I know, I know." She buried her face in Alex's neck while Alex soothingly rubbed her back. Olivia knew Alex was hurting too and she wanted to be strong for Alex but she just felt like she couldn't. She was falling apart inside. "Alex our baby nearly died." She said as she began sobbing again.

Alex had wanted to be strong but in that instant she broke down again as well. "I know Olivia. It kills me to think what could've happened. I was watching him sleep and all I could think was instead of sitting here watching him sleep I could be sitting at home looking at his empty bed knowing he would never come home again." She took a moment to get her emotions under control. She pulled Olivia's head up so they were facing one another. She gently began wiping Olivia's tears while Olivia did the same for her "Olivia today just proves how precious and fragile our lives are, and I know that's a lesson we've both learned in the past. Today was just another reminder that we shouldn't worry about the small stuff. You, me, our sons" she smiled as she guided one of Olivia's hands to her belly "and our daughters. That is what's important, nothing else matters."

Olivia couldn't help herself any longer and gently pressed her lips to her wife's. It was gentle and loving and conveyed everything they felt for one another.

The next day they were sitting on the bed enjoying breakfast with their son. They had spent the morning talking to doctors and staying by their son's side as he had a few tests to check for any permanent damage. They had both been fielding phone calls from neighbors, family and friends. Elliot had called the evening before and again that morning just to check if they needed anything and to let them know that Kathy had a friend who was a pediatric nurse at the hospital, she offered to make a phone call if there was anything they wanted to find out. Cragen, Munch and Fin had also called to check in and Casey called Alex to see what she could do after running into Fin that morning and hearing the news. Alex looked back at the little boy when she heard him calling her name "I'm sorry baby, what did you say?"

Jase grinned, showing off the syrup he had all over his face "I wuve pancakes!"

Alex took another bite from the plate she and Olivia were sharing "I love them too." She and Olivia looked at one another and laughed. They sent up another silent thank you for being able to wake up and see their son smiling back at them. Alex turned when there was a knock at the door "Come in."

"I see someone's enjoying breakfast." Dr. May, the doctor who was treating Jase, said as she walked into the room.

"He was starving." Olivia said as she tried to clean her son up.

"That's a good sign." She waited a moment until she had both ladies attention. "I've got his test results and everything looks good. Jase you are one lucky little guy." She said as she ruffled his hair causing the toddler to giggle.

"We all are." Alex said as she stared at her child.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief as she pulled into their driveway. Her mind instantly went back to the day she brought Alex and Jase home from the hospital. She had to laugh when just like that day Henry ran out on the porch to welcome his little brother home.

"Jase!" Henry shouted as he ran into the yard and hugged his little brother who was walking between Alex and Olivia and holding their hands.

Jase giggled as his brother hugged him "Stop it Henwy!"

Alex and Olivia laughed at their boys as well as tried to hold back the tears. Even though they broke up at least a couple fights between the brothers every day it was obvious how much they loved one another. They spent the day just lounging around and enjoying the fact that their family was still whole. That night when it was time to go to bed Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex's waist "Can I ask a favor?"

Alex gave her a quick kiss "Of course you can."

"I know it'll be a little crowded but can the boys sleep with us tonight?" Alex gave her a slight smile "I know it's something we don't want to become habit but after yesterday I just want them close."

"I think it sounds like a wonderful idea."

Both boys were over the moon when Olivia said they could sleep in their bed that night. It was something special to sleep with Mommy and Mama, the only time that happened was when one of them had a nightmare or was not feeling well.

Olivia was right, it was a little crowded but Alex wouldn't have it any other way. Alex lay on her side with Henry curled up against her, tangling his fingers in her hair just like he had when he was little and only did now when he was upset or sick. Alex had worried how this had affected their oldest, and judging by how he was holding on to her it had upset him a lot even if he couldn't understand what had happened. She made a mental note to try and talk to him in the morning. She looked at the other side of the bed and chuckled lightly; Olivia was lying on her back with her left arm over her head and right next to her was Jase lying on his back with his left arm over his head as well. She and Olivia locked eyes and leaned over their sons for a final goodnight kiss. "I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia whispered. They settled back down and drifted off to sleep, both grateful that they were falling asleep with both their sons between them.

* * *

**A/N: I didn't want to leave you hanging for too long. Thank you for the great response on the last chapter, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully this makes up for toying with your emotions. Hope you enjoyed this one as well!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Thank you for the response to the last chapter. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I had planned for this chapter to be the birth but this idea came to me and I couldn't ignore it. As always thank you for the review, follows and favorites. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 13

Alex rubbed her hands over her belly and looked around the room, she had never been a big fan of pink but she had to admit their daughters' nursery was beautiful. The walls were painted in a soft pink and white with matching curtains and bedding. Each crib was against the wall on opposite sides of the room with a dresser against the back wall. On the wall over each crib in wooden letters hung the name of the baby who would be sleeping there. The bottom of the closet was filled with diapers and wipes while the top was filled with more clothes than they knew what to do with. Alex smiled when she felt a familiar set of arms wrap around her and begin rubbing circles on her belly. "I was wondering when you were going to quit standing in the doorway and join me."

Olivia placed a quick kiss to her wife's neck "How did you know I was standing in the doorway? "

Alex turned her head so she could look at the brunette "You forget I have always been able to tell when you are around, even if I can't see you." Alex reached one hand up and placed it on the back of Olivia's neck and pulled her in for a kiss. She had always been able to tell when Olivia was near, she could sense her. She always felt a fluttering in her chest and a tingling feeling up and down her spine. She had never felt such a connection to another person in her entire life.

Olivia finally pulled back when her lungs were screaming for air and stared into Alex's eyes. "I know what you mean. When we first started dating I somehow knew you were in the precinct even before you walked into the squad room. Of course it could've had something to do with hearing those heels tapping against the floor."

Alex laughed as she turned to face Olivia "My heels?"

Olivia began lightly running her hand along Alex's thigh, earning her a slight moan "Yes those heels that showed off the most gorgeous pair of legs ever known to man."

"Don't sell yourself short detective, you've got a pretty amazing pair of legs yourself." Alex gasped as she felt Olivia's hand making its way dangerously close to her center. She whimpered when Olivia pulled her hand away. ""Why'd you stop?"

Olivia had to laugh at how adorable her wife was when she pouted "Because if I didn't stop I would've taken you right here in our daughters' bedroom and I don't think I would've been comfortable with that."

"Have you forgotten our bedroom is just down the hall?"

"No but you've forgotten that our sons will be waking up from their nap just any time and I really don't like the thought of them walking in on us, or standing at the door and hearing us."

"Good point." Alex made a face at the thought of their sons walking in on them.

Olivia glanced around the room again "Can you believe in just a couple days we'll have our daughters' in here too?"

"No I can't but I'm so excited. It's going to be a lot of work but I know we can handle it." Alex was scheduled to be at the hospital the next morning for a C-section. The babies would be born about four weeks early but their doctor had assured them that this was normal for multiples. They were about to head downstairs when they saw Henry's door open and the little boy step into the hallway crying.

Alex began walking toward her son "What's wrong buddy?" she asked as she bent down as best she could.

Henry rubbed his eyes and looked between the two women "I peed in my bed." He leaned his head against Alex's shoulder as he continued to cry.

Alex held him tight as Olivia placed a comforting hand on his back "Its okay Henry, don't cry. It was an accident, accidents happen."

"I sorry Mama, I sorry."

"I know and it's okay." She looked down at his clothes and began pulling him toward the bathroom "Come on let's get you cleaned up while Mommy gets your bed cleaned up." She mouthed a thank you to Olivia as she motioned she would take care of the bed. Alex was concerned for her son he had been potty trained for nearly two years and while she knew accidents were bound to happen from time to time Henry was having them more frequently since Jase's near drowning. He had only wet the bed a few times since being trained and on those occasions he was sick and just didn't get up in time. She was becoming concerned that Jase's accident had affected her oldest more than they knew. She sat on the edge of the tub and watched him as he played "Henry did you have a nightmare while you were sleeping?"

He ducked his head "I don't know."

Olivia walked into the bathroom and sat down on the other end of the tub "Are you okay baby?" When Henry didn't answer she looked to Alex who mouthed 'nightmare'.

Alex reached down and tilted her son's head up so he was looking at her "Henry if something is wrong you can tell Mommy and me. It doesn't matter what it is, okay?" he nodded "Now did you dream about something that was scary?"

"Yes." He choked out as he began crying.

Alex pulled him from the water and quickly dried him off before dressing him and taking him to their bedroom. She and Olivia sat on the edge of the bed with Henry between them and leaning into Alex. Olivia kissed the top of his head "Why don't you tell us what you were dreaming about baby? I promise you'll feel better."

"Jase falled in the water and he couldn't breathe and he went away. And some people came and took me away from you and Mama and I never saw you again. They said cause Jase went away I couldn't stay with you no more." The child was sobbing by this point, and Alex and Olivia were shedding a few tears as well even though they were trying to hide it from their son. He looked up at both of them, the look on his face killing them both "Please Mama, please don't let nobody take me away." He looked to Olivia "Please Mommy, you're a police officer please don't let nobody take me."

Alex pulled him as close as possible "Oh baby, no one's going to take you away." She looked at Olivia and saw her wife was just as confused as she was as to where he had gotten this idea. "I know what happened to Jase was scary but he's okay, and he's not going anywhere and neither are you."

Olivia slid closer so she could wrap her arms around both her wife and son "Baby I'll never let anyone take you or your brother away. Okay?"

He looked up with tear filled eyes "Promise?"

"We both promise." Olivia replied as Alex nodded in agreement. She knew from the look she was getting from Alex she needed to use her detective skills to find out where Henry had gotten the idea from that someone was going to take him away. "Henry, baby?" He looked at his Mommy. "Who told you that someone would take you away from me Mama?"

Henry sniffled as he wiped his eyes "Someone at daycare."

"Who?" she asked gently.

"Danny."

They looked at one another, Olivia didn't recognize the name as one of Henry's friends but she could tell by the look on Alex's face she did. Olivia gave her a quizzical look and Alex mouthed 'older kid heard he's a bully'. Olivia stiffened at the thought of one of her kids being bullied. She took a deep breath before continuing "What did Danny say?"

"I was telling Miss Jennifer about Jase falling in the water and he heard me. When we go outside to play he said his cousin got hurt and some people came and took his cousin and his brother and sister away and gave them to a different family. He said cause Jase got hurt the people would take me and Jase away and give us to a different family." He buried his face in Alex's side and began sobbing again.

Alex ran her fingers through his hair. She was furious that some kid would tell her son that child services would take him away. She looked at Olivia and knew she was thinking the same thing. "Henry look at Mama." She waited till she was sure she was holding his attention "I promise you no one will **ever** take you or Jase away from me and Mommy. Okay?" he nodded "Don't ever let someone tell you different. If Danny starts saying that again go tell Miss Jennifer. You also need to tell me and Mommy when someone is bothering you." she chuckled as he wiped his nose on her sleeve. In a previous life this would've grossed Alex out but now it didn't bother her in the least.

Olivia leaned in and placed a kiss on his cheek "Mama's right. If anyone is bothering you at all you need to tell us. You belong in this family, nowhere else."

Henry smiled the first genuine smile since before he'd went down for his nap "Good cause I don't want a different family."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: It's time to meet the newest members of the family! I'm not really sure about this chapter, I made changes several times. I think I finally got it right. As always thank you for the reviews, l love reading them. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 14

Alex lay staring at the ceiling listening to the commotion going on around her. She wished they would hurry up so Olivia could be with her. She looked over when the nurse began hooking up the monitors.

"How are you feeling Alex?"

"Okay, I just wish my wife was here." No sooner than the words left her mouth she felt Olivia take her hand.

"Well here I am." Olivia leaned in and placed a quick kiss to Alex's lips. It was just as much to comfort Olivia as it was to comfort Alex. Even though it was the third pregnancy between them and Alex's second, Olivia was still just as nervous as she was the first time. She could feel Alex's hand trembling slightly so she began gently rubbing it between her own "What's wrong sweetie?"

"Nothing just nervous I guess." Alex sighed, it had been a good pregnancy she had been so worried that after her miscarriage the first time she was pregnant with twins she had been terrified of something going wrong this time. Luckily everything had gone well. "Wonder if the boys are awake yet?"

"It's a little early for them to wake up on their own but they were so excited last night about the baby that I bet they'll wake up early and drive Gail nuts till they can come to the hospital." Olivia laughed. "Henry especially, remember how hard it was to get him into bed? He is so excited to meet his sisters." The previous afternoon had been emotionally difficult but they had finally convinced their son that no one would take him away. After that he had returned to the happy, smiling child they knew and loved. When it came time for bed the boys were so excited it was like trying to get them to bed on Christmas Eve, so they decided to use the same tactic for this situation as well. Olivia informed them that if they didn't go to bed and go to sleep then their sisters would know and would wait longer to be born. After hearing that both boys were curled up in bed in a matter of minutes. Gail had drove up to stay with the boys until they could come home from the hospital. Unfortunately when the scheduled the delivery Bill already had plans to be out of town and wouldn't be back until a couple days later. "I hope she can handle them for a couple days by herself."

Alex laughed "Sometimes I think she has better control over them than we do. I mean she spoils them rotten but it's like they don't even test her. I think they test us sometimes just to see how many buttons they can push."

"And just think they haven't even hit their teenage years yet." They both settled back, deep in thought. Their lives had changed so drastically in the past five years. In that short amount of time they had gone from reuniting to marriage to now about to have their third and fourth child. They both looked up when Alex's doctor entered the room.

"Good morning ladies. Are we ready to meet the newest members of the family?"

"More than ready." Alex said with a slight groan causing Dr. Mason and Olivia both to laugh.

"Okay Alex, when I make the incision I'll have the first baby out in about five minutes and the second baby about five minutes after that. You might feel a slight tearing sensation and that's just me making the incision after that you'll feel pressure as I begin to pull the babies out." She looked between the two ladies "Any questions?" Both shook their heads no. "Alright let's get this show on the road."

Alex lay staring at her wife. She found it fitting that they were in the same position as she was about to give birth as when she was having the procedure to become pregnant; Alex laying on the table with Olivia sitting by her side holding her hand. Alex smiled as every so often Olivia would lean in and place a kiss to her temple and whisper an 'I love you'. She was so caught up in their own little bubble that Alex was taken by surprise when she heard a loud cry. She gasped and began crying as Olivia did the same.

"First baby girl is out and it sounds like her lungs are in good shape." Dr. Mason laughed.

Olivia leaned over and pressed her lips tightly to Alex's in a passionate kiss. It never ceased to amaze her at how overwhelmed she felt at the birth of one of her children. She pulled back and wiped Alex's tears for her before wiping her own, never letting go of her wife's hand. She looked up when a nurse stepped next to her holding the tiny infant in her arms. "Can I hold her?" The nurse nodded and placed the baby in Olivia's arms. Olivia began crying all over again as she looked at her daughter, she was the spitting image of Alex. Olivia leaned in and placed a light kiss on the baby's forehead "Hi, I'm your Mommy and I love you so much." She turned the baby to face Alex "And this is your Mama."

Alex felt her breath catch when she saw her daughter for the first time, she was beautiful. "Hi baby. I love you." She placed a kiss on her daughter's cheek before the nurse picked her back up "Is she okay?"

The nurse smiled at the couple "Yes. She's four pounds eleven ounces which is just about where she should be. Do you have a name for her?"

Olivia looked up "We do but we would like to meet our other daughter first before naming them." The nurse nodded while another nurse placed a bracelet on both their arms that matched them to their baby.

They were just getting their emotions under control when Dr. Mason called out "Baby number two is out."

They only heard a light cry and it scared them both "Is she okay? Olivia go check on her."

Olivia quickly kissed Alex and whispered 'I love you' before walking over to where her daughter lay. She felt her heart swell again at the sight of the baby, just like her sister she was an exact copy of Alex. Olivia looked at the baby and even though she knew her daughter couldn't quite see her it felt like she was looking right into her eyes and it took Olivia's breath away. "Is she okay?" Olivia asked without ever taking her eyes from the infant.

"Looks good, she's five pounds so that's good." The nurse noticed the look of concern on Olivia's face "Don't worry about her not crying much her lungs sound good, I think she might just be a little more laid back than her sister. Would you like to take her to meet her Mama?"

"Please." Olivia said as she took the infant and walked over and sat down next to Alex "Hey baby I'm Mommy and this is your Mama."

Alex choked out another sob as she looked at her daughter "I love you."

After a few moments of bonding time the nurse took the baby. "Your daughters will be in the NICU just for observation if everything goes okay they may be able to stay in your room if you want them too. At most they might have to stay in the NICU overnight. You can come visit them if you like."

A couple hours after the twins were born they were sitting in Alex's room and had just finished their first feeding, while Alex nursed one baby Olivia bottle fed the other. They were now sitting side by side on Alex's bed holding their daughters in front of them. "They are so beautiful."

"Of course they are they look like their Mama." Olivia said as she placed a light kiss on Alex's cheek. Olivia pulled back and looked at their babies "I just hope I don't mix them up."

Alex looked surprised "Liv they're like night and day. The differences are so obvious." As soon as she saw her daughters side by side for the first time she could immediately see the differences in them. She had remembered reading a book about twins that usually the mother could see the difference while it took others longer to tell them apart.

Olivia laughed and shook her head but was secretly trying to come up with a plan to tell her daughters apart. She'd had a recurring dream over the last few weeks that Alex had asked her to bring her one of the babies and Olivia just stood staring at them because she didn't know which was which. She jumped slightly when her phone rang which caused the infant in her arms to jump as well. After a quick conversation she hung up "Gail's in the waiting room I'm gonna go out and get the boys."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh as she was practically tackled by her sons and overrun with questions from Henry "Are they here yet? What do they look like? Can they play with us?"

"Hey slow down, slow down." Olivia said as she hugged both boys. She pulled back so she could face them "Yes they're here. They look just like Mama, and no they can't play with you yet they're still too little." She took their hands and began walking toward Alex's room. Once outside the door she knelt in front of them "Okay you have to be easy with them because they're little. You also have to be easy with Mama."

"Why?" Jase asked.

"Mama has a big boo boo on her tummy." Both boys' eyes went wide "She's okay but they had to cut her tummy to get the babies out so you have to be gentle with Mama too." They both nodded. Olivia was about to open the door when she noticed Gail was hanging back "Aren't you coming?"

"I just thought I would give you all a moment before I came in."

"Nonsense, you're their Grandmother and you have as much right to be in that room as anyone else." She smiled as Gail followed along behind them. Olivia felt her heart swell when she saw Alex sitting in the bed holding both babies in her arms. "I've got two little boys here who are dying to meet their sisters."

"Hey guys!" Alex smiled when both boys stepped closer to the edge of the bed. "Your sisters are really excited to meet you too but you have to wash your hands first."

Gail and Olivia helped them wash their hands and then carried them over to set them on the bed. They carefully crawled up and gave Alex a kiss before pulling back and staring at their sisters. "What's their names?" Henry finally asked.

Alex smiled as she looked at the baby she was holding "We would like you to meet Halyn Elizabeth Cabot," she turned to look at the baby in Olivia's arms "And Serena Caroline Cabot."

"You named her after your mothers." Gail said as she looked at the baby in Olivia's arms.

"We wanted something different but we also wanted something with history. Henry's named after me and Jase is named after Olivia so we wanted them to have someone's name as well." Serena was of course named after Olivia's mother and Alex's mothers name was Caroline Elizabeth so they split her name between the two babies, while Halyn was a name they had come up with.

"Well they are absolutely beautiful. They look just like you Alex; I swear it's like looking at you when you were a baby."

"Mama?" Henry tapped her on the arm "Can I hold one?"

"Of course you can. Scoot up here beside me so I can help you." She waited for her son to get settled before gently laying the baby in his arms. "Be easy and you have to hold her head." Alex never took her eyes off her son and daughter. She nodded when Gail offered to take pictures for them.

Jase had decided that he wanted to hold one of his sisters as well "I hold one too." Olivia helped him into the chair before laying Serena in his arms. He stared down at her "She like me Mommy?"

"She loves you, you're her big brother." Hearing that he was a big brother brought a huge smile to the little boys face.

By the end of the day Alex and Olivia were exhausted. Fin, Munch and Cragen had all stopped by to meet the newest members of the Cabot family while Elliot and Kathy visited that evening. They also received a visit from Casey along with a couple friends and a few neighbors. Olivia was sitting in the chair feeding Halyn while Alex was sitting in bed nursing Serena. Olivia gently wiped a few tears for what felt like the millionth time that day. "I just can't stop staring at them."

Alex smiled "I know the feeling."

"It amazes me how much they look like you." Olivia said as she stood to change Halyn's diaper before trading off and changing Serena's. Once she was done Alex slid over so Olivia could sit next to her. They both sat with their knees drawn up and the babies resting on their legs so they could both look at them. "Now I know how you felt when the boys were born." Alex looked at her confused. "What I mean is they're your babies, they look like you. You always went on about how Henry looked like me and Jase has my eyes, now I have my own miniature Alex's to look at."

"They're our babies Liv, but I know what you mean. I love being able to look at a smaller version of you. Especially when Jase makes that face just like you do when you're both irritated, or the way he sleeps exactly like you, or when Henry grins that same cocky grin that you have." They both laughed "And you know the grin I'm talking about, the one I can't say no to."

"Yeah well I'm in trouble if the girls can bat their eyes like you do, or pout the way you do." She laughed "God you're so cute when you pout."

Alex laughed and nudged Olivia with her shoulder before leaning in for a kiss. She was sitting in bed kissing her wife with their newborn daughters in their arms; the only thing that could make it better would be if they were home in their own bed with their sons curled up with them.

After three long days in the hospital Alex along with both babies were allowed to go home. Halyn was the oldest but the smallest and she surprised everyone by gaining several ounces in just a few days to put her up to five pounds so she was able to go home with her sister and Mama. They spent a quiet first evening at home and whether they wanted to admit it or not Alex and Olivia were both a little nervous about how the night would go. While they were in the hospital they had done pretty well with the babies and the nurses had even taken the twins back to the nursery one night, only bringing them back for a feeding to allow them to get some rest. Once the girls were down for the night they played with the boys for a while before giving them a bath and putting them to bed. The girls woke up to be fed again just as Alex and Olivia were getting in bed. They fed them one more time then put them back in their bassinet. Olivia stood behind Alex and wrapped her arms gingerly around her stomach. "I love you so much."

Alex gently pulled Olivia's arms tighter around her "I love you too, so much." She turned her head for a kiss. "I guess we should try and get a little sleep while we can." Alex lay down in bed as Olivia curled up behind her. Alex began to drift off to sleep, exhausted from the last few days "Night baby, I love you."

"Goodnight I love you too." Olivia buried herself in Alex's neck and inhaled the scent that was uniquely Alex. "See you in a couple hours." They both chuckled lightly as they fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. As always thank you for the reviews and follows. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 15

The only way to describe the atmosphere in the Cabot home was controlled chaos. The twins were now six weeks old and had finally settled into their routine. Henry was getting ready to start preschool, while Olivia was working as hard as ever although she was finding ways of being home more. After the twins were born Olivia had taken three weeks off to stay home and help Alex and get the girls settled. Olivia had been working extra hard on her first case back; her victim, Vicki Sayers, had been raped four times over fifteen years by the same man. She was so scared that she rarely left her home. Olivia had been working trying to catch her rapist as well as help Vicki heal. She was so grateful to crawl in bed that night, it was the first time since going back to work that she didn't make it home until after midnight. She snuck in both boys' rooms and kissed them goodnight before slipping into her bedroom and kissing the girls who were asleep in their bassinet. She grabbed her sleep shirt and quietly climbed in the shower. Olivia was concentrating on trying to figure out how to catch Vicki's rapist that she jumped when Alex slid her arms around her waist.

"Sorry I scared you." Alex said as she leaned in and pressed a kiss to Olivia's shoulder.

Olivia turned and pulled Alex to her, leaning in for a loving kiss "If it means you sneaking up behind me naked feel free to scare me more often." Both laughed at the comment. "Sorry I woke you up."

"Well if it means getting to shower with you feel free to wake me up more often." Alex laughed, throwing Olivia's comment back at her.

They stood there holding one another while Olivia allowed Alex's embrace to repair her soul. With everything she saw in her day it felt like the world was slowly chipping away at her, but being held by Alex always had a way of soothing her soul. "I'm sorry I'm so late. How was your day?"

"Well let's see, it started out great when I woke up to see my beautiful wife feeding one of our daughters." Olivia smiled. "Then our sons woke up and things got interesting."

Olivia pulled back she could tell by the tone of Alex's voice it had been a rough day "How bad were they?"

"Most of the day pretty good. They helped me out with the girls and Henry helped out with Jase, but it was this afternoon and evening when things got interesting. I think it was because neither one got their nap out but they fought all evening. I had to put them in time out twice. I finally got tired of them fighting and put them to bed early."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here to help."

Alex gave her a quick kiss "It's okay, I promise. Now how was your day, any closer to catching Vicki's rapist?"

Olivia leaned her head back and ran her fingers through her hair "No. Just when I think we're getting somewhere we hit another road block. We've finally linked him to ten rapes in cities he's traveled to over the last twenty years." Alex's eyes widened. "The problem is we can't get a DNA match because the rape kits are untested."

Alex was shocked "What?"

"Yeah every city I've checked with has a rape kit backlog that numbers in the thousands. Can you believe that? There are serial rapists walking around out there because these cities are not testing the rape kits."

"Isn't there anything that can be done?"

Olivia sighed "There is and I wanted to talk to you about it." Alex nodded. "I talked to a Det. Winters in LA and he may have a lead. He found a rape kit linked to Vicki. If it's okay I wanted to fly out there and see if it's a match."

Alex waited a moment as she thought about it "It's fine with me."

"Are you sure? He asked me if I wanted to come out and check out their lead and I really want this guy, but I need to know that you are one hundred percent okay with it."

"Yes I'm sure. This is important to you and I want you to go."

"But what about the kids? I hate that you'll be here by yourself for a couple days with them."

Alex laughed "Olivia stop worrying. If I need help I can call Gail or Carol to help during the day, and Stacy stopped by this evening to see if I needed any help so I can call her if need be." She placed her hands on either side of Olivia's face and turned it so they were looking eye to eye. "Olivia I don't want you to worry about leaving me and the kids. Yes we'll miss you but this is important to you and that makes it important to me." She pulled Olivia to her and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. "Now come on let's go to bed." Alex stepped out of the shower and quickly dried off and then dried Olivia off before dressing them both. They checked on their daughters one last time before finally climbing in bed. Alex pulled Olivia to her and held her as they drifted off to sleep.

Olivia groaned when she heard her daughter begin to wail "Are they ever going to start sleeping through the night?" she asked as she rolled from the bed and walked around to the bassinet. Apparently she wasn't moving fast enough since the baby began to cry louder "Okay Serena Mommy's coming." Olivia picked the baby up and carried her downstairs to get a bottle ready. As she heated the bottle Olivia stared at her daughter, both girls had the same piercing blue eyes as Alex and while they still didn't have much hair what little they had was blonde. Their personalities were what sat them apart; while they both had Alex's determination and at times demanding personality that is where the similarities in personality ended. Serena was the most like Alex when she wanted something she wanted it that instant. Halyn on the other hand was laid back and relaxed, but when she did get mad it sometimes took everything they had to calm her down.

Olivia walked back up the stairs with Serena in one arm and two bottles in the other; she knew that by the time she got back upstairs her other daughter would be awake too. She walked in and smiled when she saw Alex sitting up in bed rocking Halyn. "Here you go." She said as she handed Alex a bottle before curling back up in bed to feed Serena.

"I'm sorry she woke you. I was planning on getting up and feeding them both but I guess I slept through her crying."

"It's okay you're tired." Alex gave Olivia a pointed look "I know I'm tired too but you're here with them all day so I really don't mind getting up to help feed them. I love it."

"I heard you talking to Serena before you even walked over to them. It amazes me that you can tell them apart by their cry but you can't by looking at them."

Olivia rolled her eyes "Yeah, yeah. I'm getting better at telling them apart now."

"Uh huh, as long as the nail polish stays on." Alex said as while laughing lightly. A few days after they had come home from the hospital Olivia came up with a way to tell them apart. She took pink nail polish and put a little dot on Serena's toenail so she wouldn't mix them up. At first Alex had been a little angry that Olivia had painted her toenail but she quickly got over it when after a night of both girls screaming she was having trouble telling them apart as well.

"When are you leaving for LA?" Alex asked as she stood to put Halyn back in the bassinet.

Olivia smiled as she laid Serena down "I know what you're asking, and yes I'll be here for Henry's first day of school. I leave Wednesday morning and if everything goes okay I'll be home Thursday night." She turned to face her wife "Are you sure you'll be okay for two days? I mean I can get someone else to go. I'm sure I could get Fin or Munch to go."

"No Olivia it's okay. I want this guy as bad as you do. So I want you to go and nail this bastard and then after you're home maybe we can get a babysitter or two and I can take my beautiful wife out for a date."

Olivia grinned as she felt Alex's hands working their way up under her shirt "A date, huh?" Alex grinned back and nodded. "And just what would this date include?"

Alex smiled the smile that she knew made Olivia weak in the knees and leaned in to press light kisses to her neck and along her jaw "I was thinking maybe going into the city and having dinner at a nice restaurant, then going to a show or going for a walk in the park maybe dancing." Alex gasped as she heard Olivia moan "You do realize I have my six week checkup on Friday," Olivia pulled back and smiled. "And I fully expect to get the all clear to go back to our normal activities. So after a very romantic evening on the town I was thinking we could come home and have a very romantic evening right here." Alex lightly bit down on Olivia's ear and tugged it between her teeth, when the brunette moaned Alex knew she had Olivia right where she wanted her. "So what do you say detective?"

Olivia swallowed trying to regain her composure "What about the girls? I wouldn't feel comfortable doing anything with them in the room, and we don't have a guest room we can sneak off to like we did with Jase."

Alex lay back down and continued to place light kisses all across Olivia's face and neck "Their sleeping pretty good now so I don't see why we can't put them in their own room, at least for one night." She hovered over her wife, their lips almost touching "So I'll ask you again, what do you say detective?"

Olivia knew she wouldn't be able to speak so she simply nodded and managed an "Uh, huh."

Alex chuckled as she leaned in and kissed her wife, running her tongue along Olivia's lips which Olivia gladly parted. Alex barely slid her tongue against Olivia's before pulling back and smiling "Goodnight baby." She chuckled as she heard Olivia groan.

"God Alex, you're going to be the death of me."

Tuesday morning found Alex and Olivia both crying in the bathroom. It was Henry's first day of school and neither could believe the day had come. "I told myself I wasn't going to cry." Olivia said as she splashed her face with water.

Alex wiped her own tears as well "I know how you feel." Once they were sure they had their emotions under control they went to wake their oldest. They stood in the doorway watching him sleep "I swear it feels like it was just yesterday I was holding him for the first time and carrying him over for you to see him." She wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist and pulled her closer.

Olivia leaned over and rested her head on her wife's shoulder "Our babies are growing up so fast." Olivia walked over and sat on the edge of her son's bed "Good morning baby, time to wake up."

Henry rolled over to look at her "No Mommy, I wanna sleep."

Alex leaned over from where she was sitting on the opposite side of the bed and lightly brushed the hair back from his forehead "Hey sleepyhead, did you forget today is the first day of school?"

Upon hearing that Henry's eyes flew open "Is it?" Alex nodded. Henry quickly got up "Come on Mama, Mommy, we're going to be late!"

Olivia laughed as she grabbed his hand "Slow down bucky. We have plenty of time to get ready and get to school. Now let's go eat breakfast."

"What about Jase and the girls?" He asked as they were taking a seat at the table.

Alex smiled as she took her seat "Today is a special day so it's just me, you and Mommy." This brought a huge smile to their son's face, the smile that Alex loved because it was the same as Olivia's smile. They had always tried to set aside time to spend with each boy but since the girls were born they tried to have one on one time as often as possible. So it came as no surprise to Alex that something as simple as having breakfast alone with his Mommies could make her son smile bright enough to light up the room.

Their neighbor Carol had come over to watch Jase and the girls while the couple took their son to school. Finding a school had been a bigger chore than they had expected. While Olivia and her mother were not religious her mother had been raised Catholic and Olivia had ended up attending a Catholic high school, she was sure a large part of it was because her mother was intent on her having a good education. If there was anything Olivia was grateful to her mother for it was for making sure she received an education. Alex on the other hand had attended private school and she wasn't big on the idea of her children attending the same kind of school she did, while it was an excellent education she had been surrounded by kids who thought they were better because they had money. Their family may have money but she was definitely not raising her children to think that way. After much research they had settled on a school a few miles from their home and I was also the same school Carol's children had attended. After meeting a few people and getting a tour they knew they had made the right decision.

Alex had been doing her best to keep her emotions under control but when they parked the car she felt her tears threatening again. Henry may have been going to daycare since he was six months old, but going to school was an entirely different story. She looked over at Olivia and squeezed her hand when she noticed the same storm of emotions on her wife's face. She walked around the car and helped her son from his seat then handed him his book bag. Alex and Olivia began walking up the sidewalk with their son between them holding their hands. Alex began to feel her son's nervousness the closer to the building they got. "Are you okay buddy?"

Henry kept his head down but nodded "Yes."

She and Olivia stopped and looked at one another before both squatting down until they were eye level with their son. Olivia placed her hand under his chin and pulled it up till they were facing one another "Henry, baby, what's the matter?" Henry sniffled and looked at Alex and then Olivia "I'm gonna miss you and Mama."

It never ceased to amaze Alex at how her son could tug at her heart "Oh baby you'll be fine, and don't worry Mommy and I are going to miss you too."

Olivia smiled at him trying to cheer him up "Yes we will, and you're going to have so much fun here. It'll be like daycare only you'll get to learn all kinds of new things and make new friends."

Henry finally allowed a tear to escape "But I like daycare and my friends and Miss Jennifer."

It was all they could do to hold their tears back as they pulled him to them and wrapped him in their arms. "I know you like your friends and Miss Jennifer but trust me you'll like school and I know you're going to make a lot of friends." Alex said as she ran her hand over her son's back. Once they were sure he was okay they began walking up to the school.

Once inside they talked to Henry's teacher whom they had previously met at the school's open house. The parents were allowed to hang around for a few minutes to meet other parents and see the classroom, finally the teacher gave the signal that it was time for the parents to leave. Olivia picked Henry up and gave him a kiss and hug before sitting him back down. She couldn't help but smile when he walked into Alex's arms and held on for dear life. Henry loved them both but he had spent the majority of his early life with Alex and it was obvious how attached to her he was. Some would be jealous but not Olivia it warmed her heart to see the connection between her wife and son. As they walked from the school it was easy to tell they were first timers when it came to their child going to school. They were both crying and leaning into one another for support; they also received sympathetic smiles from parents who had already experienced the first day of school with their first child.

That afternoon they had to stop themselves from running to Henry's classroom, it had felt like the longest day of their lives. Olivia had taken the day off so she could be there to take Henry to school and pick him up. It also allowed her a chance to do more research on the Sayers case before her trip to LA. They stood outside the classroom anxiously waiting to see their son. Once the door opened Henry was one of the first out the door "Mama! Mommy!" he shouted as he launched himself at his parents.

"Hey buddy. How was your day?"

"I had so much fun! Come on I want you to see where I sit." Henry pulled them into the classroom to show them the table he sits at and where he gets to hang his book bag. They were finally beginning to pull him out into the hallway when he stopped them "I made a friend Mama just like you said I would."

"You did?"

"Yeah." He turned and pointed to a little blonde haired, blue eyed girl "This is my friend Maddie." He looked at the little girl "This is my Mama and my Mommy."

"Hi." Maddie said shyly.

Alex and Olivia introduced themselves to Maddie's mother before finally managing to drag Henry to the car. They were barely able to get a word in edgewise thanks to Henry talking nonstop about his day and how much fun he had. As upset as they had been that morning at him going for his first day of school they were so happy that he had enjoyed himself. The entire evening was spent listening to Henry telling them everything he had learned as well as the names of everyone in his class. Once they had finally convinced him to go to bed and they finally got Jase and the girls in bed they curled up in bed themselves.

"I'm sad he's growing up so fast but at the same time I'm so happy that he liked it." Olivia said as she snuggled closer to her wife.

"Me too." Alex said as she pulled Olivia closer to her. They lay quietly for a few minutes "I'm going to miss you while you're gone."

"I'm going to miss you guys too. At least I'll get to go with you to take Henry to school again tomorrow." Once they dropped Henry off at school Alex planned on driving Olivia to the airport. "You know, it used to be I would jump at the chance to take off somewhere for work but now it's lost it's appeal. Yes I still want to put these guys away and get justice for the victim but even more I want to be home with you guys. I never thought I'd see the day but I actually wish I'd talked one of the guys into going to LA in my place."

Alex lay there quietly processing what her wife had just said. She knew she was witnessing a change in Olivia. While it may be a change that had been slowly occurring over the last few years it seemed like now that their family was complete Olivia was feeling the urgency to be home with them more often. "Olivia I don't want you to think that I'm mad or upset with you for going, because I'm not."

Olivia smiled to herself, Alex's selflessness was one of the many reasons she loved her. "I know you're not, I know you want to nail him as badly as I do. It's just now with Henry going to school I feel like things are changing so fast and I'm afraid of missing out on more of their lives. I've seen how it's been for Elliot through the years and I don't want that for our family."

"What are you saying Olivia?"

Olivia sighed "To be honest I'm not even sure I know what I'm saying. I love my job it just seems like it's getting more and more difficult. Then there's you and the kids, I feel like I spend so much time away and I know I spend more time home now than I used to but…" she trailed off trying to figure out her emotions but unable to voice them.

Alex smiled and leaned in to kiss the top of her wife's head. She knew exactly how Olivia felt, she had fought the battle of work versus being at home and while she wouldn't rule out ever going back she knew that for now home was where she was meant to be. "Well when you figure out how you're feeling and what you want you let me know. I'll support you no matter what."

Olivia turned her head slightly and placed a kiss on Alex's chest. "Thank you." She settled back down before whispering "I can't wait for Friday. Are you sure you can't give me a hint?"

"What kind of date would it be if I told you what to expect?" Olivia chuckled lightly. "Okay one little hint. It's a good thing you're off this weekend because with what I have planned, chances are you won't be walking Saturday morning."

Olivia couldn't help the shiver that ran through her body at what Alex had said. She felt Alex's body lightly shake as she chuckled before finally falling asleep. Olivia lay there for a bit before finally calming her body enough to drift off herself. She knew without a doubt it was going to be the longest three days of her life.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: As always thank you for the reviews and follows. I'm really nervous about this chapter, I'm testing the waters a bit again. Please let me know what you think, good or bad. I hope you enjoy!**

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Chapter 16

Olivia smiled when she looked at her phone and saw Alex's face on the screen "Hey sweetie."

"Hey baby." Alex answered back. "I know you're really busy so if you want we can cancel tonight."

"No, no we don't have to cancel." Olivia said a little too quickly, she had been looking forward to their date all week.

Alex laughed "Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure. Alex we got him." Olivia couldn't wipe the smile from her face "We got him. He's going to jail and he's never going to hurt Vickie again."

Alex was so happy for her wife "That's great! How did you do it though? I thought Donnelly threw out the evidence."

"She did but turns out as we were turning our evidence over to the Feds we found the duct tape that matched him to Vickie's rape. It was in our lockup the entire time! The important thing is we got him and I can't think of a better way to celebrate than an evening out with my wife."

"Okay, I'll see you when you get home. I love you."

"I love you too."

"Mommy!" Jase shouted as Olivia walked through the front door. Even though she had returned home the evening before and was only gone for two days, Jase acted as though she had been gone for a week.

"How's my boy today?"

"Mommy will you go outside and play wif me?"

Olivia looked at her watch she had a little time before she and Alex had to leave. "Okay but let me go say hi to Mama and your brother and sisters."

The little boy jumped from her arms and ran to get his shoes. Olivia laughed to herself as she walked into the kitchen where Alex was preparing dinner for the kids. Henry was sitting at the table coloring one of his worksheets from school while the girls were sitting on the table in their bouncy seats. "Hey guys."

Henry looked up and smiled "Hi Mommy."

Alex walked over and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist while Olivia wrapped her arms around her neck "Hey baby." Alex whispered as she pressed her lips to the brunette's.

Alex was beginning to enjoy herself when she felt someone hitting her leg; she pulled back and looked down to see it was Jase. "Can I help you?"

"Mama stop kissin Mommy! She said she go outside and play wif me."

They both burst out laughing "Okay I'll let Mommy go outside and play." Their son may only be two and a half but he had a surprisingly good vocabulary. Olivia said it was because he and Henry had spent so much time with an attorney, but as Alex liked to point out it was in their genes as well. Between Olivia's mother being an English Lit professor in college and Olivia was very well read herself add to that Alex's vocabulary and how well read she was and the fact their donor was a Harvard graduate, they were pretty sure their children were going to be very intelligent.

Alex began putting Jase's shoes on while Olivia leaned over the bouncy seats "And how are two of my favorite girls this evening?" Olivia leaned in to place a kiss on their cheeks when she pulled back suddenly and made a face "I think Halyn needs a diaper change." She unbuckled her baby and pulled her from her seat.

Alex looked up "Their feet are covered, how did you tell them apart?"

Olivia looked surprised as well "I don't know I just looked at her and knew this was Halyn."

"See I told you it was easy to tell them apart." Alex said as she reached out for the baby seeing how impatient Jase was becoming at wanting to go outside.

"No it's not easy their identical. I think it's just something inside kicked in and I just knew which was which."

Olivia stepped from the shower and saw a dress hanging on the back of the bathroom door with a note attached to the hanger 'Wear this.' Olivia shook her head it was the dress that Alex said was her favorite for Olivia to wear. It was a form fitting, strapless black dress that ended just above her knee. Since her hair was growing out again she pulled her hair up and to finish her outfit she chose to wear the diamond pendant necklace that had belonged to Alex's mother. She walked downstairs and found Alex in the kitchen putting bottles in the refrigerator. Olivia's breath caught in her throat; Alex was wearing a knee length, strapless blue dress. When she turned Olivia could feel tears stinging the back of her eyes at how beautiful her wife was. "You look gorgeous." She said as she placed a light kiss on Alex's lips. "This dress really brings out your eyes."

"Why thank you, and you look pretty gorgeous yourself." Alex looked Olivia over before leaning in for another kiss. "I'm glad I picked this dress I love how you look in it." She pulled back and grinned "I know I'm going to love how you look even more out of it."

Olivia shivered and decided to pay her wife back "I'm sure you will, especially when you see what I'm wearing under it." Alex's mouth dropped open "Remember how I brought the kids a gift from LA?" Alex nodded "Well there happened to be a lingerie shop right across the street from my hotel and I couldn't resist. So I've got a gift for you under this dress, you just have to wait till we're home to see it." Olivia laughed as Alex's eyes darkened and she shivered.

"Come on, the sooner we leave the sooner we get back home." They began walking toward the family room where Carol and Stacy were playing with the kids. "Okay guys we're leaving."

Henry was the first to walk over "Mama you so pretty, you too Mommy."

They each grinned as they leaned down to give him a kiss goodbye followed by Jase and then their daughters.

Stacy smiled "Yes you look very nice. Just watch you're dresses, they're pretty low cut wouldn't want them to slip and allow someone to see what you look like topless." She winked at them to let them know she hadn't forgotten about catching them in the act when she had went to the Hamptons with them.

Both ladies blushed remembering exactly what she meant. Carol spoke up "Stacy stop you're embarrassing them. She's only kidding."

Alex cleared her throat "Um, we know." She turned to face Olivia who was still blushing "Come on Liv, let's go." After one more round of goodbyes they were out the door.

As they walked down the steps Olivia's eyes widened, there was a sleek town car sitting in the driveway with a chauffeur holding the door for them. "Alex, what's this?"

Alex placed a kiss on Olivia's cheek "I wanted tonight to be special. It's the first real date we've had in a long time, and besides nothing is too good for my girl." Olivia felt her heart swell at how much Alex loved her as well as how much she loved Alex.

They were sitting at the bar of one of the finest restaurants in Manhattan enjoying a drink before dinner. Olivia took another sip of wine and looked around the room "Alex this is so great. Thank you."

Alex smiled as she reached out for Olivia's hand "Your welcome. Olivia you deserve all the best the world has to offer and I intend to see you get it." They talked about anything and everything, except work it was the one subject Alex declared off the table. Of course their children took up most of their discussion; from new things they noticed the twins were doing, to how much Henry loved school and how much Jase missed Henry being home to play with. Alex looked up when she was aware of the bartender standing in front of Olivia.

"The gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink." He said as he nodded in the man's direction.

They both turned and saw an attractive man in his mid-forties smiling their direction. Olivia chuckled as she turned back to face Alex but stopped suddenly when she noticed the look on her wife's face. She looked at the bartender "Tell him no thank you, my wife is the only I allow to buy me drinks." The bartender nodded and returned to the other end of the bar. Olivia took Alex's hand "I love it when you're jealous."

"I am not jealous." Olivia raised her eyebrows "I'm not!" Alex huffed "I just don't like it when someone hits on my wife."

They were enjoying their evening when another man walked up to them "Good evening ladies." They both stared at him for a moment. "So is this girls night out or are you waiting for someone?"

"It's date night." Olivia said as she took another sip of wine.

"Ah, well I don't see any dates here so I was wondering if you ladies would like to join me?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, this guy was either persistent or stupid or both "I'm sorry I guess you misunderstood when I said date night. What I meant was it's date night for my wife and I." she said as she took Alex's hand in hers.

Alex placed her hand on Olivia's thigh "Yes it is so rare that we get the opportunity to talk without being interrupted, our four children usually keep us pretty busy. So if you don't mind we were really enjoying our evening and would like to get back to it." The man walked away grumbling. "Jackass." Alex said as he walked away.

Olivia laughed "He was probably hoping he would get a three way."

Alex leaned over and placed a kiss on Olivia's lips "Maybe that's what he was thinking but no way it's happening. You are mine and I don't share." Olivia couldn't help but shiver at the intensity she saw in Alex's eyes.

They enjoyed a quiet dinner and shared dessert. They couldn't help but notice the looks they would occasionally receive. While some were looks of disdain most were smiles and even a few looks of envy, Olivia caught a few ladies giving their husbands pointed looks as if telling them to take note of how Alex was treating her. It made Olivia smile and proud that she had the kind of marriage that others were envious of. After dinner they went for a short walk in the park but didn't venture in too far, as Olivia pointed out she knew what could potentially happen to two women in the park especially at night. As they exited the park Alex pulled Olivia close "I want to take you dancing."

Olivia grinned "You want to go to a club?"

"Not really, unless that's what you want. I was thinking more of a place where we could dance and not have a ton of people surrounding us, bumping into us, all of them getting drunk."

Olivia gave her a quick kiss "I like the sound of that. Lead the way counselor."

Alex led them to a little out of the way place, while it seemed to be busy once inside and on the dance floor it wasn't very crowded at all. Alex led Olivia onto the dance floor and wrapped one arm around her waist and took Olivia's other hand in hers. She smiled when she felt Olivia step closer and place her cheek against hers. They held each other tight as they danced slowly while the band played old standards and laughed as they danced to more upbeat songs from the seventy's and eighties that they had grown up listening to. After a quick bathroom break Olivia mentioned that she was going to call home and make sure Carol and Stacy hadn't had trouble getting the kids to bed. Alex nodded and took the opportunity to run up to the band leader and make a request. "Is the house still standing?" she asked as Olivia walked back over.

"Surprisingly yes. Carol said the boys went to bed without much of a fight but she said Stacy had worn them out pretty well. She said the girls took a little longer but they were asleep by eight thirty."

Alex looked at her watch and grinned "If that's when they went to sleep then they'll probably wake up for a bottle again about midnight, and I told them we would be home by then. If we luck out they'll wake up to be fed right around the time we get home, which means it'll be four or five before they wake up again." She gave Olivia a mischievous grin "Which means you and I will have a good couple hours to ourselves."

Olivia grinned at the implications "I can't wait."

"Good, but I want one last dance with my wife." Alex pulled her close and wrapped both arms around her waist as the song In this Life began to play.

Olivia teared up when she heard the first few notes of the song that Alex played the night she proposed as well as the song they had their first dance to as a married couple. She reached up and wrapped her arms around Alex's neck; even though she was wearing heels she was still a little shorter than the blonde. "I love you." Olivia said as she stared into the blue eyes that had stolen her heart so many years ago.

Alex leaned in for a gentle kiss "I love you too."

They stared at one another for a moment listening to the words of the song; Olivia didn't know if she would call it their song but it did hold special meaning for them. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

"You're you. In all honesty I think I fell in love with you the first time I met you. I'm the lucky one; I couldn't believe someone as wonderful as you actually wanted to go on a date with me."

"And here I couldn't believe someone as wonderful as you would want to ask someone like me out on a date. I think we're both lucky." Olivia leaned in placed her head on Alex's shoulder as they continued to sway to the music.

The ride home was quiet, a few kisses here and there but it was mostly spent with Alex's arm around Olivia and Olivia resting her head on Alex's shoulder. Once home they got a recap of the evening and thanked their babysitters profusely, offering to do anything for them in return. Carol told them not to worry about it she remembered what it was like to have little ones at home and to want to get out for an evening on the town with her husband. They walked upstairs and checked in on their children. They always laughed at how Jase slept exactly like Olivia, sprawled out with one arm thrown over his head. Alex had been right about the girls and they had woken up to be fed and had just went back to sleep right before they arrived home.

Alex turned and took both of Olivia's hands in her own and began walking down the hall backwards pulling Olivia along with her. She gave Olivia a quick kiss on the lips "Wait here." She opened the door open and slipped into their room.

Olivia tried her best to be patient but her body was trembling with excitement at what was to come. "Alex." She almost wined "Alex please let me in."

Alex smiled as she opened the door and pulled Olivia in, kissing her passionately as she did. When they parted it took Olivia a moment to get her bearings once she did she looked around the room and gasped "Alex?" The bedroom was dark except for the few candles on the bedside tables which cast a soft glow across their bed.

Alex pulled Olivia to the center of the room and reached up and loosened her hair allowing it to fall down across her shoulders. Alex leaned in for a kiss, she smiled at Olivia as she pulled back "I just wanted a night where we could go out and reconnect with one another and then come home and I could show you just how much I love you." Alex began placing kisses along Olivia's jaw and down her neck. She smiled inwardly when she heard the brunette sigh and she began to feel the goose bumps on Olivia's arms. She slowly worked her way across Olivia's neck before kissing the spot behind her ear that she knew would have Olivia melting in an instant.

Olivia loved what her wife was doing to her but at the same time she was hoping she would hurry up because she wasn't sure she would be able to stand much longer. She turned her head so she could capture Alex's lips with her own. She ran her tongue across Alex's lips and was grateful when Alex allowed her entrance. She was just beginning to lose herself in the kiss when she felt Alex run her hand up her side and begin unzipping her dress. Olivia moaned as she felt he dress slipping to the floor. She reached her hand around behind Alex and unzipped hers as well.

When they finally parted for lack of air Alex's jaw dropped when she looked at Olivia, it never ceased to amaze her how beautiful her wife was. "I love my gift." Alex looked Olivia up and down; she was wearing a black and pink lace strapless bra with matching panties.

Olivia smiled but blushed slightly; Alex always made her feel so beautiful. She took a moment to look at Alex, she may have given birth to twins less than two months ago but it was almost impossible to tell. Olivia ran her hand up Alex's side and gently across the curve of her breast, their size were the only thing that gave away Alex had recently had a baby. Olivia was about to reach around and unhook Alex's bra but stopped when she felt Alex's hand on hers.

"You first." Alex stepped closer and smiled when she realized Olivia's bra was a front clasp. She began kissing her way across her wife's chest and down between her breasts as she unhooked her bra and allowed it to fall to the floor. She continued to kiss Olivia's breasts and down across her stomach as she slipped her hands into her panties and pushed them down over her hips and allowed them to fall to the floor. She walked Olivia back to the edge of the bed and pulled the covers down before gently pushing her down onto the mattress.

Olivia quickly scrambled to the middle of the bed and looked up "You're wearing too many clothes."

Alex chuckled as she pulled her remaining clothes off and climbed in bed. She straddled her wife and stared down at her, she was so glad she had decided to light the candles Olivia's skin was practically glowing in the candlelight. She began lightly running her fingertips up across Olivia's stomach and chest and smiled when she saw Olivia shiver slightly and close her eyes. Alex couldn't help herself any longer and leaned down pressing her lips to Olivia's. She moaned as Olivia wrapped her arms around her and pulled her tight against her and couldn't help the whimper that escaped her lips as their breasts pressed together. Alex finally pulled away and whispered in Olivia's ear "I love you."

Olivia felt tears stinging the back of her eyes "I love you too." She pressed her head down into the pillow as she felt Alex begin placing open mouthed kisses down her body. She was certain Alex was trying to kill her as she paid extra attention to her breasts, lightly kissing them and taking them in her mouth one at a time before finally moving on. Olivia felt her breath getting short as Alex got closer to where she wanted her, but she almost cried when Alex began kissing her way down her inner thigh of her left leg before kissing her way back up the right.

Alex looked up and smiled "Patience love."

"Alex please, I'm not going to last long." Olivia barely choked out. She felt her breath catch as Alex took her leg and draped it over her shoulder.

Alex smiled as she ran her tongue the length of Olivia's center.

"Oh God!" Olivia groaned out. She reached down and tangled her fingers in the blonde's hair. She had never had a lover who knew her as well as Alex did; Alex could read her like a book, light pressure from Olivia's hand meant faster while a gentle tug on her hair meant slow down. She could feel her breath becoming shallow as Alex increased her movements; kissing, nipping and licking everywhere she could. Olivia knew she was getting close to the edge when suddenly Alex pulled away. "Alex?" she barely whispered. Alex slid up her body and pressed their lips together in a passionate kiss.

Once they broke apart Alex felt Olivia's hands on her hips and before she knew what was happening she felt Olivia pulling her up her body. Alex looked down as Olivia slid down a little further in the bed "Olivia?" In all the years they had been together they were about to do something only Alex had done to Olivia, never the other way around. It wasn't that Alex didn't feel comfortable with Olivia, that couldn't be further from the truth, she had just never been on the receiving end of this position because she felt vulnerable.

Olivia took Alex's hands in hers and laced their fingers together "Alex if you're not comfortable with this it's okay. You know our deal all you have to say is stop, but I really want to do this for you."

"Okay." She whispered as she felt Olivia's hands on her hips once again, slowly pulling her down. She quickly reached out and grabbed the headboard to ground herself. "God, Liv!" she cried out as she felt Olivia's tongue run along her center.

Olivia was so happy Alex was willing to be vulnerable and exposed in front of her. Alex had done this for her on several different occasions and she only wanted to make Alex feel as good as Alex made her feel.

Alex could feel the tremble in her legs and she knew it wouldn't be long. As much as she was enjoying what Olivia was doing to her she wanted to be eye to eye with her wife when she falls over the edge. She quickly slid down the brunette's body and began kissing Olivia again, tongues dueling and hands roaming. She was laying with her upper body on Olivia's and her lower body straddling Olivia's thigh. She began running her hand down her lover's body until she quickly but gently slid two fingers inside. Alex gasped when she felt Olivia do the same to her.

Olivia was panting she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold on. She cried out as she felt Alex's thumb begin rubbing the little bundle of nerves that would lead to her undoing. She also felt Alex begin grinding against her hand so Olivia pushed up against her, applying more pressure. She felt Alex add a third finger and Olivia closed her eyes as she did the same to her wife.

Alex knew that they were both barely hanging on. In between short breaths she looked down at her wife "Olivia?"

"I… I'm waiting for you." she panted out.

Alex leaned in close "Olivia, open your eyes."

Olivia opened her eyes and it caused her breath to catch the amount of love she saw reflecting in her wife's blue eyes.

"Let go for me baby." That was all it took for Olivia go flying off the edge. A cry caught in her throat as her back arched and she pushed her head further into the pillow. Alex collapsed against Olivia as she lost the strength in her arm to hold her body up. She lay there a moment trying to catch her breath before finally sliding off to lay beside Olivia. She noticed Olivia's breathing was shallow and her eyes were still closed. She smiled and placed a gentle kiss to Olivia's lips before rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling.

Olivia slowly opened her eyes and looked to her right. Alex was laying on her side and lightly tracing patterns on Olivia's stomach. "What the hell happened?"

Alex laughed "You passed out is what happened." Alex leaned over to kiss her wife; it was long and slow and conveyed how much they truly loved one another. She finally pulled back "I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia rolled over pushing Alex onto her back before wrapping her arm around her waist and resting her head on her shoulder. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For tonight," Olivia rose up and glanced at the clock and chuckled "And this morning. It's been one of the best nights of my life."

"It's been one of the best nights of mine too." They lay there in silence for a moment until Alex felt Olivia's breathing beginning to even out. "I guess we should try and get some sleep because I'm sure we're going to have two demanding little girls wanting to eat in just a couple hours."

Olivia yawned "Yeah and just remember where those demanding genes come from." She snuggled closer to Alex "Goodnight, I love you."

Alex pulled the blanket up tighter around them "I love you too."


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: Thank you so much for your response to the last chapter, I appreciate every one of you. This chapter includes references to the S12 episodes Mask and Bombshell, just in case you haven't seen them. I know it's a little fluffy but it's just the mood I'm in. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 17

Alex stared at her wife as she changed out of her strapless leopard print dress. "See something you like?" Olivia smirked over her shoulder.

Alex returned the smirk "Actually I do and if you'd turn around I could see two more things I like." Alex felt her heart rate increase as Olivia stripped the rest of her clothing and, making sure to give Alex a chance to look, slowly put on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. By the time Olivia was dressed Alex's mouth was dry and she was sure all the moisture in her body had headed south. She crawled across the bed till she was sitting in front of Olivia and pulled the brunette in for a searing kiss. "So are you going to tell me how tonight went?"

"Are you sure you want to know?"

Alex lay back across the bed and pulled Olivia down next to her "My wife was on a date with her partner at a swinger's club, hell yes I want to know how it went."

Olivia burst out laughing "Undercover Alex. It wasn't a real date."

"Well the point is I wasn't with you."

Olivia raised her eyebrows "Oh, so are you saying you want to go to a swinger's club?"

Alex leaned in close and lowered her voice "I guess I've failed to make myself clear, you're mine and I don't share." She placed a quick kiss to Olivia's lips.

Olivia felt her breath catch at the look in Alex's eyes. She would never entertain the idea of inviting someone else into their marriage but she loved to rile Alex up. She had always been so independent but she loved knowing she belonged to someone, and she loved when Alex pointed out that she belonged to her. "That's good because I don't share either."

"Now come on and tell me how it went." Alex whined.

"Oh alright." Olivia groaned out. "We went in together as a married couple but separated once inside to see what we could find out. Elliot made contact with Cassandra, which is the girl that our victim was head over heels for. She and Elliot spent some time together and Elliot tried to find out what he could about our victim. I ended up sitting at a table with another couple and they were definitely interested." She chuckled at the look of jealously that flashed in her wife's eyes. Olivia placed a light kiss on Alex's lips "I only have eyes for you Alex, and if it makes you feel any better they were making me uncomfortable."

"Good. Now are you any closer to solving the case?"

"A little but we'll see."

They lay there in silence for a bit both comfortable in the fact that they could be together without having to say a word. Alex began thinking about the past several months. The holidays had been wonderful. Both boys were now old enough to really enjoy them and while the girls were still too young to understand it didn't matter, just having their family together was what mattered most. The months following the holidays had taken a toll on them both but Olivia especially. Just after the New Year Olivia and Elliot caught a case where a woman named Ann had come home to find her partner Debbie being raped by a masked man. When the man realized they were no longer alone he beat Ann so severely it put her into a coma. It had disturbed them both on many levels but it was Olivia who had the nightmares from it. On several different occasions Alex had woken to Olivia crying and saying that she would do anything if they would just leave Alex alone. It broke Alex's heart to imagine what Olivia was dreaming of, but every time she would pull Olivia into her arms and hold her until the tears would subside. She finally convinced Olivia to tell her what she was dreaming of and Olivia relented.

_Alex rolled over slowly when she heard Olivia whimpering. She knew it was another nightmare so she gently lay her hand on her wife's shoulder "Olivia, baby? Olivia wake up you're having a nightmare."_

_Olivia suddenly jerked awake at the sound of the blonde's voice. "Alex?"_

"_It's me Olivia. You're okay." Alex said as she continued to rub soothing circles on her wife's back._

_Olivia was gasping for air trying to fight the nauseous feeling that was threating to overcome her. She had been having the same nightmare for several weeks and Alex would beg her to tell her what it was about but Olivia just couldn't do it. She finally found her voice "Alex, are you okay?"_

"_I'm fine baby." Alex took Olivia's hand in her own and placed it on her chest over her heart. "Do you feel that Olivia? That's my heart beating. I'm fine. I'm fine, the kids are fine but you're not fine. I wish you would tell me what you're dreaming about."_

_Olivia sighed "I keep thinking about Debbie and Ann, how terrible it must have been for Ann to walk in to find her partner being raped and for Debbie to have to watch as her partner was nearly stomped to death." She took a deep breath and began to cry again "In…in my….in my dream I come home and find you tied to the bed being raped and there is nothing I can do to stop it. I try to stop him but I can't and I beg him to stop, I tell him I'll do anything he wants if he'll just leave you alone." Olivia is sobbing by this point and is grateful when Alex holds her even tighter._

"_Oh baby." Alex presses her lips to Olivia's temple in an attempt to calm her. Once Olivia had calmed down again Alex pulled Olivia's sweat soaked shirt off and got a towel from the bathroom and dried her before putting a clean shirt on her. They settled back down while Alex held Olivia until she finally drifted off to sleep."_

They were just falling asleep when the sound of their daughters' crying came through the monitor. Olivia groaned and threw her hand over her eyes "I forgot what it was like having babies waking up in the middle of the night."

Alex swat her on the hip as she stood "Come on detective they're your daughters too. While you were out for a night on the town I was here taking care of two recovering infants. So let's get moving."

They walked down the hall to the nursery "What's the matter baby?" Olivia asked as she lifted Serena from her crib. She pressed her lips to the infant's forehead "Well that's two days with no fever."

"Thank God." Alex sighed as she did the same to Halyn. They had been dealing with sick kids for a week and were surprised that neither of them had caught it. It all began the week before when Henry woke them up in the middle of the night saying he didn't feel good. By the next morning they figured out that he had caught the stomach flu. They spent the weekend taking care of him and trying to keep the other three from getting sick. By Monday he was feeling better just in time for Jase to come down with it, and sure enough a couple days later as Jase was getting better both girls got sick. They were finally at the end of one of the longest weeks they had been through since they had married. They had only dealt with the occasional cold in the past they had never had all four kids sick at basically the same time. It was something they were certain they never wanted to repeat.

Once downstairs Olivia heated a bottle for Serena and joined Alex on the couch as she nursed Halyn. Olivia loved to watch Alex when she nursed one of their babies. She now understood why Alex always loved watching her, it was something special and something they both knew that they were the only ones to witness it.

"They're getting their color back." Alex whispered as she looked up from her daughter's face.

"I'd say by tomorrow or the next day they'll be back to the laughing little girls that we're used to."

After putting the girls back to bed and checking on the boys one last time they climbed in bed themselves. Alex surprised Olivia when she slid over and lay down on top of her, using her arms to support her weight. She ran her fingers through Olivia's now longer hair and smiled. Olivia's hair had always fascinated her; whether it was long or short Alex could never keep her hands out of it. She leaned in and placed a slow, gentle kiss to the older woman's lips. "I love you." she whispered.

Olivia smiled and whispered back "I love you too." It never ceased to amaze her how much Alex loved her, and how much she loved Alex in return. She had always thought that finding a love like they shared only happened in the movies but she was wrong, she and Alex shared a connection so strong it sometimes took her breath away.

They lay there simply staring at one another for a while. Alex slowly reached down and pulled Olivia's left hand up and placed a kiss on her hand just above her wedding ring. "Our anniversary is coming up soon."

"Next week." Olivia smiled. "Can you believe it's been five years?"

"Nope, just the same way I can't believe that in two months Henry will be five. Where has the time gone Liv?"

Olivia smiled and ran her free hand through the blonde locks she loved so much "I don't know but I know it's been the best five years of my life and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world." Alex continued to hold Olivia's hand in her own and lightly run her thumb over Olivia's ring finger. Olivia noticed the twinkle in the blue orbs she could get lost in "What?" she asked which caused Alex to grin.

Alex leaned in a little closer and held Olivia's hand tight as she whispered "Olivia Cabot will you marry me again?"

Olivia was about to laugh when she noticed the serious look on Alex's face "What?"

Alex shifted a little which earned her a groan from the woman beneath her "I asked you if you would marry me again. I know it's not typical for a fifth anniversary but I would like for us to renew our vows on our anniversary. Liv we've been through a few rough spots in the last couple years and I just wanted to renew our vows. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It could just be me, you and the kids here at the house; we could wear jeans and be barefoot for all I care. I just want to renew our commitment to one another."

Olivia struggled to hold the tears back "I would marry you every day if I could, so yes I would love to marry you again." she pulled Alex down to her for a passionate kiss. When they finally broke apart Olivia noticed they were both crying. She reached up and gently wiped Alex's tears as Alex did the same for her. "So how are you going to pull this together in a week?"

Alex grinned "I've got most of it planned out already. I'll let you in on all the details in a few days. Just make sure you're not on call on our anniversary."

"It's already taken care of, in case you forgot I take that day off every year. Now I don't want you making any plans for that night or the next day because I have a surprise for you." Alex raised her eyebrow. "Sorry but I'm not telling."

"Please Liv?" Olivia shook her head no. Alex grinned inwardly as she lowered her head and began kissing along Olivia's jaw line "Please?" Olivia's breathing became shallow and she once again shook her head no. Alex placed her lips over the spot just behind Olivia's ear that always caused the detective to melt "Please Liv?" Alex slid her tongue over the area and knew she had her wife when she heard her breath catch.

"Okay." Olivia managed to pant out. "I've booked us a night at the Plaza, and Bill and Gail are going to come up and stay the night with the kids."

Alex pulled back and smiled "Really?"

Olivia knew it was worth the momentary torture to see Alex smile; it was the smile that Olivia knew was reserved only for her. "Yeah, I wanted to do something special for us and I've never stayed at such a nice hotel but I know you have. I wanted to give you something nice."

Olivia's confession brought tears to Alex's eyes "Oh Liv, you don't have to book a night at a fancy hotel just to give me something nice. We could have a night here alone and that would be perfect to me, but thank you." she grinned as she leaned in for a kiss "And since you've never stayed in a fancy hotel I'm glad I'll get to experience your first time."

Olivia laughed "Just add it to the list of firsts we experienced together." She pressed her lips to Alex's and sighed at the feeling she always got from kissing her wife. It was a feeling she would never get tired of. When they parted Alex slid off to the side and Olivia rolled onto her side so they were facing one another. "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex placed one last quick kiss to the brunette's lips before drifting off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Since some of you have said that I did well when I wrote a love scene before I decided to try writing another one. This is definitely the most explicit thing I've ever written, I didn't change the rating but it definitely borders on an M but I think it could still barely fall under a T rating. Please let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy.**

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Chapter 18

"Mama, I thought you and Mommy were already married?" Henry asked as Alex was finishing getting dressed.

Alex grinned and looked down at her son "Yes Mommy and I are already married but we are renewing our vows." He gave her a confused look. She picked him up and sat him on the sink so she could see him better "We made a promise when we got married to always love each other and be there for each other and we just want to make that promise again." Henry nodded, seeming to accept the explanation. Alex sat him back in the floor "You are so handsome." He was dressed in black pants with a white shirt and a blue tie that matched the blue dress she was wearing.

"You look pretty too Mama." He said as he leaned into her for a hug.

Alex wiped a tear from her eye and took her son's hand "Come on, it's time to go."

She smiled as they walked down the hall and she could hear Olivia and Jase getting ready in the guest bathroom. Bill and Gail had offered their brownstone for them to use for their ceremony. While they didn't want anything fancy they did invite more people than their wedding. Since they were in the city the guys from the precinct were coming along with Casey and Alex's family. They stood at the bottom of the stairs and waited for their signal. Alex noticed Henry was beginning to look a little nervous; she squeezed his hand "We'll do just like we practiced okay?"

"Okay Mama."

Alex smiled when she heard the song she had played the night she proposed begin to play. Henry looked up and she nodded. They walked into the living room and Alex couldn't help but smile at the friends and family who were there to support them. Once they made it to the other end of the room she stopped and bent forward to give her son a kiss before he walked over and sat down next to Gail and Bill who were holding the girls. She looked up and felt the tears begin when she saw Olivia walking toward her being escorted by Jase. Olivia was wearing pink dress while Jase was wearing an outfit that matched his brothers. The girls were both wearing pink dresses to match Olivia.

Olivia couldn't wipe the smile from her face as she approached Alex, she also couldn't keep the tears from her eyes. The day she married Alex she didn't think it would be possible to love her more but now she knew she loved Alex more than that day. She also knew that love would continue to grow. Once she was standing in front of Alex, Olivia bent forward and kissed Jase before he took a seat next to his brother. The ceremony was quick; they recited the same vows they said at their wedding and just like then they both struggled to get through them. After the ceremony they enjoyed drinks and appetizers while enjoying an afternoon with their guests. Late that afternoon they headed back home followed by Bill and Gail who were going to spend the night with the kids. Alex walked into the bedroom and looked around "I thought you said you packed our bags?"

Olivia smiled and walked into the walk in closet and stepped back out with one bag "I did." she said as she sat the bag on the bed.

Alex narrowed her eyes and opened the bag "Liv all that's in here is a change of clothes for each of us and our makeup bags."

Olivia gave Alex an almost predatory grin "I know. I don't plan on us needing any clothes till we leave tomorrow."

"I like the way you think detective." Alex wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and pulled her in for a passionate kiss.

After taking forever to say goodbye they were back in the car and headed back into the city. They checked in and headed up to their room. Alex's eyes widened when they entered the room. "Wow! This room is great Liv."

Olivia looked around the room "I did pretty good didn't I?" She sat the bag in the floor and pulled Alex into her arms "I love you."

"I love you too." Alex said as she held Olivia close to her. After looking around the room they climbed into the jacuzzi bathtub and relaxed. Alex sat with Olivia sitting between her legs relaxing back against her. She smiled when Olivia turned to face her; they slid closer and wrapped their legs around one another. Alex pulled Olivia to her for a kiss; it was soft and gentle and seemed to go on forever. Alex finally pulled away gasping for air. "I love our kids dearly but I'm loving being able to sit in a bath with you without interruption."

Olivia chuckled "I know what you mean. Remember a couple weeks ago when I had fell chasing that guy and you ran a bath for me?" Alex nodded. "Well I'm sitting there half asleep when the door opened. I thought it was you and thankfully I looked before I sat up out of the water because it was Jase. I look over and asked him what he was doing and he said he had to potty. We have two other bathrooms in the house and he chose to come in while I was taking a bath." Alex was laughing almost uncontrollably. "So like you I love our children dearly but a little alone time is perfect."

As they climbed from the water they dried off and put on the robes that were provided by the hotel. "I'm starving, how does room service sound?" Alex asked as she began looking over the menu.

"Sounds great I'm getting hungry too."

"What would you like?"

"Surprise me." Olivia said as she lay back on the bed.

Alex ordered them a simple pasta dish for dinner and a chocolate cake with strawberries for dessert. Alex rolled her eyes as she closed the door. "What?" Olivia asked.

"Did you not see how he was looking at you? He practically had you undressed and I'm sure he was imagining what he would like to do with you."

Olivia laughed which caused Alex to glare at her "I love how jealous you can be."

"I've told you before I'm not jealous." Alex huffed as she sat down at the table in front of the window that gave them a view of the city.

Olivia laughed even harder "Yes you are. You should see the look on your face when a man or woman for that matter looks at me just a little too long. It's rather sweet actually."

Alex smiled slightly "Thank you but can you honestly say you don't get mad when you catch someone checking me out?"

"No it pisses me off when I see someone checking you out. I always hated setting in court and watching guys check you out, especially the perverts you were prosecuting. It was all I could do to keep from jumping up and banging their head against the table."

Alex placed a light kiss to the brunette's cheek "As weird as it sounds that's sweet."

After dinner they settled into bed to watch a movie "Some romantic evening this is, it's our anniversary and we have the night to ourselves and we're sitting here watching a movie." Alex laughed.

"Hey now." Olivia said as she swat her wife on the arm "You're the one who wanted to watch the movie and besides we just ate dinner, you shouldn't do any strenuous activity just after eating." She said with a mischievous grin. She leaned in closer and held Alex's hand "Seriously though if all we did was sit here curled up together and watch movies all night I would be happy because I'm curled up with you."

Alex lightly pressed her lips to Olivia's "You just keep finding ways to make me fall in love with you all over again don't you?"

"It's all part of my charm." Olivia said, causing Alex to laugh, as she settled back down in the bed.

Olivia had zoned out but quickly came back to the present when she felt Alex's hand part her robe and begin sliding up her leg. Olivia looked over at Alex who was pretending to still be watching the movie. "Alex? What are you doing?"

"Hmm?" Alex kept her focus on the screen but she knew what she was doing. She continued to lightly run her finger tips along her wife's thigh slowly inching higher each time.

Olivia dropped her head back against the headboard as she felt Alex remove her hand "Alex." She whined. Alex grinned as she leaned in for a kiss. Olivia was just relaxing into the kiss when she felt Alex untie her robe and slip her hand inside. She gasped when Alex placed her hand over her breast and gently squeezed it.

Alex finally pulled back and took her robe off and tossed it to the foot of the bed before pushing Olivia's off as well. They settled down a little further into the bed. Alex leaned over the brunette "You are so beautiful."

Olivia reached up and pushed a few stray strands of hair behind Alex's ear "You are beautiful." She wrapped her arms around the younger woman's body and pulled her down to her, meeting in a passionate kiss. Olivia shifted a little so that she was lying underneath the blonde; the weight of her wife's body on top of hers was one of the best feelings in the world.

Alex slowly began working her way down Olivia's body. She smiled as she heard Olivia's breath catch as she began kissing her way down her body. "I love these." Alex said as she began kissing her way aver Olivia's breasts. She smiled inwardly as she took one in her mouth while gently palming the other causing Olivia to moan. After lavishing attention to one side she shifted to the other.

Olivia was certain she was going to pass out from lack of oxygen. They had barely gotten started and Alex had her on the brink. Suddenly Olivia remembered the gift that was hidden in their bag. "Alex, Alex, stop."

Alex sat up suddenly. She didn't know what had happened but they both knew that as soon as the word stop was uttered they would stop immediately. "Olivia what happened? What's wrong?"

Olivia pulled Alex's hand to her lips and kissed it when she realized Alex thought she had done something wrong "Nothing's wrong. I promise. I just remembered I didn't get to give you your gift." Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the stunned look on Alex's face as she jumped up and headed to the corner where their bag was sitting. She retrieved the box and walked back over to sit down beside her wife.

"Liv you didn't have to get me anything, this night alone is the perfect gift."

Olivia fidgeted with the box for a moment before handing it to Alex "Well this is more a gift for both of us, not just you."

Alex noticed the blush that was creeping up Olivia's neck; it was rather cute she thought. She unwrapped the box and her mouth dropped open when she saw what was inside. She looked up at Olivia who was blushing even more "Olivia?"

Olivia covered her face with her hands, she couldn't understand why she was blushing the way she was. "I…I… just bought it and…" she trailed off unable to find the right words.

Alex sat the box between them and took Olivia's hand in hers "Olivia there's no need to be embarrassed. Is this something you want?" Olivia nodded but still unable to make eye contact. Alex placed her hand under Olivia's chin and raised it so they were looking at one another "Olivia if there is something you want then let me know. If it's something I'm not comfortable with I'll tell you same way you'll tell me if I want to try something I'm not comfortable with. We agreed a long time ago that if it's not right for both of us then it's not right either of us." She leaned over and placed a light kiss to Olivia's lips "Now tell me, is this something you want to try?" Olivia nodded. "Okay then tell me what you were thinking when you bought it."

Olivia sighed she knew there was no need to be embarrassed in front of Alex but she couldn't help it. "I just couldn't get the image of you using it on me out of my head."

"Well let's do it then." Alex said as she opened the box and pulled the toy out.

"Are you sure? Alex I've never used anything like this before, have you?"

Alex shook her head "No I haven't but there's a first time for everything." She took a moment to look at the double ended toy, she knew how it worked that was common sense, she just needed to get past the few jitters she was having herself. Granted they had used toys on occasion in the past but normally they preferred the feel of one another over a toy. She threw the box and wrapping paper in the floor and laid the toy between them. She pulled Olivia to her and began kissing her again as she ran her hand up and down her wife's side before gently slipping her hand between her legs. She took Olivia's free hand in her own and placed Olivia's hand on her thigh. She smiled when she felt Olivia begin to slide her hand between her legs as well. Alex finally pulled back "I think you're ready." She pushed Olivia back on the bed and waited for her to get settled. Alex stood and stared at her wife who was laying in the center of the bed waiting for her, she was certain she had never seen anything more beautiful. Alex picked up the toy and gently slid it inside her body. She gasped when she finally had it in position. When she looked down she couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

"'What?" Olivia asked.

"It just looks funny that's all."

She took a moment to adjust to the feeling of it before climbing on the bed and settling on her knees between Olivia's legs. She ran her hands up Olivia's body and back down, loving what she was doing to her wife. Olivia felt as if she could barely breathe with what Alex was doing to her. "Alex, baby please."

Alex leaned in for a passionate kiss while taking the toy in one hand and began teasing Olivia with the tip of it. "Ready?" Olivia nodded. Alex pulled back to watch what she was doing. She gently began sliding the toy forward, keeping an eye on Olivia to avoid hurting her. Alex was certain that she had stopped breathing when she finally slid the last bit in and their bodies were once again touching. She propped herself up on her arms and watched the older woman as she adjusted to the feeling.

Olivia took several deep breaths as she was adjusting to the feeling their new toy was creating. She ran her hands up and down Alex's forearms as they continued to simply lay there. She finally found the strength to open her eyes and was taken aback by the look on Alex's face; it was a look of love and of want. She slid her hand behind Alex's head and gently pulled her down for a kiss.

Alex finally pulled free when the need for air became too great "Are you okay?" Olivia nodded. Alex slowly pulled back nearly sliding almost all the way out before slowly pushing back in again. She had never used a toy like this but she was beginning to think it was something she could get used to using, the look it was causing on Olivia's face was reason enough to want to use it again but she was also enjoying what it was doing to her. She kept up a slow but steady pace. She didn't want to go too far too fast and she also wanted to give Olivia the opportunity to stop if she wanted to.

Olivia was certain if Alex didn't speed up a little she was going to die. She ran her fingers through the blonde's hair "Faster." Alex gave her a look asking if she was sure to which Olivia nodded.

Alex began thrusting faster and she could feel her body creeping closer to the edge. She was doing everything in her power to hold out and wait for Olivia but she wasn't sure that would be possible. "I love you." she whispered as she leaned in and began kissing along Olivia's neck.

Olivia gasped as she felt Alex lightly nipping at her neck "Oh God, Alex!" she began running her hands up and down Alex back then down to her hips encouraging her to go faster. She pulled her hands back up and wrapped her legs around her wife's waist. This nearly led to her undoing as she felt the toy slide in just a tiny bit further. "Alex, Alex, Alex." She said in an almost panicked whisper.

When Alex felt Olivia's legs wrap around her waist she had to close her eyes and force herself not to fall over the edge. When she was sure she still had control she opened her eyes and looked down at the woman beneath her; Olivia's head was pushing down into the pillow and she was clinging to the sheet with one hand while the other was still wrapped around Alex's back. "Liv? Liv baby look at me." Olivia managed to open her eyes and Alex silently asked if she was close, to which she nodded. Alex increased the speed of her thrusts taking shallow breaths as she did so. Alex leaned in for one more passionate kiss. Olivia opened her eyes when their lips parted "Let go for me baby."

Olivia's mouth opened but the sound caught in her throat as her body flew over the edge with Alex right behind her. A long, low pitched moan was the only sound coming from Alex as her arms finally gave out and she collapsed on top of the brunette. Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and held her close; she loved feeling the weight of her wife's body against her own after making love. Olivia slowly unwrapped her legs from around Alex's waist and sighed as they fell against the bed.

Alex lay there struggling to catch her breath. She loved when Olivia would hold her close after. Sometimes it felt more intimate than what they had just done. She could feel Olivia's chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath as well. She attempted to move to allow her to breath better but Olivia just held her closer. Alex felt her hips as well as Olivia's jerk as the toy shifted, hitting them both against their most sensitive spot as her body shifted. "Oh!" They lay there for a few more minutes as they both came down. Once Alex was sure her breathing had evened out she slowly pulled from her wife's body. Olivia hissed as the toy slipped from her. "Are you okay?" Alex asked in a near panic.

Olivia placed a hand on her cheek "I'm okay." Once Alex was free Olivia found herself missing the feeling already.

Alex pulled the toy from her body and tossed it to the floor. She lay down on her side and smiled when Olivia rolled over to face her "That is something we are definitely using again!" Alex sighed as she linked her hand with Olivia's.

Olivia chuckled "I wouldn't mind using it again tonight! Once we rest a bit."

Alex grinned "Sounds perfect to me. Only this time it will be you on top, riding me." Alex felt her body tremble at just the mental image she was getting.

Olivia pressed her lips to Alex's "You've got yourself a deal counselor."

The next morning Alex groaned as she rolled over. She opened her eyes to see Olivia lying on her back looking at her. "Morning."

Olivia smiled "Morning." She watched as Alex shifted slowly and winced slightly. "Over work a few muscles there counselor?"

Alex rolled her eyes as she looked at the brunette "I'm pretty sure I over worked muscles I didn't even know I had." she leaned over for a loving kiss "But it was so worth it."

"Well I guess it's a good thing I booked us a massage this morning, isn't it?"

Alex's eyes widened "You booked us a massage?" Olivia nodded. "It's almost nine we have to be checked out in a couple hours."

"No we don't. I requested a late checkout; we don't have to be out till this afternoon."

Alex pulled her close "Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. I love you so much."

"I love you too."

They lay there in silence till their stomachs began to rumble "I think I'm going to order breakfast." Alex laughed as she stood from the bed and pulled her robe back on. She held up the menu "How does stuffed French toast sound?"

Olivia stood and put her robe on as well "Sounds good, sounds rich too."

Alex grinned almost predatorily "Well considering our activities last night I'm pretty sure we burnt off everything we ate yesterday. After placing their order she stood at the window next to Olivia as they looked out over the city. "Do you remember the last time we got to sleep till nine?"

"God I don't remember the last time I slept past seven." Olivia laughed.

"So how are the kids?"

While Alex ordered their breakfast Olivia called home to check on their children "Their good, and Gail said she and Bill were fine as well. She said Jase tried to stay up later last night but she finally got him to go to sleep, Henry as always did everything she told him too and helped her with the girls. She said the girls went to sleep pretty easy and they each woke up once a little fussy but went right back to sleep." She ran her hand through her hair and sighed "As much as I enjoyed our night and it was desperately needed, I missed them so much."

Alex chuckled "I know the feeling. I love our time alone but I love when all six of us are together."

As they pulled into the driveway Olivia sighed and dropped her head back against the seat "Do we really have to go in?"

"Yes we do." Alex said as she climbed from the driver's seat and walked around to open Olivia's door. She grabbed their bag from the back seat and took her hand as they walked up to the door. She turned to face her wife and pulled Olivia in for a chaste yet loving kiss "We've had one of the most romantic nights we've ever had and we had a relaxing massage, time to join the madness again."

Olivia pressed her lips to Alex's one last time "Let's do it then." They walked in the front door expecting a disaster area but were surprised to see everything was okay. "We're home." Olivia called out. They both began laughing when their sons came running into the room screaming their names. As always Henry made a bee line for Alex while Jase headed straight for Olivia. "Ooh I missed you so much." Olivia said as she pulled her son into her arms.

"I missed you Mama." Henry said as he hugged Alex.

Gail walked into the room carrying the girls "Judging by the look on your faces you had a good time." she smiled as both ladies blushed.

Once her aunt and uncle left Alex was thrown back into the reality that was her life; bottles, diapers, crying babies and brothers fighting. They had just sat down to dinner when Henry had a question "Mama where did you and Mommy go last night?"

"Mommy and I spent the night in the city. We stayed at a really nice hotel."

The little boy nodded "What did you do at your hotel?"

"Uh…" Alex felt the blush creep into her cheeks and looked to Olivia.

Olivia groaned, sometime she wished her son didn't share her ability to ask questions and judging by the look on Alex's face she was thinking the same thing. "We watched a movie and then went to bed." It wasn't a lie she just decided to hold a little of the truth back.

"Oh."

They thought they were safe as Henry went back to eating his dinner. That was until Jase spoke up "Did you have fun?"

This time both ladies blushed "Um yes, we had fun." Alex said as she looked down at her plate. She couldn't understand why she was so embarrassed it wasn't like her sons knew what they were doing. They were toddlers not teenagers who would have an idea of what they were doing.

Olivia grinned "I had a lot of fun."

They were settling in to bed when Alex spoke up "So you had a lot of fun huh?"

"I most certainly did. Didn't you?"

Alex closed her eyes for a moment and remembered lying on her back while Olivia was on top of her riding their newest toy. She groaned slightly at the memory of looking up at Olivia as she came undone. "I think that was the most fun I've had in a while," she ran her hand up under her wife's shirt and ran her fingers along her stomach. "And I can't wait to have that much fun again."

Olivia sighed as she snuggled back against Alex and pulled her arm tighter around her. "Me either. I love you."

Alex placed a kiss to Olivia's neck "I love you too."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: I struggled a little with this chapter. I hope you like it. Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter, I'm glad you liked it. I may consider writing another chapter like it. Let me know what you think.**

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Chapter 19

Alex pulled Halyn from her car seat before walking around the car and pulling Serena from hers. "Come on let's go get Henry." She walked up the sidewalk of the school and was grateful that Jase had gone to daycare that day. "Hey buddy how was school today?" Alex asked as her son walked from the classroom.

"Okay." He said as he took each girl's hand and made a face at them causing them to laugh. Alex smiled, their sons may fuss about their sisters from time to time but overall they loved them very much and it showed.

As they walked to the car Alex noticed Henry didn't seem himself. She tried talking to him on the ride home but couldn't get anything out of him. She decided to wait till they were home and she would try again. She sat the girls in their highchairs while Henry climbed into his seat at the table for a snack. Alex sat next to him and snuck an apple slice from his plate causing him to grin. "Henry you know if something is wrong you can tell me or Mommy, right?" He nodded. "Are you sure nothing's wrong?"

"I'm sure."

As the evening passed Alex couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong with her son. She was standing in the doorway watching Henry play with his sisters as she fixed dinner. She walked back to the kitchen when she heard the phone ring "Hello?"

"Hey I'm just leaving the precinct." Olivia said. "How's your evening going?"

Alex sighed "I think something's wrong with Henry."

"What do you mean something's wrong?" came the panicked reply from Olivia.

"Calm down I didn't mean to worry you. He just seemed like something was bothering him when I picked him up. I've asked him several times but he won't tell me what's bothering him."

"How's he acting?"

"He's acting fine now. Right now he's in the family room playing with the girls."

"I'm leaving now, I have to swing by and pick Jase up then I'll be home. I'll try talking to him after dinner."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too." Olivia said as she hung up. It was killing her to think that something was wrong with one of her children.

Alex was standing at the counter trying to finish dinner before Olivia and Jase got home when she was aware she was being watched. She turned around and smiled when she saw Henry standing next to the table. "Hey buddy, dinner will be ready in a little bit." He nodded and stared at the floor as he leaned against the counter. She was about to ask him again what was bothering him but decided to change the subject and hope he would open up to her. It was a tactic both she and Olivia had used with young victims in the past and while she hated using the same approach on one of her children she needed to know what was bothering him. "So I've almost got the invitations for your birthday party ready. Is there anyone from your class you want to invite?"

"Maddie and maybe Jack, Carrie and Ryan."

Alex wrote the names on a piece of paper "Is that all?" he nodded. She grinned at the little boy "You really like Maddie, huh?" The little girl and Henry had been friends since the first day of school.

"She's my best friend. She kinda looks like you Mama." Alex chuckled at the remark but had to admit the little girl did favor her as a child, blonde hair and blue eyes. Alex turned back to the vegetables she was steaming for dinner when Henry spoke up again "Mama if someone tells you a secret do you have to keep it a secret too?"

There it was the thing that was bothering her son, her inner prosecutor kicked in but Alex was trying her best to keep it separate from the mother in her. She picked the boy up and sat him on the counter so they were facing one another. "Henry if someone tells you a secret it's okay to not tell anyone, but if they tell you that they're being hurt or their going to hurt someone you need to tell someone." She waited a moment while he seemed to think about what she had said "Is someone hurting you?" he shook his head no which caused Alex to breathe a sigh of relief. It scared her beyond belief to think that someone could be hurting her child. "Did someone tell you they're being hurt and ask you to keep it secret?" he nodded. "Baby you know you can tell me or Mommy." Alex pulled him in for a hug and felt a few tears hit her shoulder.

"But I don't want them to get mad at me and not be my friend no more."

Alex pulled back to face him "If they're being hurt you're being a friend by telling us so they can get help."

He sat there quietly as Alex ran her fingers through his hair. She had begun to think he wasn't going to say anything when he spoke up "Maddie has a lot of bruises."

Alex felt her heart break at the sadness and confusion in the little boy's voice. "Did she tell you she has bruises or did you see them?"

He wiped his eyes before answering "I saw one on her arm the other day and asked her what happened and she said she fell down. Today we were playing on the slide and I hit her on the shoulder on accident and she said it hurt. I told her I was sorry and she said it was okay. She sat down on the bench and I sat down beside her and she pulled her sleeve up and showed me her shoulder, she had little bruises all over her arm and she had a big bruise on her shoulder." He wiped his hand across his face before Alex took a rag and began drying his tears and wiping his nose. "I asked her what happened and she wouldn't tell me at first but then she finally told me it was happening at home and I had to promise to keep it a secret."

Alex was torn between being upset because her son was hurting and being angry because someone was hurting his friend. Alex liked the little girl; she was always friendly and would always come over and talk to her and the girls when Alex would go to pick Henry up from school. "Did she tell you who at home was hurting her?" He shook his head no. "Do you know who she lives with?"

"She lives with her Mommy and she lives with her Daddy on the weekends."

Alex still didn't have much to go on it could be either parent hurting the girl. "Did she say if it happens when she's with her Mommy or her Daddy?"

"No but she always gets excited on Friday because she's going to stay with her Daddy."

Alex knew the girl lived close by as most of the kids who were in Henry's class did. "Do you know where her Daddy lives?"

"No but she said one day she was going to his house and she said her Daddy drove by our house. She said she knew it was our house cause Mommy was in the yard with Jase."

Alex nodded and was quiet for a moment before pulling him in for another hug "I'm going to talk to Mommy and I'll see what we can do."

This panicked Henry "No Mama! Maddie will be mad at me cause I told. She won't be my friend no more."

"Henry look at me." she waited till he was looking her in the eye. "Maddie won't be mad because you told us. Mommy and I have helped kids who are being hurt before and we know what to do. Mommy's a police officer remember? Mommy will know what to do."

Henry finally seemed to calm down "Okay Mama. I love you." he said as he leaned into her for a hug.

"I love you too baby." she sat him back on the floor and he took off to play with his sisters. Alex stood there for a moment to collect her thoughts. She and Olivia had wanted to protect their children from the evils of the world for as long as possible but they couldn't hide it from them any longer.

Alex was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't hear her wife and son come in. She jumped when she felt Olivia wrap her arms around her waist. "Hey you're home." She said as she leaned in for a quick kiss.

"I just checked in on Henry and he seems okay. Has he said anything yet?" Olivia asked as she looked over the stove to see what Alex was preparing.

Alex sighed and leaned back against the counter "Liv I always hoped we could protect our children from the horrors we see every day for as long as possible, but I don't think we can do that anymore."

Olivia froze "Did someone hurt him? What did he say?" If she ever found out someone was hurting one of her children there was no question in her mind what she would do. She would also be sure the body was never found.

Alex took Olivia's hand in hers and led her over to the table. She sighed as she sat down "When he wouldn't open up I changed the subject and luckily he finally opened up. No he's not being hurt but he knows someone who is." She took a moment to wipe a stray tear that was making it's way down her cheek. "Liv our four year old walked in her this evening and told me one of his friends is being abused. It killed me." Olivia silently asked who. "It's Maddie."

Olivia was certain her jaw had hit the floor. "Maddie?" Alex nodded. "Did she tell Henry she's being abused or what?"

"He said she showed him and she's got little bruises up and down her arm and a big bruise on her shoulder." Alex could tell by the look on her wife's face what her next question would be "No he didn't say who was doing it but he did say that she lives with her Mom during the week and her Dad on the weekends and she's always excited on Friday because she gets to go to her Dad's."

"So it sounds like it's the mother." Olivia said with a sigh. Her heart went out to the little girl she knew how it felt to live with an abusive mother. "Did he say anything else?"

"No but he's afraid Maddie's going to find out that he told and won't be his friend anymore. I told him we would all three talk again after dinner."

Even considering Henry's mood dinner was a noisy affair as always. Olivia and Alex would try their best to eat their own food while each one fed one of the girls. Henry and Jase would rattle on about their day although Henry was being quieter than usual, which Jase took advantage of. He told them everything he did at daycare and then everything he did while with Nanny.

After dinner and once the girls were down for the night Alex and Olivia took a seat on the couch with their son between them. Olivia took his hand in hers and held it as she spoke in a gentle tone "So Mama tells me that you're worried about Maddie." Henry nodded. "Are you sure she didn't say who was hurting her?"

"She didn't tell me but I think it's her Mommy cause she's with her Mommy all the time and she's always excited to stay with her Daddy." He looked up with tears in his eyes. "Why would her Mommy hurt her? Mommies aren't supposed to hurt a kid."

Both ladies looked at one another and by the look in their eyes each could tell their son's words had cut straight to their heart. Alex leaned down and pressed a kiss to his head "No sweetie their not. Mommies and Daddies are not supposed to hurt their kids. It's our job to protect you."

Henry looked down at Olivia's hand he was holding and began playing with the ring that her mother had given her "But why does her Mommy hurt her? You and Mommy don't hurt us."

Olivia placed her hand under his chin and tilted it up so he was looking at her "No we don't and Mama and I will never hurt you, your brother or your sisters." She waited a moment to let what she said sink in. "I know you're worried about Maddie being mad at you for telling but I don't think she will be. I'm going to call and have someone go to her house to check on her. If she's being hurt by her Mommy you don't want her to stay there do you?"

"No."

"I'll make sure that no one knows it was us, okay?" he nodded.

After putting the boys to bed the ladies walked back downstairs. "So how do we go about this?" Alex asked as she ran her hand through her hair.

Olivia collapsed on the couch with the phone in her hand "I know a detective in the local precinct. I'll call her but ask that it be kept as an anonymous call."

Alex sat quietly while listening to Olivia talk to the detective on the other end of the line. "What did she say?" she asked after Olivia hung up.

"She asked if I thought she was in immediate danger and I told her no. She's going to call child services and they will make a house call tomorrow morning and she'll go to the school and talk to Maddie." She lay her head back against the couch "I hate this Alex, I really do. We wanted so badly to protect our kids from what we've seen in our jobs and instead our son comes in and tells you his best friend is getting abused at home."

Alex pulled the brunette to her "I know, Liv the look on his face when he told just broke my heart." She looked down and noticed Olivia was growing tired "Come on let's go to bed."

"Mama. Mama."

Alex woke when she heard her name being whispered. She turned her head and squinted at her son standing next to the bed. "Henry? What's wrong sweetheart?"

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Did you have a bad dream?" she asked as she began to pull the covers back.

"I'm just sad." He said as he climbed over Alex to settle between her and Olivia.

Alex rolled onto her side and pulled the little boy close to her. She inhaled the scent of his shampoo and thought about how it always calmed her. She wrapped her arm around him and held him tight. She had never understood how a parent could hurt their child, and now that she was a parent herself she understood it even less. She smiled when she felt him tangle his fingers in her hair and drift off to sleep.

The next morning Olivia groaned when she felt the pain in her back. She rolled over and smiled when she realized the source of the pain, Henry was laying with his foot pressing into her back. Despite the pain her heart swelled when she saw her son snuggled up with her wife. She didn't recall him climbing into bed and she couldn't help but feel sorry for the boy, he must be hurting if he wanted to sleep with them. She placed a light kiss to his cheek before leaning over and kissed Alex. As her wife opened her eyes Olivia felt her breath catch at the sight. They had been together for just over five years and she knew it was a sight she would never get tired of. "Morning." She whispered.

"Mmm, morning." Alex replied.

Olivia glanced at Henry "Did he have a bad night?"

Alex nodded as she ran her fingers through her son's hair. "He woke me up around two and said he was sad and wanted to sleep with us." she grinned "And you know I can't pass that up."

They got up and went about their morning routine getting the kids ready. Olivia called Cragen and told him she would be in a little late she had something to take care of. She decided to call Carol to sit with Jase and the girls and she would go with Alex to take Henry to school. She was hoping to see Maddie and get a look at the little girl for herself.

"Hi Henry." Maddie said as she walked over to the family. She looked up at Alex and Olivia "Hi Mrs. Cabot and Mrs. Cabot." She looked back to Henry "Where's your sisters?"

"They're at home." He said as he looked back and forth between his mothers.

Olivia knelt in front of the little girl "You have very good manners Maddie, but you can call us Alex and Olivia."

"Are you sure? My Daddy said I shouldn't call adults by their first name."

"Well I would rather you call us by ours." Alex said as she knelt down as well. "You seem really happy today. Is it a special day?"

The little girl grinned "It's Friday so I get to go stay with my Daddy."

"Do you stay with your Daddy on the weekends?" Olivia asked.

"Yes but on Sunday I have to go back to Mommy's." Neither lady failed to pick up on the sadness in the child's voice.

Alex reached into her purse and pulled a party invitation out. She handed it to Henry who turned and handed it to Maddie. "Will you come to my birthday party?"

She grinned brightly "Yes but I'll have to ask." She had a sad look "I don't know if my Mommy will let me."

Alex gently lay her hand on her arm "You know what? Henry's party is going to be on a Saturday so maybe your Daddy will let you come."

This time the girl smiled "It is?" Alex nodded. "He'll let me, I know he will."

As they walked from the building Olivia was struggling to hold her emotions in. She knew without a doubt Maddie's mother was abusing her. She climbed into the passenger seat and jumped slightly when she felt Alex's hand on her arm. "Huh?"

"I asked if you were okay." Alex said with a concerned look.

"That little girl is being abused Alex. All the signs are there; sad about having to go back to her mother, not sure her mother will allow her to go to a birthday party, how happy she was when she talked about her Dad. I know what she's going through and I know how it feels for your mother to hurt you."

Alex felt her heart break again for her wife. She knew what Olivia had been through in her childhood, but she knew it still affected her wife and in turn it affected her. She had always wished she'd had a chance to meet Serena Benson so she could tell her that regardless of how badly she treated her daughter she had turned out to be the most wonderful person Alex had ever met. She took Olivia's hand and laced their fingers together before placing a kiss to her cheek "I know baby. I love you."

"I love you too."

Alex had anxiously waited for any news on Maddie all day. When she picked Henry up from school he had said that a lady had come and talked to Maddie for a while and then her father came to pick her up early. Alex was sitting in the floor as her sons played and her daughters crawled around her. They were both on schedule developmentally but Serena seemed to be the one who was trying to do everything at once. Halyn on the other hand seemed content to go with the flow. Alex was certain Serena would be the first to walk and talk.

"Mommy's home." Olivia said as she walked in the room. Halyn climbed over Alex and quickly crawled toward her Mommy. "Hey how's my girl today?" She walked over and sat down on the couch next to Alex and leaned in pressing their lips together "How's my favorite girl?"

"I'm great now." She leaned in close to whisper in Olivia's ear "Any word on Maddie?" Olivia nodded and mouthed 'kitchen' before sitting Halyn back in the floor.

Alex stood and headed toward the kitchen "Guys keep an eye on your sisters for a minute." Once in the kitchen and alone she turned to face the brunette "So?"

"Her mom was beating her." Olivia hung her head for a moment. "The detective I called said that they called her dad to pick her up from the school. Turns out the dad has been trying to get custody of her for a while but the mom had been making false allegations against the dad. She said he drank and was involved in criminal behavior. Child services had investigated him and had just closed the case on him not finding any truth to the allegations."

"So where does that leave Maddie?"

"Her father has temporary custody pending a hearing. Now with the conformation that her mom was beating her he will probably get full custody."

"That's good. How severe was it?"

"Nothing had been broken; she had bruises from her mom squeezing her arms tightly and smaller ones from being shoved and hit. She said it just started in the last few months." Olivia stopped speaking when she saw Henry poke his head around the corner. "Hey baby, do you need something?"

He walked over and Alex sat him on the counter just like she had done earlier. "Is Maddie going to be okay?"

"Yeah she is she's safe now."

"She left school early. Where did she go?"

Olivia held his hand in hers "She's with her Daddy; it looks like she's going to be staying with him from now on."

Henry smiled "That's good she said she loves staying with her Daddy." He looked between the two "Was her Mommy hurting her?"

Olivia sighed "Yes she was but that's not going to happen anymore."

The child looked confused "Why did she do it? Why did she hurt Maddie?"

They looked at one another, unsure how to explain to a four year old that some parents hurt their children. Alex placed a hand on his back "I don't know baby, we never know why some people do the things they do. Sometimes the people who do it don't know why. Other times they blame it on anything they can think of, but there is never an excuse to hurt a child."

Henry wiped his eyes "I hope she'll still be my friend."

"I'm sure she will." Alex replied as she continued to rub his back "She doesn't know you told us, and you don't have to tell her you told if you don't want to. She may never know who told, but I bet if she figures it out she'll be grateful you said something." She smiled and placed a kiss to his cheek "Mommy and I are so very proud of you."

"Why?"

Olivia smiled as she squeezed his hand "Because you saw someone was being hurt and you said something. There are so many people out there who see that something is wrong and they don't say anything. Whether she knows it or not you're Maddie's hero, you saved her life."

At this the little boy smiled. Like most boys his age he was getting into the super hero toys, Batman and Iron Man being his current favorites "Like Batman?" he asked excitedly.

This caused his mothers to smile "Yeah like Batman." Alex replied.

He reached out and hugged Alex before hugging Olivia "Thank you Mommy."

"You're welcome, but what did I do?"

"You're a police officer and you helped Maddie. You're my hero."

Alex couldn't hold back the tears at the honesty they'd just heard from their oldest. She looked at Olivia and saw the same emotion in her eyes as well. Alex knew Olivia had been called a hero by many in the past but she knew it had never meant as much as it did coming from her own son. She pressed her lips to her wife's cheek "You're my hero too." She whispered in her ear.

Olivia had to smile as she tried and failed to not cry. Hearing her son say she was his hero ranked as one of the greatest things she'd ever heard in her life. It was right up there with hearing Alex say she loved her. She looked down and pressed a kiss to the top of her son's head "You're my hero too because you were brave enough to speak up." She thought about how she had always worried about passing her genes on to a child, especially a boy, but she knew without a doubt she now had nothing to worry about. They had one of the kindest, most caring children she'd ever encountered. She knew they were doing something right.

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**A/N: I plan on jumping ahead more after this chapter, moving a little quicker through S13 & 14. Up next Elliot leaves and how Olivia reacts, as well as how Alex reacts to the news.**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Sorry for the delay, half of the next chapter is already written so hopefully it'll be up soon. I had another idea for this chapter but decided I wanted to write something happy and fluffy after last night's premiere. If you haven't seen it I won't spoil it for you other than to say; Wow! It was amazing. I never knew how much I loved and admired Olivia until last night. The same goes for Mariska as well, I have a whole new love, admiration and respect for her as an actress. The end of this chapter I'm sure falls in the M category but I really didn't want to change the rating so consider yourself warned. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 20

Alex sighed as she dropped their bags in the floor and collapsed on the couch. They had spent the day in Central Park, part of the day was spent at Victorian Gardens allowing the kids to ride the rides and the rest of the day was spent at the zoo. She looked up when Olivia walked through the door with sleeping twin girls in her arms.

"I know you're not going to leave me to carry all four kids in." Olivia said as she looked down at the blonde lying on the couch.

Alex sighed as she stood and placed a kiss on each girls cheek "No but you could've at least let me carry them they're the lightest." She followed Olivia to the family room and helped lay each girl down on the couch before heading back out to get the boys. "God he's getting so heavy." Alex said as she pulled Henry from his seat.

"This one's not so light either." Olivia replied as she adjusted Jase in her arms. It blew her mind to think about how big her children were getting. After laying the boys down she and Alex went into the living room and collapsed on the couch together. "I'm exhausted."

"Me too, but you have to admit it was fun."

Olivia smiled "I had a blast." She laid her head back and closed her eyes. It had been a busy summer and they hadn't had too many opportunities to do things together as a family. They had managed a few weekends at their home in the Hamptons and were able to spend several days there over the Fourth of July holiday, but hadn't been able to take an actual vacation. Olivia turned her head and looked at the woman sitting next to her. She smiled at the sight; she loved watching Alex sleep although she knew she wasn't asleep.

"I know you're watching me." Alex whispered.

"And just how do you know that? Your eyes are closed."

Alex took Olivia's hand in her own and pulled it to her lips for a kiss. She opened her eyes and smiled at the older woman "I know because you've been watching me sleep for almost six years now." She opened her eyes with a surprised look "My God can you believe it's been almost six years?"

Olivia leaned over and laid her head on her wife's shoulder "No I can't, some days it feels like it's been a lifetime and other days it feels like you just come home yesterday."

Neither was sure how long they had been sitting there when Alex spoke up "I'm going to miss this, maybe I shouldn't go."

Olivia reluctantly raised her head to face the younger woman "Alex don't pass this up just because of me."

"You want me to be gone for a week?" she said with a raised eyebrow and a smirk.

"I don't like being away from you for an hour let alone a week but this is a wonderful opportunity for you and I'd hate for you to pass it up because of me." she leaned in for a kiss "Don't worry we're going to miss you like crazy."

"I'm gonna miss you guys too." She laid her head back as she felt Olivia lay down and rest her head in her lap. Alex began running her fingers through the brunette's hair and thought about her upcoming trip. Several of the people she had been working with in the ICC were taking a trip to the Congo and The Hague and she had been invited to go along. It would be a weeklong trip spending a few days at both destinations. It would allow her to see what she had been helping with and to see the results of their work as well. While a part of her was ready to pack her bags the minute she was invited an even bigger part of her wanted to refuse. She wasn't sure she could leave Olivia and the kids for a week, she'd never been away from her kids that long before and it would also be the longest she'd been away from Olivia since she returned. Luckily they gave her time to make her decision which allowed her and Olivia to discuss it. She glanced down at the woman lying in front of her, she was so lucky to have someone like Olivia in her life. Olivia had told her that although she would miss her if she wanted to go she should go, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity that shouldn't be passed up. After much debating Alex accepted the invitation. Considering she would be leaving in two days was the main reason for their family outing to the park, she wanted to spend as much time as possible with her family before leaving. Olivia had also asked for the week off so they wouldn't have to worry about who would take care of the children if she was called out during the night. Alex had also been concerned about leaving Olivia to take care of all four of them. It wasn't that Olivia couldn't handle them, in Alex's eyes Olivia was the best mother in the world, she just knew how hard it was spending one day taking care of all four by yourself let alone an entire week. Thankfully they had plenty of offers from Gail and Casey as well as their neighbor Carol and her daughter Stacy to help whenever they would be needed. Alex was just dozing off when she heard the voice of her youngest son.

"Mama, Mommy wake up!" Jase said as he entered the room. Alex slowly opened her eyes and peaked at the little boy, she could also tell Olivia was awake but pretending to still be asleep. Alex watched as he walked toward them and had to hold back her laughter. He was determined to wake them up and his movements proved it, it was what Alex referred to as his 'Benson swagger' which always earned a laugh from her wife. While Jase may look like the perfect combination of the two of them his actions and mannerisms were all Olivia. And while Henry may be the miniature version of Olivia, according to his Mommy he was Alex made over in actions. Olivia always said it was because he has spent the majority of his young life with the blonde that he acts just like his Mama. Alex and Olivia both struggled to hold back their laughter as they discretely watched their son; he was standing next to the couch with his arms folded across his chest staring at them. "Mommy, Mama I said wake up!"

Before Alex or Jase knew what was happening Olivia reached out and grabbed the boy and pulled him onto the couch and began tickling him. Alex reached out and joined in, laughing at the sight of her wife and son. Once they all calmed down Alex looked at her son "So why did we have to wake up?"

"Cause we want to go swimmin."

"Who's we?" Alex asked.

"Me and Henry."

"Where is your brother?"

"He's playin with the girls they just woke up. I bet they want to swim too." He said with a hopeful look.

Alex looked down at Olivia "Well detective you're the one who wanted the pool. Get moving."

They spent a couple hours in the water before having dinner on the patio. After dinner Alex and Olivia sat in the swing, Alex against the arm with Olivia sitting between her legs, while the girls sat in the grass in front of them and the boys ran around the yard. Alex glanced down at her watch "As much as I hate to move we're going to have to get them to bed." she said as she placed a kiss to Olivia's neck.

Olivia laid her head back as she ran her hands up and down Alex's legs "Can we not just tell them to go to bed and we'll stay here?"

Alex laughed "Can you see the boys getting the twins changed and in bed?"

Olivia tilted her head back for a kiss "Oh all right I guess we can get up."

As they stood Alex wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist and pulled her back to her suddenly "I promise if you help I'll make it worth your while." She nipped at Olivia's earlobe and pulled it between her teeth.

Olivia felt her knees weaken for a moment before leaving Alex to get the girls while she wrangled their sons "Come on guys, bedtime." Alex couldn't hold back her laughter as she picked up the girls and followed her wife in the house.

After bath time the excitement of the day caught up to all four children and they were asleep before they hit the bed. As soon as she pulled the girls door shut Olivia gasped when she felt Alex push her up against the wall and begin kissing her senseless. When their kiss finally broke Olivia took a moment to catch her breath "Eager aren't we?"

"You have no idea!" Alex said as her voice lowered and she began pulling Olivia to their bedroom.

Olivia raised her head up and looked down; she felt the air leave her lungs at the sight. Alex was lying between her legs staring at her as she ran her tongue along her center. "Alex." She whispered. As much as she hated for Alex to stop what she was doing Olivia grabbed Alex's arms and pulled her up till they were eye to eye. She pulled Alex down to her for a searing kiss, their tongues dueling for control. When she pulled back Olivia looked into the blonde's eyes silently asking a question "Will you let me?"

Alex knew what Olivia was referring to and it made her heart swell that Olivia would still ask permission. "Yeah." She rose up and slowly worked her way up till she was straddling her wife's head. She reached out and grabbed the headboard for support. She couldn't take her eyes off Olivia as the brunette placed her hands on her hips and pulled her down to her. "Oh God, Liv!" she cried out as she felt Olivia slide her tongue inside her.

Olivia ran her hands up and down the body above her, she loved that Alex would let her do this for her. She wasn't sure what she loved more, being in this position with Alex above her or her straddling Alex's head. She could tell by the look on Alex's face that she was barely hanging on so she increased the speed and movement of her tongue and held on to the blonde's hips.

Alex was struggling to breathe and could feel the tremble in her legs; she only hoped she wouldn't collapse onto the woman below her. "Liv, Liv please!"

Olivia knew that just like had happened to her Alex's breasts had become sensitive after her pregnancies. She kept one arm around Alex's waist as she reached up with her free hand and cupped Alex's breast and ran her thumb across her nipple. She tightened her grip on her wife's waist. She arched her back as she felt her own orgasm take over as she watched Alex come undone.

"Ah! Liv! Oh God! Olivia!" Alex cried out. She rode out her climax as Olivia continued to run her tongue along her center. She finally couldn't take anymore "Stop."

Olivia pulled back and helped Alex to lie down beside her. She rolled onto her side to watch the blonde; Olivia loved watching Alex as she came down. Once Alex's breathing was beginning to return to normal Olivia leaned in and placed a loving kiss to her lips. "I love you."

Alex ran her fingers through Olivia's hair "I love you." she dropped her head back on the pillow "That was amazing!" she said as she let out a slight laugh.

"I'm glad you enjoyed." Olivia said as she lay down and faced Alex.

"I believe that tongue of yours is magic." Alex said as she turned onto her side to face the other woman.

"Yours is pretty amazing as well." Olivia grinned mischievously "So I believe you said something about it being worth my while helping you get the kids to bed?"

Alex gave her a surprised look "What? That wasn't enough for you?"

"Oh trust me I more than enjoyed myself but if you're too tired I guess we can stop." She squealed as Alex flipped her onto her back suddenly.

"Trust me we're not done." Alex began placing kisses along Olivia's face, jawline and down her neck. She pulled back and slid over to the edge of her side of the bed. She leaned down and pulled their double ended toy from the bottom drawer of her bedside table. "I want to try something." Olivia raised an eyebrow. Alex leaned in and whispered in her ear causing Olivia to gasp at what she said. Alex waited for a response; she wouldn't try it without Olivia's permission.

"Okay." Olivia nodded.

Alex rose up and ran the longer end of the toy between her legs coating it before running the shorter end between Olivia's. She then slid the shorter end inside herself and gasped once it was in place. She pulled Olivia up until she was on her knees facing away from her. "Are you sure?" Alex asked as she leaned over Olivia's back and whispered in her ear and teased her opening with the end of the toy. Olivia nodded giving Alex permission once again. Alex pulled back and watched as she slowly slid the toy into her wife's center. She sighed once it slid all the way in and their bodies were touching. She pulled back out before pushing in with a little more force. She ran her hands up and down Olivia's back as she continued to slide the toy in and out.

Olivia couldn't get over the sensations she was feeling. She had never in her life been in this position, mainly because she had trust issues and wanted to be able to see her partner. She'd had several of the guys she had dated in the past who wanted to try this with her but she just couldn't allow it. With Alex it was different, she trusted Alex more than anyone in the world. She moaned as Alex leaned over her back and began kissing all across her shoulders and neck. "Oh Alex, baby, so good."

Alex was struggling to hold herself together but didn't want to give in just yet. She slowly ran her hands around Olivia's waist and up her torso until she had Olivia's breasts in her hands. She continued to tease her wife while enjoying the sounds coming from the older woman. She slid her hands back down and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist and pulled her up until they were both upright on their knees as Alex continued to thrust. The new position caused a change in the angle which caused it to hit that perfect spot inside both of them; it also caused them both to cry out.

Olivia was sure her heart was about to burst from her chest. She turned her head back and wrapped one arm around Alex's neck pulling her down for a kiss. "Alex please." Olivia pleaded.

Alex knew neither would last much longer so she picked up the speed of her thrusts as she slid one hand down and began to rub her finger over the little bundle of nerves.

"Alexxxx!" Olivia cried out as one of the most intense orgasms she'd ever experienced hit her.

Alex buried her head in Olivia's neck as she cried out her own release. She wasn't sure what came over her but as they both collapsed onto the bed she pulled free and flipped Olivia onto her back before entering her again. She noticed the look of surprise on the brunette's face but it was quickly replaced with need. Alex knew it wouldn't take much to send them both over the edge again. It only took a few thrusts before they were both calling out one another's name again, along with a few profanities.

Once they both began to come down Alex slowly pulled the toy free and dropped it in the floor beside the bed. She buried her head in Olivia's neck and inhaled her scent that helped her calm even more. She started to slide off but felt Olivia wrap her arms around her and hold her tight.

"Don't go, not yet." Olivia pleaded. She loved Alex lying on her body after they made love. It was calming and soothing all at once.

Alex lay there her breathing slowly getting back to normal "I love you." she whispered as she placed light kisses to Olivia's neck.

"I love you too."

They lay there in silence for a little longer before finally separating long enough to settle down and pull the sheet up. "So what brought that on?" Olivia said with a slight chuckle as she settled in facing Alex.

Alex laughed in return and placed a kiss to the tip of Olivia's nose. "Well one I need something to get me through my week away from you but mostly because of watching you today." Olivia gave her a confused look "I love watching you with our children. You are so good with them; you're such a wonderful mother. Every time I watch you with them I fall even more in love with you."

Olivia wiped a stray tear "I fall in love every time I watch you with them too." She felt sleep beginning to overtake her body. "I love you." she whispered before finally allowing exhaustion to take over.

"I love you too."


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: Sorry for the delay. I've rewritten this chapter several times and I'm still not sure about it. I plan on jumping ahead in time after this chapter. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 21

The elevator ride ended all too quickly for Alex. She rubbed her temples as she stepped off and began walking toward the squad room. 'Of all cases to be my first case back' she thought as she walked. She had decided over the summer that she would like to return to the DA's office on a part time basis. She had also made a trip to the Congo with the ICC. She had hated the idea of leaving Olivia and the kids for a week and she knew Olivia had been worried about her going, but Olivia had insisted that she go. It had opened her eyes to so much. While she poured over cases at home and did research for the other attorneys it was nothing to seeing it firsthand. She had been allowed to meet with victims who had received justice and those who had not. This trip was part of the reason she had decided to return to her profession.

It had also been a rough couple months for Olivia and Alex had done her best to be there for her wife. Elliot had taken a leave after he shot and killed a teenage girl in the squad room. Alex knew it was killing Olivia what had happened and she knew Olivia had made attempts to contact her partner but didn't receive an answer. She had finally been able to talk to Kathy who informed her that he was dealing as well as could be expected but wasn't up to talking to anyone yet. Alex sighed as she walked into the squad room. She looked around for the brunette but didn't see her. She took a seat in her wife's chair and smiled at the picture frames that took up almost every available space of her desk. There was the picture of Olivia and her mother that had been a permanent fixture on her desk since the first time Alex met her. Then came the pictures that Alex knew meant the most to Olivia, the pictures of their family. One was of the two of them taken at the beach; Alex was standing behind Olivia with her arms wrapped tightly around the brunette's waist while they were both smiling widely at the camera. Next was Henry's first school picture, followed by one of Jase sitting on his bike that he received for his birthday and finally was a picture of the twins lying next to each other smiling at the camera.

Alex was beginning to wonder where Olivia was when she heard her name being called. She looked up and noticed Det. Rollins standing next to her. "I'm sorry?" Alex said when she realized the young woman was speaking to her.

"I'm sorry Mrs. Cabot, I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't I was just enjoying the view while waiting for Olivia." Alex said as she smiled and glanced back at the pictures.

Amanda smiled "You have a beautiful family."

"Thank you." Alex replied with a proud look. Nothing brought her more pride or happiness than her wife and children.

Amanda looked down for a moment unsure of how to say what she wanted to say. She was new here and she didn't want to upset anyone "Um a little while ago Olivia was called in the captain's office and she looked upset when she left. She headed down the hall. I wanted to go check on her but Fin and Munch both told me not to. They said to leave her alone but I think she's really upset."

Alex laid a comforting hand on the detective's arm "Thank you." She quickly headed down the hall in search of her wife. She didn't think Olivia had done anything lately to cause her to get in trouble so she wasn't sure what would cause her to be upset. She was trying to decide where to look first when she caught movement from the corner of her eye in one of the interrogation rooms. She walked over and slowly opened the door "Liv?"

Olivia straightened up and quickly wiped her eyes when she heard the door opening. She was hurt but she didn't want anyone else to see it. Then she saw the one person she knew she could break down in front of. "Alex."

Alex rushed to her wife's side "Olivia what's wrong?" she said as she pulled her into her arms. She allowed Olivia to cry for a moment. She slowly reached over and pulled the blind over the window so no one could see them. She knew Olivia was very private when it came to her emotions and she wouldn't want any of the guys to see her like this.

Olivia relaxed into her wife's embrace, she never felt as safe as she did when in Alex's arms. "It's Elliot he turned in his papers."

Alex held the woman in her arms even tighter. "Oh baby, I am so sorry." Olivia had come home a few days prior and said that IAB was looking into Elliot's jacket considering it was his sixth good shoot. Alex couldn't help but think that it was possible for him to be fired but she figured they would send him for a psych eval and counseling and then he'd be back on the job. She had to admit him retiring did surprise her a little. She allowed Olivia to cry before trying to ask any questions.

Olivia was so grateful for her wife. Alex was the only one who had ever been allowed to break down her walls and support her. When she felt the tears subside she slowly pulled back and gave Alex a sad smile when she felt the blonde gently wipe her tears away. "Thank you."

Alex placed a chaste kiss to Olivia's lips "I love you." she placed both hands on Olivia's cheeks and used her thumbs to gently wipe the few tears that were still flowing. Once she was sure Olivia had stopped she took Olivia's hand in hers and laced their fingers together "Come on let's go home." They walked back to the squad room where Alex grabbed her things while Olivia got her purse and told the Captain she was cutting out early. Considering the news she had just received he didn't object.

Everyone kept their heads down they knew when Olivia was upset it was best to leave her alone. They also knew that Alex was fiercely protective of her wife and wouldn't waste a second if one of them approached Olivia. While they still didn't know what had happened they knew it must be bad from the tear stains on the woman's face.

As they left the room hand in hand Alex caught Amanda's eye and mouthed a 'thank you'. The young blonde gave a slight smile and a nod.

After leaving the precinct Alex swung by the daycare to pick up Jase and the girls before heading home. Since she had returned to work the girls had started going to daycare with their brother most days but Gail would keep all three a couple days as well. Henry had started kindergarten and their neighbor Carol would pick him up from school and keep him till one of them arrived home.

She watched as Olivia sat in the floor playing with the girls. She knew Olivia was trying to hide her hurt in front of the kids but Alex could see right through it. She stood at the counter finishing dinner when Henry walked into the room. "Hey buddy dinner will be ready in a minute. Would you like to help?"

"Yeah." He said as he walked over to stand next to his Mama.

"Okay there are the plates you know what to do." Alex smiled as she watched her son take one plate at a time from the counter and set the table.

"Mama, is Mommy okay?"

"Of course she's okay. Why?"

The little boy looked up at her "I don't know she just looks sad. Did something at work make her sad? Did one of us make her sad?"

Henry was now old enough to know that his Mommy's job sometimes made her sad. Alex's heart broke when he asked if one of them had made Olivia sad. Alex sat in a chair and pulled her son onto her lap. She wasn't sure how to explain it to him but she and Olivia had always said they would be honest with their children. "Mommy is sad but it's not because of you guys. Mommy and I love you guys so much and you could never make us sad. Okay?" she waited until he nodded that he understood. She took a deep breath before continuing "Mommy's sad because Elliot retired." The confused look his face told Alex she needed to explain further which she did.

"So Mommy's sad because she won't get to work with Elliot no more?" Alex nodded. Henry smiled the smile that never failed to melt Alex's heart "After dinner I'll color her a picture so she won't be so sad."

Alex nodded as she took a second to hold back her tears back; she was always overwhelmed at how caring their children were. "I think Mommy would love that."

After an evening filled with bath time, story time and bed times both ladies were exhausted. "Why don't you let me run you a bath while I go down stairs and straighten up?"

"I think I'm just going to take a quick shower and go to bed." Olivia loved the thought of a relaxing bath after the day she'd had but more than that she just wanted to curl up in bed and forget the captain had ever called her into his office. She knew the day was coming that one of them would retire she just didn't expect it to be so soon. Once she was done she pulled on a t-shirt and climbed into bed. She lay there silently wishing she had asked Alex to join her. At that moment the only thing she wanted was her wife holding her.

Alex went through her nightly routine as fast as possible. On days they both worked their mornings were so rushed that she made sure as much as possible was done the night before. She double checked Henry's backpack before packing the diaper bag and a bag that Jase would be taking to Gail's. She was just setting her briefcase on the sofa when her phone rang. She groaned at the thought of one of the detectives catching a case and needing her to get a warrant. However her jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw whose name was on the screen. "Hello?"

"Hi Alex, its Kathy. I hope I didn't wake you."

"Uh no, no. I was just straightening up and getting things ready for tomorrow." Alex was still surprised by the late night call.

"I know how that is."

"Not to be rude Kathy but I'm sure you didn't call just to talk about how we both know how much work it is taking care of several children."

Alex could hear Kathy sigh over the phone "You're right. I'm sure Olivia has told you about Elliot by now."

"She has."

"Alex you have to know I tried to get him to tell her himself but he wouldn't do it. I know she's been trying to call him but it's like he won't listen."

Alex could tell the other woman was upset "Kathy I can't imagine what he's been going through but Olivia has been so worried about him. She just wants to help him. Do you know she has been at your house several times trying to talk to him but he won't answer the door?"

"I didn't know that." Alex could tell by the surprise in Kathy's voice that she was telling the truth.

"She has called him numerous times and I know she's been by a few times as well. Kathy all she wants to do is be there for him. I know she and Elliot has had their issues through the years, and I know Elliot and I have had our issues as well, but can't he talk to her just once?" Alex was silent for a moment. "I don't remember the last time I saw her as upset as she was today."

"Alex I don't know how to say this but Elliot said he doesn't want anything to do with anyone from the squad," she was quiet for a moment "Including Olivia."

"He what?!" Alex couldn't believe what she was hearing. She was struggling to keep from letting loose on Kathy. She knew it wasn't the other woman's fault.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry to tell you this but I can't get through to him. Alex you know I think the world of you and Olivia both and I think he's being an ass but I can't get him to change his mind. I think it would probably do him some good to talk to her but he refuses to listen to me. I don't mean to make you angry but could you possibly talk her in to backing off for a while? Maybe I can convince him to talk to her or someone, but right now he just doesn't want to deal with it."

"You're right he is being an ass. I know he's dealing with something pretty heavy and I hate that he's going through it, but he was her partner for twelve years. She deserves more than just to be brushed off like she's nothing."

"I know Alex and I'm sorry. I hope we can all move past this someday." Kathy said as she hung up.

Alex stared at the phone in her hand. She wasn't mad at Kathy she was just trying to help her husband. Elliot on the other hand, she was furious with him. She sat down on the couch and tried to calm down, there was a part of her that wanted to drive to Queens and tear Elliot a new one but an even bigger part of her just wanted to comfort her wife. She climbed the stairs and felt her heart break as she entered their bedroom. Even in the dark she could tell Olivia was crying. Alex walked over to the bed and stripped down to her tank top before sliding in bed. "Hey." She said as she curled up and pulled Olivia to her.

Olivia quickly tried to wipe her tears "Hey." She snuggled back into the blonde's embrace. She was trying her best to hold back the tears but being wrapped in the love and safety of Alex's arms caused her tears to begin all over again. "Why Alex? Why? Why couldn't he tell me he was retiring? Do I mean so little to him that he can't at least pick up the phone and tell me himself?" She was sobbing by this point and could feel a tightening in her chest.

"Oh baby, I'm so sorry about this." Alex said as she held Olivia even tighter.

"Does all that time mean nothing to him? I know he's struggling with what he did, but I thought I meant a little more than this. I've put my career, hell I've put my life on the line for him, and he can't even call? What is wrong with me Alex?"

Alex quickly pulled Olivia over till they were facing one another. She wrapped one arm around the brunette's waist and held her tight as she looked into her eyes "Olivia there is nothing wrong with you. You are the strongest, most wonderful person in the world. I don't ever want you to think different. Okay?"

Olivia slowly nodded. There was no one in the world that could make her feel as important and loved as Alex could. "I'm sorry I know I should just accept it and move on but it's so hard."

"No you shouldn't just accept and move on. Olivia you are grieving and it's okay to be upset. Whether he and I always got along, whether you two always got along, he was a big part of your life. An important part of your life, but don't ever think that it's your fault." She debated telling Olivia what Kathy had called and said but decided to leave that minor detail out "I think he may just be needing time to come to terms with it all. Maybe he just can't face you guys right now. Give him time I'm sure he'll come around." She leaned over and began kissing away Olivia's tears.

"I love you." Olivia whispered.

"I love you too."


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: Thank you for the response to the last chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed. This chapter jumps about three years into the future. I had someone ask about the ages of Alex and Olivia. I left Alex's age the same as Stephanie's and I made Olivia a little younger than she is on the show and of course younger than Mariska. So as of this chapter Alex is almost forty and Olivia is forty six. I love hearing your opinion so let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 22

"Mama, we're going to be late!" Eight year old Henry shouted from the bottom of the staircase.

Alex sighed as she ran down the stairs "For the hundredth time, we're not going to be late." It was Henry's little league team's last game and he didn't want to be late. "Where's Olivia?" she asked as she looked around the room making sure she wasn't forgetting something.

"She already took Jase and the girls to the car."

Alex turned and looked at her son as he stood by the door waiting on her. Some days she just couldn't get over how quickly he was growing up, how quickly all four of their children were growing up. Henry was now eight and still the miniature version of Olivia, except for his blue eyes. She wrapped her arm around his shoulder as they walked out the door "Come on bud let's go win one more." Alex couldn't help but laugh as she walked out the door; Olivia was chasing Jase who was chasing both girls trying to get them into the car. "You're slipping detective. You can't even catch a six year old and two three year olds."

Olivia stopped for a moment as she finally grabbed Halyn and threw her over her shoulder causing the little girl to squeal. "I caught one!" she called out as she walked to the car followed by Jase who had managed to catch Serena.

As they walked into the park Henry looked up at Alex "You're not going to embarrass me, are you?"

Alex looked shocked "I don't do anything to embarrass you, do I?"

Henry's eyes almost popped out of his head "You're louder than anyone else in the stands!"

"I'm your own personal cheerleader."

"She's gonna embarrass me." he said as he looked at Olivia before kissing them both and running off to join his team.

"Go baby!" Alex shouted as Henry hit a home run. She and Olivia both stood to cheer their son on. "That's my baby!" She pointed out to everyone in the stands.

Olivia reached up and pulled her back down beside her "Alex it's the end of the season, everyone here knows he's your baby."

After the game they sat in a local ice cream parlor "You did great today." Alex said as she leaned over and hugged her son again.

"Thank you Mama." He sat his milkshake down "So when are we going on vacation?"

Olivia began laughing "Excited are you?" All four children nodded. "Two weeks." Olivia said as she held up two fingers.

"Why do we have to wait two weeks?" Jase asked in an almost whiny voice.

"That's when we have it booked for one thing but because Mommy has an important day coming up and we have to be here for that first." Alex smiled at her wife. She reached across the table and squeezed Olivia's hand when she noticed the tears in her eyes.

Jase looked up at Olivia "Are you really going to be home all the time now?"

"Yep, in two days I'll officially be retired. I'll be home with you guys more often now." Olivia swallowed hard trying not to cry in front of her children. She had finally made the decision to retire from the force. It had not been an easy decision and she and Alex had spent many hours discussing it and even crying over it, but she finally came to the decision that it was time. She felt like she had missed out on so much of her children's lives and she wanted to spend time with them while they were still young. She had turned her papers in for her retirement to be official at the end of the month. She had wrapped up her final case on Thursday and spent Friday finalizing paperwork. On Monday she would go in and clean out her desk and she would officially be retired.

"And I couldn't be happier." Alex said. She was thrilled that Olivia would finally be off the street. She hoped she would finally be able to relax and not worry every time Olivia walked out the door. Alex was also 'retired' now. She had spent a few years with the DA's office but had decided that it was no longer where her heart was, her heart was now at home with her kids. She was now volunteering with a victim's advocacy group.

As they finished their ice cream and began walking towards the car Olivia slipped her hand into Alex's "You couldn't be happier, huh?"

"Nope, I've finally turned you into a kept woman." She placed a quick kiss to Olivia's cheek and laughed as Olivia rolled her eyes.

* * *

Olivia sighed as she looked around the squad room. It wasn't the same precinct that she had walked into all those years ago but it had been her second home and the people she worked with had been her second family. She looked at the empty desk in front of her; Alex had carried down the last box allowing Olivia to have a few minutes alone. She jumped slightly when Fin, Cragen, Amanda and Nick entered the room. "Hey guys." She said as she tried to hold back the tears.

"I never thought I'd see the day." Cragen said as he pulled Olivia in for a hug.

"I know I thought for sure we'd have to roll you out of here in a wheelchair." Fin said as he stepped up to hug the brunette.

"Yeah well just remember you're older than I am." This caused everyone in the room to laugh.

"It's been an honor." Amanda said with a few tears in her eyes which caused Olivia to tear up.

Olivia pulled the blonde close "Same here." She pulled back and began laughing "You're the only female now. I know how that feels. Don't let these guys try and run over top of you."

"They should know me well enough by now to know I won't let 'em." Amanda laughed.

Nick stepped up last, he wrapped his arms around Olivia and she returned the hug. There were no words that needed to be exchanged between the partners. They had worked together long enough to know what each other was thinking and feeling without speaking. Olivia pulled back when she heard Alex walk back into the room. She smiled when Alex took her hand and held it tight.

"Ready?" Alex asked. She knew this was probably the most difficult thing Olivia had ever done, she didn't want to rush her only support her.

Olivia took one last look around before smiling "Yeah, I am." She turned and began walking toward the elevators. She turned back to look at her friends "Don't be strangers! We're going to have to plan a cookout soon." All four detectives nodded in agreement; even though they were smiling the sadness was evident in their faces.

"Are you okay?" Alex asked as they stood waiting for the elevator. Olivia nodded. They ride was silent and once they were downstairs Olivia said goodbye to a few more officers before heading out and getting into their car. As soon as the door closed she allowed the tears to finally fall. Alex wrapped her arm around her wife's shoulder and pulled her close "Oh baby. It's okay, let it out." Once Olivia calmed down Alex cupped Olivia's face with her hands and wiped her tears with her thumbs. She pressed her lips to Olivia's in a gentle kiss "I love you."

Olivia smiled "I love you too." She gave Alex another quick kiss "Come on, let's go home and start the rest of our lives."

It had only been two days since Olivia's retirement and she had loved every minute of it. When she made the decision to retire her biggest fear was missing the job, but in reality she didn't miss it at all. She loved being able to tuck her kids into bed, being able to have breakfast with them, and the icing on the cake was not getting called out in the middle of the night. As soon as the kids were in bed she walked back downstairs and took a seat on the patio with Alex "Nice night."

"It is isn't it?" Alex had never in all the years they'd been together seen Olivia so relaxed. They were sitting there silently when Alex felt Olivia's lips on her neck "Liv?"

"What? I don't have to get up early for work anymore; the kids are on summer break so we don't have to get them up. Am I missing something?" Olivia whispered as she continued to kiss along Alex's neck before biting her ear lobe and pulling it between her teeth.

Alex felt the familiar pull low in her stomach "I think we need to move this upstairs." Alex whispered as she pulled Olivia to her for a passionate kiss.

Alex collapsed on the bed, struggling to catch her breath as they both came down. She loved how even after eight years together it always felt like the first time with Olivia. "That was…"

"Amazing?" Olivia asked with a chuckle.

Alex smiled and leaned over for a kiss "I don't even think amazing comes close to describing it." She laughed as Olivia rolled her onto her back and began kissing her.

Olivia was losing herself in the feel of Alex's hands roaming her body as she continued to kiss her. She moaned as she slid her tongue into the blonde's mouth and felt Alex kissing her back. She had begun to lose herself when she felt Alex pull away suddenly. Olivia opened her eyes and looked down; she couldn't quite place the look on Alex's face it was a mix of shock, surprise and concern. Olivia panicked for a moment "Alex? Sweetheart what's wrong?"

Alex froze she was trying to tell herself not to panic but was slowly losing the battle. She couldn't move her hand from where it was resting on the underside of Olivia's left breast. "Liv, have you felt this?"

"Felt what?" Olivia sat up followed by Alex.

Alex took Olivia's hand in her free one and moved it to where her hand was still resting. She placed Olivia's hand on her breast and pressed down lightly "There's a lump there." Alex couldn't help the few tears that escaped her eyes.

Olivia could instantly feel what Alex was talking about. She was scared but at the same time was trying to remain calm, if not for herself for Alex. "Um no, I've never felt it." She felt around for a few more minutes before finally removing her hand. She couldn't help the tears as Alex began to feel her other breast. There was nothing sexual about the moment it was a simple and loving gesture by her wife.

Alex was doing her best to remain calm but all she could think was they had just found a lump in Olivia's breast. She felt a slight relief when she didn't find any more. She lay back on the bed, pulling Olivia down with her and then wrapped the sheet around them. "You need to call your doctor first thing in the morning."

"I am." They both were quiet for several minutes. "Alex don't worry. It's going to be okay." She rose up and gave Alex one more kiss "I love you." she lay back down and tried to calm her nerves but her mind had a million thoughts running through it. Olivia knew she wouldn't be getting any sleep that night.

"I love you too." Alex began running her fingers up and down Olivia's back. It was an attempt to not only calm Olivia but to calm herself. It was going to be a long night.

Olivia sat on the table trying to pull the paper gown tighter around her "I hate these things." She shivered slightly "It's freezing in here too."

If Alex wasn't so worried she would've laughed at her wife. She had always thought about how cute Olivia was when she was it came to doctors, sometimes it bordered on aggravating. There were times their children acted better when it came to a doctor visit. In an attempt to calm Olivia as well as help her warm up Alex stepped between Olivia's legs and wrapped her arms around her holding her close. She ran her hands up and down the brunette's back and whispered words of comfort to her. They separated when the door opened and the doctor entered.

"Good morning Olivia, Alex." Dr. Jones said as she entered the room. She went about asking her questions and both ladies explained what they had found, leaving a few details out of course. Alex sat next to Olivia and held her hand through the entire exam. They both became more concerned when after her physical exam Dr. Jones sent Olivia for a mammogram.

Afterwards the nurse turned to face her "Olivia I'll let you go ahead and get dressed and then Dr. Jones will see you."

Olivia nodded and began to dress after the nurse left the room. She was slowly beginning to panic and was grateful for Alex's presence she knew she would've never gotten dressed without the blondes help. Once she was dressed a nurse showed them to Dr. Jones private office. They sat side by side holding hands and trying to think of anything to keep their mind off what the doctor was going to say. Alex looked at Olivia and placed her hand on the older woman's cheek turning it till they were facing one another "Olivia no matter what happens I love you. I love you more than anything in this world and I will stand by you no matter what."

"Thank you. I love you too." She pulled Alex to her for a quick kiss before the doctor entered the room.

Dr. Jones took a seat behind her desk. She turned the monitor so both ladies could see it. The picture on the screen was from the mammogram "Olivia I did find a tumor. It's right here." She said as she pointed to the screen. She looked at the anxious couple "I consulted with an oncology specialist here in the building. I'm going to set you up with an appointment to have it removed."

Alex and Olivia both felt the air leave their lungs. Maybe this was worse than they thought. "When?" Alex asked when she found her voice.

"As soon as possible. The oncologist I spoke to is one of the best. She said she could put you on her schedule for tomorrow morning." She noticed the tears and the terrified look on their faces. "Ladies I know you have a million thoughts going through your mind right now but try not to panic. It could be nothing. We are erring on the side of caution here. At first I was just planning to do a biopsy but after seeing the mammogram I believe that removal would be the best course of action."

Alex could barely think as they went over all the information concerning Olivia's surgery. All that kept going through her mind was Olivia could have cancer. She shook the thought from her mind when she realized they were almost finished.

"Do you have any more questions?" Dr. Jones asked.

Alex finally worked up the nerve to ask the question that had been racing through her mind "Is it cancer?"

Dr. Jones sighed, she had been in this position many times but it was never any easier. "I can't say for sure, not until it's removed and we test it. I don't like to speculate."

Alex squeezed Olivia's hand then pinched the bridge of her nose with her free hand "I understand but can't you give us anything? Is it possible?"

Both ladies felt the tears begin sliding down their cheeks as the doctor spoke in a serious tone "Yes, there is a very real possibility that Olivia has cancer."


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The sun was slowly beginning to rise as people made their way to work. It was shaping up to be a beautiful day but it did nothing to calm the nerves of the two ladies driving towards the hospital. Alex glanced over at her wife then to their entwined fingers, she was falling apart inside but had vowed to remain strong for Olivia. They had made a point to not discuss the situation in front of the kids seeing as there was no reason to worry them any sooner than necessary. Alex had called Gail and gave her the minimum details before asking if she could stay the night with the kids, which the older woman agreed.

They sat in the waiting room in silence. Olivia couldn't help but study the other people in the room. It was one of her detective habits she was convinced she'd never get rid of. She couldn't help but wonder; how many were there for a simple procedure, how many by the end of the day would have their lives changed forever? Olivia knew she was in the latter category; her life was on the verge of changing. She thought back to the night before.

_Olivia stood in the bathroom allowing the water from the shower to run until the room was filled with steam. She was doing something she rarely did which was stare at her naked self in the mirror. Her eyes were focused on her breast, almost as if she was trying to see through the skin to the invading object that wasn't supposed to be there. She stepped into the shower and finally allowed the tears to fall for the first time since they had left the doctor's office. She and Alex had sat in the car and cried for what felt like ever before heading home. Stacy was home from school and had babysat for them while they went to the doctor. They hated to lie to the girl but they didn't want to say anything about where they were going without knowing what they were dealing with._

"_Olivia? Baby?" Alex called out as she stepped into the bathroom and slightly pulled the shower door open._

_Olivia furiously wiped her tears "I'm okay Alex."_

"_Care for some company?" _

_As badly as she wanted to be alone Olivia knew she needed Alex more. "Always." She allowed Alex to wrap her arms around her as she melted into the blonde's embrace. Olivia let out a sigh as she felt Alex running her hands over her body. It wasn't a sexual moment; she knew Alex wasn't trying to work her up. However she knew Alex was loving her and comforting her. Olivia pulled back when she felt Alex's hand graze over the underside of her left breast._

"_What?" Alex asked with a concerned look. "Does it hurt? Did I hurt you?"_

_Olivia wiped the tears that were threatening "No, it doesn't hurt." She placed a hand on Alex's arm "And you could never hurt me."_

"_Then what is it?"_

"_Alex I might have cancer!" Olivia said as her emotions came crashing down._

_Alex felt her heart clinch at the thought of her wife having cancer "Right Olivia, you might. You might have cancer. You might not have cancer. We don't know yet. All we know is there is a lump in your breast. It could be noncancerous for all we know." Alex held her tight. _

"_Not a lump Alex, a tumor. She called it a tumor, remember?"_

"_Yes and there are tumors that aren't cancerous either." She began to run her hand along Olivia's breast again and once again was surprised when the brunette pulled away "Olivia why'd you pull away?"_

"_It's stupid." She said as she turned to face the wall. She folded her arms across her chest as she felt Alex's hand on her shoulder turning her around to face her._

"_No it's not stupid. If something is bothering you tell me. Let me help you." Alex looked at Olivia's chest where her arms were folded and it suddenly dawned on her. "Olivia does me touching your chest or looking at it bother you?"_

_Olivia sighed "No actually I love it." she blushed slightly as Alex smiled. "But I also know that you have always been a boob girl."_

_Alex grinned "Only when it comes to you." her smile faltered slightly at the look on Olivia's face._

"_See that's what I mean Alex. What if they take this out and it is cancer? What if it's bad? What if…" she began crying again._

_It was suddenly clear to Alex. She stepped close and placed her hand on Olivia's chin until they were looking eye to eye "What if they have to remove your breast?" Olivia began sobbing all over again. "Oh baby." Alex said as she allowed her own tears to fall. It was a thought that had been in the back of her mind all day but she kept burying it, until now when Olivia helped bring it to the forefront. She allowed her wife to cry as she held her. Alex couldn't even imagine what Olivia was going through at the moment, but she did know that she was going to be at her wife's side the entire way._

_When Olivia felt her tears begin to subside she pulled back "What if they do have to remove it? Alex it's a part of me. I nursed our son from it. Not to mention how much you love them." a ghost of a smile came across her face at the last comment. "It's part of who I am Alex. I'll be different, I'll look different. I won't be the same."_

_Alex placed her hands on either side of Olivia's face and stared into her eyes; she could see the fear, sadness and worry there. Alex was feeling the same emotions but she was hoping she was projecting concern, support and most importantly love. "Olivia things may change but you will still be you. I fell in love with you, not just the body on the outside but the person on the inside as well. I fell in love with all of you. I love you, and yes I may love your breasts," Alex grinned but smiled wider when she earned one in return from Olivia. "But they are just one of your many assets that I love." To make her point Alex slid her hands down to Olivia's hips and gave them a gentle squeeze as she gave her a loving kiss. She pulled back and smiled "See a couple more things about you I love."_

"_Thank you. But can you honestly say that if I were to have one removed, or God forbid both, that you wouldn't see me any different?"_

_A small part of Alex couldn't believe that Olivia would think she would view her differently but at the same time Alex thought she might think the same thing if the situation was reversed. "Yes Olivia I can honestly tell you that if that's what it comes to I won't view you any differently. You will still be the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on." She began leaning in and stopped just millimeters from Olivia's lips "I love you."_

"_I love you too." Olivia replied before closing the gap and pressing their lips together._

Alex sat next to the hospital bed holding Olivia's hand. She was allowed to stay with her until she would be taken to the OR. The doctor had already came in and talked to them and then the nurse administered the medication to Olivia to help her relax. Alex was trying to watch the morning news until she felt Olivia pulling her hand. She looked over "Do you need something?"

"You so pretty." Olivia said with a goofy smile.

Alex threw her head back and laughed "I'm wearing jeans and a sweatshirt and my hair is in a ponytail."

"But you still pretty." Olivia said with a giggle.

Alex leaned over for a kiss "You're pretty too." They sat there in silence for a bit before Olivia began giggling. Alex quirked an eyebrow "What?"

"You had my baby."

"Yes I carried your baby. What's so funny about that?"

"You had my baby. I knocked you up." Olivia said as she burst out laughing.

"God you're not right." Alex said as she rolled her eyes.

When they came to take Olivia to the OR Alex was allowed to walk with her to the doors. Once there the orderly stepped back to give them a moment. Alex held Olivia's hand tightly as she leaned over and ran her free hand through Olivia's hair. "You're going to be fine." Olivia nodded sleepily. Alex pressed their lips together "I'll be waiting when you get out. I love you."

Olivia managed a faint smile "I love you too."

Alex sat in the waiting room with a cup of lukewarm coffee and a book in her hand. She was trying to read but gave up and threw the book in her bag when she realized she'd read the same page three times and still didn't know what it said. She looked down at her watch, Olivia had now been in surgery for a little over half an hour and it should last about an hour. She laid her head back against the wall. All she could think about was Olivia and would she be okay? The thought that had been running through her mind was that Olivia had just retired, why did this have to happen? Their kids are so young and they needed Olivia, she needed Olivia. She was pulled from her thoughts when she heard her phone ring. She breathed a sigh of relief when the nurse told her Olivia was out and in recovery and the doctor would be out to speak with her shortly.

"Mrs. Cabot?" Alex stood and took the doctor's proffered hand before they both sat back down.

"Is Olivia okay?"

Dr. Jennings smiled "She did wonderful." Alex breathed a sigh of relief. "We were able to remove the entire tumor and I didn't see any signs of any spreading while I was in there. I also have a bit of good news." Alex looked at her expectantly. "It was smaller than we expected so that works in her favor."

Alex allowed a few tears to escape, she was still terrified at what the results would be but she was holding on to hope. Hearing that the tumor was smaller than expected was the best thing she'd heard all day.

"So what now? Do you know if it's cancer?"

"It was sent to a pathologist for testing." She gave her an apologetic look "The only bad news I have is that with it being Friday we probably won't have the results until Tuesday or Wednesday. If we're lucky it could be Monday."

Alex's face fell; it was going to be a long weekend. She sat there quietly for a moment absorbing what she'd just heard "Okay, so what do we do now?"

"Well right now you can go and see your wife. She'll stay here for a while and then if she's doing okay you can take her home this afternoon. The only thing I ask is that she takes it easy for a few days."

Alex laughed lightly "That's easier said than done. Olivia has never been one to sit around, even now that she's retired. We have four children so she feels that she has to be on the go at all times."

The doctor laughed "So that's whose names she was saying as she was going to sleep." Alex had a confused look "She said your name but she was also saying Henry, Jase, Halyn and Serena."

"That would be our four kids."

Dr. Jennings stood and shook Alex's hand one last time. "Well like I said I'd like for her to try and take it easy for a few days. Mrs. Cabot I know you're worried and I don't blame you but the odds are in her favor. She's young, healthy and in great shape."

Alex thanked her one more time before a nurse led her to Olivia's room. Once inside she sat down gently on the edge of the bed and took Olivia's hand in her own. Alex brushed the hair from Olivia's face before placing a kiss to her forehead.

"Alex?" Olivia asked her voice raspy and thick with sleep.

"I'm here baby." she placed a quick kiss to her lips "How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy."

"I'm sure you are. The doctor said everything went well and it was actually smaller than what they thought. So that's good news." Olivia smiled slightly and nodded. "Sleep baby, I'll be right here when you wake up."

The weekend seemed to drag on forever. Olivia had come home on Friday afternoon and was doing well considering what she was going through. The kids had been curious as to why Olivia wasn't playing with them like she usually did but they explained that Olivia wasn't feeling well and she would be back to playing with them as soon as she felt better. Alex was almost certain that Henry wasn't buying it but he wasn't asking about it. By Sunday night Alex could tell that Olivia's nerves were at their breaking point. Alex walked out on the patio and took a seat beside her "Hey are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Olivia stared off in the distance. She was trying to stay positive but it was so difficult. She knew she could hear as early as the next day the results of her surgery and she couldn't get her mind off it. The kids had helped keep her mind occupied but the quiet times once they were in bed was when her mind would really wander. Then there was Alex, she didn't know where she would be without the blonde. She was trying her best to hold her emotions in but as Alex took her hand and began running her free hand through her hair Olivia knew she was going to lose the battle. The final push over the edge was when Alex placed a kiss to her head "Why now Alex? Why did this have to happen now? Things are so perfect right now. I've retired and can finally spend time with you and the kids and then this happens." She turned to look at her wife "And what about the kids? They're so young I want to be around to see them grow up. Then there's us, I have to be here to grow old with you."

Alex was crying too but didn't bother to wipe her tears "You will be Olivia. You are going to be here to see our kids grow up, and we're going to grow old together." she waited a minute before speaking again "Do you want to postpone our vacation?"

Olivia turned and answered quickly "No! I mean no. The kids are looking so forward to this and so am I. Besides depending on what the tests say all our lives are going to be interrupted, including the kids. I don't want to interrupt their lives any more than I have too."

Alex nodded before standing and pulling Olivia up with her. "Ready for bed?"

Once in bed Alex curled up behind Olivia and wrapped her arms around the brunette, being mindful of her incision. She felt Olivia grasp her arm and she quickly tried to pull back "I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No. I'm fine." She pulled Alex's arm tighter around her. She stayed quiet for a moment swallowing her tears before whispering "Don't let go Alex. Please, don't ever let go."

Alex pressed her lips to the back of her wife's neck "Never, I promise I'll never let go. I'll love you forever and a day Olivia."

Late Monday afternoon Alex was watching Olivia, who was watching the kids play from the patio, when the phone rang. She looked at the screen and took a deep breath when she saw the name "Hello?"

"Alex this is Dr. Jones, is Olivia home?"

"Just a minute." Alex said as she headed toward the sliding door and called out for Olivia.

Olivia could barely breathe as she took the phone from Alex. As she was listening to what the doctor had to say she reached out and grabbed the counter. Alex was standing beside Olivia but couldn't hear what was being said. When she saw Olivia grab the counter she felt the air leave her lungs. She began crying when she saw the tears in Olivia's eyes as well. She waited for Olivia to hang up before speaking "Well?"

Olivia looked up with tears streaming down her face "It's benign. It's benign." She whispered.

Alex wasn't sure what to do; all she could register was the word benign. She finally managed to stammer out "So… so it's not cancer?" she reached out and pulled Olivia to her.

Olivia shook her head no and dissolved into tears when Alex wrapped her in her arms "I don't have cancer."

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**A/N: I know there are so many out there who have been affected in some way by this disease. I hope I was able to do this chapter justice. Thank you for your response to the last chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one, let me know what you think.**


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

Olivia groaned as the alarm clock went off. It was the first day of school and it was also the first time she had gotten up before six am since she retired. She hit the snooze before rolling over and shaking Alex's shoulder "Hey, time to wake up."

Alex threw her arm over her eyes "Do we have to?"

Olivia snuggled close to her and buried her face in the blonde's neck "Yeah we have too. Who's going to get the kids ready if we don't?"

"They can get themselves ready."

Olivia laughed "The boys might do okay but can you imagine what the girls would look like?"

Alex laughed as she thought about what her daughters would come up with if allowed to dress themselves. The four year old twins had attempted to get dressed on their own on occasion but their mothers wouldn't dare let them leave the house in their outfits. She remembered the day they came down stairs ready to go to the grocery store; Halyn was wearing her Cinderella nightgown with sweatpants and her polka dot rain boots while Serena was wearing a bright pink tank with shorts, lime green socks and sandals. "I've got two words for you, grocery store."

Olivia burst out laughing as she remembered the exact moment Alex was talking about. "My point exactly." They lay there till the alarm sounded again and finally climbed from bed. Olivia headed downstairs to start the coffee and set the table for breakfast. She thought back over the summer, it had been one of the best summers of her life. It had started out bittersweet when she retired from the force but it wasn't something she regretted. Then came her cancer scare; she had spent five days worrying about her life, her family's life and if she would be there for them. After finding out she didn't have cancer Olivia felt as if she had a new lease on life. She spent every day being thankful for her wife, her children and the fact that she got to spend her life with them. Once she had everything on the table she headed upstairs to help Alex get the kids up.

Alex stood in the hallway waiting for Olivia. She hated that summer was over but even though it had started out with a health scare Alex wouldn't trade their summer for anything in the world. A week after Olivia's health scare they went on their family vacation to Disney World. Bill and Gail had accompanied them to help with the kids and it also allowed them to go to dinner a couple times by themselves, never mind the fact that the kids loved having Nanny and Gampa tag along. They spent a week touring the Magic Kingdom, riding rides and chasing down every Disney character there was. They spent most of the month of July at their home in the Hamptons and Alex was sure she had never seen Olivia as relaxed as she was this summer.

After dropping their sons off in their classrooms they headed to the preschool classroom. Just as she had when they took Henry and Jase for their first day of school Olivia could feel the tears threatening to fall. Her little girls were growing up. As they stepped into the room she felt Halyn squeeze her hand tighter while Serena let go of Alex's and headed into the classroom. Olivia couldn't help but smile Serena was Alex made over. At only four years old she owned a room the moment she entered it. Halyn on the other hand was more laid back and was actually more attached than Serena was. Olivia squat down next to her daughter and motioned for her twin to come over. She looked between the two and suddenly the first four years of their lives flashed through her mind. From the first time she laid eyes on them when the doctor pulled them from Alex till now. They were both wearing matching outfits and their blonde hair was pulled into pigtails. Olivia began laughing earning a confused look from her wife and daughters.

"What are you laughing at?" Alex asked as she knelt beside Olivia.

"I just realized that this is probably what you looked like on the first day of kindergarten."

"You're probably right." Alex said with a chuckle. She would readily admit the little girls were the miniature version of her.

"You can go." Serena said suddenly interrupting the moment causing her mothers' to laugh.

"No they can't." Halyn said suddenly as she threw herself between her mothers' and wrapped her arms around their necks.

Alex ran her hand up and down the little girl's back "It's okay sweetie, you and your sister are going to be fine."

Olivia pulled back so she was looking Halyn in the eye "Hey, do you remember how much fun Henry and Jase said you would have?" Halyn nodded. "Well I'm going to tell you a secret and you can't tell Henry I told you. Okay?" at this the little girl nodded with a curious look. "When Mama and I took him for his first day of school he was nervous too. He was so nervous he almost cried." Both girls' eyes widened, as much as they complained and fought with them they worshipped their older brothers.

"Really?" she said in disbelief.

Alex squeezed the girl's hand "Yeah, he was really nervous but when Mommy and I came back to pick him up he was so happy. He had so much fun and loved preschool, he even made a friend his first day." She placed her hands on either side of her little girl's face and placed a kiss to her forehead "Are you okay?"

Halyn sighed "Yeah."

Alex pulled her to her for a hug and kiss before Olivia did the same. "I love you." they said to both girls.

They both had to bite back the tears as their daughters reached out for one another's hand and walked into the room together. Olivia quickly pulled her phone out and took a picture of the two. They walked from the building hand in hand and just like they did with their sons they cried as they left. After sitting in their SUV and finally stopping the tears Olivia turned to her wife. "So now what do we do? It's the first time in eight years that we've had a day alone without the kids. I don't really know how to handle myself."

"I've made plans for us." Olivia quirked an eyebrow "At first I thought since we wouldn't have any kids all day we could spend the day in bed." Olivia grinned "Then I thought about how long it had been since we treated ourselves to anything. So I booked us a day at the spa; manicures, pedicures, facials and a massage."

Olivia closed her eyes and sighed "That sounds wonderful."

As they stood outside the spa waiting for the valet to bring their car around Alex wrapped her arm around Olivia's waist and placed a kiss to her cheek. "I don't think I've ever seen you as relaxed as you are at this moment."

Olivia sighed; she agreed she didn't think she'd ever been this relaxed in her entire life. "I think you're right. Although as good as that massage was it still wasn't as good as the ones you give."

"Oh really, and just what makes my massages better than a professional's?"

Olivia grinned "Because yours almost always lead to something else." she said before placing a quick kiss to the blonde's lips.

Alex feigned shock as she placed her free hand over her chest "Why detective I have no idea what you mean." Even though Olivia was retired Alex still referred to her by her rank, Olivia would always be her detective.

"Uh huh, sure you don't counselor. You and your wandering hands."

Alex grinned as she let her hand slide from Olivia's waist down to her hip before giving it a gentle squeeze "You love my wandering hands and you know it." she grinned as Olivia laughed. Alex gave her a quick kiss as their car pulled up.

They headed to one of their favorite restaurants for lunch and then Olivia wanted to stop by the precinct for a visit. It wasn't the same as it used to be; since Olivia, Munch and Cragen had retired Fin was the only original member of their team left. Nick and Amanda had stayed as well and there were new detectives who according to Fin weren't as great as their team but were learning. After making plans for a Labor Day cookout with everyone the couple headed back home to pick their kids up from school.

"So did you like it?" Alex asked as she pulled her daughters in for a hug.

"I liked it." Halyn said as she turned to Olivia for a hug.

"I got in trouble." Serena said as she put her head down.

Alex and Olivia looked at one another, they were almost afraid to ask what happened but at the same time they couldn't believe she'd gotten in trouble the first day. "What did you do?" Alex asked.

"I don't want to say." Serena said as she looked around at the other kids. "Can I tell you in the car?"

"Okay but as soon as we get to the car you're telling us."

They picked the boys up from their classroom and both ladies struggled to keep up with three of their four children talking nonstop as they walked to the car. Once everyone was buckled in Alex looked back at Serena "We're going to wait and discuss this when we get home, okay?" the little girl nodded.

"Discuss what?" Jase asked.

"Serena got in trouble today." Halyn volunteered.

Jase began laughing "On your first day of school? Nobody gets in trouble the first day."

"Shut up!" Serena said, on the verge of tears.

"Hey!" Olivia said turning to stop the fight that was brewing. "That's enough. Jase leave your sister alone and Serena it's not nice to tell people to shut up. Now I want both of you to apologize to each other."

"Sorry." They said to one another.

Once home and the kids had their snack Henry, Jase and Halyn headed out to play in the backyard. Alex took a seat on the sofa and pulled Serena onto her lap with Olivia sitting beside them. She held out the envelope that the teacher had put in Serena's backpack. "Your teacher sent home a letter and I'm sure it's about what happened, but I want to hear it from you first." She noticed the nervous look on the girl's face "You know you can tell Mommy and me anything." She held the girl tight as Olivia placed a comforting hand on her leg.

"This boy said something mean to me."

"What did he say?" Olivia asked.

"At playtime he asked Halyn who you were and she said you were our Mama and Mommy. He came back and told me that nobody can have two mommies. I told him we did and he said we can't and that one of you wasn't my Mommy." she was crying by this point. "I told him that you were both my Mommies and that he was stupid. He went and told Ms. Kelly that I called him stupid. So I told her what he said."

Alex felt her heart breaking at what her daughter said. They had always known that there was a chance their kids would bring up having two Mommies but it still didn't prepare her any. "Oh sweetie it's okay." She wiped her daughter's tears "It is okay to have two Mommies some people just don't think its okay, but don't ever listen to someone when they tell you that. We are both your Mommies okay?"

"Okay."

Once Serena had calmed down she headed out to play with her siblings. "We knew this day was coming." Olivia said.

"I know but I had hoped that by now our kids wouldn't have to worry about this. I mean we know for a fact there are other kids in that school with lesbian and gay parents. Not that I wish it on other kids but why does it have to be ours?"

"I don't know. I know we said we'd wait until they were older to really discuss everything but maybe we should talk to them a little now." They had always agreed that they would be honest with the kids about their conception and birth.

"I think we should maybe wait a little longer. I don't think they're old enough to understand. Maybe we could find a way to talk a about it but not get technical. Liv they aren't old enough to even know how a woman gets pregnant naturally let alone the way we did it."

Olivia chuckled "You've got a point."

They were in the kitchen preparing dinner when Henry came through the back door "Mom, there's a car that has drove by a few times and now it's sitting just down the street. I think he's watching our house."

Alex gave Olivia a worried look before looking back to her son "How do you know it drove by? You're not supposed to play in the front yard unless me or Mommy is watching you."

"I wasn't playing there. I accidently hit the ball into the Johnson's yard and I could hear Mr. Johnson in his garage so I walked along the fence and asked him if he could give it back. I saw the car go by and it was going real slow. I stood at the corner of the house and saw it go by again a couple times. I went in the garage to help Halyn get her bike and I looked through the window and could see it sitting across the street."

"How long ago was that?" Olivia asked.

"A few minutes ago."

Olivia turned to face Alex, she could see the worried look in her wife's eyes and she had the same feeling herself. "Don't panic." She walked to the door and told the kids to come inside. "You guys go play in the family room for a bit."

Once the kids were gone Alex turned to Olivia "Who could it be? Liv we've both dealt with some horrible people. What if it's one of them?"

Olivia pressed her lips to the blonde's "Calm down. I'm going to check it out." She ran upstairs and grabbed her weapon from the lock box in the bedside table. She slipped her cell phone into her pocket and tucked her gun in the back of her pants before handing Alex her phone. "Just in case, and keep the kids in the family room."

Alex knew it could be nothing but she felt the feeling that she hadn't had since Olivia had retired beginning in the pit of her stomach. She watched from the living room window as Olivia walked through the gate and headed toward the car.

Olivia felt her cop senses kicking in. She could see the car but not the driver. She continued along her side of the street and when she stepped off the sidewalk to cross over the car suddenly roared to life and took off. Olivia did her best to run after it and get the plate number but couldn't get all of it. She thought she may've gotten enough to have one of the guys run a partial. She was walking back to her house when their neighbor, Mr. Johnson, called out to her.

"Out for a run Olivia?"

"How are you Dave?" she stopped at the fence. It occurred to her their neighbor may have seen something.

"Can't complain. I was talking to Henry a little bit ago. I think that boy may have a future with the Yankee's he hit a baseball clear to the other side of my yard."

"I'm sorry about that we've told them to be careful when playing, but it won't be the Yankee's he's somehow become a Braves fan. Hey listen, that car that just sped by have you seen it? Henry said he saw it go by a couple times this afternoon."

"You know I have. I just thought it was someone knew to the neighborhood. I haven't given it much thought but now that you mention it, it seems like it always slows down when it goes by here. I just thought it was because there were kids in the neighborhood. Do you think it's something else?"

"I don't know yet. You'll let me know if you see it again."

"Absolutely."

Olivia thanked him and walked back to her house. She called Fin but couldn't reach him. She tried Amanda and then Nick. Nick informed her that Fin and Amanda were still in court and he was at Sing Sing at the moment but he assured her as soon as he was back at the precinct he would see what he could find out.

"Did you see them?" Alex asked as she walked out on the porch to meet Olivia. She was having flashbacks to Velez and she didn't like the feeling.

Olivia knew instantly what her wife was thinking "Alex this isn't Velez. No I didn't get a look at him but I got a partial plate. I already called Nick and as soon as he's back at the precinct he's going to run it."

The rest of the evening passed as usual; dinner followed by baths, story time and finally bedtime. Alex and Olivia both made a point to look out the windows every little bit but there was never a sign of the car again. Since Henry was getting older he was allowed to stay up later than his siblings. He walked into the living room "Mom?"

"What is it baby?" Olivia asked from her spot lying on the couch with her head on Alex's lap.

He walked over and stood in front of his mothers "Was the person in that car watching us?"

Olivia sat up and pulled him down between the two of them "I don't think so, but I don't want you to worry about it okay? I got the plate number and Nick is checking it for me, so we'll know who it was."

"Hey." Alex said as she pulled him close to her, she couldn't help but smile as he wrapped his arms around her waist like he was trying to wrap his entire body around her. It was the same way he used to do when he was little. He may be growing up but he would always be her baby. "Don't worry Mom and I will never let anything happen to you guys. Besides Mom's a cop so we'll always be safe when she's around."

He grinned "Yeah but she's retired now. Fin said it's cause she's too old to be a cop anymore."

They both burst out laughing. Olivia pulled him to her and ruffled his hair "Hey now, you're supposed to be on my side. And next time you see Fin you can remind him that he's older than me and he's still a cop. So no I'm definitely not too old to be a cop."

Olivia stood by the window peeking out at the street, she'd seen the car go by again but it was nowhere in sight now.

Alex walked into the kitchen when she heard Olivia's phone ringing "Hello?"

"Hey Alex its Nick, is Liv around?"

"Um she's here somewhere hang on." Alex began walking toward the living room.

Olivia was about to peek out the window again when she noticed someone walking up their steps. She reached for the end table and pulled her gun from the drawer as she stepped up to the door.

"I ran that partial for her."

"Did you get anything?"

"Oh yeah I got something all right."

Alex walked into the living room "Liv its Nick he got a hit off the partial." She stopped suddenly when she saw Olivia's gun in her hand.

Olivia turned to Alex and motioned to be quiet. She turned back when there was knock at the door. She pulled the curtain back in the window next to the door and peered out. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She stepped back with her gun still in her hand.

"Alex the car belongs to…" Alex didn't hear the rest of what Nick said as Olivia opened the door.

Both ladies gasped when they saw who was standing there.

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**A/N: Dunh Dunh. Who could it be? Sorry for the delay. Hopefully I won't leave you hanging to long this time. As always thank you for taking time out of your day to read and review my story, it truly means a lot. Let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed!**


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: Wow! Thank you for the response to the last chapter, I'm so glad you liked it. Brownie points to HKS, Butterfly2202 and Elijh55. I used a few ideas from last night's episode as well as a direct quote. It shouldn't spoil anything if you haven't seen it though. It was a fantastic episode by the way. The language is a little stronger than I usually use so I'm warning you in advance. As always let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 25

"Elliot." Olivia whispered as she opened the door and saw her old partner standing in front of her.

Alex stared at the man standing at their door; she wasn't sure how to feel she was torn between shock, confusion and anger. The longer she looked at him she was leaning more toward anger. She was brought back to reality when she heard Nick's voice in her ear.

"Alex the car belongs to Stabler."

"I know he's here. I gotta go Nick." She hung up the phone and walked to stand next to Olivia.

Looking at her old partner Olivia felt all the emotions from three years ago come crashing down on her. She was hurt, angry, confused. She was struggling with what to say or do when she felt Alex's presence beside her, while she still didn't know how to react the feeling of her wife beside her helped to ground her.

"Hi Liv."

Olivia's jaw dropped open, suddenly the hurt she'd felt over his leaving disappeared and was replaced with anger. "Hi Liv? That's all you can say after three years is 'Hi Liv?' Elliot you left without a word to any of us. I know you were dealing with some serious stuff and I understood that you needed time to process what happened but three years? What I want to know is why didn't you return my calls? Why didn't you answer the door all those times I came by? Why couldn't you have at least had the decency to pick up the phone and tell me you were retiring yourself? I had to hear it from the captain. Granted there were worse ways I could've heard it but still, I had to find out my partner was retiring from someone else." Olivia had always sworn that if she ever saw him again she wouldn't cry, but now that she was in the moment she couldn't hold them back.

Alex felt her heart breaking for her wife but at the same time the anger inside her was building so fast that she could feel herself starting to shake. She placed a comforting hand on Olivia's shoulder before addressing their visitor "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Can I come in?"

"Are you kidding me?" Alex asked incredulously.

Elliot turned his attention to Olivia "Liv please, can I come in? I'm sorry."

Olivia sighed, as much as she wanted to tell him no there was a small part of her that wanted to hear what he had to say. "You get five minutes and you best not raise your voice, the kids are sleeping."

He nodded as he stepped past them and into the house. He turned and noticed the gun still in Olivia's hand. "Are you going to shoot me?" he said attempting a joke.

"If she doesn't I will." Alex replied.

Elliot knew by her look and tone she was being serious "I'm sorry I was just trying to make a joke."

"I didn't allow you in to tell jokes Elliot and your five minutes are ticking away." Olivia said as she placed the gun on the table next to her.

"Okay, okay." He ran his hands over his face before looking up "Olivia you gotta believe me I am so sorry."

"I don't have to do anything Elliot." She had finally stopped the tears, she refused to appear weak in front of him but at the same time she wasn't sure how long she could hold them back. She was so grateful for Alex sitting next to her with her arm around her waist. "You however do have to do something. I want you to explain why you couldn't tell me yourself. I wouldn't have cared if you called and said you were retiring, hell you could've texted it for all I cared. It would've been better than nothing at all."

"I know Liv and I am truly sorry." He was silent for a minute "It's just I was dealing with so much after shooting that girl. I had kids of my own about her age. You have kids, you know how much more difficult the job becomes once you're a parent. I guess it was the final push over the edge."

"Elliot I understand what you're saying. Once I became a mother I viewed every case through the eyes of a parent, and so did Alex. I also know that shooting someone is hard and I think it would be even worse when it's a kid. I don't know how I would handle it if I was in that situation." She took a deep breath to calm her nerves "Here's the thing though Elliot we all wanted to be there for you but you wouldn't allow us. I wanted to be there for you." she stopped talking for a minute because she was certain she was about to lose it.

Alex had remained silent throughout the entire conversation; she wanted to allow the two to sort out their differences on their own. It didn't mean that she wasn't ready to jump across the room and light into him. She continued to lightly rub little circles with her thumb on Olivia's side; her main goal was to remain calm and to support Olivia.

The silence in the room began to get uncomfortable when Elliot decided to speak again "Liv I know you probably won't forgive me and I understand that but I just wanted to come here and apologize. I really am sorry for not telling you and not talking to you."

"Elliot what I really want to know is why now? Why did you wait so long to say anything? I would've understood if you waited three days, three weeks, hell I would've understood if you waited three months; but you waited three years! Three years Elliot! Do you know how much changes in three years? We got two new detectives; one of them was my partner. The captain was framed and arrested, it took everything we had but we managed to clear him. I had a gun to my head and my partner Nick took the shot that saved my life. Munch retired then Captain retired and now I'm retired. I even thought I had…" she trailed off not wanting to share the fact that she thought she'd had breast cancer. It was personal and she didn't feel he deserved to know things like that anymore.

"Liv I didn't come here expecting forgiveness I know it'll probably be a long time before I get that but I did want to apologize." He took a deep breath and looked to the blonde "Alex is there anything you would like to say?"

Alex took a moment to think about it "No Elliot I don't think I do." he looked surprised "Not that I don't have plenty I would like to say to you but I just don't think that I can do that right now without losing my temper. Our kids are asleep and I'm not about to wake them up. I would however like to know why you've been watching our house instead of being man enough to call or just stop by?" He gave her a confused look. "Oh don't even act like you don't know what I'm talking about. Your car is sitting in front of our house right now, our neighbor not to mention our son has seen the same car more than once. Hell Olivia chased you down the street. Do you know how worried Henry was that someone was watching our house? He came in this afternoon and told us he'd seen you go by and you were sitting down the street. That's why Olivia went to check it out but what do you do? You take off. Tonight before he went to bed we had to reassure him that we were safe and no one was going to bother us. As you always liked to point out you have kids, how do you think that would've made your kids feel? Never mind the fact it scared the hell out of me. I kept thinking about Velez and all the other scum Olivia and I have dealt with through the years. All evening I've worried if we were safe, if my kids were safe."

The room grew quiet once again before Elliot finally stood "I think I should be going." Olivia and Alex stayed in their seat allowing him to leave. He stopped as he was about to walk out the door "Liv I really am sorry for how I handled things. I still love you and I hope you can forgive me."

Alex didn't care how he meant it but hearing Elliot say he still loved Olivia made her want to jump from the couch. She could tell by the look in Olivia's eyes she wanted to say something so Alex gave her a gentle sideways hug to let her know she was still there.

Olivia looked at her former partner "Elliot forgiveness is not something handed out easily, but I do forgive you." this earned a shocked look from both Elliot and Alex "However the forgiveness isn't for you it's for me. As long as you want my forgiveness you are holding a little power over me and I won't allow that to happen anymore. I want you to know I'll never forget this though, and whatever we had is gone." She took a moment to wipe the few tears that had finally escaped "Elliot I've moved on to be honest I think I moved on a long time ago. I know what you said about how you felt about me and honestly I felt the same way to for a while when we first began working together but I realized that it would never happen and now you need to do the same thing. Elliot I don't share the same feelings for you that you have for me. I have a wife whom I love more than life itself and who loves me back unconditionally, and four wonderful children whom I can't imagine my life without. I can't even remember my life before them. Elliot it's time for you to move on. I know this may sound harsh but It's the way I feel now; you know the saying 'some things are best left in the past'?" he nodded "Well that's how I feel about our partnership, relationship, friendship whatever you want to call it. It's best left in the past and that's exactly what I'm doing. I've been happier more relaxed in the last few months than I've been in years and I'm not about to let you ruin that." Olivia took a deep breath as she finished speaking; she had surprised herself at what she said but was glad she said it. Alex sat there stunned she couldn't believe everything she'd just heard but at the same time she was so proud of her wife.

Elliot opened the door but turned to look back at his former partner "I'm sorry you feel that way Olivia, but I want you to know that if I walk out that door I'm never coming back." Both ladies sat in a stunned silence "Bye Olivia."

Before she knew it Alex was off the couch and storming out the door. She caught up to Elliot as he was almost to his car. She grabbed him by the arm and spun him around till they were facing one another "Are you fucking kidding me?" Elliot's eyes went wide with surprise "Did you really just have the nerve to tell her that if you walked out the door you wouldn't be back? In case you weren't listening she said she'd moved on from you."

"Shut up Alex." he shouted as he jerked his arm from her grasp.

"No you shut up!" she almost whispered in a threatening tone as she got in his face. "You walked out of her life once already like a coward and now when she tells you that she's moved on and doesn't want anything to do with you, you're gonna try and make out like it's her fault? I don't think so." Alex knew she was losing control but she knew she was beyond regaining that control. They'd had their battles before but this was the war that had been brewing for eleven years, since the summer of '03 when she and Olivia began dating. Alex couldn't believe what she was about to say but she continued "Do you know or even care how upset she was when she found out you retired? I'll tell you, I found her in an interrogation room breaking down. I stood there and held her as she cried and told me that you had retired. Once I got her calmed down I brought her home, she was so upset that even Henry noticed it. She's probably gonna kill me for saying this but that night I held her as she cried. Elliot that was the most I'd seen her cry in a long time. She was so hurt. Do you know she kept asking me what was so wrong with her that you couldn't tell her yourself?"

Elliot cut her off "You think I don't feel bad about it? I do I feel horrible about it but as usual it always comes down to you. How you took care of her, how you comforted her after I hurt her. I'm sick of hearing it Alex."

They were both yelling by this point and Alex didn't fail to notice when her neighbor's porch light came on. "Well you know what Elliot you never have to hear it again because I don't ever want you coming around here again. Olivia may be able to forgive you but not me. I will never forgive you for the way you hurt her and I damn sure won't forget."

"Alex? Is everything okay?" Dave asked as he walked into their driveway.

"Everything's fine Dave, I promise."

"Okay, but if it's all right with you I'll just hang out here for a minute." The man said as he leaned against the fence.

"Fine." Alex turned her head when she heard her own door open.

"Alex, come inside please." Olivia pleaded.

Alex stepped up till she was within inches of Elliot's face. She knew he would never hurt her but there was a small part of her that was hoping he would shove her or something. She would slap an assault charge on him so fast he wouldn't know what hit him. "Here's the deal, you get in your car and you leave and never come back. Do I make myself clear?"

Elliot spun on his heels and walked away. As he drove away Olivia walked out to stand next to her "I'm sorry Olivia."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You were doing what you always do, looking out for and taking care of me." she wrapped her arms around the blonde "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Excuse me ladies." They turned to face their neighbor "I heard the yelling and came out to make sure you were okay. That's when I noticed the car. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yes Dave we're fine, but thank you." Alex said as she turned to face their neighbor "It turns out it was Olivia's old partner. He retired several years ago and they haven't spoken since. He's always had a problem with me and it just finally boiled over. I'm sorry we bothered you."

"Don't mention it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You ladies have a good night."

They walked back inside, Alex's arm wrapped around Olivia's waist holding her close. They checked in on the kids one last time to make sure they hadn't woke up before heading to their own room. They both slipped on t-shirts and crawled into bed. Alex lay back and pulled Olivia down beside her with her head resting on her shoulder. Olivia placed her arm on Alex's torso and rested her hand between her breasts. Alex lightly ran her fingers through Olivia's hair as she held her tight. "Olivia I…"

"Stop talking about it." Olivia whispered. "It's over and I've moved on. My life revolves around you and our family. It hasn't revolved around Elliot since the day you walked into the squad room and stole my heart."

Alex smiled "Well last time I checked you were the one who stole my heart so we'll just agree to disagree."

Olivia rose up for a kiss, it was slow and loving. It conveyed everything she felt for the blonde. "I love you."

"I love you too."

Olivia settled down and snuggled as close to Alex as physically possible. She's always wondered what would happen if she ever saw Elliot again and now she had her answer. It surprised her when she realized that he no longer mattered to her like he used to, she also finally knew where she stood with him. She finally had the closure she needed.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Once again thank you for the reviews, they are appreciated! This chapter should probably have an M rating so I'm warning you now. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 26

Olivia sat their last bag down next to the door. She walked into the kitchen where Alex was finishing writing down all their information. "Maybe we shouldn't go."

Alex looked up surprised "Why?"

"I don't know. We've never left them for this long. What if something happens?" Olivia asked as she paced around the kitchen.

Alex walked over and turned Olivia so they were facing one another "Hey, they're going to be fine." She gave the brunette a quick kiss "You know it's not every day that you celebrate your tenth wedding anniversary, but if you don't want to go we can call and cancel."

"No, no I want to go. I'm just nervous about leaving them." Alex had planned a weeklong trip to the Bahamas for their tenth wedding anniversary, and as badly as Olivia wanted to go she was nervous. It would be the first time they've left the kids for more than a few days. While she knew they would be fine with Bill and Gail she still hated the thought of leaving them.

They walked into the family room where the kids were playing "Everybody on the couch." Alex said. She had to smile inwardly when all four quickly took a seat and waited to see what she was going to say. She knew that her kids had Nanny and Gampa wrapped around their fingers so she decided to lay down the law before leaving. She looked at Olivia and smiled when she saw the twinkle in her wife's eye, Olivia knew what was about to happen. Alex turned to face the children and put on her courtroom face "Okay, you know Mom and I are going to be gone for the week and Nanny and Gampa will be staying here with you." All four nodded. "You will behave this week, you will listen to them and there will be no fighting." She looked at each one "Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Mama." Four voices answered back.

Alex stared at them for a moment before breaking into a smile "Good now come give us a hug." It was no big surprise when Henry was the first one to wrap his arms around her. Alex sighed as she wrapped her arms around her son. While she loved her children equally she and Henry shared a special bond, one they'd shared since the day he was born. After many hugs and kisses she and Olivia walked out to the car waiting to take them to the airport.

Once they arrived in the Bahamas they were taken to the resort where they would be staying. As they were standing at the counter checking in the young woman behind the counter smiled, looking up from her screen "I see we have you booked for the honeymoon suite Mrs. Cabot, congratulations."

Olivia raised an eyebrow, the only details about their trip she had was where they were going and when. Alex grinned "Well it's more like a second honeymoon; we're celebrating our tenth anniversary. Our honeymoon was only a few days at the beach," she smiled at Olivia "And I think my wonderful wife deserves more than that."

Olivia looked around their suite in awe Alex couldn't have picked a more perfect place. She walked over and opened the French doors that led to the balcony and gasped "Oh my God Alex, this view is amazing!"

Alex walked out and took a quick look at view before turning to face Olivia "Not nearly as amazing as my view." She wrapped one arm around Olivia's waist and placed her free hand on the back of her head and pulled her in for a passionate kiss. "I love you so much." She whispered as they parted.

That evening they went to dinner in one of the resorts many restaurants before heading out for a little sightseeing. As they walked down the sidewalk Alex pulled Olivia into a club. Olivia began laughing "A club Alex? Really? Aren't we a little old to be clubbing?"

"To old? Neither of us is too old. Besides I see plenty of people our age going in so it's not like the clubs at home where they're all barely legal." She gave Olivia a quick kiss "Now come on I want everyone in there to be jealous that the most beautiful woman in the world is coming home with me tonight."

It wasn't long before they were pressed as close as possible. Olivia leaned in and sighed in Alex's ear "God Alex."

Alex couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine when she felt her wife's breath on her ear. She reached down and spun Olivia around and pulled her back tight against her. She slowly ran her hands down the brunette's sides before resting them just below the waist of her jeans. She began placing open mouthed kisses along Olivia's neck and smiled when she heard her wife gasp.

Olivia closed her eyes for a second to try and get herself under control. She reached her arms up and wrapped her them around Alex's neck before turning her head and pulling the blonde in for a bruising kiss. When she pulled away she noticed the looks they were receiving before looking back at Alex "I think we should get out of here, we're drawing a lot of attention."

Alex had noticed the looks but couldn't care in the least. She gave Olivia an almost predatory grin before slipping her finger tips just inside the waistband of the brunette's panties, pulling her tighter and grinding against her.

Olivia couldn't help the moan that escaped her lips. As much as she hated to she reached down and pulled Alex's hands free. She turned to face her "Let's go, now."

They stumbled down the hall to their suite; between the alcohol they'd consumed at dinner and the club and their inability to keep their hands off one another they were lucky to make it to their room. All they were used to was a glass or two of wine with dinner so after a couple glasses with dinner along with several cocktails at the club, both were pretty buzzed by the time they stumbled laughingly through their door. Alex fused their lips together before pulling back "I want you, now."

"That's good because I want you too." Olivia said as they began stripping their clothes and headed toward the bedroom. Olivia laughed as Alex pushed her down on the bed and climbed on top of her. She pulled the blonde down against her for a kiss. She ran her hands up and down Alex's back, reveling in the feel of her skin beneath her hands.

Alex pulled back and sat up straddling her wife. She looked down at the woman lying beneath her; it was one of her favorite sights in the world seeing Olivia laying naked and wanting under her. She rotated her hips and began grinding against the brunette, smiling at the look on Olivia's face.

"Alex." Olivia groaned out. She reached out and ran her hands along Alex's thighs before sliding them up Alex's body and pulling her in for another kiss. "Please." She panted out as they parted.

Alex grinned "As you wish." She slowly began kissing her way down Olivia's body. She stopped as she came to Olivia's chest and took her time as she took a breast into her mouth before moving on to the other. She felt Olivia slightly tense as she ran her tongue along the scar under her left breast. Alex looked up and made eye contact before whispering "Beautiful." She continued her journey making sure to kiss over Olivia's other two scars from where she'd been shot. Although Olivia was still a little self-conscious of her scar from her surgery they'd both moved past being self-conscious of their scars and accepted them as what they'd been trying to convince one another of, that they were symbols of survival.

Olivia was struggling to breathe as Alex worked her way down her body. She reached down and began running her fingers through blonde hair. She whimpered as she felt Alex slowly pushing her legs further apart but couldn't help the moan that escaped as Alex draped one leg over her shoulder and blew her breath across her center. "God Alex!" she groaned out as Alex ran her tongue the length of her center. She gripped the sheet as Alex settled in and began licking and kissing all along her center. She finally managed to raise her head and look down, her breath caught as their eyes locked and Alex smiled at her as she began licking the straining bundle of nerves. "Oh God!"

Alex was so enjoying the show in front of her that she almost didn't notice the tremble beginning in Olivia's legs. She also felt the familiar pull low in her stomach and knew she wasn't far off herself. She increased the speed of her movements and reached up for Olivia's free hand and laced their fingers together. Olivia managed a smile as Alex took her hand. It was something Alex had done since their first time together and it made her feel even more connected to her wife. Alex closed her eyes and moaned as she felt Olivia put light pressure on the back of her head; she knew that meant Olivia wanted more. She swirled the tip of her tongue around the straining bundle of nerves before pulling it between her lips and sucking on it.

Olivia was gasping for air she knew she was on the edge. "Alex, Alex, Alex." She whispered almost like a prayer.

Alex could feel Olivia's legs shaking. She looked up and pulled away for a second "Look at me." she whispered. She began licking again as Olivia looked at her. She squeezed Olivia's hand tight "Come for me." she whispered as she began sucking again. She kept up as Olivia fell over the edge and her legs came together on either side of her head.

"Shit, Alex!" Olivia cried out as she arched off the bed. She continued to cry out as Alex continued to lick her center as she rode out the waves of pleasure she was feeling. When she was finally able to open her eyes she looked down and noticed she had her legs locked around Alex's head. She quickly opened them as Alex pulled back and gasped for air. "Oh God Alex! Are you okay?"

Alex slowly rose up and smiled "I'm fine, and you?" she asked as she hovered over her wife.

"I am fantastic!" Olivia said with a chuckle. She reached up and pulled Alex down for a searing kiss, their tongues dueling for control. "I love you." she said as they finally parted.

"I love you too." Alex squealed as Olivia flipped them and pinned her to the bed, holding her hands above her head.

"Your turn." She said as she took Alex's breast into her mouth. Alex began to moan which only urged Olivia on. She let one of her hands slowly trail down Alex's body while the other one continued to hold Alex's hands above her head. After lavishing attention to one breast she worked her way over to the other as her hand slowly slid between her wife's legs. She allowed one finger to circle her entrance before slowly sliding it in.

"Liv!" Alex moaned. "More."

Olivia grinned as she entered her wife with two fingers and began a gentle, steady pace. She continued to place kisses all over Alex's upper body and reveled in the sounds coming from the woman beneath her. She increased her speed when she felt Alex wrap her legs around her waist. She rose up and pressed their lips together before pulling back to watch the woman she loved.

Alex loved being able to touch Olivia as they made love but she also loved when Olivia would occasionally pin her hands. She was thrusting her hips in time with Olivia's hand. She cried out when Olivia began rubbing her thumb over her bundle of nerves "Liv baby."

Olivia was just inches from Alex's face and could feel her breath on her lips. "Open your eyes Alex." She smiled when Alex opened her eyes "I love you." she repeated over and over. She knew Alex was on the edge when her legs began to tremble and she could feel her walls tightening around her fingers "Let go for me baby."

"Oh Liv, fu-"the word died on her lips as she gasped for air. She continued to cry out as Olivia kept up her movements, eventually slowing as she brought Alex down. Alex pulled the brunette to her for a passionate kiss. When they parted she blinked her eyes a few times trying to regain her vision while continuing to gasp for air. She let her legs fall open to release Olivia from their hold. She felt Olivia slide off to her side and she quickly rolled so she was laying half on and half off the older woman. She wrapped her leg and arm possessively around her before burying her face in her neck.

They lay there quietly for a few minutes both trying to catch their breath and finally come down. Olivia turned her head and noticed the time "Happy anniversary."

Alex rose slightly and smiled "Happy anniversary baby."

Olivia grinned "I just want you to know, if what just happened was the only anniversary gift you gave me for the rest of our lives I would die a happy woman."

Alex laughed and placed a quick kiss to Olivia's lips "I couldn't agree more detective."

The next several days were spent lying on the beach, sightseeing, and shopping for themselves as well as gifts for their children. They were lying in lounge chairs on the beach as their vacation was nearing its end. They had decided to take it easy after an extremely passionate love making session the night before. Alex glanced over the top of her book as Olivia walked back up to their chairs. Olivia may be almost fifty years old but it definitely didn't show. In her opinion Olivia was more gorgeous now than she was the day they met. She smiled as Olivia collapsed into the chair and Alex smiled "How in the world can you swim after last night?"

Olivia burst out laughing "If you recall I wasn't moving to well first thing this morning either."

"I ordered us a drink." Alex said as a young man walked over with two cocktails. Olivia took a cautious sip. "What's wrong?" Alex asked when she noticed Olivia taking small sips.

"Have you already forgotten the hangover we both had the day after we arrived?" they both laughed "That is something I am definitely too old for and never want to experience again."

They settled back into their chairs, Alex reading her book and Olivia staring out at the ocean. Alex looked over when she caught a glimpse of the faraway look in her wife's eyes. "Hey." She said as she reached out and took Olivia's hand. She smiled when she finally had the brunette's attention "What's going on in that pretty little head of yours?"

"Just thinking."

"About what?"

"Home, how much I miss the kids." she said with a sad smile.

"I miss them too." Alex thought about their children back home in New York. They talked to them at least twice a day but it wasn't the same as seeing their smiling faces or receiving hugs and kisses from them. "I also know that's not all you're thinking about."

Olivia looked down and smiled, Alex could always read her like a book. "I've been thinking about something."

"Are you going to tell me about it?" she asked with a grin.

"I don't know how you'll react."

"Well as long as you're not asking for a three way or a divorce I think we'll be okay."

Olivia laughed before responding "Nothing like that counselor. I just…" she trailed off.

Alex thought about how Olivia had mentioned the kids "Are you wanting us to have another baby?"

"No!" Olivia answered quickly. She couldn't read the look on the blonde's face "I mean no that wasn't what I was thinking. Do you want to have another baby?"

Alex laughed "No I think we've got all we can handle, Cabot party of six has a nice ring to it. I was just messing with you." she squeezed Olivia's hand "Now come on, tell me what you're thinking."

Olivia took a deep breath "Okay I have enjoyed volunteering with you at the victim's advocacy, but have you ever thought about doing more?"

"I don't know. What do you mean?" Alex asked as she turned to face her wife better.

"I want to start a foundation; one that will help victims of child abuse, sexual assault and domestic violence. I know I've been retired for a couple years now but I still can't give up the need to help them. I know we help them through the victim's advocacy but I want to do more."

Alex smiled "You've really given this some thought haven't you?"

Olivia nodded "I have; I've already thought about things we could do for victims, maybe working with law enforcement. The only thing I can't figure out is money."

Alex grinned, ten years together and Olivia was still a little touchy about their financial situation. While she had finally accepted that Alex's money was their money, she still didn't like to make any major financial decisions without asking Alex's permission first. "Really Liv? You can't figure out how to get money to start out? What about all that money we have set aside in stocks, bonds and savings? Are you also forgetting that I know people, hell I'm related to people, who are always looking for a charity to give money to? I also spent years volunteering with my mother and she had a special skill at getting people and businesses to donate. I think I could help out in that area."

Olivia had to choke back the tears that were threatening. She had hit the jackpot when it came to having a loving and supporting spouse. "You'd do that for me?" she whispered.

Alex quirked an eyebrow "I'm sorry I guess you've forgotten that there isn't anything I wouldn't do for you." she leaned over and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"I love you Alex. I can never tell you how much I love you."

"Same here baby." she leaned in for another kiss. "So is this something you really want to do?" Olivia nodded and smiled. "Then as soon as we get back home we'll begin looking into what we need to do." she smiled brightly "After we get our fill of hugs and kisses from our babies." Olivia laughed and nodded in agreement. She couldn't wait to feel her kids' arms around her neck. Alex sat back with a determined look "If a foundation is what you want then a foundation you shall have." Olivia was the love of her life and Alex knew there wasn't anything she wouldn't give her.


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Warning for a bit of an M chapter.**

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Chapter 27

It was a cold winters evening in New York as the Cabot family rushed around to finish getting ready.

"Mama!" Halyn called out from her parent's bedroom "Mommy said she'd give me five dollars if I tell her where we're going."

Olivia grabbed her giggling daughter and placed her hand over mouth "You're not supposed to tell!"

Alex laughed as she walked from the bathroom and kissed Olivia on the cheek "You should know by now our kids are too smart to fall for a bribe like that." She leaned down and kissed the girl "We're going to be leaving soon so I want you to go put on your dress shoes I set out." She pat her little girl on the behind as she took off "And tell your brothers and sister to get their shoes and coats on." She turned to face a pouting Olivia "That looks not going to work detective."

"Come on Alex." Olivia whined. "Just tell me where we're going."

Alex smiled and placed a kiss to her lips "You'll find out soon enough." She replied as she walked out of their room. She walked down the stairs and hoped that Olivia wouldn't be too mad at what she'd planned. She had planned a party for Olivia's fiftieth birthday, and while Olivia's actual birthday wasn't until Tuesday she'd planned a party for the weekend before. Birthdays were always a special occasion in their family, and considering Olivia's past and the fact she never really had a party Alex always made a point to make her day special.

She couldn't help but laugh as she and Olivia came down the stairs Henry and Jase began to whistle at them. "Why thank you." she said as she pulled Olivia next to her.

"You two look great." Henry said as he stood in front of them.

"Yeah, you look really pretty." Serena chimed in.

"Thank you." Olivia smiled. "You guys clean up pretty well too."

They both laughed as Henry grabbed the camera and insisted on taking their picture before leaving. Alex laughed "I feel like its prom night all over again." she turned and kissed Olivia "Only this time my date is soo much hotter."

All four kids squealed as they walked out the door and saw the limo sitting in front of their house "Is that for us?" Jase asked excitedly.

"Yep."

"Alex." Olivia said giving her pointed look. She had been doing her best to find out what her wife had planned but despite her best detective skills she was still in the dark.

They climbed in and made sure everyone was buckled in and Alex settled back next to Olivia "Oh come on Liv, you only turn fifty once. Live it up!"

As they got closer to the city Alex motioned to Henry who pulled a scarf from his coat pocket and Alex tied it over her wife's eyes. The boy, who was almost twelve, was the only one of the children who knew exactly what was planned. He had been a huge help in planning the party. When they pulled up Alex unbuckled Olivia's seatbelt and was about to help her out when she felt Olivia's hand on her arm. "Alex?"

"What?"

"Are you seriously going to make me get out blindfolded?" the sound of her wife and children laughing was her answer. "Please don't. Please don't make me do this Alex." She whined.

"Oh all right you big baby." Alex pulled the blindfold off and stepped from the car followed by four laughing kids and Olivia.

Olivia was sure her jaw hit the sidewalk when she realized where they were. She had figured Alex was taking her to dinner, but not once did she expect this. She looked up and stared at the front of the Plaza. "Alex?"

Alex simply smiled and took Olivia's hand and led her inside. She couldn't help but smile at the look on Olivia's face as they entered the ballroom that was filled with their family and friends. She turned and placed her hand on Olivia's cheek and gently wiped the few tears that were falling before placing a loving kiss on her lips "Happy birthday baby."

The family sat at a table together while Bill and Gail along with their daughter and her family sat close by and Olivia's work family setting at another. The rest of the tables were filled with their friends and a few neighbors. Alex squeezed Olivia's hand as the brunette blushed at the slideshow of pictures she had put together. This had been Henry's project, helping her sort through old pictures and pick the best ones. They ranged from the few childhood pictures of Olivia that existed to pictures from the academy and ones with the squad; but their favorite were the later ones, the ones from when they first began dating and the ones showing their growing family. Alex smiled when one of her favorites came up; it was one of the last official pictures Olivia had taken with the department. It was taken about a year before she retired, before she cut her hair short, she was in her uniform and had her hair pulled back but it was still down. She was sitting with her arm wrapped around the older woman's shoulders and leaned in to whisper in her ear "I love a woman in uniform." She whispered as she slid her hand up her leg just under the hem of her dress. "God you look so hot."

Olivia maintained her smile as she reached down and slid Alex's hand back down to her knee. She took a deep breath "Not now Alex."

"Okay," Alex said with a quick kiss to her cheek "But you just wait till we get home. Especially with what I have in store for you."

After dinner everyone hit the dance floor. Alex had specifically requested music from the seventies and eighties that she and Olivia had grown up listening to. She couldn't help but laugh as she took a moment to sit down and catch her breath; Olivia was on the floor dancing with their children. She couldn't help the few tears that escaped her eyes as she watched the five people she loved more than anything in the world.

"You outdid yourself Alex." Bill said as he took a seat next to his niece.

"I think I'm outdoing myself right now." She said as she took a sip of wine.

"Come on now Alex, your wife is six years older than you and look at her. She could run circles around most of us."

"I know, it so not fair."

Olivia finally walked over an collapsed next to her wife "Oh my God I think I'm dying." She said as she took a deep breath.

"Yeah well with what I have planned for you tonight you better get it together." Olivia smiled and rolled her eyes in response.

Olivia couldn't help but laugh as the wait staff wheeled out the birthday cake. It had several small candles along with a large five zero candle. Olivia looked at her children who were laughing at the amount of candles on her cake "Come on guys, get over here and help me blow these out." She didn't know it at the time but Sherry, who was an amateur photographer, snapped the picture that would be one of her favorites of the night. All six members of the family were crowded around the cake blowing out the candles.

They were sitting and talking with a few of the people who volunteered at their foundation. After Olivia had mentioned she would like to start a foundation to help victims Alex helped set the plan into motion. It was still small but they were growing, and most importantly they were helping the victims. Olivia looked up when she saw someone standing next to them "Hey Amanda."

"Hey." The young detective said as she took a seat next to Olivia. "I'm gonna have to be headin out I just wanted to wish you a happy birthday and thanks for invitin us."

"Speaking of us…" Olivia gave her a sly grin "Where is your man?"

Amanda blushed as she looked around "I don't know he was talkin to Munch just a minute ago."

"Aww look at her Liv, she's blushing." Alex laughed.

"Hey you two still blush over each other." Amanda replied.

The three women sat laughing and talking until a familiar voice interrupted "Ready to go babe?"

All three looked up and smiled at Brian "Yeah." Amanda said as she stood and took Brian's hand. She leaned in and hugged Olivia and Alex one last time "Call me sometime; we'll have to go to lunch."

"You got it." Olivia couldn't help but smile when Brian leaned in and hugged her.

"Happy birthday Liv."

"Thanks Brian."

As the couple walked away Alex faced her wife "Who'd ever thought, Amanda and your ex?"

Olivia rolled her eyes, Brian Cassidy felt like a lifetime ago "He's not my ex Alex."

"Oh that's right, I mean your one night stand." She laughed. Olivia rolled her eyes, knowing she'd never live that night down.

Alex smiled as she watched her kids struggle to stay awake and enjoy their limo ride. They had been talking but everyone was beginning to grow quiet, that was until Serena spoke up "Mommy?"

"Yes baby?" Olivia asked as she looked at her daughter.

"Are you really fifty?"

Both ladies laughed when the remaining three turned their head with and inquisitive look "Not quite, I'm still forty nine but I'll be fifty on Tuesday."

"How old are you Mama?" Serena asked.

"I'm forty three; I'll be forty four on my birthday."

Serena's eyes widened "You two are old." This drew laughter from everyone, including her mothers.

Once home the exhaustion from the evening hit the kids and they were out before their heads hit their pillows. Alex was standing in their bedroom putting away her dress when she felt a pair of warm, strong arms wrap around her waist. She placed her hands on Olivia's arms and pulled them tighter; she smiled when she felt Olivia's lips on her neck.

"Thank you." Olivia whispered. She turned Alex in her arms "Tonight was great. I loved every minute of it."

Alex pressed her lips to Olivia's, almost twelve years later and her heart would still pound when they kissed. "Well the nights not over just yet." Olivia grinned and raised an eyebrow. "Remember that fantasy you told me about a few months ago?"

Olivia looked confused for a moment and then suddenly her eyes widened when she remembered what Alex was talking about. She felt her mouth go dry and was certain all the moisture had flowed south. "You mean?"

Alex grinned as she nodded and began running her hands up under Olivia's shirt. "Tomorrow's Sunday and we don't have to be up early so I figured why not give you one of your presents early." She leaned in for a kiss and remembered the night a few months previous when Olivia admitted to having a fantasy of Alex taking her against the wall with one of their favorite toys.

"Oh God." Olivia groaned out as she realized what was about to happen. She was so caught up in her thoughts that she didn't realize Alex had already stripped them both and began to kiss her way down her neck. It wasn't long before hands were roaming and tongues were dueling. Olivia dropped her head onto Alex's shoulder when she felt the blonde slip her hand between her legs. She was only slightly aware of Alex pulling her back and turning her so she was backed against the wall.

Alex quickly grabbed the double ended toy from the drawer and slid it inside before stepping closer and beginning to tease Olivia with its tip. She reached down and grabbed Olivia's leg and pulled it up and wrapped it around her waist while continuing to tease her with the toy. She grinned at the look on the brunette's face. "Is this what you imagined, what you wanted? Me pinning you to the wall with your leg wrapped around me as I pound into you?"

Olivia opened her mouth to speak but couldn't form any words. She dropped her head back against the wall as she felt Alex begin to push into her. She leaned forward and pressed their lips together until her lungs were screaming for air. "Alex." She groaned out as she lifted her other leg and wrapped it around the blonde's waist. "Ah!" she cried out as she felt the toy slide in deeper at the change in position.

Alex dropped her head against Olivia's shoulder when she felt the brunette lock her ankles around her waist. She stayed that way for a moment trying to pull herself back from the edge. She slid her hands down and rested them on Olivia's hips to support her. She began kissing her way down, finally taking Olivia's breast in her mouth. Alex felt herself creeping back to the edge at the sounds coming from her wife. She swirled her tongue around it before releasing it with a pop and moving to the other. She grinned inwardly when she felt Olivia run her fingers through her hair before running her hands down her back. She raised back up and began kissing Olivia "Liv, baby." she mumbled as she ran her lips along her neck before finally resting with her head on her shoulder.

"Harder Alex harder, please." Olivia cried out.

Alex began thrusting as hard and fast as she could without losing her balance. She could feel Olivia's nails digging into her back but was too wrapped up in her wife to care. "Olivia, Olivia." She panted out.

Olivia gasped at the feeling of Alex's breath against her skin. "Please Alex. Oh God you're gonna kill me." She managed to open her eyes when she felt Alex lift her head from her shoulder. She stared into the blue eyes she loved so much. She silently asked if Alex was close and took a deep breath when Alex nodded. She felt Alex speed up and slightly rotate her hips. That was all it took to send them both flying. She dug her nails into the blonde's back as she dropped her head against her shoulder to muffle her screams.

"Fuck, Liv!" Alex cried out as the waves of pleasure crashed over her. She continued to thrust, drawing out their release. She began thrusting again drawing out one more orgasm from them both. They stayed pressed against one another panting as they slowly came down. She slowly eased Olivia down and held on to her until she was sure she was steady on her feet. She placed her hands on either side of Olivia's face and pressed a loving kiss to her lips. "I love you."

"I…I…I love you too." Olivia said as she struggled to catch her breath. She started to run her fingers along Alex's back when the blonde suddenly pulled back and hissed. "Alex?" she turned Alex slowly and she noticed the scratch marks all along her back. "Oh my God sweetie, I'm so sorry."

Alex grinned and pulled her in for another kiss "Its okay." Olivia gave her an apologetic look "No really, it's okay. I'll take a little pain any day if it means getting to witness what I just did." After taking a moment to clean up they slipped into bed. Alex pulled the blankets tighter and they curled closer together as their bodies began to cool. She once again flinched as Olivia lightly ran her fingers over her back.

"Hang on." Olivia said as she jumped from bed and ran into the bathroom. She came back with some ointment "Roll over." She said as she climbed in bed. She gently put the medicine on the red marks her nails had left before placing a light kiss over them. They curled back up together to ward off the cold night. As they began drifting off to sleep Olivia whispered "I know I've said it already but thank you. Tonight was so great. I don't remember the last time I had that much fun."

"Hmm, I'm glad you enjoyed it. For me it was worth it getting to watch you have fun." She smiled "I think the best part was watching you and the kids dancing together." Olivia chuckled along with her. "I love you."

"Mm I love you too." Olivia said as she drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Alex was standing at the counter drinking a cup of coffee as she started breakfast. She noticed Olivia slowly shuffling into the kitchen "Morning." She said with an amused smile.

"Morning." Olivia said as she walked over and kissed her wife on the cheek. She gladly accepted the mug being offered to her. "Thank you."

"Looks like you're moving a little slow this morning detective."

Olivia grinned "Well between all the dancing we did last night…among other things." She said with a smirk "I think my almost fifty year old body over did it just a little. My legs are so sore I'm surprised I'm walking."

They both laughed "Well I happen to think you have the hottest fifty year old body I've ever laid eyes on."

They were quiet for a moment "How's your back?"

"Little sore but it was well worth it." she pulled her shirt and noticed the surprised look on the brunette's face. She noticed it quickly turned to a look of concern "Liv I'm serious it's okay. It's not the first time one of us has scratched the other."

"No but it's the first time it's been this bad. I really am sorry."

Alex gave her a quick kiss "I know but with any luck it'll happen again." she said with a smile.

They were almost done fixing breakfast when Jase walked into the kitchen "What's for breakfast?"

"Pancakes." Alex answered.

"How'd you sleep last night?" Olivia asked as she poured the nine year old a glass of milk.

"Good." He took a drink and looked up "Did you have a nightmare last night?"

Both ladies looked confused "Did who have a nightmare?"

"Mom."

Olivia looked confused "No I didn't have a nightmare. Why do you ask?"

"I got up to use the bathroom and I heard you telling Mama that she was gonna kill you. I know Mama would never hurt any of us so I figured you were having a nightmare." Alex and Olivia looked at each other with shocked expressions; luckily their son seemed oblivious to their looks. He looked at Olivia "I thought you were having a nightmare and Mama woke you up." He turned his attention to Alex "Did Mom hit you while she was dreaming or something?"

"Uh no, why?" she was slowly panicking over what he may have heard, or God forbid had seen.

"Because I heard you say Mom's name." He grinned mischievously "You also used the F word."

Alex's face paled along with Olivia's. They looked at one another, grateful for their ability to carry on a conversation without words. Alex was the first to regain her voice "Um how long were you standing there?"

"Just a minute. When I heard you talking I knew you would wake Mom up." He looked expectantly at them waiting for an answer.

"Mom didn't have a nightmare her back was hurting after all the dancing she did and I was giving her a massage. When you heard her say I was going to kill her it was because I was pushing a little too hard." She looked to Olivia hoping she would play along.

Jase nodded "Oh. Why did you use the F word though?"

"Uh…" she faltered for a moment but quickly recovered "I couldn't believe how tense her muscles were." She knew it was a lame excuse but hopefully he bought it.

"Oh okay." He stood up "I'm gonna wake up Henry and the girls." He began walking from the room but stopped and turned to look back at his mothers' "You really shouldn't use those words Mama." He flashed Olivia's cocky grin before turning and running up the stairs.

Alex collapsed back against the counter "Oh my God!" she could see the blush that had been slowly creeping up Olivia's neck had completely taken over her face. Alex could tell by the burn of her own skin that she was blushing furiously as well.

Olivia stared at the floor for a moment, wishing a hole had opened up and swallowed her instead of enduring the conversation she just had. She looked to Alex, her mouth opened and closed several times before forming any words "Our…uh…our um son heard us having sex!" she covered her mouth with her hand "Our son heard us having sex Alex!"

Alex ran her fingers through her hair "You know I always thought it was funny when I heard about things like this happening. It's really not that funny." She sighed and turned back to breakfast "I guess we're both going to have to learn to be quieter."

They did their best to get through breakfast. Luckily it didn't seem that any of the other children had heard anything. They rattled on about the party the night before and how much fun they had. They also talked about what they would do on Olivia's actual birthday. Neither lady failed to notice the look Jase was giving them while he ate. Alex was thankful he was still too young to understand everything he heard.

When they were done eating Henry and the girls ran off leaving Jase and their mothers in the kitchen. He helped clean up and put the dishes in the dishwasher. As he was about to leave the room he turned back and smiled "Mom I hope Mama didn't hurt you too bad last night. And Mama you can't use words like that it's not nice." He ran off to play, unknowingly leaving his mothers' blushing and being more embarrassed than they ever thought possible.

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**A/N: Thank you as always for the reviews. I know it was a little fluffy, with some humor, but it's what I felt like. There is some drama coming though. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews of the last chapter, I'm glad you liked it. Hopefully you won't hate me after this chapter. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 28

Alex leaned against the doorway of their home office and watched her wife. Olivia was sitting at her desk working on the speech she was going to be giving at her foundation's gala. It had been six years since Olivia had expressed her desire to start a foundation for victims and it was steadily growing. This would be the second year they had a gala, and while Olivia sometimes laughed and said it wasn't exactly big enough to be considered a gala that's what Alex named it. They both worked hard to provide whatever their workers and volunteers needed. Olivia used her experience with victims to work with the survivors they helped now and Alex used her knowledge of the law to help on her end. They had both also became trained rape crisis counselors in order to better understand what the people they help go through. Alex walked over and leaned in wrapping her arms around the brunette and pressing a kiss to the top of her head "Hey."

"Hey yourself." Olivia said as she relaxed back into the embrace. She turned her head slightly, pulling Alex in for a kiss. "I wondered how long you were going to stare at me."

"I happen to like staring at you." Alex said placing a quick kiss to her lips again before walking around and leaning on the edge of the desk. For a brief moment she had a flashback to the days when she would go to the precinct and lean against Olivia's desk. She smiled when she saw Olivia looking at her legs "I guess I'm not the only one having a flashback, huh detective?"

Olivia grinned and shook her head "No counselor you're not, at least now I don't have to be discreet about checking you out." She reached out and ran her hand up Alex's jean clad leg and leaned into the touch when she felt Alex place her hand on her cheek. She turned her head and placed a kiss to the palm of her wife's hand "Can you believe how long we've been together?"

"Sixteen years officially but if you count since we first started dating, and I do, it's been almost twenty."

"Best years of my life."

They continued to stare at one another, enjoying their ability to have a conversation without saying a word. They were pulled from their thoughts when they heard footsteps outside the door "Hey, I'm getting ready to leave." Henry said as he stepped into the room.

Olivia smiled at her son he was growing so fast. Henry was now sixteen years old and even though he still looked exactly like her, Olivia couldn't get over the fact that he somehow had Alex's eyes. They were bright blue and held the same love and passion that his Mama's held. "So where all are you going?"

"I'll be staying at Matt's until this evening and then his Dad will take us into the city and drop us off at the concert." He stopped for a moment knowing what his mothers' would ask next "And yes he'll be picking us up as soon as it ends." He smiled at Alex, giving her the smile he knew she couldn't refuse "Mama would it be okay if Matt stayed the night here after the concert?"

Alex put on her courtroom face but knew she couldn't fight the look he was giving her. She sighed heavily "I guess it would be okay." She looked at Olivia "I guess that means a trip to the grocery store if we're going to have an extra teenage boy in the house tonight." They both laughed at the comment but when it came to their two teenage boys sometimes they felt like they were being eaten out of house and home.

Henry smiled and threw his arms around the blonde "Thank you! I love you Mama." He said kissing her on the cheek before leaning over and kissing Olivia too "I love you too Mom."

"I love you too. Be careful." Olivia called out as their son ran out the door. They heard him call out he would just before the door slammed.

"I'm glad things are back to normal now." Alex said with a slight shudder.

Olivia blushed lightly "I know. God I've never been so embarrassed." Alex began blushing as well as she thought about the moment she was referring to.

_It was Alex's birthday and Olivia had woken her up early, kissing her way down her neck and slowly working her hands up under her shirt. After a lazy yet passionate round of lovemaking Alex was now repaying Olivia. They had rolled around till they were lying sideways in the bed and Alex was kissing her way down the brunette's body. Alex was slowly licking and kissing her way around Olivia's center. Little did they know their children had woken early to prepare her breakfast in bed. _

_All four Cabot children stood outside their mothers' room oblivious to what was going on inside. On the count of three Henry opened the door and all four walked in about to say surprise but the word died on their lips as they saw what was going on before them. Olivia was on her back with her fingers tangled in Alex's hair, while Alex was holding her legs open and her tongue was buried inside her._

_Olivia suddenly caught movement from the corner of her eye and gasped when she saw her children standing there. "Oh God, Alex!" she shouted as she quickly pushed her wife away._

_Alex looked up and wished she could die when she saw they had an audience. "Shit!" she whispered as she tried to pull the sheet over them. _

_The kids quickly tried to make their way from the room practically falling over one another in their attempt. While the encounter only lasted a few seconds to everyone involved it had felt like a lifetime. The kids were now standing in the kitchen with shocked expressions "What were they doing?!" Serena asked her siblings._

_The boys, who were now sixteen and fourteen, had a pretty good idea what was going on but their sisters who were just shy of their twelfth birthday were still a little naïve. "Uh…" Jase said. His eyes widened as he flashed back a few years to the night he thought he'd heard Olivia having a nightmare. He decided to keep it secret that this was not his first time catching his mothers._

"_They were having sex, weren't they?" Halyn asked._

"_Uh…well." Henry was unsure how to answer._

"_Yes we were having sex." A blushing Alex said as she and Olivia walked into the room. Olivia was looking as if she wished she could die at the moment. She took a deep breath and pulled up her best courtroom façade to get through what she was about to do. "I know this is awkward for all of us. Although we would prefer that you knock from now on we are in no way blaming you for what happened." She reached out and squeezed Olivia's hand "Your Mom and I love each other very much and we were just expressing our love for one another." She noticed how they were squirming and uncomfortable "I know you're embarrassed and so are we. Trust me; I never liked thinking of my parents doing anything together. I still don't and they've been gone for years. All we ask is that from now on you knock before coming in."_

_All four kids nodded, more than happy to have the conversation end. Henry was the first speak "Can we ask one thing?" Alex nodded "Can you at least lock the door, just in case?"_

That had been a little over a month ago and finally everyone seemed to have forgotten about the encounter. "It took me forever to even look them in the eye after that." Olivia laughed.

The rest of the day was quiet seeing as they were the only ones at home. The girls had spent the night at Bill and Gail's. Sherry's daughter, who was the same age as their twins, was spending the week with her grandparents and had asked for the twins to spend the night with her. Jase had gone with a friend to the movies which left the couple all alone. They spent the day working on foundation related projects and housework. That evening after dinner they sat on the patio enjoying the quiet. "You know it's kind of scary how quiet it is when the kids aren't around." Olivia said.

"I know. Can you imagine what it's going to be like once they're off on their own?"

Olivia snuggled closer to her wife "No and I don't want to imagine it either." They had been sitting snuggled up together so long that they had begun to drift off to sleep. They were pulled back to reality when they could hear their doorbell. They made their way through the house trying to figure out who was at the door. Olivia smiled when she opened the door to see Amanda standing there. "Hey Amanda, what are you doing here?"

"Um I was in the neighborhood. Can I come in?"

"Sure. Can I get you something to drink?" Alex asked as they stepped into the living room.

"No thank you." the detective sighed and looked at her two friends.

Alex grabbed Olivia's hand when she recognized the same look Cragen had the day he told her Olivia had been shot. She looked to her wife and knew she recognized it as well. Olivia sucked in her breath; she knew that look, she'd made plenty of notifications throughout her career. She felt her knees begin to weaken "Amanda why are you really here?"

She placed a hand on each of their arms "Olivia, Alex I'm so sorry to tell you this but I didn't want you to hear it from anyone else." she took another deep breath and steeled her nerves "There's been an accident. A drunk driver blew through a light, jumped the curb and hit several pedestrians." She felt the tears welling in her eyes "I'm so sorry but Henry was one of them."

Alex felt her heart drop to her feet while Olivia suddenly couldn't breathe "Is he…is he…" Alex couldn't finish he question.

"He's alive…for now, but it's bad. He was taken to Bellevue I'm going to take you two there."

The couple jumped up and did their best to make it to the unmarked car in their driveway. Amanda walked behind them supporting them, certain a couple times one of them was about to collapse. She ran her lights and sirens all the way to the hospital, wanting nothing more than to get her friends to their son as quickly as possible. As Amanda drove Alex managed to call Gail and also gave her the number of the friend Jase was with and asked her if they could get him to the hospital as well. Once inside the ER they were told that a doctor would be out to speak with them shortly. They sat side by side holding one another as tightly as possible and praying their son would be okay.

Amanda had her arm around Olivia while she reached across and laid a comforting hand on Alex's leg. She always hated making notifications but when it was someone you considered family it was ten times worse. She had been on her way back from following up with a witness when Nick called her and told her of the accident. Since she was close by she offered to go and get his parents. Amanda tried and failed to hold back her own tears, she had known the boy since he was five years old.

All three looked up when a nurse called their name. Amanda helped them back to a room where they were told a doctor would come to speak with them. She stepped back outside and told them she would wait for them there.

Alex was on the verge of being sick and judging by the look in Olivia's eyes so was she. Alex quickly wiped the tears from her eyes when a man who appeared to be about her age entered the room. "Mrs. Cabot, Mrs. Cabot." He said as he shook their hands "I'm Dr. Jackson I treated your son when he was brought in."

"How…how is he?" Olivia stumbled out. She was trying to draw on her cop instincts to remain calm but they were failing her at the moment.

Dr. Jackson sighed and sat down across from them "Your son was brought in with severe trauma." Both ladies began to break down "He was one of two people hit directly by the car. He was also pinned under it for nearly twenty minutes. The car pinned him down by his leg which caused severe damage to his right knee. He also has multiple cuts and contusions. We haven't been able to do a CT yet but I feel certain he has a concussion as well. He also has internal bleeding. We need to operate to try and stop the bleeding but we were just able to get him stabilized." He looked at the crying couple in front of him "I need your permission to operate as soon as possible."

Alex reached out for the clipboard in his hand and quickly signed her name. She didn't care what they needed she would do anything at that moment to save her son's life. "Is he going to be okay?"

Dr. Jackson took a deep breath "I'll be honest, I don't know. He was crashing as they brought him in but we were able to bring him back." Olivia felt like she was going to be sick at those words, her child had basically died even if for a split second. "It's very touch and go at the moment. If he makes it through the surgery he'll have a chance."

Alex took a few deep breaths and held Olivia tight to her as they cried "Money is no object you do whatever is necessary to save him." The doctor nodded. "If he survives the surgery what are his chances?"

This was a part of his job the doctor hated. He gave them a sympathetic look "I really can't say; only time will tell. We'll know more if he makes it through the night."

At those words Alex and Olivia dissolved into tears.


	29. Chapter 29

**Warning: I cried while writing this.**

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Chapter 29

The waiting room was quiet but it did nothing to ease the nerves of the people sitting there. Alex was sitting on the sofa with Serena curled up against her and Olivia on her other side with Halyn curled up against her. Jase sat in a chair in the corner of the room staring at the floor. Bill and Gail were sitting quietly to themselves while Amanda leaned against the wall staring down the hallway. It had been almost two hours since Henry was taken into surgery and they had only received one update. Alex kept playing the last several hours over and over in her head; she knew it wasn't helping her any but at the same time she couldn't stop. She looked down at her phone and stared at the picture on the screen, it was of her and Henry and they were both smiling at the camera. She began to cry all over again when she remembered him hugging her before he left that afternoon, she could still feel his strong arms around her neck.

Olivia ran her fingers through her daughter's hair; trying to help keep the girl calm but at the same time trying to calm herself. She kept thinking about how happy and normal their life had been that day and how quickly it had changed. She watched Jase as he stared at the floor. She leaned down and kissed Halyn on the top of the head before walking over to sit next to her son. "Hey." She whispered as she sat down. He simply nodded his head. "How are you holding up?"

He looked up with the saddest expression Olivia had ever seen on his face "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Yeah it's bad."

He wiped his eyes and struggled not to cry "Why Mom? Why did this happen? He's still just a kid!" he cried as the tears spilled over.

"Oh sweetheart." Olivia said as she pulled him to her. She rubbed his back and kissed his forehead "I don't know why things like this happen, no one does." She allowed him a few minutes before standing and pulling him up with her as they walked back over to sit with Alex and the girls.

Alex had watched the exchange between her wife and son and felt her heart seize all over again. She'd asked herself the same question a hundred times since arriving at the hospital and she still couldn't answer it.

"Mama?" Serena asked, looking up with teary eyes.

"Yeah?"

"Is Henry going to die?" she choked out.

Alex had to take a moment to compose herself before answering. Serena had voiced the one question they were all avoiding. Halyn was looking at her with tears in her eyes as well; both girls always seemed to be thinking the same thing. "No he's not going to die."

"How do you know that?" Jase asked.

Alex sighed "I don't but it's something I don't want to think about. Henry is healthy and he's strong, he's a fighter. He'll be fine."

"Guys." Amanda said just before a doctor stepped into the room.

"Cabot family?"

Alex and Olivia stood, taking each other's hands, and walked over. "I'm Alex Cabot and this is my wife Olivia, Henry is our son."

The older woman nodded and glanced around the room "I'm Dr. Vaughn I was your son's surgeon. Ladies if you will follow me so we can talk somewhere more private." She led them across the hall to a consult room "Henry made it through the surgery." Alex and Olivia both heaved a sigh of relief but could sense the doctor wasn't done speaking. "We managed to find the source of the bleeding and get it stopped. His spleen was also ruptured and we removed it." she took a deep breath "We lost him twice during the operation but we were able to get him back. He's being moved to the critical care unit. Once he's settled you will be allowed to see him."

Alex's mind was reeling at everything she'd just heard. She had so many questions but didn't even know where to begin. She looked to Olivia who was also struggling to make sense of what the doctor was telling them. Alex finally found her voice "So…so you're saying he died? Twice? Our son died twice?"

"I'm afraid so but like I said we were able to bring him back and he is stabilized now. He's still critical but he did come through the surgery so it does increase his chances."

They walked back into the waiting room to wait for a nurse to come and take them back to see Henry. They told their family what the surgeon said, leaving a few details out to protect their other children. A nurse came to take them to his room and they followed her down the hall holding hands. The young woman turned to face them "You need to know he looks bad. He's hooked up to a lot of machines." They both nodded and followed her into the room.

Neither lady could hold back her tears at the sight of their son lying in the bed. He was on a ventilator, tubes and wires running from different parts of his body. Alex couldn't help but think how small he looked. She walked closer and leaned in placing a gentle kiss to his forehead "Mama loves you." she whispered. She flashed back to when he was a baby and she would whisper the same thing to him as he slept in her arms.

Olivia stood on the other side of the bed and lightly squeezed his hand "I love you baby. We all love you." she looked at the cuts and bruises that covered his hands and arms along with a few on his face. His skin wasn't its typical olive complexion like hers, now it was pale even paler than Alex's. They stood there quietly, each holding one of his hands, listening to the machines beep and the ventilator as it breathed for him.

"I'm sorry to interrupt." The young nurse said "I know you will probably want to stay with him and its okay but if any of your family wants to see him they need to do so. Visiting hours will be ending soon."

They asked if she would bring the others to see him and she agreed. They stepped outside to warn the kids about their brother's condition before taking them in. Alex and Olivia had planned to remain strong for their children but quickly lost their composure when the children broke down. Knowing they only had a few minutes Jase walked over to stand at the bed "Hey you have to wake up soon. Okay? You have to get better and come home. You can't leave me, there's already too much estrogen in that house." He smiled slightly at his attempted joke. He turned around to see his parents were attempting to smile as well.

Next the girls stepped over Serena attempted to speak but was unable to so Olivia lifted her up so she could kiss her brother before she ran back and wrapped herself around Alex and sobbed. Halyn leaned over to whisper in his ear "Please don't die." Before dissolving into tears as well. After Bill and Gail were allowed a few minutes with him the entire family stepped into the hallway.

After many hugs and kisses the kids left to stay the night with Bill and Gail while Alex and Olivia would stay with Henry. They sat in chairs on opposite sides of the bed, each one holding his hand as they watched his chest rise and fall with the help of a machine. Alex's mind went back to the time that Jase had nearly drowned and they spent the night beside his hospital bed. She had nearly lost one son that night and she was determined not to lose her other son this time. As she held his hand she stared at her phone and flipped through the pictures on it. She knew she should probably delete some of them but in this moment she was grateful that she hadn't. Some of the pictures went back as far as his first day of school, treasured memories that she was clinging to. Olivia was sitting opposite her whispering to their son, telling him some of her favorite memories. It broke Alex's heart listening to Olivia talk about how he used to move so much and keep her awake at night when she was pregnant, and how Alex's voice along with her hand on her belly always seemed to calm him.

Alex woke with a start, she wasn't even aware she had fallen asleep. She looked over at Henry and then to the machines that signaled he was still alive. She'd had a dream, nightmare really, that he had died and they were sitting at his funeral. She leaned over him and pressed her lips to his forehead, just like she'd done a thousand times through the years whether to check for fever or in his sleep just to let him know she loved him. She stood and walked around and kissed Olivia on the top of the head "What?" Olivia whispered as she startled awake. "What's wrong?" she began to panic.

"He's okay." Alex whispered. Olivia nodded slowly settling back in her chair. "I'm gonna go to the restroom, you can go when I come back if you like."

By morning both were exhausted but both refused to leave his side more than long enough to go to the restroom. Nurses came and went checking his vitals and giving him medicine. At a little after eight his doctors came in. The good news was he made it through the night but he was still critical. They had placed him in a medically induced coma to allow his body time to recover. His knee was still in bad shape and would need surgery to repair the damage but they couldn't do the operation until he was a little better. Alex finally spoke up "Will he be able to walk?"

The doctor took a deep breath "I feel sure that after surgery and lots of physical therapy he will be able to walk again. However he may have a slight limp, it just depends everyone is different."

"He plays baseball." Olivia sighed. "He has a few college scouts looking at him and he's only a sophomore. His coach even said there may be a few professional scouts interested in him as well." She looked up with tears in her eyes "He'll never play again, will he?"

He gave her a sympathetic look "Only time will tell. He will most likely have pins and screws holding his knee back together. Am I saying he'll never play again? No however it's highly unlikely he'll be able to."

Later that morning the kids came by for another visit. Alex urged them to talk to their brother since there was a possibility he could hear them. After much coaxing they had finally convinced Alex and Olivia to get a bite to eat. Neither wanted to leave him so Bill offered to stay with one of them while the other went with Gail and the kids to the cafeteria and then the other could go. Alex was grateful for her uncle offering to stay, Henry had always been especially close to his Gampa and she knew Bill was very close to Henry as well. There had been a steady stream of friends and neighbors in the waiting room along with the squad. Even though Cragen, Munch and now Fin were retired they all showed up to support their family. There were well wishes sent from several judges including Liz Donnelly and Casey came by to offer any help she could.

The worst part of the day, if it was possible to get any worse, came when they found out that Matt's father had died from his injuries and Matt was paralyzed. As badly as Alex wanted her son to wake up she was dreading telling him the news. Matt was one of his best friends and his father had always been good to him and treated him as one of his own. She and Olivia had taken turns going out to the waiting room and thanking their visitors and apologizing for them not being able to see him but everyone understood. Her heart melted when Maddie came to visit. She and Henry had become friends in kindergarten and became even closer when Henry told that Maddie was being abused. The girl had remained with her father and had gradually rebuilt a relationship with her mother but she never went back to live with her mother. The two had been best friends since kindergarten but Alex had thought that there was maybe more beginning to develop between her son and the girl and after seeing how upset she was she started to think she was right. She and Olivia had often joked that Henry and Maddie would end up together.

By that evening the only thing Olivia could think about was how grateful she was Henry was still with them. She had only left his side a couple times. She reached out and ran her hand along his cheek and noticed he was a little warm so she adjusted the blanket to allow him to cool off. She looked up when she heard Alex say her name "I'm sorry?"

"I said why don't we go grab a bite to eat? We can bring it back here to eat but it might do us some good to move around a bit."

"I don't want to leave him." Olivia said as she stood and paced around the room.

"I know I don't either but he's doing pretty well and I think he'll be okay for a few minutes." Alex said as she wrapped her arms around her wife and pulled her back against her.

"I just can't Alex, he's my baby." Olivia said as she struggled to hold back her tears.

"He's my baby too." Alex said with a tearful voice.

"Yeah but I gave birth to him." Olivia froze the moment the words left her mouth. She felt Alex recoil and pull away. She turned and could see the hurt look in the blonde's eyes.

Alex knew Olivia hadn't meant her words to come out the way they did but the words had stabbed her through her heart. She wrapped her arms around her waist and turned away slightly, she felt Olivia reach out for her but she pulled away. She turned back and faced her wife, unable to hold back her hurt "Oh so since I didn't push him out he's not my son?"

"Alex I didn't mean that." Olivia sighed as she ran her hand through her hair.

"I gave birth to Jase and the girls and I have always considered them to be just as much your children as they are mine. Never once have I tried to say that I was more their mother than you just because I carried them." she knew that if they weren't so exhausted and their nerves weren't frayed they wouldn't even be having this argument.

Olivia wrapped her arms around Alex and held her tight preventing her from pulling away "Alex you are his mother. In ways you are more his mother than I am. You were with him all the time when he was a baby while I was at work. You two share a special bond. You are his mother. I didn't mean to say that. Please you have to believe me." she cried.

Alex slowly wrapped her arms around the brunette "I know I know it just hit me the wrong way. There's always been a part of me that wondered if you viewed me as less his mother since I didn't carry him."

"Never. You have always and will always be his mother." They both broke down crying. It was the first time they'd broken down since the night before. A sudden blaring alarm from one of the machines pulled them back to reality. Before they knew it the room was filled with nurses and the doctor who was on that evening. The couple stepped back allowing them room to work and held one another. Olivia felt her heart clinch when she saw the heart monitor signal that his heart had stopped beating.

"He's coding." One of the nurses called out. They looked up when another nurse wheeled a cart into the room and they pulled the paddles loose to shock him.

Alex covered her mouth with her hand as she cried. Instead of the steady beeping of his heartbeat as it registered on the machine all she could hear is one loud beep and she couldn't shake the sight of the flat line from her mind. She came back to reality when they shocked his heart and his body shook. She choked out a sob and pulled Olivia tighter against her. Olivia was struggling not to pass out, with every shock to her son's heart it was as if she could feel darkness coming over her and attempting to pull her under. Neither was aware how much time had passed, they had practically zoned out once they started shocking Henry. They were standing with their arms around each other unable to watch the scene that was playing out in front of them. They were brought back to reality when the doctor called their names. When Alex looked over the expression on the doctor's face told her everything she didn't want to hear. She felt her legs begin to shake and she collapsed back against the wall.

"I'm sorry. There's nothing else we could do. He spiked a fever which means he probably had an infection. I'm so sorry."

Olivia slowly slid down the wall till she was in the floor. Alex turned and emptied what little contents her stomach held into the trash can. This wasn't happening, it couldn't be happening. The doctor just informed her that her son had died. She took a sip of water one of the nurses offered her. She was vaguely aware of the nurses and doctor stepping back to give them some time. She walked over and stood next to the bed and looked at her boy. She kept thinking that things like this aren't supposed to happen. She was to go first, not her child. She reached down and took his hand in hers, it was still warm and it only made her cry harder. She leaned down and ran her fingers through his hair and whispering "My little buddy." She felt the tears falling faster at the nickname she called him when he was little. "Mama loves you, I will always love you." she leaned in and pressed her lips to his forehead. She suddenly jerked away when the heart monitor began beeping. She looked up and gasped when she saw it was registering a heartbeat.

Olivia jumped from where she had slumped in the floor. She ran to her son's side before quickly being pushed away by a nurse. She began to shake when she felt Alex wrap her arms around her. The doctor and nurses were talking quickly with shocked expressions on their faces. Olivia felt her knees give out and she collapsed onto the windowsill, pulling Alex down next to her. Alex couldn't believe what she was seeing, not two minutes ago they'd been told their son was dead and now it appeared he wasn't. She gasped and began to sob when the doctor looked over with a surprised look.

"We've got a pulse. He's back."

* * *

**A/N: I struggled with how I wanted this to go. In the end I felt like HKS said; I love the little guy and couldn't let him go. Not saying the road to recovery will be easy though. To jbcjazz: thank you for your offer it was appreciated. Thank you all for the reviews of the last chapter. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoy this one as well.**


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

It had been a week since Henry 'died' and he was steadily improving. He was still in a coma but his doctors were becoming more optimistic he'd make a full recovery with each passing day. He had also finally had the surgery to repair his knee; he had pins and screws holding his knee together along with a brace. Alex and Olivia still had yet to leave him for very long. Gail had finally convinced them to come to their brownstone and take a shower and get a little rest. They finally relented and went one at a time so one of them would be with Henry at all times. The kids also came by every day and would spend time with their brother. Jase would keep him up to date on baseball scores while the twins would read to him. One thing all four children got from Alex was a love of reading. Now that he was older he and Alex had a hobby of every so often picking a book and reading it together, it was their own little book club.

Alex was just returning from her uncle's, Olivia had gone that morning and when she had returned Alex took her turn. She stopped in the doorway and watched her wife and son. Olivia was telling him about everything that had gone on in the world since the accident. Alex still hated to think of that day as well as the day he 'died'. The doctors were still unsure what had brought him back; Olivia said it was Alex that brought him back, but to Alex all that mattered was he was back. She had never really believed in miracles but she was a firm believer now.

Olivia looked up and smiled when she saw Alex in the doorway "Your Mama's back I guess that means we have to stop talking about her." She said in a whisper loud enough for Alex to hear.

"You and your Mom have been talking about me huh? I guess that means we'll have to talk about her next time she leaves us alone." She laughed as she kissed his cheek. They settled in to a light conversation and included Henry as much as possible. They both knew he couldn't answer them but they hoped he could hear them. They would talk directly to him or ask him a question concerning what they were talking about. It was also one of the few things keeping them sane. Alex had settled down into her chair as she read to Henry and Olivia listened. She stopped when the door slid open and one of his doctors walked in. "Hello Dr. Ward." Alex said as she put her book away.

"Hello ladies how are we today?" the young woman asked as she picked up her patient's chart. She made a little small talk as she checked Henry's vitals and his incisions. Once she was finished she turned and smiled at his mothers' "I've got some good news." They both looked at her expectantly "I'm going to take him off the medicine that's keeping him in a coma."

"He's doing that well?" Olivia asked hopeful.

"I believe so. We'll take him off the medicine and wait for him to wake up. Once he does we'll take him off the ventilator. If he does okay after all that we'll move him to the ICU."

"How long will it take him to wake up?" Alex asked, a little nervous about the answer.

"He's got a lot of meds in his system so it's hard to say. We'll have to wait and see." She noticed the look on their faces "I know you're tired of hearing that phrase but it's the best I can offer." She pushed some medicine into his IV "I've already stopped the drip with the medicine keeping him under and this will help reverse the effects. He won't wake up immediately but it could be anywhere from a couple hours to a couple days."

It had been several hours since the doctor reversed the medicine and he was still asleep. Alex was sitting in her chair next to the bed holding Henry's hand while he and Olivia slept. She was wrapped up in the cooking show she was watching, it was another hobby she shared with her son. Ever since he was little he was always in the kitchen when she was cooking. She shook her head as she watched the red head chef and his wife who was on his show with him "I still don't get why you two think she and I look alike." She said to her sleeping wife and son. They often joked that she favored the blonde actress but Alex just didn't see it. She looked to the bed when she felt Henry's hand move in hers. Even though she had gotten used to the twitches and slight movements of his hand over the past week she still couldn't help but get her hopes up. She looked at his face and felt her breath catch when she noticed him struggling to open his eyes. She jumped up and sat down next to him on the bed "Henry, baby can you hear me?" he barely opened his eyes before closing them again. "Liv, Olivia, wake up!"

"What happened?" Olivia said as she jumped from her chair.

"He's waking up."

Olivia leaned over and took his hand as she ran her fingers through his hair "Come on baby, wake up for Mama and me."

Henry's eyes suddenly flew open with a panicked look. Even with the look in his eyes to Alex it was the beautiful sight in the world, she had desperately missed those blue eyes. He began to move around and pulled his hand from hers and reached for the tube in his mouth. She reached out and grabbed his hand back "Hey, hey it's okay. You've got a tube in your throat helping you breathe." he had tears in his eyes as he looked back and forth at them "It's okay just calm down. Mom and I are here." She looked to her wife "Liv get a nurse." Olivia hit the call button while Alex continued to try and calm her son "It's okay. You were in an accident" he was calming slightly but winced from his movements. "Try and stay still the nurse is on her way."

When the nurse arrived she immediately called for Dr. Ward. Between Alex and Olivia they had finally managed to calm Henry down. Dr. Ward walked in and began checking him over. "I'm going to remove the tube you two might want to step out for that, it's not the most pleasant thing to witness."

Alex shook her head no "We've stayed by his side for a week I'm not about to leave now."

Dr. Ward turned back to her patient "I'm going to take the tube out. You have a few cracked ribs and I know it's going to hurt but I need you to take as deep a breath as you can and on the count of three blow it out." He nodded and winced as he took a deep breath. Once the tube was free he began coughing and gasping before wincing in pain. One of the nurses gave him some water while the doctor continued to check him over. She smiled and stepped back allowing Alex and Olivia to resume their positions beside him "Looks and sounds good. I'll leave you all to visit. I'll be back in a bit to check in on him."

Alex leaned over and smiled hugging her son; she couldn't hold back the tears as she felt him gently place his arm on her back. She pulled back and wiped her tears "Best hug I've ever had."

Olivia leaned in for hers "Mama was right, best hug ever."

His voice was still weak and horse from not being used but he managed a whisper "What happened?"

Alex opened her mouth to speak but wasn't sure how to begin. She looked to Olivia who nodded. She may have been retired for a while but she drew on her experience of explain things like this to a victim, she just never expected to be explaining something like this to her child. "Do you remember going to the concert?" Henry nodded. "You, Matt and his Dad were standing outside a diner you were going to get a bite to eat before the show and a drunk driver ran the light, jumped the curb and hit several people including you."

Henry just blinked his eyes for a moment and nodded his head "It hurts. How bad?"

Olivia sighed "You have several broken ribs, cuts and bruises but they're healing. You had internal bleeding and your spleen was ruptured so they had to operate. You also had a slight concussion." She was cut off by her son.

"My leg?" he looked down at the brace "What happened to my knee?"

Olivia was tearing up by this point but she swallowed them back as best she could "You uh…you were pinned under the car. They operated the other day to repair it. They had to put in pins and screws the brace is there to help hold it together."

Alex noticed the tears beginning in her sons eyes "You're going to be fine."

"Will I be able to walk?" he said in a scared voice.

"The doctor said he feels sure you'll be able to. It won't be easy and you'll have to have physical therapy but he said you will walk again."

"But will I be able to play ball?" His mothers' silence along with the looks they were giving one another spoke volumes "This sucks!" he said as he dropped his head back against the pillow.

"I know it sucks." Alex said as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

"No you don't. You don't know how it feels to lay in a hospital bed and hear that your life has changed, that you may never have the one thing you want more than anything."

Alex took a deep breath "Yes I do. I know exactly how you're feeling." She had never discussed Velez or her time in witness protection with their children. They had seen her scar but she'd always made up a story about it. He gave her a skeptical look. She knew she would have to tell him but not right now. She looked to Olivia before continuing "Just trust me I know exactly how you feel."

"What about Matt and his Dad?"

Once again Olivia took over "Matt's in a different hospital, he's paralyzed from the waist down. His Dad didn't make it."

Henry began to cry "Will I be out in time to go to the funeral?"

Alex took a seat on the edge of the bed "No sweetheart, the funeral was a couple days ago." He looked confused "The accident was just over a week ago. You've been in a coma since the accident."

"I what?"

"They had to put you in a coma to allow your body time to heal. Olivia and I have been here since the accident. Your brother and sisters along with Nanny and Gampa have been by every day to see you."

"I know I dreamt about you guys talking to me. I guess it wasn't a dream was it?" Olivia laughed and shook her head no. He gave them a sad look "I also heard you arguing." Both their faces fell "I thought I was dreaming because you guys never really argue but you were, weren't you?"

"Yes but you have to understand we were both tired and upset and we let our emotions get the better of us." Alex replied with a sad look.

"It's okay." He yawned.

"Hey you've still got medicine in your system. Try and sleep a little bit Nanny and Gampa should be by in a little while with your brother and sisters."

He tugged on her hand and she leaned over for a kiss "I love you Mama."

"I love you too buddy." She grinned as he rolled his eyes at his childhood nickname.

He then pulled Olivia in "I love you Mommy."

"I love you to baby." Olivia whispered as a few tears escaped.

After Henry went back to sleep they took the opportunity to call their family to let them know the good news. They both felt the exhaustion, and emotions, of the past week finally taking over. They broke down and cried, thankful that their son had woken up and that they still had him with them. "I don't think he's really accepted what has happened." Alex said as she wiped her eyes.

"Me either but it'll probably take some time for it to really sink in. I think it would maybe do him some good if you talked to him about Velez."

"How?" Alex asked as she guided Olivia to the corner to keep Henry from overhearing their conversation.

"You heard him, he's just found out his life has changed. Even though he is going to eventually be okay his life has changed forever. He may never play ball again, that's one thing he's wanted more than anything." She grinned slightly "I seem to remember you saying it killed you because you were afraid we'd never be together, you weren't sure you would have something you wanted more than anything."

"I didn't want you that bad detective." She grinned before placing a quick kiss to the brunette's lips. Alex looked over at the sleeping teen "I do know how he feels though. I'll try talking to him when he can stay awake for more than a few minutes."

By that afternoon Henry had been moved to the ICU and the family had been by to visit. He also ordered his mothers to go and get a bite to eat from somewhere other than the cafeteria. When they tried to object he told them that his Nanny and Gampa could stay with him. As much as they hated to leave him they both had to admit it did them some good to spend time with their other children. He also tried to convince them to go home that night but Alex informed him that was non-negotiable, they weren't going home until they could take him with them.

It was late that night Henry and Alex were sitting up talking while Olivia slept. "Your friends have been stopping by almost every day. We told them once you were better they could see you. Maybe if you're feeling up to it you could take a few calls from them."

"That sounds good." He nodded.

She grinned at him "Maddie's been here every day."

"Well she is my best friend." He said as he looked down.

Alex didn't miss the slight blush on his face "Uh huh. She was awfully upset even for a best friend." At that he blushed more "Hey I'm just picking at you, but I couldn't help but wonder if there's maybe something between you two."

He looked down and began to fidget with the edge of his blanket "I asked her out."

Alex grinned but at the same time felt her stomach drop, her baby really was growing up. It wasn't something she was ready for. "And?"

"And what?" he gave her Olivia's cocky grin.

"God I've missed that smile." she said causing him to roll his eyes. "What did she say? You can't say something like that and then leave me hanging."

"She said yes. I was planning on taking her out this past weekend, but I guess that didn't happen."

"You can reschedule. I'm sure she would be more than okay with that."

"Earlier when I said you didn't know how it felt to be told your life had changed forever, you said you knew exactly how I felt. What did you mean?"

"I want to tell you something but I don't want you to worry or get upset. Okay?" he nodded. Alex took a deep breath. "I had been with SVU for a few years and we caught this case. At first it seemed to be just another rape/homicide but it wasn't. It turned out the victim was an undercover agent and it eventually led to a Colombian drug cartel." Henry's eyes widened. She had a sad look before a slight smile spread across her face. If she had been paying attention she would've noticed that Olivia was awake and listening. "Olivia and I had only been dating for about a month when this happened. She began asking me to drop the case but I wouldn't. I was this headstrong, stubborn person." He grinned at her which caused her to laugh "I know I still am. One night one of the DEA agents we were working with called us to his office. He played an intercepted phone call where the cartel had basically put a hit out on me." If the moment wasn't so serious she would've laughed at the look on his face. "The two men on the tape knew where I lived, where I went jogging. They even knew where my Mom lived. They ordered me to have a protective detail. Just after we left the office the agent got in his car and it exploded. The next day the DA called me to his office and told me we were handing the case over to the Feds. Even with the threats I hated I had to hand my case over but I did. We went out for drinks a couple nights later and as we left the bar your Mom and I were standing on the sidewalk talking. Before we knew what was happening there was a drive by."

"You were shot?!" Henry's jaw was practically on the floor and his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of his head. Alex nodded and pointed to her shoulder "Your scar? You always said it was from an accident."

"I know, I lied because I didn't want to tell you guys until you were old enough to understand. Please don't tell your brother or sisters."

"I won't."

"Now the reason I understand how you feel. I was lying on the sidewalk trying to stay awake while Olivia pressed her hand to the wound to try and stop the bleeding. She kept begging me to stay with her and I was trying desperately to listen to her. The last thing I remembered was being loaded into the ambulance. When I came to I had a doctor and a US Marshal in my room. I was told that until Velez, the head of the cartel, was captured or killed I was better off dead. I was legally declared dead and put into the witness protection program. I sat in that bed with my arm in a sling and I had a million thoughts running through my mind. I was worried about my Mom of course but the thing that upset me most was that I couldn't be with Olivia. I knew I was head over heels in love with her but I was terrified I would never get the chance to tell her. I pitched a fit and managed to get to see her I at least wanted her to know I was alive. That was one of the most painful moments seeing her and knowing I may never see her again." she took a moment to wipe her tears "I know it was a long story but I needed you to know that I know exactly how you feel. I had no one. I lay in that bed all alone and I was alone for almost two years but you have so many people around you who love and support you."

There was no noise in the room for a few minutes as Henry processed everything he'd just been told. He looked up and smiled "And here I thought Mom was the one with the exciting career."

"Nah I think your Mama's got me beat." Olivia laughed as she startled her wife and son. "She's been shot, I had to get between her and a victim's mother once and she's been suspended."

"You…were suspended?" Henry asked, obviously shocked.

"It's not something I like to brag about but yes I was suspended." Henry silently asked why. "It's not such a good idea to violate the fourth amendment and have your detectives search someone's home without a warrant when you're and ADA."

"Wow! I guess I'll need to remember that."

"Why?"

"So I don't make the same mistake once I'm an ADA." He smiled at the looks on their faces. "I want to be like you Mama. I want to go to law school and become an ADA. That's why I was so upset earlier. I wanted to get a baseball scholarship and then use my college fund for law school."

Alex felt her heart swell at the thought of her son wanting to be like her. "Henry if you want to go to law school we have the money, and even if we didn't we would move heaven and earth to see that you were able to go. I still think you can get a scholarship if that's what you want. You have excellent grades; you're the only one on the team with straight A's. So do you have any particular law school in mind?"

Henry mustered as straight a face as he could "I was actually considering Yale."

Alex fell back with her hand over her heart "Oh my God! Yale? Are you serious?" she looked across the bed "Olivia get the doctor I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack." She looked at him seriously "We are a Harvard household in case you've forgotten. Yale my ass." She said as she shook her head.

Henry and Olivia both laughed "I'm kiddin Mama. I would never consider Yale. I want to go to Harvard."

They tried to encourage him to go to sleep but Henry said he'd slept enough, he wanted to talk. Alex was tired but was more than willing to forgo a little sleep if it meant spending time with her boy. They had always shared talks like this and it was one of the things she had missed. "So while I was out I had some really crazy dreams."

"I bet. Do you remember any?" Olivia asked.

"Well I dreamt about you two arguing." He noticed the sad almost ashamed look on their faces "It's okay, I promise." Both nodded but knew it would be a long time before they forgave themselves. "I dreamt about Jase and the girls talking to me. I dreamt that you were a cop Mama and Mom you were a lawyer." They all laughed neither could imagine their careers being reversed. "I also had a bad one; well it was more embarrassing than anything. I dreamt I walked in on you guys…you know…gettin it on."

Alex blushed but not near as brightly as Olivia "Well that really happened."

He suddenly blushed "Oh God that's right." They grew quiet for a minute as all three tried to forget what was just said. "The weirdest one was I dreamt I was standing somewhere and I could see two figures walking toward me. I couldn't see their face but when they got closer I could tell that they were both women. One of them began talking to me, she said it wasn't time and I needed to come back. She said that you two needed me."

Alex and Olivia looked to one another and both were crying. They had yet to tell Henry that he had died and came back. "Did…did you know them?"

"No because I couldn't see their faces. They walked a little closer and the other woman said that I had a lot of living to do." he began to cry for a moment before quickly wiping his tears "Did I die?"

Both ladies moved to sit on the edge of the bed and took his hands in theirs. "Yes, you died and about two minutes later your heart started beating again." Alex was openly crying as well as Olivia "It was the worst moment of our lives. Your Mom collapsed in the floor, I got physically sick. I came over and kissed your forehead and told you that I would always love you. And then I heard the most wonderful sound in the world, the monitor showed your heart was beating again. In ways it was more wonderful than the day in the doctor's office when we heard your heart beat for the very first time."

Henry sat up as quickly as his healing ribs would allow and wrapped his arms around both his mothers and held them close as they cried. Even though they had both cried over the past week they finally felt the full weight of all the emotions crash over them. Unlike so many parents who had been told their child had died they had gotten theirs back. Olivia knew that waking up and seeing her son every morning was something she would never take for granted again.

After some time Henry finally pulled back "I need to finish telling you about what happened." His mothers' sat back but continued to hold his hands in theirs and with their free hand they held one another's. "The women began walking closer and I finally began to recognize them. The first woman kinda looked like you and I thought it was you for a minute but when she got closer I realized I'd seen her picture. It was your Mom, Mama." Alex choked out a sob. He looked to Olivia "The other woman I recognized from the picture you kept on your desk. It was Grandma Serena." Olivia held her breath. "They said that you both had seen too much sadness in your life and that I needed to come back." He smiled "Mama, Grandma Caroline said that she always knew you and Mom would get together and she was glad you did. They both hugged me and told me they loved me and said that you both were doing a wonderful job. Grandma Caroline said to tell you she loved you and was so happy for you."

Alex tried to speak but couldn't find the words she needed. She finally had the closure she had always wanted. She noticed the hopeful yet sad look on Olivia's face.

Henry turned to Olivia "Grandma Serena said to tell you she was sorry. She said she was sorry for your childhood." Olivia began breaking down "I asked her why but she said that would be up to you if you want to tell me. She said to tell you that even though she never showed it she did love you. She said you were the last thing she thought of before she died. She said to tell you she loves you."

Olivia finally broke; this was the closure she had longed for. She had always wondered if her mother really loved her or not and now she finally knew. She thought about how she had never really bought into the idea of people dying and saying they had met someone on the other side. If it wasn't for her son saying it she still wouldn't believe it but the honesty in his eyes made her believe. She leaned in and wrapped her arms around him "Thank you, thank you."

They continued to cry before exhaustion from the emotional roller coaster they had been on finally caught up to them. They helped their son to the restroom, as much as he hated it, before helping him settle back into bed. Alex and Olivia stayed awake until Henry was sleeping soundly. Alex stood and walked around the bed. She pulled Olivia up into her arms and held her tight. Olivia relaxed into the blonde's embrace as she felt the tension of the past week finally begin to leave her body. When they separated Olivia pressed her lips to Alex's for a loving kiss. It was slow and gentle; it was as if it was repairing the damage to their heart and soul from the past week. "I love you." Olivia whispered when they separated.

"I love you too."

They both settled down into the chairs that had become their beds. Both fell asleep feeling lighter than they had in years. They finally had the closure they had always wanted.

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**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews of the last chapter. I know this is a little longer than usual but I couldn't find a good place to stop plus I wanted Alex and Henry to have a heart to heart. I threw a little humor in since the last chapter was so heavy. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed!**


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: You guys are great, thank you for the reviews. I know I've mostly written happy, fluffy chapters but I have to say I'm enjoying the more emotional stuff I've been writing lately. Don't worry things will calm down a bit. I have to keep you on your toes though. I already have the next chapter planned but I'm not sure when I'll have it up. Work and school tends to sometimes get in the way. I changed this chapter several times and still not sure about it. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 31

A month had passed since Henry had left the hospital. Overall he was doing very well. He was still going to physical therapy for his knee, and much to his dismay his doctor still hadn't allowed him to return to school. He and Olivia were at home while Alex ran errands. "You ready to do your exercises?" Olivia asked as she walked into the family room.

Henry sighed and lay his head back "Do I have to?"

"Yeah you have too." Olivia said as she took a seat. She knew her son was growing tired of his therapy but she and Alex continued to push him. "The sooner you get better the sooner you get back to school." she grinned at him "And the sooner you get to take Maddie out."

"Mom." He groaned out. He was suddenly wishing he'd never told his Mama about asking his friend out.

"Come on, in the floor."

Alex walked into the house and could hear the laughter coming from the family room. She watched her son and wife and had to swallow the lump in her throat. It may have been just over a month since Henry's accident but she still couldn't get past how close she'd come to losing him. She was about turn away but Henry's question stopped her in her tracks. "I would usually ask Mama this type of question but I want to ask you."

"You know you can ask me anything."

"I've never taken a girl on a date before. What should we do?"

Olivia pat him on the shoulder he was obviously embarrassed about his question. She smiled as she began "You take her somewhere nice, nothing too fancy though. Or, since Maddie's a coffee fan, you could go for coffee and dessert." She sighed as she remembered her first date with Alex. She knew that night that it would be the last first date she ever went on. "You hold her hand, you open doors for her. You make her feel special. When you drop her off at home walk her to her door. Thank her for a wonderful time and tell her that you would like to do it again."

"Is that how your first date with Mama went?"

Olivia smiled and wiped a few tears "Yeah. She made me feel like the most special person on the planet." She jumped when she felt familiar arms wrap around her shoulders from behind the couch.

"I made her feel that way because she is the most special person on the planet." She laughed at the mock hurt look on her son's face "Well now she's one of the five most special people on the planet."

"So… so did you guys kiss on your first date?"

"Believe it or not we didn't." Alex replied. Henry raised his eyebrow in the same way Olivia would, it never failed to make her laugh. "I had a long history of screwing up relationships and this was something I definitely didn't want to screw up." She walked around and pulled Olivia up before sitting down and pulling the brunette down onto her lap. "Olivia and I were friends before I asked her out and on the off chance it didn't work out between us I didn't want to lose my best friend."

"I also had a habit of screwing up relationships. I wanted to take things slow and luckily so did Alex. You guys are young there's no need to rush things." She slid off Alex's lap and turned to face the teen. "I know we've already had the talk but is there anything you want to ask us?" Alex shuddered at the memory of having the talk with her sons, she didn't embarrass easily but she did that day. Even Olivia who was used to talking to people about the most private things was a little embarrassed.

Henry winced at the memory "No I think you guys covered everything. Besides I am in no way ready for anything like that."

Both his mothers' breathed a sigh of relief. "That's good to know."

That night Jase had his first home game of the season and seeing how well Henry was doing they allowed him to go. Alex and Olivia were on their feet cheering as their son run into the end zone for a touchdown, while Henry and the girls shook their head in embarrassment. Alex was still cheering her son on when she felt Henry and Olivia pull her back down "I'm pretty sure he heard you." Olivia said.

"I don't think the opposing team's fans heard you though." Henry said joking.

Before anyone could stop her Alex had stood and climbed onto her seat "That's my baby!"

Henry stood and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back down "Seriously Mama."

As they walked through the door Alex still couldn't wipe the smile from her face. "I am so proud of you!" she said as she kissed her son on top of the head.

"You've already said that at least a hundred times since we left the game." Jase said while rolling his eyes. "You even told everyone at the restaurant."

"Hey I can't help my son is the first freshman in school history to score three touchdowns in one game." She smiled before wrapping her arms around him again.

"I'm so proud of you." Olivia said as she hugged the teen.

That night Alex and Olivia were curled up on the couch relaxing when Henry entered the room "Can we talk?"

"Of course we can." Alex said as they sat up.

Henry collapsed into the recliner where he had spent most of his time since coming home. "When I was in the hospital and…" he looked down unable to finish his sentence. Alex and Olivia both felt their breath catch at the memory. "When I told you that I saw Grandma Serena and she said she was sorry, what did she mean?"

Olivia looked to Alex for support and as always found it reflecting in her blue eyes. This was something she had always dreaded telling her children but she knew it would eventually happen. She felt Alex take her hand and squeeze it. She took a deep breath before beginning "What I'm about to tell you is something that not a lot of people know. I also want you to keep it between us for now; I think your brother and sisters are still too young to know. In ways I think you're still too young but after everything you've been through I think you can handle it."

"Okay."

Alex wrapped her arm around her wife's waist for support. She knew Olivia had told this story several times but it never got any easier.

As many times as she had told someone about her mother it still pained her every time. She had told victims her story but telling her child was one of the most difficult things she'd ever done. She took a deep breath "When my Mom was in college she was raped…and she got pregnant with me." she could feel Alex hold her tighter and she was so grateful to have the blonde in her life. She was finally able to look at her son; she was afraid of seeing pity in his eyes but instead she saw shock, concern and most importantly love. She wiped the few stray tears before beginning again "For whatever reason she decided to keep me. She began drinking as a way to cope with the rape and the fact that she had to raise her rapist's child."

"Mom, you don't have to."

Olivia smiled; Henry was the most emotionally involved kid she'd ever encountered. "Yes I do. As I got older she continued to drink. Granted every now and then she'd have a good day. She always tried on Christmas and my birthday but it would be difficult to celebrate the result of the worst day of your life."

"That's why birthdays are always so special to us." Alex said.

"I always wondered what I did to cause her to keep me at arm's length and then I finally found out when I was I was about Jase's age. She had never physically abused me until after that. Mostly she would just shove me but occasionally she would throw things at me." Olivia had to stop for a moment and regain control. She smiled when Alex leaned in and whispered how much she loved her. "She was a college professor, English Lit, and when I was sixteen I began dating one of her students. He asked me to marry him and I said yes." Henry's eyes widened with surprise. "Did I love him? On some level I did but I was doing it mostly so I could get away from her. When she found out she threatened to have him kicked out of school. She was extremely drunk that night and she dropped her vodka bottle, when it broke she picked up the jagged edge and came at me. She was shouting that I belonged to her and she'd never let anybody else have me. I knew she was going to hurt me and so I kicked her, hard, and she fell back against the wall and slid to the floor. I froze I thought for sure I'd killed her. I met a child advocate attorney just after that and she helped me. She did get better in ways through the years but it was never a normal mother/daughter relationship." She took moment to wipe her tears and allow Henry a few minutes to process what he'd been told.

"Is that why you wanted to be a cop?"

"It is. I wanted to try and put people like my father away. I also thought that maybe I would find him and make him pay for what he did to us."

"Did you ever find him?"

"No, but I was better able to understand what my mother went through. I was also able to help people like her get justice, the justice she never received."

The room grew quiet for a few minutes while everyone took in what was said. Olivia looked to Henry then to Alex, she was beginning to grow nervous with how quiet they were being.

"You were engaged to a man?" Henry asked.

Alex and Olivia both burst out laughing, their son had thankfully broken the tension the room was filling with. "Yes I was. In case you didn't know Alex and I have dated both men and women. Is that weird?"

"No not weird. It's just hard to imagine you two with anyone else. It's like you guys were meant to be together."

"That's what I've always thought." Alex said with a smile. After a moment she grew serious "Are you okay? I know this was a lot to hear but you need to know that if you want to talk about this we're here to listen."

He looked up, his expression unreadable "So…my grandfather was a rapist?"

Alex walked over and crouched in front of him "He was but it has no bearing on you as a person. Look at your Mom." Alex smiled "She is the most wonderful person. She is kind and caring, and so are you."

Olivia joined Alex in front of their son "This is one of the many reasons I was worried about telling you. I worried for years about it but then Alex came along." She smiled when she noticed tears in the blonde's eyes "I was terrified of hurting her but she convinced me that I was not my father, and when I was pregnant with you she convinced me that I wasn't my mother either."

They stayed in front of him as he thought about what he'd just been told. He finally looked at Olivia "You're not your Mom." He slid forward and pulled them both in for a hug "You are the greatest Moms in the world. I'm so glad I got you."

"Well we're glad we got you too." Alex whispered.

They talked for a little longer before finally going to bed. Just before he walked into his room Henry turned and pulled Olivia in for a tight hug "You're not your parents, but if I can be half what my parents are I'll be so grateful. I love you."

Olivia nodded and whispered an I love you back before stepping aside and allowing Alex to pull him into her arms. When they finally curled into bed Olivia sighed "What did we ever do to deserve a kid like that, like all four of them?"

"I often wonder the same thing but we've evidently done something right."

Olivia lay there silently thinking about everything she'd shared with her son. She'd always worried about telling her kids, especially her sons, she worried how they would respond. Henry handled it surprisingly well. She snuggled closer to the blonde; she knew she'd have never gotten through it without Alex. As she had so many times over the years she once again offered up a silent thank you for having Alex in her life.


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Surprise! I got this chapter up way sooner than I expected. Once I started writing it I couldn't stop. As always thank you for your follows and reviews. I'm glad you enjoyed the last chapter. I watched the marathon today and decided to have a certain character make and appearance, especially considering they are from one of my favorite episodes. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 32

Alex opened the bathroom door and was about to enter their bedroom when she stopped dead in her tracks. She watched as Olivia was getting dressed. The brunette may have been nearing sixty but to Alex she was still as beautiful as the day she met her. She watched as finished pulling her dress on. She smiled when Olivia turned and faced her "Zip me up?"

Alex grinned as she began zipping the dress "I prefer unzipping but I guess I'll live."

Olivia laughed and placed a quick kiss to the blonde's lips "Well just remember I'll need someone to unzip me tonight."

Alex laughed "So let me guess this is payback for me throwing you that surprise party years ago?"

Olivia raised an eyebrow "It wasn't that many years ago. No this is not payback I've told you what's going on tonight, I've just not told you where. Besides like you've said about other occasions, how many times do you get to celebrate your twentieth wedding anniversary?"

Alex pulled Olivia into her arms "God I can't believe it's been twenty years, best years of my life."

An hour later the town car they had called pulled up in front of The Waldorf. Olivia smiled as she stepped from the car and held her hand out for Alex. She couldn't help but smile at the look of excitement and love on the blonde's face. Through the years Alex had taken care of her and always went out of her way to make her feel special. Olivia decided to repay her by planning a twentieth anniversary party, with the kids help of course.

Alex couldn't help the few tears that threatened to fall, she couldn't have asked for a better partner or wife than Olivia. They had been through so much, especially in the last few years. Henry had recovered nicely from his accident, while he was unable to play ball again the coach asked him to rejoin the team as a manager. He was now in his second year of school and was pre law with plans of following in Alex's footsteps and going to Harvard. Thanks to his straight A's in high school he received a scholarship like he had hoped for. He lived his first semester in the dorm but moved back home at the end of the semester. He had never been a partier and he didn't like the atmosphere on campus. Of course Alex and Olivia were more than happy to have him back home. Jase was a senior in high school; he was going to college on a football scholarship and would be majoring in criminal justice. Like his older brother he was following in his mother's footsteps only he was following Olivia. Both his mothers' had been terrified when he told them he wanted to be a cop but like they'd always promised they supported him in his decision. The twins were now fourteen and like their older brothers exceled in everything they did.

They walked into the ball room that Olivia had reserved; it was filled with family and friends. Both ladies shed a few tears when they looked at a table set off to the side with a picture from their wedding, they were standing arms wrapped around one another with Cragen standing next to Olivia and Bill standing next to Alex. It was a bittersweet moment seeing as neither man was there to celebrate with them. Don had passed a little over a year ago, he had cancer but it wasn't detected until in the last stages. Bill had passed at the end of summer; like Alex's mother he had a heart attack, it was sudden and unexpected and devastated the entire family. They received a surprise when they found out he had included all four Cabot children in his will along with his own grandchildren. They both jumped when they felt a hand on their shoulders "They're here with us in spirit." Gail said as she hugged them both.

They had been mingling with guests when Henry approached them "I know we already gave you your gift but we have one more." He looked to Alex "Mama I hope you don't mind but this one is more for Mom."

"I don't mind at all." she replied with a smile.

He motioned to his brother and sisters who walked over accompanied by a young woman who appeared to be in her late twenties. Alex didn't recognize her and judging by the look on Olivia's face neither did she. The young woman smiled "Hello Olivia."

Olivia smiled but still couldn't place who she was. She looked at the woman's brown eyes; there was something familiar about them she just couldn't place why. "Hello." She said as she took the woman's proffered hand.

"You don't remember me, do you?"

Olivia gave her a sad smile "I'm sorry, I don't. Your name is?"

She smiled brightly "Maria Dalton but you probably remember me as Maria Recinos."

Olivia's mouth dropped open before pulling the woman in for a tight hug. She pulled back to look at her before hugging her again. "What are you…how?" she turned back to her children and hugged each of them. "You guys did this for me?" They nodded. She turned back to face Maria "Well I guess you know the kids." she pulled Alex close to her "This is my wife Alex." Maria and Alex shook hands and exchanged hellos.

Alex couldn't believe what she was seeing. Olivia had told her about Maria but she had lost track of her over the years. Her heart swelled with pride that her children would take the time to track her down and invite her to see Olivia. "How did you guys find her?"

"I remembered you telling me and Jase about her case and we decided to try and find her. It took a lot of tracking but we finally found her."

They walked to their table and were happy to see that Henry had made room for Maria and her husband to sit with them. Olivia was thrilled to hear what Maria had done through the years. She had returned home but eventually returned to the US and became a citizen. She attended law school and was now living in a suburb of DC and was working with the Justice Department in sex trafficking and child abduction cases.

After dinner everyone hit the dance floor for a while before sitting back down for dessert. Before inviting everyone back to the dance floor all four children walked to the center of the room. Henry smiled as he took the microphone "We would like to thank you all for coming out tonight and helping our Moms celebrate their anniversary. I'm sure you all will agree that they are two very special ladies. I know they are to us." he looked at them and noticed the tears they were struggling to wipe. "And now they're crying." This caused everyone in the room to laugh. "They're celebrating their twentieth anniversary and in two months I'll turn twenty, that leads me to believe this was a shotgun wedding." He smiled when he could hear Olivia's laugh over the rest of the guests. Alex smiled; Olivia's laugh was one of her favorite sounds in the entire world. "They have put up with a lot over the years; everything from Mom being shot to fights between Jase and I, fights between the girls, and fights between all four of us. They've been there for colds, the flu and hospital stays." He grew quiet for a moment. Olivia leaned over and rested her head on Alex's shoulder as Alex laced their fingers together. "I shouldn't be standing here tonight. The time I spent in the hospital they never left my side. I speak for all four of us when I say that we have the greatest Moms in the world. Mom, Mama we just want to say thank you for everything. For always being there for us and for being the best role models anyone could ask for." He took a glass of water that Jase was holding for him and raised it "To Alex and Olivia."

Neither lady could stay in their seat; they jumped up and walked over to their children before pulling them in for a hug. Once the kids were finally able to break free Henry asked them to take a seat as they had another surprise for them. Both laughed and cried as they watched the slide show of pictures and video the kids had put together. Alex leaned in and whispered in Olivia's ear as her favorite picture of Olivia in uniform came up on the screen "I've said it before and I'll say it again, you are soo hot in uniform."

Olivia chuckled "Well I do still have my dress uniform. I might just have to put it on for you one night."

Alex sucked in a breath "The things I would do to you." She burst out laughing when she saw the video on the screen. She was dancing in the kitchen unaware she was being filmed. She looked at Jase "I thought you deleted that?"

"Oops." He replied with a laugh.

At the end of the slideshow the DJ took the microphone "At their children's request I'd like to invite Alex and Olivia to the floor for their dance."

Alex took Olivia's hand in her own as they walked out to the floor. She turned and pulled the brunette into her arms, both began crying as they heard the song that Alex played the night she proposed as well as danced their first dance to as a married couple. As the song was nearing its end other guests joined them on the floor. Alex looked over Olivia's shoulder and made eye contact with her son as he danced with Maddie. She mouthed 'I love you' and felt a few tears slide down her cheeks when he replied back.

The party was now in full swing. Olivia looked around at their friends and family who were there; it amazed her how much things had changed over the years. She laughed when she saw Jase dancing with Casey while her husband sat with their daughter at their table. Jase had always liked the red head and they had often joked he had a crush on her so it surprised Olivia that he would dance with her. She looked off to her side and smiled when saw Amanda and Brian dancing. She was shocked when they started dating, she couldn't believe they were still together but at the same time she couldn't be happier for her friends. The party was winding down as Alex came back from the restroom and pulled Olivia to her feet "Come on detective I want one more dance before we go."

"Anything for you counselor." Olivia gave her a quick kiss as they walked back out. She burst out laughing when she heard the song begin "You didn't."

"I did." she laughed "I know, whether you want to admit it or not, you have a love for Eddie Money." She said as Take Me Home Tonight, one of Olivia's favorite songs, began blaring over the speakers.

Olivia danced closer and wrapped her arms around the blonde's neck "Take me home?"

"You got it." Alex said as she leaned in for a passionate kiss.

The next morning Alex stood at the counter as the kids came in for breakfast before school "Okay since Mom and I are going to the Hamptons for the weekend I want to know what everyone is doing."

"I'm gonna be holed up here all weekend I have a paper due Monday." Henry said as he took a seat at the table.

"And is Maddie going to be holed up here to?" Olivia asked with a raised eyebrow.

He rolled his eyes "No Mom, she's going to Albany to visit her Grandma this weekend."

"What about you three?" Alex asked as she pointed at the other three kids.

"Pretty much everybody is going to a party but I don't like the guy that's throwing it so I'm just gonna hang out here." Jase said.

"Michelle asked if we could sleep over." Serena said "Would it be okay if we went?"

Olivia sighed "I would rather you were here, especially since both your brothers are going to be home."

"Please Mom?" Halyn said as she gave her Mom her best Alex pout.

Olivia turned to face Alex who was laughing "This is the problem with having a child who looks just like you." she looked at her daughters "Okay, but Henry will drop you off and pick you up." Both girls nodded in acceptance.

* * *

Saturday evening they were curled up on the couch in front of the fire. Alex absent mindedly ran her fingers through Olivia's hair while Olivia rested her head on her wife's chest. "Twenty years." Alex whispered.

"I know. Where has the time gone?" Sometimes it felt like it was just yesterday that she was walking down the aisle to meet the blonde, and others it felt like they'd already spent a lifetime together. She slid up a little further and began placing light kisses along Alex's neck.

"Hmm, trying to start something?" Alex chuckled as she slowly slid her hand down to rest on the brunette's hip.

"You know it." she stood and pulled Alex up with her and headed toward the bedroom.

Alex stared up at her wife as she swirled her tongue around her center. She pulled her clit into her mouth before releasing it and climbing up her body for a kiss. She quickly slid two fingers in as their lips parted.

"Ah. Oh God Alex." Olivia said as she twisted the sheets in her hand. She took a moment to gather herself. She slid her hand down and slid two fingers into the blonde.

Alex gasped at the intrusion, but groaned as she finally adjusted. "I love you." she panted out as they both increased the speed of their thrusts. It wasn't long before they were both on the edge. Alex looked down and Olivia nodded. Alex began pressing the palm of her hand against Olivia's clit while Olivia swiped her thumb over Alex's. "Oh fuck Liv!" Alex cried out as she collapsed on the older woman.

Olivia cried out but her words were unintelligible. After their hands were free she wrapped her arms around Alex and held her, preventing her from moving. "Just stay right here." She panted out.

Alex grinned and placed light kisses across Olivia's chest "I love you." she whispered over and over.

When Olivia finally released her hold Alex slid off to the side and pulled Olivia to her. She pulled the blanket up over them as they began to cool. She smiled as she felt Olivia lightly running her hand up and down over her breast and side. It amazed her that after twenty years every time they made love it still felt like the first time. She tangled her fingers in Olivia's hair as her free hand pulled her tighter before placing a kiss to the top of her head "I love you."

Olivia turned her head and kissed her neck "I love you too."

Alex wasn't sure how long they'd been asleep when she was suddenly jolted awake. She was trying to figure out what woke her when she heard her phone ringing "Hello?"

"Mama?" Henry's worried voice came through the phone.

She eased her way from Olivia's grasp "Henry? What's wrong?" she could tell he was struggling not to cry.

"It's Serena."

Alex stood and began pulling her clothes on. She leaned over and began shaking her wife "Olivia, Liv wake up!"

Olivia sat up "Huh?" she noticed Alex rushing around the room and she jumped up and began dressing as well.

"What about Serena?"

"They were at Michelle's but Michelle wanted to go to some big party so they went along. Halyn called me and asked if I could come and get them. When I got there they were waiting on the sidewalk for me, both of them were crying. When we got home Serena ran straight to the bathroom. She's still in there and won't let us in, even Halyn. She's crying and won't talk to me either. Should I break the door down?"

"No! That'll upset her even more. Did she say anything?" Alex asked as she ran through the house gathering her purse and keys. She tossed them to Olivia.

"No but Halyn said she had been acting weird and she couldn't find her. She went looking for her and when she found her some guy had her pressed up against the wall." Alex froze halfway to the car "Mama…I think she was raped."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I know it was a bit of a surprise but like I said a few chapters ago, I have to keep you on you toes. Thank you to jbcjazz for sharing your experience. I hope I was able to do this type of situation the justice it deserves. Let me know what you think. I love knowing what you think. As always, enjoy!**

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Chapter 33

Olivia's mind was racing about as fast as she was driving as they headed home. All she could think was something was wrong with her daughter and she needed to get to her. Alex had stayed on the phone with Henry and put him on speaker once in the car so they could both talk to him. She had even used her phone to try and call Serena but she wouldn't answer. She was hoping and praying her son was wrong and Serena hadn't been raped, or even assaulted. At the same time she felt her blood boil at the thought of someone hurting her child. She only hoped she never came face to face with the person who hurt her.

Alex was trying to remain calm but was finding it harder to do the closer they got. All she could thing was she had been out of town and having fun with her wife while her daughter was possibly being raped. "Try again." she said after Henry had stopped talking to his sister for a few minutes. Alex was so thankful Henry was there; he was strong and level headed and was doing his best to try and get Serena to open the door. She could hear him trying to talk through the bathroom door but didn't receive and answer. "Just keep trying. If it sounds like she's running water try your best to talk her out of it. As soon as we get there we're taking her to the hospital. I don't want her washing away any evidence."

Between Olivia driving at break neck speed plus the fact that it was in the early hours of Sunday morning they made it home in record time. Henry met them on the porch when they pulled in the driveway at a little after two that morning. "I don't think she's washed off or anything but she's still not letting me in. She's not letting any of us in."

They rushed into the house and went to the upstairs bathroom. "Serena, sweetie come on and open up for me." Alex said in the most soothing voice she could muster. She was fighting her tears; she didn't want Serena to hear her crying. "Come on open up for Mama." She turned to Olivia silently pleading with her to try.

"Hey angel please let us in. We just want to help you." Olivia pleaded.

Alex turned to Halyn who was standing across the hall. She walked over and pulled the girl into her arms "Are you okay?" she nodded. Alex placed her hand on her chin and pulled it up till they were looking eye to eye "I need you to tell me what happened." Halyn began to cry and Alex pulled her to her and Olivia's bedroom sitting down on the bed and pulling the teen down next to her.

Halyn leaned in and allowed Alex to hold her tighter "Michelle wanted to go to some big party. We didn't really want to go but she begged us so we went."

"Was this the party Jase mentioned?"

"Yes." she took a moment "At first it was okay but then it was too much. I told Serena I wanted to leave but she wanted to stay a few more minutes so I agreed. I ran into a girl in my class and the next thing I knew I couldn't find Serena. The last time I had saw her she was acting weird. I asked her if she was drinking and she said no. I went looking for her and I walked into the study and saw some guy and girl leaning against the wall. I was about to leave when I heard the girl say stop. I knew it was her. I ran over and tried to push him away but he was bigger than me. I yelled for help and some guy came in and pulled him off her."

Alex swallowed; her heart was breaking at what she had just been told "Was she raped?"

"I don't know." Halyn finally broke down. "I knew something was wrong I could feel it. That's why I went looking for her. It's my fault! If I had just made her leave when I wanted to this would've never happened."

"Hey, hey look at me." Alex pulled back so they were looking eye to eye "This is **not** your fault. The fault lies solely with the boy who was hurting her. I don't want you blaming yourself. Okay?"

They were interrupted by Jase "Mama I think she's going to open the door." he walked over and took her place next to his sister and held her close.

"Serena please let Mama and me in. Please honey we just want to make sure you're okay." They motioned Henry away so she wouldn't feel like everyone was watching her. Olivia held her breath when she heard the lock click and the door begin to open. When she saw the girl's face she immediately knew she was drugged. "Hey, see its okay." Olivia whispered as she slowly eased her way into the bathroom. She felt her years of experience with victims taking over, and the thought that she had to use it on her own daughter made her sick. She began looking her over for signs of what happened. She couldn't see any obvious cuts or bruises and her clothes didn't look torn. She was still hoping that they were wrong about what happened.

Alex sucked in her breath at the sight of the girl. Her eyes gave away the fact she had been drugged at some point that night. She thought maybe Halyn was wrong, maybe nothing happened. She reached out to wrap her arm around her shoulder and Serena flinched and pulled away slightly. Alex looked to Olivia with a sad look, that movement alone was their conformation that something had happened. "Baby, can you tell us what happened?" she shook her head no. "Halyn told me what she saw, do you remember anything?"

"No." she began bawling "I can't remember, why can't I remember?"

"Did you drink anything?" she nodded. "Did you fix it yourself and did you keep your eye on it the whole time?"

"I don't know. This one guy was talking to me, he was really nice. I think he refilled it for me. I'm not sure though."

Alex slowly reached out and breathed a sigh of relief when Serena allowed her to wrap her arm around her. "We're going to take you to the hospital." Serena looked up with a frightened expression. "I know you're scared but we need to make sure you're okay."

They guided her down the stairs; Henry grabbed his sister's coat and handed it to Olivia to wrap her in. She made sure she was settled in the backseat with Alex before taking off in the direction of the hospital.

They sat in a private room in the ER; both ladies were trained rape crisis counselors and as many times as they had both sat with a victim in a hospital room nothing prepared them for sitting with their own daughter. They had already been through the standard tests and were waiting for the doctor. She was slowly opening up a little more "I remember him kissing my neck." She whispered.

Alex stood and took the girl's hand, she could feel the bile rising in her throat at the thought of what happened but she pulled herself together to be strong for her baby "Okay, you're remembering something that's good. Do you remember anything else?"

"He…he had his hand on my chest." She began crying "He squeezed my breast and it hurt."

Olivia slid her chair closer and took Serena's free hand "I know this is difficult sweetheart but you're doing a good job. The more you remember the better chance we have to catch him."

Serena stopped talking when the doctor entered the room. The young woman cautiously approached the girl "Hi Serena I'm Dr. Johnson. I'll be doing your exam." She took a medical history from her mothers' before leaving the room to get a few things she needed.

"I remember something else."

"What is it?" Alex whispered.

"He…he put…" she stopped a moment as she had begun crying again "He put his hands between my legs."

Alex could feel her body beginning to shake with anger but she took a deep breath to calm down before speaking "Did he put his fingers or anything inside of you?" she had to ask but was terrified of the answer.

"No." she whimpered. Alex and Olivia both breathed a slight sigh of relief. "I can remember him touching me through my jeans and then he put his hand down my pants but not in my panties." The young girl suddenly began to gag as the memories began to flood back. Olivia grabbed a nearby basin while Alex placed a comforting hand on her back. Dr. Johnson reentered the room and Serena looked up at her "Can I talk to my Mama and Mommy for a minute?"

"Of course." She said as she stepped back out.

"He kept pushing against me and I could feel him against me. I could feel his…" she blushed as she looked up at them "Please don't make me say it." Alex nodded. "I remember I wanted him to stop but I just couldn't get the word out. He was holding my hands together while he rubbed his other hand all over me. He kept pushing against me and rubbing his hips against me. I could feel it, it was hard and it hurt because he kept pushing against me so hard." She gagged again as the memory flashed in her mind.

Olivia took a deep breath "Sweetheart we need to know, did he rape you?"

"No." she burst into tears all over again.

Both women broke down crying with relief, what happened to their daughter was bad enough but thankfully she hadn't been raped. After taking a moment to calm down Olivia opened the door and told the doctor to come back in. She went about the exam and found DNA on her neck and shoulder where she said he had been kissing her. Serena had been crying all throughout the exam, her mothers' holding her hands the entire time. She cried harder when the doctor said she needed to do a pelvic exam just to be sure she wasn't raped.

"Please don't, he didn't rape me! He didn't even put his hands down my panties." She looked at her parents "Does she have too? Please Mama!"

Alex felt as if her heart was being ripped out with her daughter's pleading. "I know you don't want her to but she has to. We have to be certain. I know you don't remember him raping you but it's just in case."

"I'll be as gentle as possible." Dr. Johnson said.

Serena was whimpering but cried out as the doctor began the pelvic exam "It hurts." She squeezed both women's hands tighter causing them to cry even more.

It was killing Alex to watch this. She knew how uncomfortable a pelvic exam could be, she couldn't imagine how much it would hurt to a fourteen year old girl. She leaned down and began to lightly sing a lullaby she had sung to her children. She relaxed a little when she noticed some of the tension leave Serena's body.

Dr. Johnson slid back and took her gloves off as she stood "No trauma, no tearing, she wasn't raped."

Alex and Olivia reached across the bed and took one another's hand as they squeezed their daughter's. "Thank God." Olivia whispered.

Alex was helping Serena get dressed to leave while Olivia was signing her discharge papers. After the exam she talked to a detective who caught her case. Luckily it was a female officer and one Olivia happened to know, that fact alone eased hers and Alex's mind. Finally at a little after seven that morning they walked through their front door. Serena curled up on the couch; she smiled when Henry came in and wrapped the blanket from the back of the couch around her. He walked into the kitchen where the rest of the family had gathered. "Is she okay?"

Olivia sighed "She wasn't raped, she was sexually assaulted though." she made eye contact with each of them "I'm not going to lie it's going to be rough for a while. She's going to be jumpy, most likely she won't want you touching her. Most important though is to show her all the love and support you can she's going to need it."

Jase looked up with tears in his eyes "It's my fault."

Olivia took a seat next to him "No it's not."

"Yes it is Mom. If I had just gone to that party she wouldn't have come because I would've seen her. If I had just went this never would've happened."

Before Olivia or Alex had a chance to speak Halyn spoke up "I should've talked her out of going. I should've fought her when she wanted to stay, or I could've gone to find her sooner. I knew something was wrong I felt it. I knew something was happening and I did nothing." Like many twins the girls always seemed to know what was going on with the other, even if they weren't around each other.

Alex sat down across from the two teens "Look at me." she waited until she had eye contact "This is not your fault. Whoever this…this… person was who attacked her, it's his fault. The fault lies solely with him."

"Your Mama's right. I mean I could say it's my fault for saying you two could go to Michelle's but it's not." She wiped a few tears "I'm not going to lie I do feel guilty for letting you go but all my years of experience tell me that it's not my fault either. This is something we're going to struggle with as well." she felt they needed to be as open and honest with them as possible "It's going to be the hardest for Serena but when something like this happens it affects us all. We have to be strong and we need to support each other."

They all sat quietly for a while only every so often one of them asking a question "So if they can even catch him will they press charges?" Henry asked.

"Hell yes they better charge him." Serena startled them all as she entered the kitchen. Normally her mothers' would call her down for her language but after what she'd been through they let it go. Olivia couldn't help the slight smile that spread across her face. She flashed back to when Alex returned for the Connors trial and insisted she wanted him charged with her attempted murder. "Mama what can he be charged with?"

"They should be able to charge sexual assault, and possibly file a charge for attempted rape." She cautiously reached out for her daughter's hand and was relieved when she allowed her to take it. "I'm not going to lie it will be difficult. You're going to have to tell your story again but we will all be there for you the entire way."

The family lounged around most of the day considering no one got any sleep the night before. Alex stood in her bedroom doorway watching as her daughter slept in their bed. Anytime the kids were upset they felt most comfortable in their parent's bed. She wiped her tears when she felt Olivia step next to her. "Olivia I swear to God if I ever get near this kid I'll kill him."

"I'll be right there helping you."

They both finally felt it would be okay to lay down for a nap; they were exhausted considering they'd only had about two hours sleep in the past thirty six hours. Neither had kept hours like that in years. When they woke they were glad to hear that Serena had been up and Henry fixed her a bite to eat. She was now sitting in her room watching a movie. Olivia noticed they were short a person "Where's Jase?"

"I don't know. He asked if he could borrow my car he had to go somewhere. He was in a bit of a hurry when he left."

Olivia had a bad feeling, she hoped he hadn't taken it upon himself to go find out who hurt his sister. She called him and his voice mail eventually picked up. She asked him to not do anything stupid and to come home. She, Alex and Henry were sitting in the family room while Halyn and Serena stayed in their room. While she had opened up to her mothers' she seemed to be most comfortable with her twin. Olivia was about to call Jase again when she heard the front door open and her son practically run to the bathroom. She and Alex jumped up and followed. For the second time that day she found herself trying to talk one of her kids into opening the door. She gasped when he finally opened the door. Jase was washing his hands and his knuckles were bloody. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

She took one of his bloody hands in hers "This is not nothing. Where were you?"

"I know who attacked her." He looked up; his expression was a mixture of sadness and rage.

Alex stepped in front of him "Jase, what did you do?"

"I know who the mother fucker is who hurt her."

"Language." Alex scolded.

"Sorry Mama. I know who did it and I went to show him what a mistake he made."

"Who is he?" Olivia asked as she began cleaning his hands.

"Luke Weston. He's such a jerk. He was the one who was throwing the party and that's why I didn't go. I can't stand him. He thinks he's God's gift to the world and that all girls want him."

"How did you find out it was him?" Alex asked as she helped Olivia clean their son up. Judging by the sight of his hands she could only imagine what the other boy looked like.

"Someone posted a video online of him and a couple other guys talking about the party. They were making fun of him because he didn't get any at the party. He said he almost did until somebody interrupted." He wiped his eyes to keep his mothers' and older brother from seeing him cry.

Olivia placed her hand on the back of his neck and kissed the top of his head "It's okay to cry." She hugged him to her until he calmed down a bit. "Where's this video? I want to see it; the police need to see it."

"Mom I really don't think you should."

"Jase we need to. I've seen things like this before I retired."

"Yeah but it never involved your own child."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat, he made an excellent point. She, Alex and their two sons headed down to the basement to avoid Serena coming down and seeing it. Jase pulled the video up on his phone and handed it to his mothers. Olivia and Alex both felt their anger growing as they watched the video. There were four boys on the screen plus the one taking the video. Jase pointed out Luke as well as the other boys names. They were laughing about things that went on at the party before one mentioned how Luke didn't land a girl at his own party.

"_Yeah I was slowly working my way around the bases when that little bitch had to interrupt." Luke said to his friends._

"_Oh yeah? What made you think you'd have got any?" another boy asked._

_Luke laughed "Well she had a little something to loosen her up. Besides you know the old saying 'What she doesn't know won't hurt her.'"_

"_Yeah but she was young. Are you sure she would've known what to do?" a different boy said while laughing._

"_It wouldn't matter; she was too out of it. All I know was she was young, sweet and I knew she would be tight. That was gonna be the best part. She might have been sore this morning but at least she could say she'd been with me."_

"_You realize that's Cabot's sister don't you?" the boy with the camera asked._

"_Yeah and she has a twin, too bad I couldn't get both of them." he laid his head back "Oh God could you imagine? Twins? Never mind the fact they look just like their Mom. She's a total MILF."_

Olivia did her best not to throw the phone across the room; not only was he admitting to wanting to rape her daughter but both her daughters he also wanted her wife. Alex was fuming also. She was used to comments being made about her but to talk about her daughters was different story.

"Liv call Det. Harrison, she needs to see this."

By that evening the entire Cabot family was glad to see the day come to an end. Det. Harrison had come by to follow up and was shown the video. She said she would take it to their ADA and see if she could get a warrant. She promised to keep them in the loop the entire way. Since it involved a fellow officer's child she assured them her squad was not going to rest until they had him. The women were happy they were able to convince Serena to eat a little bit that evening. When it came time to go to bed Alex asked if she wanted them to tuck her in. "Um I was wondering if I could sleep with you two tonight. I know it sounds stupid but I'm just afraid to sleep alone. I know Halyn will be in the room but I would feel better with you two."

"Of course you can sleep with us." Alex said, gently placing a kiss to the girls head. They climbed in bed letting Serena settle between them. At first they kept their distance not wanting to upset her or cause her to panic. Alex released the breath she wasn't aware she was holding when she felt her daughter wrap her arm around her waist and snuggle close to her. "I love you." Alex whispered, followed by Olivia.

"I love you guys too." She was quiet for a moment, they knew she was crying but they allowed her the time she needed. "You know what bothers me the most."

"What's that?" Olivia asked from her position behind her daughter.

"I hate that the first time a guy touched me…you know…down there, it was forced and I didn't want him to."

"Oh baby." Olivia whispered as she ran her fingers through the girl's hair as Alex held her tighter. "I know it doesn't seem like it now but you will get through this. We're so proud of you for going through the exam. There are so many women out there who can't go through with it, but you did. You're such a strong person, even at your young age. You have a family who loves you and are willing to do anything for you."

"Your Mom's right. You will get through this. You are a Cabot and a Benson, there's nothing you can't do."

"I know. I also know I'll get through it, besides it would be the best revenge I could get." She smiled as she was drifting off to sleep.


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: As always thank you for the reviews. I'm glad, and sometimes a little surprised, that you stayed with me. I'm not sure how many more chapters this story will have but I still have a few ideas in mind for them. Let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 34

Alex walked down the hall of the Manhattan DA's office. She was meeting Casey for lunch; it was also a nice distraction from the trial that was currently going on. It had been three months since Serena had been attacked and they had finally taken her case to trial. Alex hated that her daughter was going through something like she was at such a young age but at the same time she couldn't be more proud of her daughter. Luckily the trial didn't begin until after school was out but that didn't mean that it was easy for any of the three Cabot children who were still in school. Of course many of the girls' friends stood by them but there were a few who knew Luke and tried to blame her. The defense tried to make it out to be a he said/she said case; that was until the ADA introduced the video and the boy who pulled him off Serena stepped forward to tell what he saw.

They had also been worried that Luke's parents would press charges against Jase for beating their son after he found the video but luckily they hadn't. Many had given him a hard time, saying his sister was trying to take Luke down because he was so popular but like he always did Jase stood by his sister. Most of his teammates on the football team had turned against him, Alex knew it killed her son but he never wavered in his support of his little sister. After David, the boy who had stopped the attack and was a fellow teammate, stepped forward a few did begin to come around and apologize. While Jase accepted their apology forgiveness was something he didn't hand out easily. He eventually forgave a few of them but he did inform them he'd never forget. It shocked them all at graduation when Jase and David received a standing ovation from many of their classmates, there were a few boos mostly from friends of Luke. However when Luke crossed the stage a large number of the students looked down and didn't acknowledge him.

Alex was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped when she heard her name being called. She looked up with surprise when she saw who was standing in front of her "Trevor!"

"Alex, how are you?" Trevor Langan asked as he gave Alex a light hug.

"I'm good, and you?" while they may have been on opposing sides of the aisle, she had known Trevor since law school and considered him a friend.

"I'm good." He paused for a moment "How's the family? I heard about your daughter."

Alex sighed "We're doing okay. I mean we all have our days, Serena especially but she amazes me every day with how strong she is." She wiped a few stray tears from her eyes.

Trevor smiled "Well with parents like you and Olivia I wouldn't expect any less of her."

Alex chuckled "I'm surprised you're not representing him, he's the kind of low life you tend to represent." To many it would seem like an insult, and maybe on some level it was, but they had been friends for so long it was more of a joke between them.

"His father asked me to represent him but I refused." Alex looked at him wide eyed with surprise "When I found out it was your daughter I just couldn't do it. While I don't know her I do know you and Olivia and I know she wouldn't make an accusation like that if it wasn't true." He smiled "Besides I knew if I took that case you and Olivia would kill me."

Alex laughed as she hugged him one more time "You got that right."

She continued down the hall to the bureau chief's office "Ready to go to lunch?" she asked as she walked in.

Casey stood "I'm more than ready to get out of this office."

They were sitting in one of Alex's favorite restaurants just down the street from the DA's office. "So how is Serena doing?" Casey asked.

Alex stared at her plate for a second "She's okay. Wednesday night was rough after her testimony. We couldn't get her to eat dinner and she spent most of the evening in her room. She only allowed me to come in a few times; Halyn has been the only one she's really let in. I think once everything is over with is when she'll really start to heal."

"Well baring some major comeback during closing arguments Monday I feel certain it'll be a guilty verdict."

This made Alex smile "I hope. I've been out of the loop for a while, what's the sentencing recommendation if he's guilty? The ADA told us, and she's great by the way, but I want your opinion."

Casey grinned "Of course she's great I trained her." Both ladies laughed before Casey continued "It is his first offense but since he's being tried as an adult he's facing at least six months on the attempted rape and one and a quarter to three on the sexual assault of a minor. My guess would be he'll be sentenced to a year and a half to two and probably serve half of it. Of course he'll have to register as a sex offender once he's out."

Alex looked a little disappointed. She knew on a first offence he probably wouldn't be sentenced to anything major but at the same time he hurt her baby and if it were up to her he would get the death penalty.

Casey could see the disappointment on her friend's face "I know you're disappointed but Sara's a good ADA and I know she's going to push for the max." she gave her a sympathetic smile "I know if anyone hurt Kelli I'd want to be the one to strap them to table and give them the lethal injection myself."

It was a long weekend, everyone knew closing arguments were on Monday and they knew the trial would soon be over. Serena was becoming more nervous, so were Alex and Olivia but they were trying not to let it show. The kids promised to be there for their sister as well. All through the trial they were there for her. Serena had said she didn't want them in the courtroom; she was embarrassed for them, especially her brothers, to hear what happened. They respected her wishes but showed their support by sitting outside the courtroom every day of the trial. It warmed their parents' heart to know they raised such caring children.

Alex and Olivia were lying on the couch discussing how they thought things would go the next day when they heard Henry come in from work. Right after high school he had began working at a local bookstore but in the past year he had taken a job as a waiter at one of the finer restaurants near where they live. "Hey how was work tonight?"

"Busy." the young man said as he collapsed in the chair, he looked over at them and grinned "But I made over two hundred dollars in tips."

"Not bad." Olivia said from her spot lying with her head on Alex's lap. She noticed something had been bothering her son but she chalked it up to what his sister was going through. All three sat quietly watching the news for a bit "Are you okay?" Olivia tilted her head to look at her son.

"Yeah." He said while never taking his eyes from the screen.

"Are you sure?" Alex asked.

"I'm fine Mama." He said with a sigh.

"Okay." Alex knew better, she had always been able to read her son like a book but she decided to let it go for the time being.

That night as they lay in bed, Alex curled up behind her wife and gently ran her finger tips along Olivia's arms "I'm dreading tomorrow. I'm terrified they'll come back with a not guilty."

"I know, I'm afraid of the same thing but I don't see how especially after the video was introduced." She couldn't see how he could get off but years of experience with the judicial system told her it was possible. She had seen defendants all but admit to their crime and still get a not guilty verdict. She sighed as she took Alex's arm and pulled it tighter around her "What do you think is going on with Henry?"

Alex snuggled closer and buried her head in Olivia's neck "I don't know but it's bothering me. I know he's been worried about Serena but I think it's something else. I don't want to push him but at the same time I just want to make sure he's okay." She could feel Olivia falling asleep in her arms. She placed a kiss to her neck "I love you."

"Mmm, love you too." Olivia whispered as she fell asleep.

Monday afternoon Alex and Olivia were sitting on the front row behind the prosecution's table. Closing arguments had been that morning and even they were surprised when the jury came back after an hour of deliberation. They sat with Serena between them both of them holding her hand in theirs.

"In the case of the state of New York vs. Luke Weston how does the jury find?"

"We find the defendant guilty."

Alex and Olivia both let out a sigh of relief as their tears began to fall. They both wrapped their arms around their daughter as she began crying as well. They were brought back to reality when the judge banged her gavel closing the trial. They walked from the courtroom and were greeted by their other three children just like they had for the past week. They knew they still had to go through the sentencing phase but they felt certain their daughter would now be able to really begin to heal.

That night Alex was curled up on the couch reading a book while Olivia slept in the chair. She looked up when she heard Henry head up the stairs. She went to the kitchen to heat up the plate she had saved him, it reminded her of the days before Olivia had retired and she would do the same for her. She sat and talked to him while he ate, Alex asking about his evening and Henry asking how Serena was. Later after she had woken Olivia and the brunette had gone to bed Alex walked down the hall and knocked on her son's door. He was lying in bed studying but sat up when Alex entered the room. Alex walked over and took a seat on the edge of the bed "I'm worried about you."

He gave her a forced smile "I'm fine Mama."

"And I could always tell when you were lying." She smiled at him. He looked down, taking some time before looking back up. The look in his eyes broke Alex's heart and she could swear he had tears in his eyes.

"We need to talk." Alex nodded encouraging him to continue "I wanted to talk to you before now but with everything that's been going on I didn't want you to worry about me as well."

Alex wrapped her arm around his shoulder and pulled him in for a sideways hug "You're my baby I'll never stop worrying about you. You could've came to me, just because things were stressful here didn't mean you couldn't talk to me or your Mom." She pulled back to look at him "Do you want me to get her too?"

"No. I mean I know I should probably talk to both of you but I'd rather talk to just you for now."

"Okay." If Alex didn't know better she'd swear he was about to cry.

He stared at the floor, unable to meet his mother's gaze "Maddie's pregnant."

Alex felt like her stomach had just dropped to the floor "Uh…oh…oh…um…okay." She finally stammered out.

He looked up and dissolved into tears "I'm sorry Mama."

Alex pulled him to her "It's okay baby, it's going to be okay." She was certain she was having a heart attack at that moment but her son was the most important thing at that moment.

"I'm scared! What am I going to do?" he sobbed into her shoulder.

"What do you want to do?"

He pulled back slightly but still unable to look at her "It's my baby I want to be there for both of them."

"Okay. How does Maddie feel about it?"

"How would you feel if you were twenty and found out you were pregnant?" Alex nodded slightly. If she had found out at twenty that she was pregnant she would've freaked out. "She's terrified."

"Does she want to keep the baby?"

"Yeah and so do I. I know it's not the most ideal situation but it's my baby and I want to be a father to it."

"How far along is she?"

"We're guessing about eight weeks. She just took the test the other day; actually she's taken four over the past week. Is it possible it's wrong?"

Alex gave him a sad smile "No, four tests can't be wrong. Is she going to the doctor?"

"Yeah she's made an appointment for tomorrow. I'm going to go with her."

"That's good. Is this why you've been taking the extra shifts?"

"No, I was saving money to buy her an engagement ring. I want to ask her to marry me." he noted the look on the blonde's face "I was planning this before she told me she was pregnant. I know you're going to say we're too young but I love her so much and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. You and Mom always said you regretted the time you'd had apart and that you wished you had told each other sooner how you felt. I just didn't see the point in waiting if I knew she was the one."

Alex held her son against her and allowed him to cry. He was an adult but the thought came to her that she was watching him make the transition from a boy to a man. Her baby was having a baby. When his tears began to subside she pulled back to look at him. Instead of seeing the face of the handsome young man he had become all Alex could see was the chubby faced infant who had stolen her heart all those years ago. She kissed his forehead before wiping his tears and then her own "Okay."

"Okay what?" he asked cautiously.

"I'm saying I'm okay. While I agree with you that this may not be the most ideal situation I want you to know that I don't love you any less than I did five minutes ago and your Mom and I will support you." she sighed "While part of me does think that it's a little too soon for you two to get married I agree that if you know you shouldn't waste time being together. I always think back on all the times I could've told Olivia that I was in love with her and didn't. We lost two years of our lives together but at the same time if things had been different who's to say we would've had you?"

Henry breathed a sigh of relief "Thank you Mama. I know I've disappointed you, both of you, but I promise to be the best parent I can. If I can be half the parent you and Mom have been I'll be happy."

Alex began to cry again "You haven't disappointed me. Yes I wish you two had waited but the fact that you are stepping up and being willing to take care of your child shows me that we raised you right and that you are a good person." She hugged him again "You're going to make a wonderful father." They sat quietly for a bit as Alex absorbed everything she'd just been told "What about law school?"

"I'm still going, and I still plan on going to Harvard."

Alex smiled, at least he wasn't ready to give up on his dream "And what about Maddie? What does she think about that?"

"She told me she'd kill me if I didn't go." This made them both laugh which eased some of the tension that had been in the room. Alex was grateful her son had someone like Maddie, the two had been best friends for the majority of their lives and weren't afraid to go toe to toe when necessary. In ways they reminded her of her and Olivia, never afraid to call one another out and always completely honest with one another. "She'll have graduated by then and she said when I go to Harvard she and the baby will go along with me. I know it'll be tough but we're willing to make it work."

They talked a while longer about everything he needed to expect. When they were done Alex stood and pulled him to her for a hug. She kissed him goodnight before heading down the hall to her room. She quietly slipped into bed trying, unsuccessfully, to not wake her wife. She had just settled down when Olivia rolled over "What took you so long?"

"I was talking to Henry."

"Is he okay? Did he finally tell you what was bothering him?" Olivia asked as she turned the lamp on to see Alex better.

"Yeah he told me."

"And?"

Alex took a deep breath "Maddie's pregnant."

Olivia's eyes went wide, her mouth opening and closing several times before she finally found her voice "Pregnant?" Alex nodded. "As in having a baby?"

Alex grinned slightly; flustered Olivia was so cute "How many other kinds of pregnant are there Liv? She's having a baby. Our baby is having a baby."

Olivia lay back and stared at the ceiling for a minute before turning back to face the younger woman "I thought they used protection? He told me that she was on the pill and that he always used a condom."

"Well we know they're not one hundred percent effective. I asked him about that and I swear if it wasn't for the fact I can always tell when he is lying I would've swore he was lying." Olivia raised an eyebrow "He's pretty sure they know when it happened; he used a condom, it broke." She noticed the look on Olivia's face "I know what you're thinking and I hope it was just defective because I don't even want to entertain the thought of them being so energetic that they broke it."

They lay quietly, neither able to fall asleep after the news they'd just found out. "So what are they going to do?"

"They're going to have the baby. He's also going to ask her to marry him."

"They're so young Alex."

"I know but he told me he was planning on asking her before this. That's why he's been working extra shifts; he's been saving up to buy a ring."

"What about Harvard?"

"He's still going, and Maddie and the baby will go with him. He said they've already discussed it and she told him she'd kill him if he didn't go." She sighed heavily "I know this isn't the way we'd hoped his life would go and I'm sure they didn't plan it this way either but I think he's going to be okay."

Olivia turned the light out and rolled back so they were facing one another. She kissed Alex goodnight before settling down. She wasn't sure she'd be getting any sleep that night because her mind was filled with a million thoughts. Like Alex had said, her baby was having a baby. As worried as she was about the young couple she couldn't help the slight spark of excitement she felt "We're going to be grandmothers." She whispered.

Alex chuckled, that same thought had been racing through her mind as well "Grandmothers, we're too young to be grandmothers."

"Speak for yourself." Olivia laughed. She snuggled closer to Alex "All I know is I'm married to the hottest grandma on the planet."

"Well in that case I'm married to the sexiest grandma on the planet." Both began laughing harder and rolling their eyes at one another. Once they calmed down a little Alex leaned down for a loving goodnight kiss "I love you."

"I love you too."

Alex waited till Olivia was drifting off before leaning down to whisper in her ear "Goodnight sexy grandma." Olivia simply rolled her eyes as she drifted off to sleep.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapter 35

Olivia looked up from the magazine she was reading when Serena walked out of the therapist's office "How you feeling?"

Serena collapsed in the chair beside her "I'm okay. Dr. Carlson wants to talk to you."

"Okay." Olivia kissed the teen on the top of her head as she stood to go into the office. They'd had Serena in counseling since her attack but the first therapist had trouble connecting with the girl. After the trial Olivia sat her up with Dr. Carlson who Olivia had gotten to know through her foundation. Luke had been sentenced to two years in prison, not the max but better than the six months to a year they were expecting. Between the therapy and the sentencing she was slowly improving. She had even been able to cut back to one session every two weeks until a recent setback. School had just started back when a boy tripped and fell in Serena's direction shoving her against the wall. She immediately went into a flashback which caused a panic attack. Luckily Halyn was next to her when it happened and was able to call their mothers to come get her.

"Olivia, how are you?" Dr. Carlson asked as she entered the office.

"I'm good Jackie, and you?" the doctor nodded and motioned for Olivia to have a seat. "So how's she doing?"

"She's getting better. I was a little worried after her setback a few weeks ago but I think she's made a lot of progress since then. She said the nightmares have stopped and she doesn't panic as much when a boy gets close to her." Olivia nodded "I'm especially proud of her after what she told me today. She said in gym class they were playing volleyball and after they won a boy on her team put his arm around her shoulder and she didn't pull away. She said she was a little nervous but she didn't panic. I know it's not much but you know as well as I do it takes baby steps to get through something like this."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief, it may've been a small step but it was a step in the right direction. "I noticed she's not been as jumpy lately."

"She's steadily improving. In fact I'd like to try going three weeks before her next session. Of course like we've been doing if she begins struggling call me and I'll get her in."

"Let's roll." Olivia said as she walked through the waiting room. Once they were in the car she turned to her daughter "So Dr. Carlson wants to try going three weeks till your next session."

"Yeah she told me."

Olivia watched her from the corner of her eye "Are you okay with that?"

Serena looked at her hands folded in her lap "Yeah I'm fine with it I'm just worried about when I stop going."

"Why?"

"I mean what happens once I stop going? What if I have a setback? What if the nightmares come back?"

Olivia knew Serena was struggling not to cry. She pulled over and cautiously wrapped her arm around her daughter and pulled her in for a hug "Hey it's okay. It's okay to be worried but you have all of us to lean on. Besides Dr. Carlson isn't going to have you stop until you're ready." They sat on the side of the road until Serena had relaxed.

They walked in the door and Olivia smiled as she inhaled the scent of her wife's cooking. "It smells amazing in here." She said as she wrapped her arms around Alex's waist and kissed her cheek.

Alex turned in Olivia's arms and leaned in for another kiss "We're actually going to have all four of our kids here for dinner tonight. I'm pulling out all the stops." Alex had finally faced the fact that her sons were adults and no longer lived with them but it didn't mean she couldn't go overboard when they came home. Jase was living on campus at Hudson since he was on a football scholarship. Henry had moved out in the middle of the summer. He and Maddie had found a small apartment about ten minutes from his parents and were now living there. The young couple was still terrified at the idea of being parents but they were excited all the same. Alex and Olivia however were over the moon at the thought of becoming grandparents; neither could pass a baby store without buying something. Alex couldn't get within a hundred yards of a baby store without buying something.

They were just putting the finishing touches on dinner when their sons and soon to be daughter in law walked into the kitchen. After a round of hugs from their children Alex looked at her son and his fiancé "So?"

"So what?" Henry asked with a confused look.

"Don't so what me. I know Maddie had a doctor's appointment today. What are you having?" Alex asked excitedly.

Henry smiled at Maddie before looking at his mothers' "It's a baby!"

Olivia rolled her eyes before laughing at her wife's frustration "Come on Alex they'll tell us when they're ready."

"I need to know now." Alex almost whined as everyone took their seats in the dining room "I have things to buy."

"Mama, I'm pretty sure if you two don't stop buying you're going to blow through your retirement."

After a nice and sometimes loud dinner the family headed to the family room to talk and catch up. Never mind the fact it had only been a few days since they'd all been together at Jase's football game. "What about that dessert you two brought? I'm hungry." Jase said.

"How can you be hungry? You ate more than the pregnant girl." Halyn pointed out.

Henry and Maddie went to the kitchen and returned with drinks and the cake they had specially ordered. Alex and Olivia both began tearing up when they looked at their dessert. It was a chocolate cake that said 'Congratulations Grandmas'!' Henry handed the knife to Alex "Go ahead and cut it, it's a surprise."

Alex looked to Olivia with a confused expression. Olivia shrugged urging her to go ahead. Alex cut into it and slid a piece out, she immediately burst into tears and Olivia did the same when she looked over. "It's pink!" Alex cried. She looked to the young couple in front of her who were beaming "It's a girl?"

Henry nodded as he pulled his fiancé closer "It's a girl. Congratulations Grandmas'!"

Alex jumped from her seat and pulled her son into her arms. When she pulled back she had to wipe the tears so she could see. Henry was crying also, both knew they wanted to say something but were unable to find the words. There were hugs all around from every member of the family. As they sat back down to enjoy their dessert Alex took a seat next to the mother to be and they immediately began planning a baby shower and how Maddie wanted to decorate the nursery.

Later that evening after their sons' had left Alex and Olivia were sitting on the couch browsing an online baby store. Halyn and Serena walked in the room and collapsed on either side of their mothers. "Seriously guys?" Halyn asked from where she was leaning on Olivia.

"What?" both ladies asked.

"You have known for all of two hours that it's a girl and you already have fifteen items in your cart." Serena said as she pointed at the icon on the screen.

"Hey this is my first grandchild I think I'm allowed to go a little overboard." Alex said as she playfully smacked her daughter on the leg. She held her breath for a minute, scared she'd upset the girl. She released the breath she was holding when Serena pretended to be hurt before breaking into a smile.

"Ow! You really just hit me in front of a retired cop?"

"Yeah I did." Alex laughed as she wrapped her arm around her daughter.

"Mom! You're seriously going to let that happen?"

"Sorry angel but I really want to be able to sleep in my bed tonight so I'm gonna have to plead the fifth."

"If you're lucky you won't be just sleeping." Alex said with a mischievous grin.

"Oh gross Mama!" Halyn shouted.

The four Cabot women continued to look for items for the newest member of the family until Olivia finally pushed the girls upstairs to bed. Olivia was sitting up in bed reading while Alex lay next to her. "Do you really think Serena's really ready to cut back on her sessions?"

Olivia lay her book over before sliding down in the bed "I think she is. She doesn't startle quite as easily and did you notice at Jase's game last weekend? She didn't panic when he put his arms around her and picked her up. I mean she'll never be the same girl she was before this happened but I do think she's improving."

"I think she is too I'm just still worried. She does seem really excited about the baby though."

They lay there quietly for a while "So we're getting a granddaughter." Olivia sighed. They had been gradually drifting off to sleep but at the mention of the baby Alex came back to life. Olivia had to chuckle at the sudden change in her wife.

"I know! Can you believe it, Henry a daddy?" They both grinned at the thought of their son as a father but at the same time they knew he would be wonderful. "We've got so much planning to do. I've got to find somewhere to have a shower, start planning it. Oh and I told them to pick whatever nursery set they wanted because we were paying for it." Olivia raised her eyebrow and smirked "Oh come on Liv don't act like you wouldn't jump at the chance to buy one." She continued to ramble on about what all she wanted to get for their granddaughter when Olivia took her by surprise by leaning over and pressing their lips together. "What was that for?" Alex asked as they parted.

Olivia grinned as she slowly slid her body onto the blonde's, slipping her leg between Alex's as she straddled one of her thighs. "Well I knew if I didn't do something you weren't going to shut up." She propped herself up on one arm as she reached down and began lightly running her finger tips along Alex's thigh. She leaned back in till their lips were a breath apart "Besides you did promise me if I was lucky I wouldn't be sleeping tonight."

Alex smiled into the kiss as she pulled the brunette down to her and tangled her fingers in her hair. When they parted she smiled and suddenly flipped them so she was on top causing Olivia to squeal "You are about to be one **very** lucky lady detective."

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**A/N: I know I say it a lot but you guys are great! Thank you for the reviews. Let me know what you think!**


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: So I was half way through writing this chapter when I decided I wanted to explore this a little bit instead. So the plans I had for this chapter will now be in the next chapter. I should have it up soon seeing as it's already half written. As always thank you for the reviews and let me know what you think. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 36

Alex closed the magazine she was looking at and tossed it back onto the coffee table. She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair. She didn't need to turn her head to know that Olivia was watching her. "I know you're watching me."

Olivia carefully reached out and took the blonde's hand in her own; she could feel the tension in her body. "You're tense."

Alex turned to face her wife "Yeah well I really don't want to be here." She was about to pull her hand away but she knew that would only make them both feel worse, and she would be lying if she said she didn't need her wife's touch.

Olivia squeezed her hand tighter "I don't want to be here anymore than you do but we both agreed that we need to talk to someone just as much as Serena does." She reached over and gently ran her thumb along Alex's cheek and smiled when Alex leaned into the touch "If you don't feel up to it today we can see if they can reschedule."

Alex laid her head back against the wall and sighed "No, it won't be any easier next week than it is today. May as well get it over with."

They were sitting in a waiting room for their appointment with their therapist. It was now November and it had been months since their daughter was attacked, and while Serena had made great improvements in her recovery her parents where finally collapsing under the weight of what had happened. The final blow came when Serena had a slight meltdown on Halloween. It had been the first time she'd broken down or had a flashback in months.

_Serena and Halyn had begged their mothers to allow them to have a sleepover on Halloween. Alex was even more shocked when their daughters' and few friends they invited asked them to stay and watch a couple movies with them. "Come on it'll be fun!" Serena begged "Its movies that you guys probably remember they're old movies from like when you two were young."_

_Olivia pulled the teen to her "Are you trying to say we're old?"_

"_If the shoe fits." Halyn shrugged causing both her mothers' to laugh._

"_This movie is still as stupid as the first time I saw it." Olivia whispered in her wife's ear as the movie Ghoulies came on._

"_Hey this one scared me the first time I saw it." she grinned "Of course I was younger than you when it came out."_

_Olivia laughed and shook her head "Shut up."_

_They were startled when Serena called out "Oh my God Mom that actress looks just like you!" she said as she pointed at the screen._

_Alex's eyes widened "Oh my gosh she does Liv."_

_Olivia stared at the screen for a second "No she doesn't."_

_As the character the girls insisted looked like Olivia was being killed Alex leaned over and whispered "And not only does she look like you she's a screamer too."_

"_Shut up." Olivia said as she blushed slightly. Next up was Carrie and Olivia especially enjoyed watching it, only because Alex had always been terrified by it and curled up against her through the movie. _

"_Mama that movie wasn't scary." Serena said._

"_Yes it is." Alex and Halyn said at the same time._

_After several movies Alex and Olivia left their daughter's and their friends to their sleepover and headed to bed. "I used to love sleepovers!" Alex said as she was changing into her pajamas._

"_I never had one."_

"_What?" Alex asked as she turned to face her wife._

_Olivia looked at her skeptically "Really Alex? No way I was inviting someone to stay the night with my Mom." _

"_Did you ever go to a sleepover?"_

"_Once but I was only friends with the girl who invited me, I didn't like the other girls."_

_Alex leaned over her for a goodnight kiss before settling down in bed "Well we're just going to have to have one."_

"_A sleepover? Alex I'm almost sixty and you're not far behind me. I think we're a little too old to be having a sleepover."_

"_You're never too old Liv."_

"_Mom, Mom!" Halyn whispered while trying to wake her mother._

"_Huh?" Olivia startled awake._

"_Serena had a nightmare. She's locked herself in the bathroom."_

"_What?" Alex asked as she woke up._

"_Serena had a nightmare."_

_Olivia sighed as she climbed out of bed "Okay we'll take care of her." She walked down the hall to the bathroom and began knocking on the door "Sweetie? Open up please."_

"_Just leave me alone. I'll be okay in a while." The teen called out._

"_Serena you know it doesn't work this way." Alex said as she leaned against the door. "You promised us if you were upset you would talk to us. So come on out and we can talk."_

_Serena walked from the bathroom and wiped her tears "I'm so embarrassed."_

_Alex wrapped her arm around her and led her to their bedroom "Don't be, those girls downstairs have stood by you since the beginning. They are not going to look at you any differently." She sat down and pulled the girl closer "So what caused your nightmare?"_

_She handed her phone over to her mother "This was posted just a little while before we went to sleep."_

_Olivia took the phone and looked at the picture on the screen, immediately her blood began to boil. On the screen was a picture of a guy pressing a girl up against the wall, underneath it the caption read 'what Serena Cabot calls assault I call a good time.' Below that was another comment 'She should consider herself lucky Luke chose her. I'd give my right arm to have him feel me up.' Olivia looked up and met her wife's angry gaze. They both took a deep breath to calm down before talking to their daughter. "Did this cause your nightmare?"_

"_I dreamt that he was trying to rape me and I was trying to scream but no one could hear me."_

"_He will never hurt you again." Alex said as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Do you want to sleep with us tonight?"_

_Serena laughed lightly "I'm fifteen and my friends are sleeping over, yeah sure I'll sleep with my Moms'."_

"_Hey it doesn't matter how old you are you will always be our baby. If you want to sleep here it's more than okay and I'm sure your friends won't think any less of you."_

"_Okay."_

_They settled her into bed before heading downstairs. Like they thought the girls' friends were worried about her and were fine if she didn't feel like rejoining the party. Olivia also took the opportunity to find out who was in the picture. "I'm turning this over to Det. Harrison first thing in the morning. If nothing else they could maybe get them for harassment."_

After that night Alex and Olivia finally broke down. After months of trying to be strong for their daughter they had finally hit their breaking point. Alex would spend most of the day crying once the girls left for school. Seeing her usually strong wife break down was what finally broke Olivia, which led her to punching the wall in the shower one night and nearly breaking her hand. It was after that their children sat them down; they had noticed something was happening with their mothers and they couldn't stand by. They urged their mothers' to talk to someone and get help, which led them to where they were now. They had been seeing a therapist once a week for a month and as much as they both hated admitting they needed help they both knew it was exactly what they needed. That didn't mean it got any easier going for an appointment.

They stood and walked into the office when their name was called. "So ladies, how has it been since our last session?"

"A little better." Alex sighed.

"Olivia?"

"I'm good."

Dr. Reynolds knew her patients were still battling with what happened to their daughter. She had tried to push the couple to no avail but she felt they were at the point that with a little push they may finally have a breakthrough. "I know we've touched on this before but I want to know what bothers you the most about what happened."

Alex's head snapped up and the doctor could see the anger flashing in her eyes "What do you mean what bothers me the most? Our teenage daughter was attacked!"

"Yes she was, but there's something about it that bothers you more than anything. And until you get to that issue it's going to continue to eat away at you."

Olivia suddenly broke "It's my fault!" she cried.

Dr. Reynolds made a few notes "Olivia it's not your fault this happened, but I am curious as to why you think it is your fault."

"I told them they could stay the night at their friend's house. If I'd just stuck to my guns and told them no they would've never ended up at that party." She leaned forward and rested her face in her hands as she continued to cry. Alex slid closer to her and wrapped her arm around her.

"Olivia you had no way of knowing their friend would ask them to sneak out to a party." She leaned across the table and placed a comforting hand on the brunette's arm "Olivia how many people through the years have you told that it's not their fault their child was attacked?"

"More than I can count."

"Exactly it is the attackers fault not your daughters and certainly not yours." She was about to turn to Alex when she broke as well.

"I failed as a parent."

"How did you fail?" Dr. Reynolds asked as she continued to make notes.

"I failed because I wasn't there to protect her. I was off in the Hamptons celebrating our anniversary." She wiped her tears before continuing "I was having sex with my wife while my baby was being sexually assaulted."

Even though it was Alex who voiced her concern of failing as a parent Dr. Reynolds could tell by the look on Olivia's face that she was feeling the same way. She gave them a moment to calm back down "Let me ask you this, if you had been at home when this happened would you still feel like you failed as parents?"

"If we'd been at home she would've been at home and not at that party." Olivia said while wiping her tears.

Dr. Reynolds knew that what she was about to ask could possibly blow up in her face but she knew she had to ask it "So let me ask you this. Is it her friends fault for convincing them to sneak out? Is it her fault that instead of saying no she snuck out?"

Olivia's head shot up "It is **never **the victims fault!"

"And it's not the victims family's fault either." She said in a gentle tone. Inwardly she relaxed when she noticed her patients relax a bit. "Alex, Olivia I know you think you've failed your daughter but you haven't. This proves that you're human and to me it shows that you are great parents. I would be worried if you weren't this upset. It is beyond obvious to me that you are loving and caring parents and only have your children's best interest at heart." Both ladies nodded. "You both worked with SVU if you were working Serena's case what would you say to the parents?"

Olivia sniffled and cleared her throat as she thought about her response "I would tell them that it wasn't her fault that she was attacked. I would tell them that it wasn't their fault that some pervert chose her as his next victim. I would tell them to get her help, to show her all the love and support they could."

Dr. Reynolds smiled "And that's exactly what you're doing. It's okay to break down and cry sometimes. I know you want to be strong for your daughter but it's important to know that you don't always have to be the strong one." She looked at their conjoined hands "You two are the strongest couple I've ever had pass through this office and I know you will work past this."

They continued to talk until their hour was up. As they made their way from the office Alex quickly ducked into the restroom, she had been fighting the nauseous feeling ever since she admitted to feeling like she failed her child. She was grateful when Olivia followed her and held her while she was sick, it reminded her of when she was pregnant and Olivia would hold her hair and rub her back. After the spell passed, and she took a moment to rinse and compose herself, they headed toward their car. The car ride home was silent, both lost in their thoughts. When they pulled in the driveway they sat there holding hands. "She's right you know."

"I know." Olivia said while running her free hand through her hair. "It's just so hard. I mean how many times have we been on the other side and told parents they are not to blame? It's a different story when we're the parents."

They walked into the house and were in each other's arms before the door had barely closed. They held one another and cried as all the emotions from their session finally escaped. Alex turned her head and buried it in her wife's neck and inhaled her scent, even after twenty years it could calm her faster than anything else. "I know in my mind that we didn't fail as parents, I just can't convince my heart."

They went about the rest of the afternoon and were relieved when they heard their daughters walking through the door. Both girls were laughing hysterically and it made both women feel better to hear how happy the teens were. "How'd it go today?" Serena asked as she began making herself a snack.

"Rough but I think we're making progress." Alex said with an almost forced smile.

Serena looked between the two adults and could tell that they were emotionally drained. She sat her glass down and walked over and wrapped her arms around both women who were standing next to each other. She pulled back and looked them in the eye "I'm going to tell you what you've been telling me for months; it's not your fault." both ladies began to tear up "I know you think it's your fault or you suck as parents." This caused her mothers' to chuckle. "But that's not true. You two are the best parents anyone could ever ask for. If it wasn't for you two, well all of you, but you two especially I would've never made it through this. Thank you. You guys are the greatest." She leaned in pulling them both in for a hug.

After a minute Serena pulled away and she and her sister sat down at the table to do their homework. Alex breathed a sigh of relief, she knew her daughter didn't blame them but hearing her say it made her feel even better. She looked to Olivia and knew she was thinking the same thing. She knew it would still be a while before any of them moved past it, this was something that would stay with them the rest of their lives, but for the first time in a while Alex knew without a doubt they were going to be okay.


End file.
